WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Today funeral services for former singer Jimmy Dean (“Big Bad John”), who died a week ago at age 81, are scheduled for Grove Avenue Baptist Church in Richmond VA. Afterward he’ll be laid to rest in a $350,000 piano-shaped granite mausoleum on his property in Varina VA, inscribed with the song lyric … “Here lies one hell of a man.”
– PerezHilton.com
• Move over Perez Hilton, there’s a new celeb gossip blogger on the scene …. ‘King’ Spencer Pratt of “The Hills” infamy. He’s unveiled via Twitter his plans to fire up the kingspencer.com blog and is promising photo credits & cash to those who send in cellphone pics of celebs. If his tweets are any measure, Pratt’s blog will be filled with even more low blows than Perez’s.
– Starpulse.com
• 47-year-old actor Johnny Depp is launching his own record label, Unison Music, and is said to have already hired talent scouts to search for new talent, beginning in Britain.  Depp initially embarked on a music career before turning to acting. He recently helped Brit band Babybird produce a new album by funding studio time and even playing on several tracks.
– “The Sun”
• “Toy Story 3” actor Michael Keaton (‘Ken’ doll) says the Hollywood trend of making sequels is a bad thing when moviemakers become ‘soft and lazy’ by relying on a successful format.  Sometimes they just don’t think they need to try anymore, he claims, citing “Iron Man 2” as an example. Thankfully, he says, “Toy Story 3” is as good if not better than the original.
– “Daily Express”
• 5,000 people were already waiting in line to get in before “Harry Potter” movie stars helped officially open the “The Wizarding World of Harry Potter” theme park in Orlando FL Friday. The attraction is part of the Universal Orlando Resort. And what was Emma Watson doing whilst her co-stars were working the park crowds? Reportedly watching her boyfriend’s band play a gig at a pub in Northampton UK.
– ContactMusic.com / PopBitch.com
• And adult movie star Devon James has filed a paternity suit against golfer Tiger Woods, claiming he fathered her 9-year-old son Austin. No wonder Tiger seemed a bit preoccupied at the US Open in Pebble Beach CA over the weekend. James claims she kept the 2001 pregnancy a secret from Woods but decided to reveal all after his 2009 cheating scandal. She’s asking her alleged ex-lover to submit to DNA testing.
– “Extra”

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Disaster In the Gulf: How You Can Help” (CNN) – Tonight’s 2-hour telethon for oil spill victims takes place during a special edition of “Larry King Live”. Names scheduled to appear include Alyssa Milano, Jenny McCarthy, Justin Bieber, Pete Wentz, Sting, Ted Danson, and Tim McGraw. Ryan Seacrest hosts an online edition of the show.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Dierks Bentley (“Up On the Ridge”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Citizen Cope (“The Rainwater LP”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Travie McCoy (“Lazarus”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Sean Kingston (“Tomorrow”).
• “Tavis Smiley” (TBS) – Herbie Hancock (“The Imagine Project”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – “American Idol” runner-up Crystal Bowersox.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Eminem – The release of his new album “Recovery” has been bumped up to today, purportedly due to its early leak online. Smells like a promotional stunt, no?
• Katy Perry – She tells MTV News the set for her “California Gurls” video was closed except for ‘girls and gay men’ because she ‘didn’t want anyone seeing anything’. In portions of the video she appears au naturel, covered only in cotton candy clouds.
• Kenny Chesney – He’s completed work on a film documentary, “The Boys of Fall”, about America’s passion for high school football. He drew on friendships with past and present NFLers Brett Favre, John Madden, Peyton Manning, and Troy Aikman to participate in the project which he’s been working on for about a year. No word yet on when or where we can see it.
• Lady Antebellum – They’ve now logged their 20th week atop “Billboard” magazine’s country albums chart with “Need You Now”.
• Michael Jackson – Today his mother releases the photo book, “Never Can Say Goodbye: The Katherine Jackson Archives”, in honor of the 1-year anniversary of her son’s death (June 25th). Katherine Jackson inherited 40% of his estate and was named guardian of his 3 children.
• Tim McGraw – He & Faith Hill have finally sold their Beverly Hills CA mansion to an unidentified buyer for $9.55 million. The 11,000-sq-ft house on 3 acres of property first went on the market in 2008 for $14.8 million.
• White Stripes – Jack White tells “Maxim” he wishes fans would quit giving him animals preserved through taxidermy because, although he’s appreciative of the art-form, he’s insulted when the critters are arranged in ‘comedic poses’, ie: a squirrel playing pool.
• Whitesnake – The Brit rockers have become the latest celebrity winemakers. ‘Whitesnake Zinfandel’ is the first vintage to be marketed.

MOWER MANIA:
There’s a new yardcare trend that’s making it tougher than ever to ‘keep up with the Joneses’ … tricked-out lawnmowers. Mower-makers are now focused on mimicking the auto industry with ever-escalating cosmetic creature comforts. Among the many mower options you can now opt for: All-wheel steering, alternative fuels, chrome hub caps, cruise control, ergonomic seating, sun shade, iPod compartment, and premium engines. And, oh yeah, speedier cutting technology is practically a given. (Just a year after the world economy tanked and people are spending hard-earned moolah on this?)
– “Wall Street Journal”

OVER-RATED PROFESSIONS:
20-year career coach Marty Nemko says that some professions might look glamorous on TV, but the mystique far exceeds the reality of the day-to-day grind of doing those jobs. Among those he singles out as far tougher and less rewarding than popularly perceived: Ad executive, attorney, chef, chiropractor, nonprofit organization manager, police officer, psychologist, real estate agent, small business owner, and teacher. (And we’re guessing wallowing around in goo and waiting weeks for lab test results isn’t as exciting as “CSI” makes it look either.)
– “US News & World Report”

SAVE THE WHALES’ … POOP:
Sperm whale feces may help oceans absorb carbon dioxide from the air, scientists say. Australian researchers calculate that Southern Ocean sperm whales release about 50 tonnes of iron every year. This stimulates the growth of tiny marine plants – phytoplankton – which absorb CO2 during photosynthesis. The process results in the absorption of about 400,000 tonnes of carbon … more than twice as much as the whales release by breathing. (And that’s no sheet!)
– BBC News

FOR THE RECORD:
The mosquito population of Tartu, Estonia is a little smaller after the Baltic state hosted its first-ever “Mosquito-Catching Championship”. Participants were given 10 minutes to catch as many mosquitoes as possible – dead or alive – within a designated area. The winner of the first prize sailing vacation caught 38 mosquitoes … but accumulated just as many bites in the process. (This sounds like a good radio stunt!)
– Reuters.com

DID YOU KNOW?
• Those much-talked-about ‘vuvuzela’ plastic trumpets at World Cup games are pitched at the B flat below middle C. (So all you need is an equalizer on your TV and you can drop out that frequency!)
• Unauthorized use of the words ‘2012’ and/or ‘Games’ could land advertisers a $30,000-fine come the next Summer Olympics in London. (Organizers claim the expense is so high, they have to protect the sponsorship rights.)
– “Magazine Monitor”

BS CHRONOMETER 06.21.10

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TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1950 [60] Joey Kramer, NYC, rock drummer (Aerosmith-“I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing”, “Dream On”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2001)

1951 [59] Nils Lofgren, Chicago IL, classic rock guitarist (Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band-“Born In the USA”, “Born to Run”)

1964 [46] Doug Savant, Burbank CA, TV actor (‘Tom Scavo’ on “Desperate Housewives” since 2004)

1976 [34] Mike Einziger, LA CA, alt-rock guitarist (Incubus-“Anna-Molly”, “Drive”)

1979 [31] Chris Pratt, Virginia MN, TV actor (‘Andy Dwyer’ on “Parks & Recreation’ since 2009)

1981 [29] Brandon Flowers, Henderson NV, pop/rock singer/keyboardist (“Crossfire”, The Killers-“Human”, “When You Were Young”)

1982 [28] Prince William (William Arthur Philip Louis Windsor), London UK, #1 son of Prince Charles & the late Princess Diana/2nd-in-line to the British throne after his dad

1985 [25] Kris Allen, Jacksonville AR, pop singer (“Live Like We’re Dying”, “No Boundaries”)/”American Idol 8” winner (2009)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Aboriginal Day” in Canada, established in 1996 by Indian & Northern Affairs Canada as a special day to celebrate the unique heritage, cultures and contributions of First Nations, Inuit & Metis people in Canada. It’s part of the “Celebrate Canada Celebrations”, which also include “Saint-Jean-Baptiste Day” (June 24), “Canadian Multiculturalism Day” (June 27) and “Canada Day” (July 1).
NET: http://www.ainc-inac.gc.ca/nad/index-eng.asp

• “Baby Boomers Recognition Day”, a special day to commemorate the accomplishments of ol’ farts everywhere.

• “Go Skateboarding Day”, an unofficial annual holiday conceived by the International Association of Skateboard Companies to promote boarding.

• “Ride to Work On Your Motorcycle (or Scooter) Day”, an annual observance advocating the use of motorcycles & scooters for commuter transportation. (Hell’s Angels do this every day … what environmentalists!)
NET: http://www.ridetowork.org

• “Summer” officially arrives in the Northern Hemisphere with the Summer Solstice at 7:28 am EDT. It’s the date with the longest day and shortest night of the year. That’s why today’s also been tagged “Daylight Appreciation Day”. The Sun does not set at the North Pole today as there’s 24 hours of sunlight. ‘Solstice’ comes from the Latin words ‘sol’ (sun) and ‘sistit’ (stands). To our subscribers in the Southern Hemisphere … welcome to Winter!

• “Summer Solstice” in the Northwest Territories, Canada’s land of the Midnight Sun, celebrated variously as “Midnight Madness” in Inuvik, “Raven Mad Daze” in Yellowknife and “Longest Day Celebrations” in Fort Simpson. All will feature music, dance, food, sports … and sunburns.

• “World Handshake Day” … but only after you use your hand sanitizer okay?

• “World Humanist Day”, a day for spreading awareness of Humanism as a philosophy and means to effect change in the world. Humanism is a comprehensive life stance that upholds human reason, ethics, and justice, and rejects supernaturalism, pseudoscience, and superstition.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2003 [07] “Harry Potter & The Order Of the Phoenix” (book 5) is released in bookstores and grosses more than the heavily-hyped movie opening of “Hulk”, a feat unprecedented in publishing

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1948 [62] 33 1/3 rpm ‘Long Playing Record’ (LP) is introduced (something to tell your great-grandchildren about)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1749 [261] Halifax NS founding day (back when you could swim in the harbor)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2000 [10] ‘World’s Longest Bench’ is unveiled at a flower show in Japan, measuring 1,832 feet & seating 900 people (the next day, the world’s largest collection of chewing gum wads is found stuck underneath the world’s largest bench)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] “Rolling Stones In Exile” DVD release
[Tues] Stupid Guy Thing Day
[Tues] Columnists Day
[Wed] Let It Go Day
[Wed] Public Service Day
[Thurs] Celebration Of the Senses
[Thurs] International Fairy Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Carpenter Ant Awareness Week / Mosquito Control Awareness Week

BULL’S BITS

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BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 17 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
APARTMENT FEATURES LEAST LIKELY TO ATTRACT A SUBLET:
• “Comes with built-in hatchet rack.”
• “Wall easily removed to facilitate transport of morbidly obese to hospital.”
• “Loose acoustic tiles ideal for discreet camera installation.”
• “Realistic-looking smoke detectors.”
• “Coffee table doubles as an altar.”
• “Kitchen tiles do not absorb urine … easy cleanup!”
• “Virtually rat-free.”
– Thanks to Cal Newport
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

SUMMER COLLAGE:
Celebrate the first day of Summer by augmenting your station IDs with a sound-effect collage that reflects the season: Bird chirping, batted baseball, golf club swinging, pool dive, waves crashing, water sprinkler, etc. Sounds cool and provides a subtle lift to listeners.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
What is a crossbred animal that is half-poodle and half-wolf called?
a. A Puwo. [CORRECT]
b. A Wopu.
c. A Woodle.

BS WEB GOODIE:
Having 80-odd-thousand World Cup nuts blowing angry-hornets-sounding vuvuzelas at full blast apparently just isn’t enough. So they’ve come up with the virtual vuvu here …
NET: http://www.spitorswallow.co.za/blowme.php

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 70% of dieters say THIS is their biggest obstacle.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: They’re always hungry. (“Women’s Health Magazine”).

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A thick head can do as much damage as a hard heart.