Tuesday, February 20, 2001 Edition: #1995
In the interest of equal time, it’s the first-ever BS “BRUNETTE Joke Day”! . . .
• What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette? [Brown-bagging it.]
• Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners? [So brunettes can remember them.]
• What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes? [Invisible.]
• What did the frustrated brunette say to her uninterested lover? [“What part of ‘yes’ don’t you understand ?”]
• What’s a brunette’s mating call? [“Has the blonde left yet?”]
• What do brunettes miss most about a great party? [The invitation.]
• What do you call a good looking man with a brunette? [A hostage.]
• Why are brunettes so proud of their hair? [It matches their mustache.]
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
YESTERDAY at a news conference in Hong Kong, Jennifer Lopez denied those persistent rumors that her body is insured for $1 billion (the premiums would cost an arm and a leg!) . . . Faith Hill has been named the ‘Most Kissable Female Musical Performer’ in a breath mint poll . . . Guess who’s a new radio morning man? Boy George, of Culture Club fame, is taking over duties on London’s KISS-FM in about a month . . . Human ice cube magician David Blaine says his next stunt will be an attempted escape while handcuffed, wrapped in rope and dangling high in the air over Times Square (could somebody give this guy the number for the suicide prevention hotline?) . . . George Michael has written and recorded a song dedicated to Princess Diana using the John Lennon “Imagine” piano he paid $2 million-plus for at auction LAST YEAR, and he’s expected to release it as a Christmas single (it’ll be called “Imaginary Candle in the Wind”) . . . Honest, no guff this time (yeah right), a ‘source’ who worked on Drew Barrymore’s latest film says she and Tom Green are planning to wed by the end of THIS MONTH (guess their relationship’s still going like ‘a house on fire’).
TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
Richard Gere plays a gynecologist with women problems — lots of them — in the Robert Altman comedy “Dr T and the Women” . . . Minnie Driver plays a young woman who will do anything to win a beauty pageant in “Beautiful”, Sally Field’s less-than-stellar movie directing debut . . . Last year’s crime thriller “The Watcher” is out on DVD, in which detective James Spader tracks serial killer Keanu Reeves.
SHEMALE BENEFITS:
San Francisco plans to become the first US city to allow coverage under its health care benefits for municipal employees who want — sex change operations. (Will they have to open a parts warehouse?)
SAFE COMPUTING:
Here’s an interesting stat from a Maryland-based computer security company — after a computer scare like LAST WEEK’S ‘Anna Kournakova Virus’, most of us are wary of unrequested e-mail for only about a month to 6 weeks before carelessly lapsing into dangerous habits like opening unknown attachments. Based on that, the next big meltdown should occur around April Fool’s Day.
THE BULL SHEET 02.20.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1925 [76] Robert Altman, Kansas City MO, film director (“Dr T and the Women”, “The Player”, “Nashville”)/married to “Wonder Woman” Lynda Carter
1941 [60] Buffy (Beverly) Sainte-Marie, Piapot Reserve SK, folk singer/songwriter (“Until It’s Time For You to Go”, “Up Where We Belong”)
1950 [51] Walter Becker, NYC, rock musician (Steely Dan, whose comeback album “Two Against Nature” is up for ‘Album of the Year’ Grammy WEDNESDAY)/Steely Dan will be inducted into Rock & Roll Hall of Fame MARCH 19
1964 [37] French Stewart, Albuquerque NM, TV actor (Harry Solomon-“Third Rock from the Sun”)
1966 [35] Cindy Crawford, DeKalb IL, fashion model (over 600 magazine covers, 1st supermodel to pose for “Playboy”)/famous mole bearer/bad actress (“Fair Game”)
1975 [26] Brian Littrell, Lexington KY, pop singer (Backstreet Boys-“Shape of My Heart”)/married Leighanne Wallace 9/2/2000
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Northern Hemisphere Hoodie-Hoo Day”, when at noon local time you’re encouraged to go outdoors and yell ‘hoodie-hoo’ at the top of your lungs to relieve winter blahs and encourage the arrival of spring.
THIS MONTH is “National Wedding Month”, when all those June weddings get planned. A new poll by WeddingChannel.com finds 34% of married couples surveyed lived together prior to getting married. 82% used classic, traditional vows in their ceremony. Only 4% completely abandoned custom in order to compose their own vows, while 13% compromised by using a combination of tradition and their own creativity. (The survey also found that marriage is the number one cause of divorce.)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1937 [64] 1st ‘flying car’, combination auto/airplane, is tested (‘Aeromobile’-Santa Monica CA)
1945 [56] 1st ‘family allowance’ cheques issued in Canada (‘baby bonus’)
1986 [15] Russia’s ‘Mir’ (‘Peace’) space station 1st launched into orbit (scheduled to splash down to Earth just south of Australia in mid-MARCH)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1993 [08] Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” logs record 14th week at #1 in “Billboard”
1996 [05] Orlando Magic sets NBA record for home wins at start of season (28-0)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[1 week from today] Pancake Day/Mardi Gras (46 days before Easter)
[1 month from today] Spring begins (hurray!)
[Wed] 2001 Grammy Awards (aka ‘The Eminem-Elton John Fiasco’)
Build A Better Trade Show Image Week
Return Shopping Carts To The Supermarket Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS PHONE STARTER:
“Based on chance of injury and the fitness, intelligence and skill required, what is the toughest sport?” (According to a “Men’s Fitness” magazine study, the toughest, in order, are — gymnastics, triathlon, rock climbing, and hockey. The least toughest sport — bowling.)
BS TAG LINE:
Never make a decision you can get someone else to make.