Thursday, January 3, 2002 Edition: #2203
The Most USABLE Show Prep Anywhere!
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue!
FAMOUS LAST WORDS:
• “I’ll get a world record for this!”
• “Let me just reach in and get your watch out of the printing press.”
• “Gee, that’s a cute tattoo.”
• “It’s fireproof.”
• “What does this button do?”
• “I’m making a Citizen’s Arrest!”
• “So you’re a cannibal, eh?”
• “Are you sure the power’s off?”
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Kevin Costner has announced plans to open up his own restaurant (makes us wonder — can a restaurant go straight to video too?) . . . A Harry Potter ‘hateline’ has been set up in Austria that allows people who are fed up hearing about the wiz to call in and record their rants which will later be published as a book (so let’s see, people sick of Potter are being used to generate — another Harry Potter book) . . . The deadbeat dad of Liz Hurley’s unborn child, Steve Bing, is suing UK tabloid “The Mirror” for $10 million for printing his phone number and encouraging readers to call it and tell him exactly what they think of him . . . And we can’t wait for the juicy details to start leaking on this one — police in the tony winter resort of Aspen CO have charged a woman with pimping underage hookers and seized her little black book full of clients — many of whom are said to be famous names (do the initials JN, DJ or KC ring a bell?).
FEW ARE EARLY RISERS:
What’s the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? According to a new survey, coffee beats sex as most people’s first thought of the day. The results show that 62% of men and 80% of women think of coffee first, compared to just 21% of men and 12% of women who first think of sex. (The remainder first think about hitting the ‘snooze’ button – with a hammer.)
CENTER-PHONE:
“Playboy” magazine has announced it will be offering a new service that lets you download images of centerfolds to your cell phone. (Only recommended if your mobile phone is hands-free. That at least leaves one hand on the wheel.)
THE BEST MEDICINE:
An international contingent of clowns is planning a trip to Afghanistan to teach the country’s people how to laugh again. Australian clown Jean-Paul Bell, co-founder of the Humor Foundation, says they will visit hospitals, orphanages and refugee camps and hopes the shows will have a therapeutic effect on a population scarred by years of war. (Afghans are protesting, “We just got rid of those clowns the Taliban!”)
SLACK TIME:
Toronto-based Office Team asked 100 business executives in Canada how long it takes employees to get back to normal after the holidays. Most think it takes at least 2 full days before employees return to normal productivity. In the meantime, they spend more time swapping stories about their holidays than working. (So you’re on notice — today’s your last day for goofing off!)
DO YOU HAVE TO BUY TWO?
Congratulations to the Italian Post Office! They have just issued a series of stamps showing topless women to ‘commemorate the beauty of the breast’. (Unfortunately, Italian guys have become confused and keep licking the front of the stamps.)
NEW-CENTURY JARGON:
• ‘Layoff Lust’ — The tendency of Gen Xers to WELCOME the current recession. “New York Observer” notes that young urban professionals seem to actually be more enthusiastic about leaving their jobs than they were about getting them. Why? Seems 9/11 gave them pause to reflect on their treadmill lives. (Me too! Until the 10/1 rent was due.)
• ‘Cardio Striptease’ — A new aerobic workout that includes strippers’ moves, now being used in classes at Crunch gyms in LA and NYC. (“OK class, let’s start off with 10 pelvic thrusts and then go right into the chrome pole leg clenches!”)
BS SHOCKING FACT:
90% of people will break their New Years resolutions within 2 weeks.
THE BULL SHEET 01.03.2K2
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1926 [76] Sir George Martin, Holloway ENG, really rich record producer (The Beatles)
1932 [70] Dabney Coleman, Austin TX, TV actor (Burton Fallin-“The Guardian”)/movie actor (“Stuart Little”, “You’ve Got Mail”)
1939 [63] Bobby Hull (‘The Golden Jet’), Point Anne ON, NHL legend (Chicago Blackhawks 1957-72)/Brett’s pop
1945 [57] Stephen Stills, Dallas TX, rock singer (CSN&Y-“Woodstock”)/double Rock & Roll Hall of Fame member for CSN&Y and Buffalo Springfield NOTE: Following the success of 1999’s reunion concert, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young will take their show on the road again with the 35-city, 3-month “Tour of America” that kicks off FEBRUARY 6 in Detroit’s Palace of Auburn Hills
1956 [46] Mel (Columcille Gerard) Gibson, Peekskill NY, movie star (“What Women Want”, “Chicken Run”, “The Patriot”) NEXT FILMS: The war drama “We Were Soldiers” opening MARCH 1, and the ‘crop circle’ sci-fi thriller “Signs” opening AUGUST 2
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is the 110th anniversary of the birth of JRR Tolkien (1892-1973) in Bloemfontein, South Africa. The Oxford professor of English Language & Literature first published “The Hobbit” in 1937, and the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy in 1954-55 — for which his heirs should now be EXTREMELY grateful.
TODAY is “Festival of Sleep Day”, as declared by some anonymous walking zombie somewhere. Thanks to a combination of late hours, alcohol, rich foods, exposure to unfamiliar surroundings and artificial light deep into the night over the holiday season, experts say most of us build up ‘sleep debt’, a condition which can affect how well we sleep for weeks afterward.
THIS WEEK the ‘Québec Ice Hotel’ has opened for a second season in a nature park 40 km west of Québec City. After drawing tourists from as far as Africa and Australia in its first year, the big igloo has more than doubled in size for this season, with 31 rooms and 2,500 square metres. Its new attractions include an indoor skating rink, snow golf, an indoor spa and cross-country skiing. Organizers expect to host about 20 weddings in the new ice chapel. The hotel will close when it melts sometime around the end of March. Only about 5% of the hotel’s patrons are Canadian. Hey, why would we pay 200 bucks a night to stay in a hotel made of ice when we can stay home and freeze our butts off?
PHONER: 877-505-0423
NET: http://www.icehotel-canada.com
THIS MONTH is “National Prune Breakfast Month”. Over the past couple of years the prune growers of California have spent millions in advertising trying to convince us that prunes are no longer prunes, but cool and trendy ‘dried plums’. Money wasted?
ONE YEAR AGO . . .
2001 Oklahoma Sooners (13-0) complete perfect season, downing Florida State in Orange Bowl to win 1st national college football title in 15 years
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1871 [131] Henry Bradley of Binghamton NY patents ‘margarine’ (“I can’t believe it’s not suet!”)
1888 [114] 1st ‘drinking straws’ patented, which are hand-rolled until 1905 (1st kid gets yelled at for blowing bubbles in milk)
1977 [25] Apple Computer is incorporated
1987 [15] 1st woman inducted into Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (Aretha Franklin)
1991 [11] 1st ‘Super Soakers’ appear on the market (1st little sister tattles on brother for squirting her)
BS MONTHLY PLANNING CALENDAR . . .
[Jan 4] Trivia Day
[Jan 4] Grammy Awards nominations announced
[Jan 4] Dimpled Chad Day
[Jan 4] Trivia Day
[Jan 5] 1st AFI Awards
[Jan 6] Three Kings Day (Dia de los Santos Reyes)
[Jan 6] International Respect For Living Day
[Jan 6] National Smith Day
[Jan 7] Mariah Carey on “Ally McBeal”
[Jan 7] Old Rock Day
[Jan 7] I’m Not Going to Take It Anymore Day
[Jan 7] Organize Your Home Day
[Jan 7] National Handwriting Analysis Week / Someday We’ll Laugh About This Week / Intimate Apparel Week / National Grave’s Disease Week / National Thank-Your-Customers Week
[Jan 8] National Man Watcher’s Day
[Jan 8] Elvis Presley’s Birthday
[Jan 8] National Bubble Bath Day
[Jan 8] National Show & Tell Day at Work
[Jan 9] Pre-programmed Tickle Me Elmos announce 5 winners of big-money sweepstakes
[Jan 9] Step-Father’s Day
[Jan 9] National Rape Survivor Day
[Jan 9] Play God Day
[Jan 9] 29th Annual American Music Awards
[Jan 10] BS Egg Balancing Day
[Jan 10] 2002 Sundance Film Festival opens
[Jan 10] Peculiar People Day
[Jan 11] International Thank-Yous Days
[Jan 12] Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day
[Jan 13] Make Your Dream Come True Day
[Jan 13] Volunteer Fireman’s Day
[Jan 13] 28th People’s Choice Awards
[Jan 14] Printing Ink Week / Fire the Boss Week / Let Men Be Our Heroes Week / Special Education Week
[Jan 14] National Clean-Off-Your-Desk Day
[Jan 14] Thank God It’s Monday Day
[Jan 14] National Dress Up Your Pet Day
[Jan 15] National Fresh Squeezed Juice Day
[Jan 15] Hat Day
[Jan 16] Hot & Spicy Food International Day
[Jan 17] Pharmacists Day
[Jan 17] National Get to Know Your Customer Day
[Jan 18] Winnie the Pooh Day
[Jan 19] International Sing-Out Day
[Jan 19] National Penguin Awareness Day
[Jan 20] World Religion Day
[Jan 20] Philately Day
[Jan 20] 59th Annual Golden Globe Awards
[Jan 21] Healthy Weight Week / Creative Frugality Week / Nurse Anesthetists Week / Hunt for Happiness Week / Solo-Preneuring Week / Direct Deposit Week
[Jan 21] Elementary School Teachers Day
[Jan 21] National Hugging Day
[Jan 21] Squirrel Appreciation Day
[Jan 21] Martin Luther King Jr Day
[Jan 22] National Answer Your Cat’s Question Day
[Jan 22] Speak Up & Succeed Day
[Jan 22] Rid the World of Fad Diets Day
[Jan 23] National Snowplow Mailbox Hockey Day
[Jan 23] National Handwriting Day
[Jan 23] Measure Your Feet Day
[Jan 23] National Spieling Day
[Jan 23] National Compliment Day
[Jan 23] National School Nurse Day
[Jan 24] Women’s Healthy Weight Day
[Jan 25] Fun At Work Day
[Jan 25] Opposite Day
[Jan 27] Punch the Clock Day
[Jan 27] Thomas Crapper Day
[Jan 27] Catholic Schools Week / Junior Achievement Week
[Jan 28] National Kazoo Day
[Jan 28] Clash Day
[Jan 28] Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day
[Jan 29] Backwards Day
[Jan 29] National Corn Chip Day
[Feb 2] Groundhog Day
[Feb 3] Super Bowl
[Feb 8] Salt Lake City Winter Olympics opening
[Feb 9-24] 2002 Olympic Winter Games
[Feb 12] Academy Award nominations announced
[Feb 12] Chinese New Year
[Feb 12] Mardi Gras
[Feb 14] Valentine’s Day
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TRIVIA:
Q: Which month features the fewest weddings?
A: JANUARY has the fewest marriages of any month of the year. Coincidently, it also has the fewest divorces.
(Source: “Globe & Mail”)
Q: How long is a fruitcake edible?
A: According to “The Joy of Cooking”, fruitcakes well-wrapped and stored in airtight tins are reputed to remain enjoyable for as long as — 25 YEARS!
(Source: Triviaville)
Q: 45% of wives surveyed say their husbands snore. How many husbands will admit it —
a) 5%
b) 15%
c) 25%
A: Only 5%.
(Source: “USA Today”)
Q: During the 1st hour after using cocaine, by how much does the user’s risk of heart attack increase —
a) 2 times
b) 12 times
c) 24 times
A: 24 times.
(Source: American Heart Association)
BS TAG LINE:
In every video Osama looks older and older — just like Madonna.
LOOK WHO’S BS-ING NOW!
Welcome to these new BS samplers this week — Simon Carey @ 101.7 WS FM Sydney, Australia, Joe Laber @ WMVR Sidney OH, Darrin Carlson @ B-97 Hilo HI, Jerry Germain @ WFAD Middlebury VT, and Chris Hatty @ WZUU Otsego MI. Sign up for a daily dose of BS just by clicking the link at the top of the page!
