Wednesday, February 16, 2000 Edition: #1744
Websites worldwide are being shut down by computer hackers. Time for a look at –
SIGNS YOUR CO-WORKER IS A HACKER:
• You ticked him off once and your next water bill was $27,000.
• He’s won Lotto 649 18 consecutive times.
• When his computer starts up, you hear, “Good morning, Mr Gates”.
• His phone bill lists 1,987 household lines.
• Somehow gets TSN on his PC at work.
• Massive RRSP contribution made in half-cent increments.
• You hear him mumble, “Let’s see you use that VISA now, boss!”
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Hollywood observers are speculating that Jane Fonda’s decision to serve as a presenter at the Oscars next month is a sign that she might want to resume her acting career (she’s been acting like she loved more than Ted’s money for years) . . . Meantime, estranged hubby Ted Turner has reportedly been sneaking off to his New Mexico ranch with an anonymous ‘sexy French mistress’ . . . A network insider claims the CBS switchboard fields more complaints about Bryant Gumbel than any other personality . . . Sandra Bullock did a nude love scene in “Fire on the Amazon”, but says not to worry, “I was smart enough to insist on duct tape being placed across my private parts” (yeah, real smart – until she tried to remove it!).
BOGEY FEVER:
Starting tomorrow, an online auction is offering the chance to bid on a round of golf with Tiger Woods. It’s expected to sell for around $350,000. (Tiger will be signing autographs, going for lunch, and shooting 3 TV ads while he waits for you complete the first hole.)
NET: Ultimatebid.com
HER NIBS KNICKERS:
A former British army officer has admitted to trying to steal Queen Elizabeth’s underwear and being caught red-handed by her majesty. (Who was in them at the time and was so embarrassed she experienced a royal flush.)
COLLECTIBLE HUNKS:
A new set of trading cards called “Boy Crazy!” has been unveiled at this week’s “International Toy Fair” in NYC. It would cost $121 for a teenage girl to collect the entire 363-card set, which comes in packs of 9. Each card carries a picture of a mythical boy and all his stats — age, eye color, zodiac sign, his ideal traits for a girl, etc. (This idea’s already on the market – it’s called Backstreet Boys CDs.)
WHO’S GONNA FOLD THE DAMN THING?
The crew of space shuttle “Endeavour” is doing a global radar survey in order to create the most precise map of the Earth ever. (This will once and for all prevent male drivers from ever having to ask directions.)
JOB JARGON:
A new British survey suggests that managers purposely use confusing ‘management speak’ to intimidate staff and often to mask their own ignorance of a subject. 1 in 5 office workers polled admit they often don’t understand what the heck the boss is talking about. (In defense, the International Association of Business Managers says “Targeting low hanging fruit is merely a deceptive interface which presents no helicopter view whatsoever.”)
THE BULL SHEET 02.16.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1957 [43] LeVar Burton, Landstuhl GER, TV/movie actor (Lt Cmdr Geordi La Forge-Star Trek: The Next Generation/Star Trek: Insurrection)
1958 [42] Ice T (Tracy Morrow), Newark NJ, movie actor (Luck of the Draw, The Heist)/rapper (Valuable Game)
1959 [41] John McEnroe, Wiesbaden GER, Hall of Fame tennis player/ranked #1 for 4 years in the ‘80s
1961 [39] Andy Taylor, Dolver-Hampton ENG, classic rock musician (Duran Duran-The Reflex)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
Today is “Heart 2 Heart Day”, a day to confide in your diary. (Which your bratty brother will then read.)
The annual “Grand Prix de Valcourt” zooms into Valcourt, Québec Thursday-Sunday. It’s billed as ‘the largest gathering of snowmobiles in the world’.
PHONER: 514-532-3443
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1997 25-year-old Jeff Gordon becomes youngest-ever Daytona 500 winner
1999 Federal Finance Minister Paul Martin tables budget with first ‘surplus’ in years
1999 OJ Simpson’s 1968 Heisman Trophy auctioned for $230,000, as personal affects are sold off to help pay $33.5 million civil court judgement against him
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
600 [1400] Pope Gregory the Great issues papal decree declaring ‘God Bless You’ is the proper response to a sneeze
1968 [32] 1st use of ‘9-11′ emergency code (Haleyville AL, where residents couldn’t find the ‘11′ button)
1990 [10] 1st issue of “Entertainment Weekly” magazine features kd lang on the cover
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Feb 23] Grammy Awards
[Mar 12] Juno Awards
National Condom Week
Canadian Music Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TRIVIA:
Q: You’re itching for a mid-winter break. In which country are you likely to get the most vacation time?
A: Italy, where the average worker gets 42 days off per year! Average annual vacation time in other countries – France (37), Germany (35), Brazil (34), Britain (28), Canada (26), Japan (25), and the USA (13).
(Source: World Tourism Organization)
Q: Where would you find the world’s highest ‘leaning tower’?
A: Nope, not Italy’s ‘Leaning Tower of Pisa’. It’s the one hovering over Montreal’s Olympic Stadium.
(Source: Attractions Canada)
THE LAST WORD:
I bet you a buck I can tell you where you got those shoes. You got them on your feet.