Can You Believe This Sheet?
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
54-year-old game show host Howie Mandel (“Deal or No Deal”) is replacing the departing David Hasselhoff as a judge on NBC-TV’s “America’s Got Talent” (an improvement?) . . . Britain’s Royal Mail has released a set of 10 special stamps featuring classic album covers, including Coldplay’s “A Rush of Blood To the Head”, David Bowie’s “Ziggy Stardust”, and the Rolling Stones’ “Let It Bleed” (in case you’ve ever wanted to lick the back of Keith Richards’ head) . . . If “Tonight Show” host Conan O’Brien decides to leave NBC-TV over its late-night lineup fiasco, he may find a warm welcome waiting for him at FOX-TV, which is said to consider him a ‘good fit’ for the network (like ‘Marge Simpson’, he has weird hair) . . . 29-year-old Gisele Bundchen tops a new listing of the best-paid fashion models, raking in $35 million in the past year despite taking a break to have a baby via NFL hubby Tom Brady (Britain’s Kate Moss is a distant 2nd at $7.5 million) . . . German fashion magazine ”Brigitte” has announced it will no longer employ professional models for its fashion shoots, instead employing ‘real women’ (great idea – a trendsetter?) . . . 5′-7” movie star Tom Cruise is standing tall for once, voted ‘World’s Sexiest Short Man’ in a new online poll (wow, you beat out Verne Troyer!) . . . 63-year-old entertainer Liza Minnelli is planning to undergo knee-replacement surgery in the next week, said to be ‘a routine procedure in women of her age’ (and thereby upgrading her last original part) . . . And 34-year-old “Spider-Man” star Tobey Maguire says he sometimes ‘stays in shape’ during the long time-lag between the movie franchise’s sequels by donning his superhero outfit and entertaining young fans at kid parties (is this cool – or just creepy?).
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – In the 2-hour season debut the audition process begins in Boston MA as hopefuls line up for the chance to perform for the judges.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Bette Midler (“Jackpot – The Best Bette”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Melanie Fiona (“Give It to Me Right”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Raveonettes (“In & Out of Control”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Ringo Starr (“Y Not”, released today, featuring a duet with former Beatles bandmate Paul McCartney).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Findlay Brown (“Love Will Find You”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Pitbull (“Rebelution”).
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Rosanne Cash (“The List”).
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• The Beatles – George Harrison’s son Dhani has denied rumors he’s planning to form a band with John Lennon’s sons, Julian & Sean, Paul McCartney’s son James, and Ringo Starr’s son Zak Starkey. Dhani fronts his own rock group, called Thenewno2.
• Chickenfoot – Sammy Hagar promises there is a live DVD coming in a few months for ‘all the fans that didn’t get to see a show’.
• Kings Of Leon – They’ve launched a fashion line dubbed KOLxS2A in Europe which will be available in North America January 25th. Be forewarned … it’s going to cost you a whopping amount to look as cool as the Followills. A leather jacket, for instance, is priced circa $1,200.
• Lady Gaga – MTV Britain has been forced to make a public apology for airing her unedited appearance at the “Isle of MTV” music festival last year. The mid-afternoon performance was apparently littered with profanity and other offensive words.
• Reba McEntire – With 3 weeks at #1, “Consider Me Gone” has become the biggest chart hit of her 26-year career.
• Taylor Swift – Someone claiming to be ‘close to her’ tells “Us Weekly” the relationship with “Twilight” actor Taylor Lautner is over because he ran after her more than she ran after him.
• Vampire Weekend – They’ve just released their 2nd album “Contra” but are already preparing to work on a 3rd album.
TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Big Fan” ( Straight-to-DVD Comedy ): Patton Oswalt (“Ratatouille”, “The Informant!”) stars as a hardcore NY Giants football fan, who’s forced to deal with the consequences of being beaten up by his favorite player.
• “Halloween II” ( Horror Thriller ): In Rob Zombie’s sequel to his 2007 film, ‘Michael Myers’ prepares for another reunion with his sister. Stars Scout Taylor-Compton, Tyler Mane, and Malcolm McDowell. Soundtrack includes a spectrum of classic rock from the Moody Blues classic “Nights in White Satin” to “Kick Out the Jams” by the MC5. Also comes in an ‘Unrated Director’s Cut’.
• “The Hurt Locker” ( Action Drama ): Kathryn Bigelow’s award-winning story centers on an elite army bomb squad in Iraq that’s forced to play a dangerous cat-and-mouse game in the midst of the chaos of war. Stars Jeremy Renner (“The Unusuals”), Guy Pearce (“Rules of Engagement”), Ralph Fiennes (“The Reader”), and Evangeline Lilly (“Lost”). Only had a limited theatrical release, likely to change if it’s Oscar-nominated.
• “I Can Do Bad All By Myself” ( Comedy ): Producer/director/writer/actor Tyler Perry’s latest has his pistol-packing grandma ‘Madea’ character delivering 3 young adults who tried to rob her home to their aunt (Taraji P Henson), a hard-living nightclub singer who doesn’t want the responsibility of parenting them. Singers Mary J Blige & Gladys Knight have small roles.
• “Post Grad” ( Comedy ): “Gilmore Girls” alum Alexis Bledel plays a recent college grad who just can’t land a corporate job so she moves back in with her oddball family in order to reconsider options. Co-stars Zach Gilford (“Friday Night Lights”) as the boyfriend, Michael Keaton as the dad, and Carol Burnett as the grandmother.
• Also released today: “By the People: The Election of Barack Obama” (Documentary); “ER: The Complete 12th Season” (TV); “Fame – Extended Dance Edition”; “House of Payne, Volume 5” (TV); and “The Simpsons: The Complete 20th Season” (TV).
WHAT ‘SHELF LIFE’ REALLY MEANS:
Ever wonder about expiration dates on products? They can variously be labeled as ‘sell by’, ‘use by’, ‘best before’ or ‘packed on’. While there is no uniform food-dating system, a ‘use-by’ date is generally to assure that a product meets nutritional and quality standards; while a ‘best by’ date indicates how long a product should retain its taste and texture. A product may not be as flavorful after that date, but it’s probably still edible. Thus, properly stored, many foods are safe to eat beyond the expiration date that’s printed on the label. (When in doubt … toss it!)
– Courant.com
LIFE BY THE NUMBERS:
A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 82% of women say uncomfortable undies can ruin their day.
• 69% of workers say they most-often deal with stress on-the-job by taking a coffee break.
• 33% of men feel insecure about their beer belly.
• 31% of workers say they’ve gotten the ‘silent treatment’ from a supervisor in the past year.
• 10% of men feel paranoid about lines and wrinkles.
PERFECT BOYS’ SCHOOL?
NYC’s experimental Quest to Learn School opened last September with the goal of preparing students for hi-tech careers. That’s the reason it teaches them almost entirely through … videogames. This year’s 72-student class rotates through 5 courses during the day: ‘Codeworlds’ (Math/English), ‘Being, Space & Place’ (Social Studies/English), ‘The Way Things Work’ (Math/Science), ‘Sports For the Mind’ (Game Design), and ‘Wellness’ (Health/PE). (At least Junior loves to do his homework!)
NET: http://q2l.org
– PopSi.com
WORLD’S HAPPIEST COUNTRIES:
According to the ‘World Database of Happiness’, these nations top a new ranking for enjoyment of life, based on scientific research …
5. Canada (8 on a scale of 1-to-10)
4. Switzerland (8)
3. Iceland (8.2)
2. Denmark (8.3)
1. Costa Rica (8.5)
Australia ranks 11th; New Zealand 18th; USA 20th; UK 24th.
NET: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/07/opinion/07kristof.html
– “NY Times”
ANOTHER HI-TECH HEADACHE:
The popularity of 3-D movies such as James Cameron’s “Avatar” has inspired a new crop of 3-D TV sets, unveiled at the recent Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. But ophthalmologists are warning that, for some, a prolonged 3-D session may result in an aching head. Why? Many of us have minor eye problems, such as a muscle imbalance, which the brain deals with naturally under normal circumstances. But the enhanced sensory experience of 3-D can require the brain to exert extra effort, resulting in headaches. (Coming soon: ‘Tylenol 3D’.)
– Reuters.com
TITILLATING TOMES:
Brit bookseller AbeBooks maintains a ‘Weird Book Room’ as a source for everything that’s ‘bizarre, odd and downright weird in books’. Among real book titles they currently stock …
• “The Teach Your Chicken to Fly Training Manual”
• “What Moles Tell You About Yourself”
• “What Not to Wear On a Horse”
• “Toilet Paper Origami”
• “Erotic Dots: Join the Dots to Create 60 Sexy & Exciting Pictures”
• “The Great Pantyhose Crafts Book”
• “How You Can Bowl Better Using Self-Hypnosis”
• “50 Ways to Use Feminine Hygiene Products in a Manly Manner”
• “Impeccable Birdfeeding: How to Discourage Scuffling, Hull-Dropping, Seed-Throwing, Unmentionable Nuisances, and Vulgar Chatter at Your Birdfeeder”
• “The Romance of Proctology”
NET: http://www.abebooks.co.uk/books/weird/index.shtml
– Neatorama.com
FOR THE RECORD:
• A Swiss millionaire has been handed a record speeding fine of … $290,000. The man was caught driving a red Ferrari Testarossa at 137km/h (85 mph) through a village. The penalty was calculated based on the unnamed motorist’s wealth – assessed by the court as circa $23 million – and because he is a repeat offender.
– BBC News
• The International Game Fish Association has now confirmed that a Japanese man has tied the 77-year-old world record for catching the ‘Biggest Largemouth Bass’. Manabu Kurita’s catch officially weighed in at 22-lbs, 4-oz. He did the deed on Lake Biwa, Japan’s largest lake.
– CNEWS
• The Photonics Research Group of Ghent University in Belgium has created a 1-trillionth scale map of the world that measures only 40 micrometers across. That’s about half the width of a human hair. It serves a purely decorative purpose on a new type of microchip that the team is developing.
– Gizmodo.com
DID YOU KNOW?
• Australia’s world 400-meter hurdles champion Jana Rawlinson has had her breast implants removed … to improve her chances of winning 2012 Olympic gold.
– HuffingtonPost.com
• It takes 9 hours of sex to burn off 6 Chicken McNuggets.
– Alternet.org
BS CHRONOMETER 01.12.10
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1951 [59] Rush Limbaugh, Cape Girardeau MO, syndicated right-wing radio host/sometime prescription drug abuser
1954 [56] Howard Stern (‘King of All Media’), Queens NY, radio ‘shock jock’ who promised to personally make ‘pay radio’ viable (Sirius Satellite Radio)
1964 [46] Jeff Bezos, Albuquerque NM, Internet billionaire (Amazon.com founder & CEO)
1965 [45] Rob Zombie (Cummings), Haverhill MA, metal rocker (“Hellbilly Deluxe 2”, due February 2, “Educated Horses”)/horror movie director (“Halloween” films, “The Devil’s Rejects”)
1968 [42] Heather Mills, Aldershot UK, $50-million ex-wife of Paul McCartney
1970 [40] Zack de la Rocha. Long Beach CA, rock singer (Rage Against the Machine-“Killing In the Name”, “Guerrilla Radio”)
1974 [36] Melanie Chisholm (‘Sporty Spice’), Whiston UK, pop singer (Spice Girls-“Wannabe”)
TODAY’S BS REASON TO PARTY . . .
• “Pharmacists Day”, celebrated annually to honor all those drug dealers who for some reason think they need to be a foot-and-half higher up than the rest of us.
• “Roller Skating Day”, celebrating the pastime that previously employed 4 wheels for what we now do with 2 wheels.
• “Tim Horton Birth Anniversary”. The late NHL player (Toronto Maple Leafs, NY Rangers, Pittsburgh Penguins, Buffalo Sabres) was born in Cochrane ON 80 years ago (1930). He was killed in a car crash in St Catharines ON Feb 21, 1974. Nowadays few folks remember his hockey career but virtually every Canadian has visited a Tim Hortons doughnut shop, a small one-outlet enterprise he began that became a mega-corporation decades after his death.
• “Work Harder Day”, some maniacal boss’s idea of a holiday?
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2004 [06] Satirical TV newsmagazine “Rick Mercer Report” debuts (CBC)
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1985 [25] Bruce Springsteen’s “Born In the USA” tops album charts, knocking off Prince’s “Purple Rain” after 24 weeks
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1980 [30] “Rapper’s Delight” by Sugarhill Gang peaks at #36 on pop singles chart (considered by many the 1st-ever rap recording)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] International Skeptics Day
[Thurs] “Project Runway 7″ begins (Lifetime)
[Thurs] Dress Up Your Pet Day
[Fri] International Fetish Day
[Fri] “The Book of Eli”; “The Spy Next Door” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … Graves’ Disease Awareness Week
This Month Is … Bird Feeding Month
BULL’S BITS
BS LEAST POPULAR SOUPS:
January is officially “Soup Month”. Be sure not to try these …
• ‘Campbell’s Cream of Gristle’
• ‘Old-Fashioned Grease & Weasel’
• ‘Mink Bisque’
• ‘Tap Water & Lawn Trimmings’
• ‘Turkish Prison Surprise’
• ‘Heinz Sideburns ‘n Barley’
• ‘Manhattan-Style Windex & Shrimp’
BS RANDOM JOKE:
I am going to be healthy if it kills me …
BS PHONE STARTER:
Are thank-you notes a relic of the past? (Some say a handwritten thank-you has gained even more value when compared to the minimal effort required for email/text.)
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Washington DC has more of THESE per capita than any other American city.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Psychiatrists.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Life should have a purpose, however meaningless.
