Tuesday, January 29, 2002        Edition: #2221
Here’s Another Sheetload!

BS REASONS IT’S REALLY GREAT TO BE SINGLE:
• There may be toenail clippings in the bed, but at least they’re yours.
• You can leave crappy parties when YOU want to.
• When the phone rings, you know it’s for you.
• You never have to take out an ad on Valentine’s Day that says: “Snooky-pie loves Snuggly-bum”.
• When you wake up in the morning with a clammy tongue in your mouth, you know it’s your own.
• You get great sex.
• No in-laws!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
THIS MORNING in Los Angeles, actors Marisa Tomei and Ted Danson will announce the nominees for the “Screen Actors Guild Awards”, which will be handed out to both film and TV actors MARCH 10 . . . Here’s a promo idea for you – a German radio station has set up a traveling exhibit of – get this – a glass once used by Britney Spears (complete with orange juice dregs and backwash) which thousands of desperate fans have been lining up to see in 5 cities (the station is now offering one lucky German the chance to quaff the remaining liquid — ewww!) . . . Meantime, the ever quotable Ms Spears attempted to prove to a Brit TV interviewer on the weekend how normal her life is by bragging — “I even make my own phone calls!” . . . Brad Pitt says he’ll NEVER make a movie with wife Jennifer Aniston because it’s ‘the kiss of death’ for a relationship (he ought to know — he co-stared in films with ex-lovers Juliette Lewis and Gwyneth Paltrow) . . . Word is during a recent stay at the Four Seasons Hotel in Singapore, Tom Cruise wanted to use the fitness facilities but didn’t want to be bothered going down to the gym, so he asked for ALL the exercise machines to be brought up to his gigantic suite, and management did it (much to the consternation of anyone else wanting a workout).

TODAY’S DVD & VHS RELEASES:
The animated Disney fantasy “Atlantis: The Lost Empire” about a group of explorers attempting to find the mysterious lost continent, features the voices of Michael J Fox & Leonard Nimoy . . . John Cleese plays a Las Vegas casino owner who entices 6 strangers to participate in a race to find $2 million hidden in a locker in the comedy “Rat Race” . . . And Paul McCartney’s “Concert for New York City” is finally out on DVD, the 5-hour Madison Square Garden 9/11 relief concert recorded October 20, 2001 that featured a who’s who of celebrities — from a reunion of the Who to Hillary Clinton getting booed off the stage.

DANCE ON THE ROCKS:
Just in time for the annual winter carnival beginning THIS WEEKEND, Québec City has a ‘cool’ new place to hang out — the world’s first ‘Icecotheque’, a disco made of 50,000 lbs of ice on the terrace of a trendy night club. Richard Samson, marketing director for the Maurice night club, says even the booze is served in ‘ice glasses’.
PHONER: 418-647-2000 (Bar Le Maurice)

SPACE LEAKS:
The world’s only self-proclaimed ‘garbologist’, William Rathje, tells “Discover” magazine he’s becoming an expert on ‘exo-archeology’ — the study of space debris. He claims we’re throwing out all sorts of garbage up there, not just nuts and bolts. In fact, he says, the majority of spacecraft that come back to Earth after orbiting for a while have a microthin coating of — urine.

WRITE YOUR NAME IN THE SNOW:
Inventor George Marhelko of Nuremberg PA has patented the ‘Snow-Coloring Device’, which includes a pressurized canister, a food dye container and a hose that can be used to decorate a snowdrift. ([Your co-host] perfected something to this effect years ago after 8 hours in the bar at [ski resort].)

SIX DEGREES:
Scientists are using e-mail to investigate the so-called ‘Six Degrees of Separation’ phenomenon. The theory that everyone in the world knows everyone else through just a half-dozen intermediaries originated with an experiment in the 1960s. Packages were sent to several hundred people in the US Midwest. Each recipient was asked to pass their parcel on to an individual in Boston, but only via a personal acquaintance. On average, the packages reached their destination after just 6 separate deliveries. Now a Columbia University team is sending out e-mails in an effort to gauge if the theory is really true.

IN A NAME:
The name ‘Super Bowl’ actually comes from a kid’s toy. AFL pioneer and original Kansas City Chiefs owner Lamar Hunt picked up the name from his daughter’s hyper-bouncing ball called ‘Super Ball’ and passed on the suggestion to replace what was preiously called the ‘AFL-NFL World Championship Game’. (Just think — If she’d been playing with something else, we could be looking forward to the ‘Barbie Bowl’ or ‘Play-Doh XXXVI’!)

QUIT FORCING IT:
We’re funnier when we’re not trying to be. A study in “American Scientist” shows that 4 times more laughter is triggered by bland phrases than by formal, pre-planned jokes.

HAIRDO SUE:
A woman in Hong Kong is suing a hair salon claiming she was given a bad perm that ruined her love life. Chu Leu says she asked hairstylists to perm her hair like Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman”, but claims they left it resembling a ‘broom head’. She says since the perm, she has been unable to improve her love life and has suffered depression. Ms Chu is seeking $8,000 in compensation.

ELIMINATING PHONE SPAM:
The US Federal Trade Commission has unveiled a new proposal to restrict the activities of telemarketers. The FTC intends to create a national ‘Do Not Call’ list that will enable consumers to remove their names from ALL marketing lists by making a single phone call. The proposal would also bar telemarketers from calling at odd hours, harassing consumers, and failing to disclose their identity and purpose of the call. (We need this here!)

LEADING LADIES:
Who flirts more — men or women? According to anthropologist Karl Grammar, it’s women — because they can’t help doing it! Just as men can’t help looking at women so women cannot help leading men on when they meet, even if they have no interest in them. Head-tossing, coy flicks of the hair, flirtatious smiles and other subconscious sexual signals might give a man the impression that a woman finds him attractive, but that’s not necessarily so. In a series of tests the Austrian professor found that women instinctively avoid sending clear rejection signals, even to men they find unattractive, until they have fully assessed them. Only when they have fully evaluated a man do they stop flirting and move on to the next one. So beware guys, these women creatures will lead you on and then leave you cold — but most men know that already.

ARE YOU AN ADDICT?
An article in the FEBRUARY issue of “Scientific American” suggests that the same criteria used to identify drug dependency can be used to determine addiction to TV or the Internet –
• Spending a great deal of time using it.
• Using it more often than one intends.
• Thinking about reducing use, and making repeated unsuccessful efforts to do so.
• Giving up important social, family or occupational activities to use it.
• Reporting withdrawal symptoms when one stops using it.
According to calculations, if you watch TV or surf the ‘Net an average of 3 hours a day, it will eventually add up to 9 years of your life. And if you figure that the average person is only awake a total of 50 years (based on 8 hours sleep per night), you’ll be spending just under 20% of your entire waking life in front of a screen. (It’s true! I saw it  — on the Internet.)

THE BULL SHEET 01.29.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1945 [57] Tom Selleck, Detroit MI, movie actor (“Three Men & a Baby”)/former TV actor (“Magnum PI” [1980-88])

1954 [48] Oprah Winfrey, Kosciusko MS, first woman to own and produce her own TV talk show (“Oprah”, since 1986)/movie producer & actress (“Beloved”)/magazine publisher (“O”)

1965 [37] Dominik Hasek, Pardubice CZE, NHL goaltender (Detroit Red Wings)

1968 [34] Ed Burns, Woodside NY, movie actor (“Saving Private Ryan”)/movie producer/director (“Sidewalks of New York”, “She’s the One”)/engaged to model Christy Turlington  NEXT FILM: Co-stars with Angelina Jolie in the upcoming romantic comedy “Life Or Something Like It”

1968 [34] Aeneas Williams, New Orleans LA, NFL cornerback who’s going back home to play in the Super Bowl this SUNDAY (St Louis Rams)

1970 [32] Heather Graham, Milwaukee WI, movie actress (Felicity Shagwell-“Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me”, “Scream 2″)  NEXT FILM: The 3rd “Austin Powers” movie, due JULY 26

1979 [23] Andrew Keegan, LA CA, movie actor (“10 Things I Hate About You”)/TV actor (Wilson West-“7th Heaven, “Party of Five” [1997-98])

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Free Thinker’s Day”, celebrating the fact that everyone has the right to agree with what I think.

TODAY is “National Corn Chip Day”. Ask listeners to put 10 of them in their mouths and whistle a tune.

TODAY in Lerwick, in Scotland’s Shetland Islands, it’s the annual “Up-Helly-Aa”, the traditional ancient Norse festival in which a fiery ship is sent out to sea as a sacrifice to the Sun. (Looking for the perfect cruise vacation for your mother-in-law?)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1796 [206] Toronto main drag Yonge Street takes its name from British Minister of War Sir George Yonge

1900 [102] ‘American League’ 1st organized, with 8 baseball teams (Indianapolis, Buffalo, Chicago, Detroit, Cleveland, Kansas City, Milwaukee, and Minneapolis)

1936 [66] 1st players elected to ‘Baseball Hall of Fame’ (Ty Cobb, Honus Wagner, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, and Walter Johnson)

1963 [39] 1st members of ‘NFL Hall of Fame’ announced in Canton OH (Jim Thorpe, Red Grange, and George Halas)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1988 [14] Largest NBA crowd (61,938 watch Boston at Detroit)

1995 [07] 1st NFL team to win 5 Super Bowls (San Francisco defeats San Diego 49-26)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Escape Day
[Thurs] Inspire Your Heart With Art Day
[Thurs] Child Labor Day
[Sat] Groundhog Day (http://www.groundhog.org)
Catholic Schools Week (to celebrate [your co-host] is wearing a cute little plaid skirt)
Personal Self-Defense Awareness Month (aka ‘Jackie Chan Month’)

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS PHONE STARTER:
“How many people did you date before finding someone worth hanging onto?” (A “Mademoiselle” magazine poll finds that women under 30 date an average of 12 different men before they find a ‘keeper’.)

BS TRIVIA:
Q: If you’re typical, when is the most dangerous time of your life?
A: Scientists say that the first 5 minutes of your life are the most dangerous. (But wouldn’t the LAST 5 be fairly risky too?)

Q: What is the most common trash item found on US beaches?
A: In 2000, an estimated 1,027,303 cigarette butts were collected, accounting for more than 20% of the annual International Coastal Cleanup.
(Source: The Center for Marine Conservation)

WEB GOODIES:
• “The Surrealist Compliment Generator” is truly bizarre, but oh-so-handy when you want to say something nice, but not too nice.
NET: http://www.madsci.org/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/~lynn/jardin/SCG
• “The Internet Anagram Server” automatically takes whatever name, word or phrase you enter and cranks out a list of other words/phrases that can be made using the same letters (ie: ‘Clint Eastwood’ is an anagram of ‘Old West Action’.)
NET: http://www.wordsmith.org/anagram/index.html

WHO SAID IT?
Who is quoted as saying “Personal beauty is a greater recommendation than any letter of reference”?
a) Marilyn Monroe
b) Hugh Hefner
c) Aristotle
A: Aristotle.

BS TAG LINE:
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.