WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• The global popularity of British TV talent show phenom Susan Boyle failed to win her top spot on the “Britain’s Got Talent” (ITV) final Saturday night. Despite giving another outstanding performance of “I Dreamed a Dream”, public voting left her in 2nd place behind her main competition, a dance group called Diversity. However, it seems all is not lost – she’s reportedly signed a recording deal with Simon Cowell’s label and is expected to rake in $12 million over the next year. (Now that’s a big hairy deal … for a big hairy woman.)
– “News Of the World”
• Kurt Cobain’s wealthy widow Courtney Love has hired a private detective to ‘track down the fraudsters’ who allegedly racked up a $350,000 bill on her American Express card. AmEx has filed suit, claiming she ran up a huge bill she refuses to pay. Love’s lawyer dismisses the allegation, insisting she’s been battling the charges for months because … she didn’t spend the money. (Or at least can’t remember doing it.)
– TMZ.com
• TV actor Ed Westwick, who plays ‘Chuck Bass’ on “Gossip Girl”, is apparently such a good cook he’s convinced his vegetarian girlfriend Jessica Szohr to eat meat again. She claims in “Men’s Health” that she quit meat 10 years ago but was tempted back to flesh when her guy put together a gourmet meal for her. Quote: “I was overwhelmed … it was orgasmic.” (She’s gonna get egged by PETA any day now.)
– World Entertainment News Network
• Grieving movie star John Travolta is leaving Denzel Washington to do the media promotion for their new movie “The Taking Of Pelham 1 2 3” (opening June 12) because he’s still trying to cope with the sudden death of his son Jett. The 16-year-old died in January after suffering a seizure while on a family vacation in the Bahamas. Washington says Travolta is still struggling, okay one moment, then in tears the next. (Like him or loath him, you gotta feel his pain.)
– StarPulse.com
• Actors Brad Pitt & Ed Norton and director David Fincher had their 1999 movie “Fight Club” inducted into the ‘Guy Hall of Fame’ Saturday night at Spike TV’s annual “Guys Choice Awards” in LA. Pitt accepted the honor from actor Mel Gibson saying, “Thanks, sugar tits!” (A reference to Gibson’s retort to a female cop during his 2006 DUI arrest.)
– UsMagazine.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Bonnie Hunt Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – 1970s girl group LaBelle.
• “I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here!” (NBC) – Based on a UK show, the series premiere of a competition in which sorta-celebrities are placed in a “Survivor”-like environment in Costa Rica to participate in challenges. Among the cast: Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt (“The Hills”); Patti Blagojevich (wife of the disgraced Illinois governor); sometime actor Stephen Baldwin; former model Janice Dickinson; and notorious former “American Idol” competitor Sanjaya Malakar. (Well, there’s 6 reasons to avoid this show!)
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – No Doubt takes to the stage.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Singer/songwriter Tori Amos (Abnormally Attracted to Sin).
• “Medium” (NBC/A Channel) – Series finalé, on NBC at least. Word has it the show may move to CBS on Fridays, after the very similar psychic drama “The Ghost Whisperer”.
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Will Ferrell is the first guest on the couch for the debut show hosted by Conan. Pearl Jam plays tunes from their upcoming album.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Big & Rich – John Rich is free on $3,000 bond after assault & harassment charges against him were filed by former “Nashville Star” contestant Jared Ashley. It’s just the latest confrontation in an ongoing feud between the two.
• Britney Spears – Former TMZ photographer Ricardo Mendoza has filed a lawsuit against her, claiming she negligently operated her car and committed assault & battery in 2007 when she … ran over his foot.
• Cyndi Lauper – She’s being sued for allegedly agreeing to perform 7 concerts in Germany this July, then pulling out of the deal a week afterward due to ‘film & television commitments’. The German promoter is asking for $800,000.
• Dave Matthews Band – Tonight they perform at NYC’s Beacon Theatre on the eve of the release of Big Whiskey & The GrooGrux King, their first studio album in 4 years. The show is being live-streamed at hulu.com (US only).
• Lady GaGa – She seems bent on pushing the envelope. Her new video for “Paparazzi” shows her performing in a wheelchair and features scenes of hanging & asphyxiation. She’s also on the cover of the new “Rolling Stone”, wearing nothing but heavy makeup and discreetly placed bubbles.
• Nas – He claims he ditched Thursday’s scheduled performance in Torbay, Newfoundland (causing a mini-riot) because the promoters couldn’t pay his appearance fee or even a night’s accommodation, leaving him stranded at the airport. So he got back on the plane and left.
• Prince – Today Amber Books publishes the first-ever study of his writing & recording, in the new book “Prince: In the Studio Vol 1– 1975-1995”.

NO MORE FREE PASS:
Beginning today both Canadians & Americans are required to show a passport in order to cross the 5,600-mile (9,000-km) border between the countries. Previously only photo ID was required. The new measure is thanks to US concerns over homeland security. The so-called ‘Western Hemisphere Travel Initiative’ is a product of the Bush era just now taking effect. Interestingly, neither George W Bush nor Bill Clinton, who appeared together at a speaking engagement Friday in Toronto, had heard of the new regulation requiring a passport. (Good luck getting home, guys!)
– “Globe & Mail”

THE GRATEFUL DEAD:
The Australian government has admitted that cash handouts aimed at stimulating the economy have been sent to thousands of people … who are dead. The money was part of a multibillion-dollar package under which every taxpayer was entitled to a payment of up to $900 Australian. About $14 million of the money went to dead people and another $25 million to Aussies living overseas. (Hey, my mum’s 3rd cousin once removed was a wallaby … where’s my loot, mate?)
– ABC.net.au

TOP TV SHOWS OF THE SEASON:
Best ratings of the just-completed 2008-09 TV season, based on average number of viewers …
5. “The Mentalist” (16.3 million)
4. “NCIS” (16.8 million)
3. “CSI” (17.4 million)
2. “Dancing With the Stars” (19.8 million)
1. “American Idol” (25.5 million Wednesday nights; 24.7 million Tuesday nights)
– Nielsen Media Research

DON’T WORRY, BE HAPPY:
A new psychology study has found that perfectionism takes a harsh toll on health and life expectancy. New research published in the “Journal of Health Psychology” has found that people who expressed a strong motivation to be ‘perfect’ were 50% more likely to die over the course of the long-term study. It was also found that the more positive traits of conscientiousness, extroversion, and optimism seemed to significantly lower the risk of early death. (Live longer … strive to be mediocre!)
– “Curious Times”

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• A 53-year-old British mother has fitted her 19-year-old son with a GPS tracking device so she can monitor every move of his travels during a year off from school. The credit-card-sized GPS gadget, called ‘Traakit’, allows her to locate him within 5 meters of his exact position as he treks across Australia, Thailand, and South Africa, and will automatically send her a text alert if he goes anywhere he shouldn’t. (Funny, he’s been sitting in this church for 5 days now …)
– Telegraph.co.uk
• A Romanian teenager who auctioned off her virginity for over $13,000 while studying in Germany is being harassed by the country’s revenue agency to pay 50% income tax on her earnings as a hooker. In Germany prostitution is legal but heavily taxed, and authorities are asking for $6,500 plus an additional $2,500 VAT sales tax. (Talk about getting screwed!)
– “Daily Mail”
• A compulsive gambler in Australia is pushing his luck by trying to sue a casino for letting him lose more than $30 million over a 4-month-period. The casino claims he was encouraged to stop gambling when he hit his losing streak but he ignored the advice. But when he lost $2 million in just 43 minutes, he was finally banned him from playing. (Next he’s going to sue Sara Lea for making him eat too much cheeseecake.)
– Smh.com

FOR THE RECORD:
The world’s longest recorded marriage is 86 years. According to the “Guinness Book of Records”, cousins Sir Temulji Bhicaji Narima & Lady Narima, who lived in India, were married from 1853 to 1940. But they’re getting pressure from Frank & Anita Milford of Plymouth, England, who’ve just celebrated their 81st wedding anniversary. He’s 101; she’s 100. (Even a ‘life sentence’ usually only lasts 25 years!)
– DailyMail.co.uk

DID YOU KNOW?
Beer coaster collectors are called ‘tegestologists’.
– Magazine Monitor

BS CHRONOMETER 06.01.09

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TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1937 [72] Morgan Freeman, Memphis TN, movie actor (“The Dark Knight”, Academy Award-“Million Dollar Baby”)

1947 [62] Ron Wood, Hillingdon UK, classic rock guitarist (Rolling Stones since 1975)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1989)

1953 [56] Ronnie Dunn, Coleman TX, country singer (Brooks & Dunn-“Put a Girl In It”, “Red Dirt Road”)

1969 [40] Teri Polo, Dover DE, movie actress (“Meet the Fockers”, “Meet the Parents”)/TV actress (“The West Wing” 2005-06)  UP NEXT: The sequel “Little Fockers” (2011).

1973 [36] Heidi Klum [‘kloom’], Bergisch-Gladbach, Germany, fashion model/TV host (“Project Runway” since 2004, “Germany’s Next Top Model” since 2006)/wed singer Seal in 2005

1974 [35] Alanis Morissette, Ottawa ON, pop singer whose “Jagged Little Pill” album sold close to 30 million copies worldwide

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Atlantic, Caribbean & Gulf Hurricane Season” begins and continues through November 30th. Forecasters predict the 2009 Atlantic hurricane season will be ‘near-normal’, with 4-to-7 hurricanes likely. Storms are named in order from alphabetical lists. This year’s first 5 will be named ‘Ana’, ‘Bill’, ‘Claudette’, ‘Danny’, ‘Erika’, and ‘Fred’.

• “Go Barefoot Day”, encouraging us to enjoy the comforts and pleasant sensations of shedding footwear. There’s actually a Society For Barefoot Living, who’ve made the practice a way of life.
NET: http://www.barefooters.org

• “Healthcare Executives Appreciation Day”, honoring the people who make huge salaries off our illnesses.

• “National Day Against Homophobia”, an annual Canadian event organized by the Fondation Émergence in 2002.

• “WhitMonday” or “Pentecost Monday”, a movable feast on the Christian calendar. Today in St Ives, England is the annual “Dicing For Bibles”, a Whitmonday tradition since 1675 in which children throw them bones to win themselves a copy of the good book. In recent years, the dicing has been moved from the altar to a more ‘suitable place’. (Basement bingo hall?)

• “World Milk Day”, initiated by the Food & Agriculture Organization of the United Nations to focus attention on milk and the milk industry.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2007 [02] Judd Apatow’s surprise hit comedy “Knocked Up” opens in movie theaters, starring Seth Rogen & Katherine Heigl (“Grey’s Anatomy”)

2008 [01] A fire on the backlot of Universal Studios Hollywood destroys several icons from movies, such as ‘Courthouse Square’, the clock tower from “Back to the Future”, and the “King Kong” exhibit on the studio tour (now being rebuilt)

2008 [01] Legendary French fashion designer Yves Saint Laurent dies in Paris at age 71

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1909 [100] ‘Grey Cup’ is donated to Canadian football by Governor-General Lord Grey

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1875 [134] A freak snowstorm dumps 15 cm of snow in Winnipeg (several preceding warm days hatched millions of grasshoppers, which are said to dance a ‘highland fling’ on the snow)

1996 [13] Florida Panthers make it to Stanley Cup final in fewest seasons for any NHL expansion club (just 3)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Leave the Office Early Day
[Tues] Bubba Day
[Tues] Yell Fudge at the Cobras in North America Day
[Wed] Tailors Day
[Thurs] International Day of Innocent Children Victims of Aggression
[Fri] World Environment Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Fishing Week / Sun Safety Week / World Dystonia Awareness Week

BULL’S BITS

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BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 16 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
June is the month of weddings, so here’s a look at …
WORST BS THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR FUTURE  DAUGHTER-IN-LAW:
• “Just imagine, in 20 years he’ll look just like me!”
• “Maybe you can get him to brush his teeth every day.”
• “You look a little like the last girl he was engaged to.”
• “I like my eggs over-easy.”
• “Can I borrow $100?”

And here’s some a few …
BS INDICATIONS YOUR FIANCÉ(E) IS ABOUT TO DUMP YOU:
• As a topic of conversation, your mother’s beard is no longer off-limits.
• Constant complaining that the wedding date conflicts with the Stanley Cup final.
• Can’t seem to bring herself to say ‘wedding’ without throwing in ‘schmedding’.
• Engagement ring is now being used as nose ring.
• You haven’t heard from her since April … 2005.

BS PHONE STARTER:
What did you get called in school that you hated? Call us now; air your bitterness!

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The average person breaks 3 of THESE in a lifetime.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Alarm clocks.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
When people want to believe something, it doesn’t take much to convince them.