Wednesday, February 21, 2001 Edition: #1996
TONIGHT’S “Grammy Awards” show features an unbelievable 100 categories. A few you may not be familiar with . . .
• “Best Rap Song Without The ‘F-Word’ In It”
• “Group Most Likely to be Working at Wendy’s Next Year”
• “Best Homophobic Lyrics in a Duet With a Homo”
• “Best Performance by a Boy Band Standing Still”
• “The ‘That Stupid Bitch is Getting a Grammy for MY Song’ Award”
• “Best Smoker’s Hack in a Rock Video”
• “Best Excuse For Eminem’s Existence”
• “Best Cross-Dressing Country Artist”
THE BS GRAMMY FILE:
• “43rd Annual Grammy Awards” TONIGHT on CBS/Global-TV from LA’s Staples Center, hosted by “The Daily Show’s” Jon Stewart
• Performances by Eminem with Elton John (like you hadn’t heard), Madonna, U2, ‘N Sync, Christina Aguilera, Destiny’s Child, Faith Hill, Dolly Parton, Nnenna Freelon, Braid Paisley, Take 6, Paul Simon, and Lil Bow Wow.
• Eminem, Destiny’s Child and Vince Gill lead artist nominations with 4 apiece. Weirdest nomination – Paul McCartney for ‘Best Alternative Music Album’. 2nd-weirdest nomination — boxer Oscar De La Hoya for ‘Best Latin Pop Album’ (amazing — he sings without a mouthguard!).
• Canadian nominees include Barenaked Ladies, Daniel Lanois, Sarah McLachlan, Celine Dion, Alanis Morissette, the Wilkinsons, Natalie MacMaster, Marc-Andre Hamelin, Cathy Fink, perennial polka guy Walter Ostanek, and, huh?, Joni Mitchell.
• “Lifetime Achievement Awards” go to the Beach Boys, Tony Bennett, the Who, and dead guys Sammy Davis Jr and Bob Marley.
• Reports say the official seating plan will ironically place out-of-the-water-closet George Michael directly behind Eminem. (Better watch your back Marshall!).
• And forget about an encore appearance by an overexposed Jennifer Lopez in last year’s sexy scarf, er, dress — she’s in Australia.
OTHER SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT “Who Wants to Marry a Multi- Millionaire’s” Darva (“Please, I don’t want any more publicity”) Conger and Rick Rockwell are reuniting a year after their infamous failed TV wedding for a joint interview on CNN’s “Larry King Live” (cool, put ‘em in a cage!) . . . Word is Jennifer Love Hewitt has been openly flirting with newly-single Alec Baldwin, her co-star and director in the currently shooting “The Devil and Daniel Webster”, who’s TWICE her age (grave robber!) . . . “Hannibal” is by far the biggest hit movie of the year so far, gobbling up close to $150 million worldwide and counting.
21ST CENTURY TERMINOLOGY:
• ‘Generation XL’ . . . What “Shape” magazine’s MARCH issue dubs ‘Gen Xers’, who are increasingly becoming overweight because they sit in front of computers for hours, order in food and won’t even walk as far as the corner store. (Even our butts are getting downloaded.)
• ‘Zoomers’ . . . A new marketing term for ‘baby boomers’, which enthusiastically pictures them as people who consider retirement “the gateway to a more energetic, new life”. (As long as it doesn’t interfere with naps.)
THE BULL SHEET 02.21.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1946 [55] Alan Rickman, London ENG, movie actor (“Galaxy Quest”, terrorist ‘Hans Gruber’ in “Die Hard”) NEXT FILM: Plays ‘Professor Severus Snape’ in “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone”, opening NOVEMBER 16 (Warner Bros. has just launched the ‘Official Harry Potter Website’ at http://www.harrypotter.com)
1955 [46] Kelsey Grammar, St Thomas US Virgin Is, TV actor (3 Emmy Awards for “Frasier”, since 1993)/only actor nominated for the same character in 3 different TV shows (‘Frasier Crane’ in “Cheers”, “Frasier”, and a guest appearance on “Wings”)
1958 [43] Mary Chapin Carpenter, Princeton NJ, country singer (“He Thinks He’ll Keep Her”, “I Feel Lucky”)
1970 [31] Eric Heatherly, Chattanooga TN, country singer (“Flowers on the Wall”)/nominated in 6 categories for “2001 TNN/Country Weekly Awards”
1976 [25] Ryan Smyth, Banff AB, NHL winger (Edmonton Oilers)
1979 [22] Jennifer Love Hewitt, Waco TX, movie actress (“The Audrey Hepburn Story”, “I [Still] Know What You Did Last Summer”)/ex-TV actress (“Time of Your Life”, “Party of Five”)
1986 [15] Charlotte Church, Llandaff WALES, classical vocal phenomenon (“Voice of an Angel”) who’s already performed for the Pope, Britain’s Queen and George W Bush’s inauguration
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Card Reading Day”, which either has something to do with tarot cards or getting around to reading all your Christmas cards so you can finally toss them out.
TODAY is “International Residence Hall Student Staff Recognition Day”. (We suggest this recognition take the form of an official mooning or the old burning paper bag on the doorstep trick.)
TODAY is UN “International Mother Language Day”. (When I was in school Latin was a real mother.)
ON THIS DAY . . .
1997 What was the first debut single by a British group to top North American charts after the Beatles? Spice Girls’ “Wannabe”, which hit #1 three years ago TODAY. Brief career, hm?
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1878 [123] 1st ‘telephone book’, published in New Haven CT, contains no numbers, just a listing of the 50 people who have phones (users call the operator and ask for a name)
1931 [70] ‘Alka Seltzer’ 1st introduced (the original ‘morning after’ pill)
1947 [54] 1st ‘Polaroid-Land camera’ is demonstrated (nude pics of Edwin Land’s wife)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Be Humble Day (tough day for [your co-host])
[Thurs] World Thinking Day (followed by ‘Back to Normal Stupidity Day’)
[Fri] International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day (give someone a prize to eat one on-the-air)
Eating Disorders Awareness Week (aka ‘Calista Flockhart Appreciation Week’)
National Grapefruit Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS PHONER STARTERS:
• “If you could be someone else for a week, who would it be?”
• “What’s the biggest risk you’ve ever taken?”
BS TAG LINE: The only place that success comes before work is the dictionary.