BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Beyoncé and Madonna are set to perform surprise sets at the 2014 Grammy Awards, joining the slew of stars already scheduled, according to a new report. Beyoncé will allegedly open the show at Los Angeles’ Staples Center in her first TV gig since the surprise release of her self-titled album in December, while Madonna is expected to team up with one of the night’s nominees for a special performance. Music’s big night is set to take place this coming Sunday.
– “Los Angeles Times”
★ The Los Feliz CA mansion that served as the love nest of former couple Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart has been sold to … “Big Bang Theory” actor Jim Parsons. The reported selling price – $6.37 million. The 1.5 acre Spanish colonial property failed to attract a buyer at the original asking price of $6.75 million when first listed in October. The 1922 hacienda boasts 3 bedrooms, a grand courtyard, palm trees, a swimming pool, a waterfall, and fountains.
– ContactMusic.com
★ And  Director JJ Abrams has confirmed that “Star Wars Episode VII” now has a completed script, just a couple of months after Oscar-winning “Toy Story” screenwriter Michael Arndt was taken off the project to be replaced by Lawrence Kasdan and Abrams himself. The latest on the rumor mill has it that 25-year-old actor Jesse Plemons will have a starring role. He’s best known for playing villain ‘Todd Alquist’ on AMC’s “Breaking Bad”. Abrams concedes the actor is one who’s been talked about … but that’s all. The film is set for release December 18, 2015.
– “Entertainment Weekly”

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Arsenio Hall” (syndicated) – Sky Blu (“Pop Bottles”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Sarah Jarosz (“Build Me Up From Bones”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Young The Giant (“Mind Over Matter”, released today).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Wild Cub (“Youth”, out today).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Ellie Goulding (“Halcyon Days”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Sheryl Crow (“Feels Like Home”).
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – Pete Wentz (Fall Out Boy).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Against Me! – Their new album, “Transgender Dysphoria Blues”, is out today. The 10-track release is their first since frontwoman Laura Jane Grace came out as transgendered in 2012. The band plans to tour extensively behind the record this year.
• The Beatles – To mark the 50th anniversary of their first trip to America, Capitol Records is celebrating with today’s release of the box set “The US Albums”. It includes reissues of all 13 American albums, many with different track lists, mixes, titles, and artwork than UK versions.
• Bruce Springsteen – This week “High Hopes” has become his 10th #1 album in Britain.
• Foo Fighters – They’re back at work on their upcoming 8th album according to a post on the band’s Instagram account.
• Justin Bieber – Those close to the 19-year-old are reportedly ‘urging’ him to check into rehab after developing a drug problem, according to TMZ.com.
• Luke Bryan – His “That’s My Kind of Night Tour” gig scheduled for last Friday in Lexington KY had to be postponed after his stage was damaged while being dismantled in Columbus OH. But he’s expected to play Uncasville CT as scheduled this Thursday & Friday.
• Miley Cyrus – Enlisting big-name designers to create costumes for your world tour is no big deal anymore. In fact, it’s de rigeur. She’ll wear pieces by Marc Jacobs, Jeremy Scott, The Blonds, and Bob Mackie on her forthcoming “Bangerz” tour, beginning February 14th.
• Robin Thicke – Upscale cognac maker Remy Martin has been emailing media about the launch of its ‘creative consultant’ Robin Thicke’s new bottle design. Is tying your booze brand to the man behind 2013’s most questionable music video a good plan?
• Sheryl Crow – The 51-year-old tells “Classic Rock” magazine that motherhood is the biggest thing that’s happened to her and it’s put everything else into perspective. She’s taken adopted sons Wyatt (6) and Levi (3) everywhere on the road with her (they have their own bunk beds on her tour bus). She rues the fact that will have to stop as Wyatt enters 1st grade.
• “2014 Grammy Nominees” – Today’s release of this 29th annual collection features 18 hits from a diverse array of this year’s nominees. Among them: Blake Shelton, Bruno Mars, Daft Punk, Jason Aldean, Justin Timberlake, Kacey Musgraves, Lorde, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, and Taylor Swift.
• Taylor Swift – If her singing career gets dull, she may want to become a novelist. She wrote a 350-page book at age 12 while on vacation with her parents. Or perhaps a poet? She won a national poetry contest in the 4th grade with a poem called “Monster In My Closet”.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
Out today on Netflix and/or other video providers …
• “Blue Jasmine” ( PG-13 Drama ): Woody Allen’s latest features an Oscar-nominated performance by Cate Blanchett, playing a NYC socialite who moves into her sister’s modest apartment in San Francisco to try to pull herself back together after everything in her life falls to pieces, including her marriage. Co-stars Alec Baldwin, Peter Sarsgaard, Louis CK.
• “Captain Phillips” ( PG-13 Biographical Drama ): Tom Hanks stars in this Paul Greengrass  political thriller that follows the true story of Capt Richard Phillips and the 2009 hijacking of the ‘MV Maersk Alabama’ by Somali pirates. It was the first American cargo ship to be hijacked in 200 years. Co-stars Catherine Kenner.
• “Machete Kills” ( R-Rated Action Thriller ): Danny Trejo returns in the lead role of director Robert Rodriguez’s follow-up to 2010 s “Machete”. This time the US government recruits ‘Machete’ to battle his way through Mexico in order to take down an arms dealer who looks to launch a weapon into space. Co-stars Alexa Vega, Jessica Alba, and Mel Gibson.
• Also released today: “Borgen: Season 3” (TV); “Counting Cars: Season 2” (Reality TV); “Crossing Lines: Season 1” (TV); “My Little Pony: Classic Movie Collection” (Animation Compilation); “Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy” (Documentary); “NYPD Blue: Season 5” (Vintage TV); and “Smithsonian Channel: Space Voyages” (Documentary).

NOT-SO-FRESH-FARE:
Former supermarket chain president Doug Rauch wants to take a bite out of the 40% of food we waste, so he’s launching the ‘Daily Table’ in Boston MA. It’ll be a restaurant-supermarket hybrid where you can get a cheap, healthy meal that would otherwise end up in a landfill. The idea is to utilize as much of the food that’s normally wasted as possible. Food that’s tossed is often just excess or overstocked items thrown out by grocers and restaurants due to sell-by dates. Or it’s from growers that have product that’s nutritionally sound but cosmetically blemished. Rauch admits convincing people that expired food is not going to make them sick will be a challenge. (Ever eaten food beyond the expiry date? What happened?)
– Grist.org

SURPRISING SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE A GENIUS:
A few bizarre traits that recent scientific studies have linked to higher intelligence …
✓ You Have a High Sex Drive – A new study reveals that students from prestigious Brit universities Cambridge and Oxford spend more on sex toys than students from other schools.
✓ You Use Drugs – People with IQs of 125 or higher have been shown to be significantly more likely to drink excessively, as well as to indulge in illegal substances.
✓ You’re a Night Owl – Researchers have found that people who burn the midnight oil and get up later in the morning are actually smarter on average than those who do the opposite.
✓ You Have Blue Eyes – People with blue eyes are more likely to be strategic thinkers and perform better at activities that require self-pacing and planning, according to the “Daily Mail”.
✓ You Have Double Ds – A study of 1,200 women has found that those with large breasts are generally more intelligent. In fact, they average a 10-point higher !Q than the lesser-endowed.
– CounselHeal.com

THE HABIT THAT AGES YOU 6 YEARS:
Knocking back a few drinks every night for 10 years during middle age can speed memory loss by up to 6 years, reports a new study in the journal “Neurology”. Researchers from France and England have followed the drinking habits of 46-year-olds for a decade. Those who regularly consumed more than 2-and-a-half drinks – beer, wine, or liquor – score worse on tests for memory, attention, and reasoning skills. The good news is, people who formerly drank heavily but have gone dry seem to experience no deterioration in mental skills. Researchers advise we all stick to 1 or 2 drinks a night … max. (Lost memory from drinking … who woulda thought?)
– MensHealth.com

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• The St Lawrence Agency of Altamonte Springs FL sells a ‘UFO Abduction Insurance Policy’ that pays out $10 million, with a double-indemnity payment of $20 million ‘if the aliens insist on conjugal visits’. Cost is $199.95 plus $3 for same-day shipping. The policy pays out $1 per year for 10 million years or until the death of the policy-holder … whichever comes first.
– Neatorama.com
• A New Mexico man has just been awarded $1.6 million for being subjected to drug testing after cops pulled him over for failing to stop at a stop sign. A police dog signaled the presence of drugs and the man was arrested. He then underwent a total of 8 searches, including digital anal probes, 3 enemas, 2 X-rays, and a colonoscopy. The tests found … nothing. A subsequent lawsuit against the doctors involved is still pending.
– “Albuquerque Journal”
• A father-to-be in Kelowna BC is asking people online to help him … name his baby. Stephen McLaughlin says that, while he trusts the Internet to pick a good name, he & his wife will ultimately make the final decision. McLaughlin’s wife is due to give birth April 2nd. Leading the baby name poll as of today – first name ‘Cthulhu’, middle name ‘All-Spark’.
NET: http://namemydaughter.com
– GlobalNews.ca

ARE NAMES YOUR NEMESIS?
Some tips on how to remember names from memory experts …
• If possible, handle introductions yourself instead of listening to a host introducing a group of people to each other.
• Don’t concentrate on making a good impression. Instead, focus on letting the other person impress you.
• Tackle the person’s last name first. It’s more distinctive.
• Associate a person’s name with a physical feature, not a piece of his or her clothing. (“Oh hi big nose, nice to see you again ….”)
– “Newhouse News”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• No-one has ever had an Oscar nomination for a voice-only role.
– “The Economist”
• There is a word in Japan that means ‘I only date chubby women’.
– BBC.co.uk
• The dark side of the Moon is actually turquoise.
– “The Guardian”

BS CHRONOMETER 01.21.14

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1956 [58] (Virginia) Geena Davis, Wareham MA, 6-ft movie actress (“Thelma & Louise”, Oscar-“The Accidental Tourist”)

1973 [41] Chris Kilmore, Dillsburg PA, rock DJ (Incubus-“Love Hurts”, “Anna Molly”)

1976 [38] Emma Bunton, London UK, pop singer (ex-Spice Girls-“Say You’ll Be There”, “Wannabe”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Hugging Day”, a day to hug anyone who will accept a hug and to see how many you can hug before the day is over (make sure you have a lawyer on retainer).
NET: http://www.nationalhuggingday.com

• “Rid the World of Fad Diets & Gimmicks Day”, the 25th annual as part of “Healthy Weight Week” as declared by the ‘National Council Against Health Fraud’, which debunks unrealistic claims made by weight-loss companies.
NET: http://www.healthyweightnetwork.com/hww.htm

• “Squirrel Appreciation Day”. So take a moment today and think about the squirrels. (Huh?!?)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2004 [10] Recording Industry Association of America sues 532 individual computer users that it claims are illegally distributing songs online (party poops!)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1986 [28] 100 participate in the 1st “Nude Olympics” in 38 F (3 C) weather in Purdue, Indiana

2009 [05] Toyota officially passes GM as the world’s largest automaker

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2008 [06] ‘Black Monday’ in worldwide stock markets as Britain’s FTSE (footsy) has its biggest-ever one-day points fall and Asian stocks drop 15% (the pattern spreads to North America, leading to the global economic turndown)

COMING UP . . .
[Wed] “Wahlburgers” premieres (A&E)
[Wed] Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day
[Thurs] “Rake” debuts (FOX)
[Thurs] Handwriting Day
[Thurs] Women’s Healthy Weight Day
This Week Is … No Name-Calling Week
This Month Is … Polka Music Month

BULL’S BITS

BS HORRIBLESCOPES:
Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – Your life is like a hot dog, a mixture of all your life experiences and memories slopped together and processed into a tube of that lovely tasty thing called you.
• Taurus – Your girlfriend is cheating on you. No, not you. You don’t have a girlfriend. You’re quite grim really.
• Gemini – Your future seems to be coming into focus. Plan on being a virgin for another year.
• Cancer – Ask yourself if you’re the type of person to slow down at a yellow light or speed up. Use that knowledge wisely.
• Leo – Love may come your way this week, but if it doesn’t you can at least console yourself with the fact that you haven’t made a complete fool out of yourself. That happens next week.
• Virgo – Romance is definitely in the air this month, although you may find it clouded by other smells. Is that garlic on your breath or just an ugly waft from your gym bag?
• Libra – With Jupiter doing something in the sky, you’ll be happy to know that this week brings you great romance and later, herpes.
• Scorpio – Those born under the sign of Scorpio are known for their great sexual prowess and winning personality. Check your birth certificate, you may be Cancer.
• Sagittarius – Remember that geeky girl you knocked back in university? She won the lottery and got married to someone better than you. Oh and she doesn’t remember you. At all.
• Capricorn – It’s never too late to tell someone you love them, unless that restraining order has already been signed by the judge.
• Aquarius – Creeping around on your tip-toes is stealthy, but driving like that is just going to give you cramp-y feet.
• Pisces – Like the old saying goes, a man with 3 fish has enough in his heart to help him build a picnic chair. Take guidance from that.

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ Should infants be allowed in fine dining restaurants?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Thanks to a pair of ice ruts 9 inches deep, my drive to work is now completely hands-free.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
Which gland in the human body has been nicknamed ‘the master gland’?
a. The pituitary. [CORRECT]
b. The thyroid.
c. The prostate.
d. The arm.
– “Compton’s Living Encyclopedia”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: If you are average, you’re going to do this about 50 times in 2014.
Answer: Order a pizza.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
No amount of advance planning will ever replace dumb luck.