July 12, 2000 Go ahead, hump my day! Edition: #1844
There are just 10 castaways left, so TONIGHT on “Survivor” the two tribes merge. What will be Rudy’s first impression of Jenna? Greg’s of Susan? Richard’s of Gervase? Who will be the first victim of the newly merged tribe’s first tribal council? And, more importantly, who cares? Time for the BS checklist . . .
YOU’RE TAKING “SURVIVOR” WAY TOO SERIOUSLY IF . . .
• You’ve started forming ‘alliances’ with your pets.
• You find yourself checking backyard snares hourly.
• You showed up for work on ‘casual Friday’ wearing a loin cloth.
• You’re contemplating which family member to vote out of the house next.
• You’ve renamed your twins ‘Tagi’ and ‘Pagong’.
• Instead of telling your daughter it’s bedtime you just put out her torch.
• You’re disappointed ‘Puff’ the cat doesn’t really taste like chicken.
(Thanks to input from Hecklers.com)
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Country couple Faith Hill and Tim McGraw kick off their “Soul 2 Soul Tour 2000” TONIGHT in Atlanta . . . CBS-TV has a problem — how can it dump the nose-diving “Big Brother” series when there’s a $500,000 prize promised to the show’s ‘survivor’? . . . Brooke Shields will draw on her limited acting skills to play a lesbian in the Barbra Streisand-produced TV-movie, “What Makes a Family” (odd these two would get together — aren’t they both Agassi alumni?) . . . 2 of the “Survivor” contestants that were kicked off the island are now pitching shoes for Reebok in new TV ads (“No one likes me, but they love my shoes!”) . . . Here comes another ‘reality TV’ show – “Wanted” will set a pack of former bounty hunters after contestants who try to hide out.
SUFFERING IN SILENCE:
It’s official — women feel pain more than men. BUT — they also cope with it better. According to a neuro-scientist, most studies show that females are more sensitive to pain, but are more ready to deal with it and handle the emotional consequences. (Ask any woman who’s nursed her man through a common cold.)
BS FROM AROUND-THE-WORLD:
• Belgian artist Jan Fabre is hoping his latest sculpture attracts flies. Made from 8,000 slices of smoked ham, the plan is to allow the work to ripen for 3 months, when flies will turn It into a ‘living sculpture’. “Good art must stink a bit!”, he claims. (I just realized I may have some of his previous works in the back of my fridge.)
• A British scientific study says that common fleas jump up to 10,000 times to find a host, then begin an orgy of gluttony and sex before dying of exhaustion a week later. (Sounds like a Club Med vacation.)
• A group of striking public hospital janitors in Ecuador is using their own blood to write out their demands for salary increases, better working conditions and more job security. (Trouble is, they’re being replaced by ‘scabs’.)
• A century-old tradition has ended at the exclusive Kliegfield Women’s College in Bonn, Germany as female students can no longer be SPANKED by male professors for unruly conduct in class. (However it’s still acceptable to volunteer in order to improve a grade.)
THE BULL SHEET 07.12.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1920 [80] Pierre Berton, Dawson YK, Canadian author (“The Last Spike”)/TV personality
1937 [63] Bill Cosby, Philadelphia PA, comedian/TV actor (“Cosby”, “Kids Say the Darndest Things”)
1943 [57] Christine McVie, Birmingham ENG, classic rock singer (Fleetwood Mac-“Rumours”)
1948 [52] Richard Simmons, New Orleans LA, weight loss guru (“Sweatin’ to the Oldies”, “Deal-a-Meal”)/punch line of a million jokes
1967 [33] Bruny Surin, born Cap Haitien HAITI, raised in Montreal, Canadian sprinter (4X100m relay ‘96 Olympic Gold, ran 2nd fastest 100m all-time — 9.84 in ‘99)
1971 [29] Kristi Yamaguchi, Hayward CA, figure skater (’92 Olympic Gold) who married NHL star Bret Hedican, a defenceman for the Florida Panthers, over the weekend
1992 [08] Erik Per Sullivan, Milford MA, TV actor (Dewey-“Malcolm in the Middle” [selected by TV critics this week as TV’s 3rd-best show])/movie actor (“Armageddon”, “The Cider House Rules”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “International Town Crier’s Day”, recognizing the ‘ancient and honorable art of town crying’. (A good day for time checks like “7 o’clock and all’s well!”)
TODAY is “Orangemen’s Day” in Northern Ireland, a national holiday commemorating the battle of Boyne in 1690 when Protestant forces defeated Catholic. (Always a good excuse for a riot.)
San Diego CA mayor Susan Golding has declared THIS WEEK “Cell Phone Courtesy Week”, a week to develop mobile manners. ‘Quiet Zone’ signs have been posted in the city’s public areas reminding mobile phone owners to turn off their ringers. Great idea — there are now close to 100 million cell phone owners in North America!
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1949 [51] 1st ‘warning track’ in front of fences in MLB
1960 [40] 1st ‘Etch-A-Sketch’ goes on sale (Frenchman Arthur Granjean invented it in his garage in the late ’50s and originally called it “L’Ecran Magique”, French for ‘The Magic Crayon’. The international ‘Etch-A-Sketch Club’ now has more than 35,000 members, including some 78 ‘professional’ Etch A Sketch artists.)
1998 [02] 1st-ever World Cup soccer championship for France, beating Brazil 3-0 (only 7 countries have ever won it)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] National Nude Day
[Fri] Canadian Turtle Derby begins in Boissevain MB (ends about 3 years from now)
[Sat] National Tapioca Pudding Day
National Therapeutic Recreation Week
National Ice Cream Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TRIVIA:
Q: Why are they called ‘The Dog Days of Summer’?
A: July 3-August11 are known as the ‘Dogs Days’, the hottest days of the year in the Northern Hemisphere. Originally, the ancients thought the heat came from Sirius, the Dog Star, which back in those days rose this time of year at or about dawn.
BS TAG LINE:
Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
