Monday, July 26, 2021 – Edition: #7036
Good Morning, Sheetheads!
BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
The Bull Sheet is heading off for its annual summer holiday and will not be publishing Monday August 2 through Friday August 6. All subscribers will receive credit for the non-service days. The Bull Sheet will resume publication on Monday August 9.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Jackie Mason, the stand-up comic known for his rapid-fire befuddled observations and who became a template and poster child of sorts for Jewish self-deprecation, died Saturday at the age of 93. Mason built his career out of political incorrectness, with his Jewish-themed humor, social commentary and pseudo-angry persona earning him a spot on Comedy Central’s 100 Greatest Stand-Ups of All Time. In spite of his decades-long career, some would know Mason best for his association with “The Simpsons.” His voice appeared in 11 episodes as ‘Rabbi Hyman Krustofsky’, the father of ‘Krusty the Clown’, a role that nabbed an Emmy Award for Mason in 1992.
-Yahoo, CNN
★ John Mulaney has filed for divorce from Anna Marie Tendler – and he has already moved on. It previously emerged that the stand-up star, known for his work on “SNL”, was planning to divorce his wife, after checking himself into rehab last year amid his struggles with alcohol and drug abuse. Mulaney and Tendler tied the knot in 2014, and split in May. “Us” is reporting that Mulaney is now seeing actress Olivia Munn.
-Canoe, Us
★ Sean Penn has drawn a line in the sand, challenging Hollywood leadership to go further in imposing vaccination requirements for everyone on TV and film sets. In a move that likely will reverberate across an industry still trying to deal with COVID, Penn is refusing to return to work on “Gaslit” — the Starz limited series he stars in with Julia Roberts — until everyone on the production has been vaccinated for the virus. Through his organization, CORE, Penn has offered to facilitate the vaccination effort, free of charge.
-Deadline
★ Emilia Clarke, who played ‘Daenerys Targaryen’ on HBO’s “Game of Thrones”, has confirmed she’s set to star in Marvel’s upcoming “Secret Invasion” series, which will air on Disney+. And she says she’s a little nervous about the secrecy that comes with taking on a Marvel project. She joked with Jimmy Fallon during an appearance on his show that she thinks Marvel has someone parked outside her house. That’s presumably so she doesn’t engage in the kind of secret-spilling tomfoolery that Marvel star Tom Holland is known for.
-Yahoo
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Jason Momoa, Chance the Rapper, guest host Anthony Anderson (R)
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Richard Branson, Rep. Eleanor Holmes Norton (R)
• ” The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Neil deGrasse Tyson, Arlo Parks (R)
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Malia White, Courtney Veale
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Dwayne Johnson, Emily Blunt
• “The Talk” (CBS): Casey Wilson, guest co-hosts Mariana Atencio & Jalen Rose
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Allison Tolman, Craig Ferguson, Melissa Wood-Tepperberg, guest co-host Tamron Hall
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Ken Jeong, Jaylen Brown, AJR (R)
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Kelly Rowland, Ruby Rose, Marlee Matlin, Doug Roland, AJR (R)
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Jimmy Fallon, Molly Yeh, Norah O’Donnell (R)
• “The Bachelorette” (ABC): Katie’s former suitors speak out; one of the men has an emotional realization about his journey to find love.
• “2020 Tokyo Olympics” (NBC, CBC): Diving, Gymnastics, Triathlon, Swimming, Surfing, Volleyball
• “Roswell, New Mexico” (CW): Season 3 premiere
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Kanye West – Although he held a massive listening party at Atlanta’s Mercedes-Benz Stadium on Thurs. for his long-awaited, much-hyped “Donda” album, it has still not surfaced on streaming services. Though it was scheduled to drop on Friday, Donda’s release has reportedly been delayed by 2 weeks.
• Machine Gun Kelly – may have found love with Megan Fox on the set of their movie together, “Midnight in the Switchgrass”, but that doesn’t mean he likes the film. On Friday, he threw shade at the crime thriller, tweeting: “if i don’t talk or tweet about a movie i’m barely in it’s because it’s (trash emoji)”.
• Lady Gaga – The Italian fashion brand Schiaparelli is releasing the large golden dove brooch that she wore while singing the national anthem at US President Joe Biden’s inauguration in January. Proceeds will benefit her Born This Way Foundation. It comes in 4 sizes and treatments, selling for $790 to $2,150.
• Prince – His estate has released a new unheard track, titled ‘Hot Summer’. It’s the second lifted from his forthcoming album “Welcome 2 America”, recorded in 2010, and scheduled for release this Friday. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/ka6hnvpj
• Eric Clapton – says he won’t performing in venues that require proof of vaccination for entry. In a statement released after U.K. Prime Minister Boris Johnson declared event locations hosting large crowds must provide verification of their vaccine status, Clapton said: “I wish to say that I will not perform on any stage where there is a discriminated audience present. Unless there is provision made for all people to attend, I reserve the right to cancel the show.”
• James Brown — A legal battle over the rights to his estate has finally been settled, 15 years after his 2006 death. Since then, members of his family and a woman who claimed to be Brown’s former wife, Tomi Rae Hynie, have been locked in legal battles, including over a dozen lawsuits. His estate and song catalog have been valued at anywhere between $5 and $100 million.
• Jason Aldean – His 10th studio album, set for release later this year, will feature his new duet with Carrie Underwood. The country-rock ballad ‘If I Didn’t Love You’, is his first-ever collaboration. On Friday, the duo shared a lyric video that follows the two singers as they record the song. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/3sctv9tp
• Luke Bryan – says he’s going to send Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani a box full of gifts to celebrate their recent wedding … and they can expect them to be “funny, sarcastic” and “embarrassing.” He wasn’t invited to his friend’s wedding, as the couple kept things low-key and intimate, to avoid a celebrity circus. But Bryan says they can expect a gift from him “with the Luke Bryan touch on it.”
• Luke Combs — has stepped in to pay the funeral costs for the 3 men who died during the Faster Horses Festival in Brooklyn, MI. Combs headlined the festival’s Friday, July 16 concert. Five men were found unresponsive in their travel trailer. Three were pronounced dead at the scene, while 2 others were hospitalized and treated for acute carbon monoxide poisoning.
SHOOTING THE BULL
HI-CARBON DIET:
According to a new study, men are worse for the environment than women, largely because of their fondness for meat and cars. The research, by the Swedish company Ecoloop, looked at single men and women, and considered their consumption and expenditure on goods such as food, household items, furnishings, holidays and fuel for vehicles. It found that men on average were responsible for 16% more greenhouse gases than women, despite the fact that men only spend 2% more. Women were found to spend money on “low-emitting products,” such as healthcare, furnishings and clothes, while men spent 70% of their money on “greenhouse gas-intensive items,” including fuel for cars and meat. The lead researcher says this shows that governments should factor these gender differences into their decision-making when shaping environmental policy, for example, by encouraging men to drive less.
(Or by encouraging them to eat MORE red meat…think about it…)
(That reminds me…does anyone need anything from the drive-thru?)
(Actually, I find that when I eat less meat and more vegetables, it’s worse for the “environment”!)
-CNN
FLYING RACOONS?
Cockatoos in Australia have not only mastered the complicated process involved in opening trash bins, they have also taught each other how to do it. That’s what according to a group of scientists. Richard Major of Sydney says when he noticed a sulfur-crested cockatoo opening his garbage bin, he was impressed its ingenuity, so he teamed up with other researchers to study how many cockatoos had learned this trick, which involves grasping a lid with the beak, prying it open, then shuffling far enough along the bin’s edge that the lid falls backward, revealing trash treasures inside. In 2018, they found from a survey of residents that birds in three Sydney suburbs had mastered the novel foraging technique. By the end of 2019, birds were lifting bins in 44 suburbs. They say those results show the birds learned the behavior from other cockatoos in their vicinity. They also found that not all cockatoos open trash cans the same way — regional differences had emerged among the cockatoos, who had distinct styles and approaches to opening the bins. The scientists say this proves animals can learn, share and develop subcultures. Major compares this to the way humans dance, in the way that people who are geographically close may have more similar dance styles than those in countries far away.
(Believe me, when it comes to my dancing, a trash bin is a very good comparison!)
(Birds can teach each other to open a garbage bin, yet, somehow, I can’t teach my teenager to drag one to the curb…)
-CNN, AP
A CHIP OFF THE OL’ TIKTOK:
An Australian teenager is $20,000 richer after discovering a rare chip, and posting it to TikTok. Doritos is rewarding Rylee Stuart, a 13-year-old from Queensland for her entrepreneurship after she happened upon a unique air-filled Dorito in a bag of chips, and put it up for sale. Stuart’s video of the one-of-a-kind chip, which is completely bloated across all three of its points, went viral, garnering more than 4 million views, and TikTokers encouraged her to put the Doritos chip up for sale on eBay. Rylee initially listed it for $0.99 in a post describing it as “puffy dorito one of a kind.” It wasn’t long until she started receiving bids of up to $100,000. The listing was eventually taken down but after the story attracted so much attention, Doritos came to the rescue, offering her $20,000. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/mvvmz6ek
(Talk about cashing in on her chips!)
(You have to admit, she had one heck of a bargaining chip!)
(It looks like the government isn’t the only one planting “weird chips” these days…)
-Yahoo, NYPost
HOT WEATHER HACKS:
➢ Build an air conditioner out of a bucket: Transition a five-gallon bucket into a makeshift air conditioner by attaching a few PVC sections to its edges, filling it with ice water, and pushing air from tiny fan through the top. And it doesn’t hog up a whole window. (Just don’t ‘kick the bucket’!)
➢ Make aloe ice cubes: Be ready for that inevitable sunburn. Pick up a bottle of aloe vera gel and fill an ice cube tray. Remove them as needed to cool off your beet-red skin. (It’s funny, because my usual treatment for sunburn ALSO involves a lot of ice cubes!)
➢ Freeze a sponge: Soak it, toss it in a Ziplock bag, and leave it in the freezer. When you are melting from the heat, take it out and rest it on your forehead or wrists. You’ll cool down without getting soaked, since the sponge will absorb any residual moisture as it warms.
➢ Wear wet socks to bed: For those unbearably hot nights, place a towel at bottom of your bed and slip on a pair of socks you’ve soaked in cold water. Point a fan at your feet and prepare for a prolonged chill to tingle up your spine. (I’d rather be warm than damp, thank you!)
➢ Freeze your pillowcases and sheets: To better fall asleep on those humid nights, stash a few pillowcases in a sealed bag in the freezer and slip them on before you hit the hay. You’ll be surprised how well it works to cool you down. (For an added thrill, try it with your boxers!)
-HuffingtonPost
DID YOU KNOW?
Florence “SeeSee” Rigney, said to be America’s oldest working nurse, is hanging up her scrubs for a well-earned retirement. The 96-year-old has cared for patients for more than 70 years. Her career in nursing started when penicillin had just been introduced to the medical field, and she ended it as a beloved operation room nurse in Washington state. The MultiCare Tacoma General and Allenmore Hospital system has established the “SeeSee Rigney Nursing Endowed Scholarship Fund” to inspire future generations of nurses.
-CNN
BS CHRONOMETER 07.26.21
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1943 [78] (Sir) Mick Jagger, Dartford England, classic rock singer (Rolling Stones-‘Start Me Up’, ‘Satisfaction’)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, 1989
1945 [76] Helen Mirren (Ilyena Lydia Mironoff), London England, movie actress (“Trumbo”, “The Queen”)/TV actress (“Elizabeth I”, “Prime Suspect”) COMING UP…”White Bird”, 2022
1949 [72] Roger Taylor, Dersingham UK, classic rock drummer (Queen-‘Bohemian Rhapsody’, ‘We Will Rock You’)
1959 [62] Kevin Spacey (Fowler), South Orange NJ, TV actor (‘Frank Underwood’ on “House of Cards” 2013-17)/movie actor (“Baby Driver”, “The Usual Suspects”)
1964 [57] Sandra Bullock, Arlington VA, movie actress (“Speed”, “The Blind Side”, “Bird Box”)
1965 [56] Jeremy Piven, New York City NY, TV actor (“Entourage” 2004-2011, “Mr. Selfridge” 2013-16)
1967 [54] Jason Statham, Shirebrook, England, movie actor (“The Expendables”, “Transporter” films”, “Fast & Furious 6-8)
1973 [48] Kate Beckinsale, London UK, movie actress (“Pearl Harbor”, “Underworld”)
1993 [28] Taylor Momsen, St. Louis MO, TV actress (“Gossip Girl” 2007-2012)/movie actress (“How The Grinch Stole Christmas”)/rock singer (The Pretty Reckless-‘Death By Rock and Roll’)
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “All or Nothing Day”. This is it, folks – balls to the wall, give ’er all you’ve got, the time has arrived, take no prisoners, it’s now or never, bring your ‘A’ game, give 110% … and any other hackneyed self-help cliché you can think of. (Or just relax.)
• “Aunts & Uncles Day”, honoring a very special pair of relatives. Among other things, they may be …
✓ Someone you can talk to about things you can’t discuss with parents.
✓ Your backup caretaker when mom & dad went out, or were at work.
✓ Real characters at family get-togethers.
✓ Someone who has taken you to fun places and events.
✓ Someone whose house was a great place for a sleep-over, especially if you have cousins.
✓ The ones who’ve given you great gifts for special occasions.
✓ Sound counsel and advice.
✓ Someone who always had candy.
• “Coffee Milkshake Day”, celebrating the Summer cooler that’s also a pick-me-up.
• “Bagelfest Day”, this crunchy-on-the-outside and chewy-in-the-middle bread is very popular in the US and Canada. Served with a variety of toppings and produced in a variety of flavors, bagel shops are a staple in many communities.
• “Tofu Day”, created by the Society for the Protection of Animals (SPA) Canada to offer an opportunity for people to celebrate plant-based diets and to encourage them to bring animal-friendly foods onto their menus.
COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Walk on Stilts Day
[Tues] National Korean War Veterans Armistice Day
[Wed] Hamburger Day
[Wed] Milk Chocolate Day
This Week Is…Hepatitis Awareness Week
This Month Is…Peach Month
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2006 [15] “Little Miss Sunshine”, starring 9-year-old Abigail Breslin, Greg Kinnear, Alan Arkin, Toni Collette, and Steve Carell, opens in movie theaters. It goes on to win 2 Oscars.
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2006 [15] Paul McCartney’s first-ever guitar is sold at an Abbey Road Studios auction for £330,000 (about a half-million dollars)
2015 [06] In a field near Cesena, Italy, 1000 musicians and singers play Foo Fighters ‘Learn to Fly’ simultaneously to encourage the band to play a show there for the first time in nearly 20 years. The next day, Dave Grohl posts a video, saying in Italian: “We are coming. I promise.”
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2018 [03] Facebook has the single worst day of any public company on the stock market – losing 19%, or $119 billion in market value
BULL’S BITS
BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ With two forks and a charge, a pickle will emit light.
✓ The most money that can be lost in one trip around a Monopoly board is $26,040.
✓ The world’s smallest painting was painted onto a grain of corn.
✓ The are over 900 stone ring monuments in the British Isles. Stonehenge is just the most famous.
✓ The largest bubblegum bubble blown without the use of hands was 50.8 cm in diameter (20 inches).
✓ The average person spends 3 years of his or her life on the toilet.
-WhattheFFacts, TotallyAwesomeUselessInformation
Best of BS . . .
BAD DINNER PARTY ETIQUETTE:
• Bringing two bottles of wine: One for you and one for everyone else.
• Pitching your “great business opportunity” to everyone.
• Showing up drunk, insulting the décor, and taking their dog when you leave.
• Eating with the serving fork.
• Yelling “Who wants to play real-life Clue??”, then shooting the guy who’s sitting across from you.
• Not believing that it’s not butter.
• Bringing your big purse so you can take home leftovers.
• Not telling your host until you arrive that you are vegetarian, lactose and gluten-intolerant, and sort-of a picky eater besides.
• Picking your teeth and calling it “seconds”.
• (***Caution: ‘Dammit’***) “Dammit, Diane! This is NOT a key party!”
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2019
TODAY’S SCOOP OF BS:
➠ Scientists have developed a tiny blood monitoring chip that senses when you’re about to have a heart attack and sends an alert to your smartphone. That’s exactly what I need…the ability to tweet about my heart attack before it even happens!)
➠ A man with COVID disguised himself as his wife to board a plane. (Man! People will do anything to get those frequent flier miles…)
➠ Experts say our reliance on computers is making us dumber. (I’ll text you my thoughts, but first I need to finish bingeing these cat-dancing-vids on TikTok…)
➠ Mick Jagger is 78 today. (Nowadays when he sings ‘Let’s Spend the Night Together’, he’s talking to his homecare worker and two cats…)
➠ A study has found that men are most physically fit at age 27. (Good thing, too. They need to be able to outrun Madonna!)
BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• Which country hosted the 2016 Summer Olympics?
a) Italy
b) Ireland
c) Brazil [CORRECT]
d) Elbonia
• In “Pirates of the Caribbean”, what is ‘Captain Jack Sparrow’s’ ship’s name?
a) The Marauder
b) The Black Pearl [CORRECT]
c) The Black Python
d) The Slytherin
• Which social media platform came out in 2003?
a) Facebook
b) Tumblr
c) Myspace [CORRECT]
d) Snapchat
-ThoughtCatalogue
BS WEB GOODIE:
Safety demonstration (sound up): https://tinyurl.com/4bxenxhs
BS RANDOM JOKE:
I love nature — in spite of what it did to me.
BS PHONE STARTER:
If you could make a law that everyone would follow, what would it be?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: Only 9% of couples say their partner never does THIS. What is it?
Answer: Steal the blankets
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Arguing with a fool proves there are two.
