Thursday, June 29, 2006        Edition: #3316
Sheet for Brains!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY anti-poverty campaigner Bob Geldof (“Live 8”) is scheduled to release a report evaluating the progress of aid agreements made at LAST YEAR’s G8 summit, a task he was asked to perform by British PM Tony Blair (no doubt the world’s wealthiest nations have all surpassed their promises – as if) . . . As  court-ordered community service, one-time Culture Club singer Boy George will work 5 days as a refuse collector for the NYC Department of Sanitation, something his lawyer claims will ‘prompt a media circus’ (if recent pics are any indication, no one will even know who the heck he is) . . . A stage version of one of the most popular seasonal stories, “How the Grinch Stole Christmas: The Musical”, makes its Broadway opening NOVEMBER 7th, with Audrey Geisel (widow of ‘Dr Seuss’) credited as an ‘associate producer’ (translation: I own the rights – so pay up!) . . . Angelina Jolie has reportedly offended her ‘in-laws’ by refusing to dress her new daughter Shiloh in clothes bought by Brad Pitt’s parents, apparently because they’re too pink, and too frilly (mom has her in leather diapers, accessorized by a studded soother) . . . Meantime, word has it Angelina is set to adopt as many as 12 kids as part of her noble attempts at saving the world, an idea that has Brad Pitt ‘flipping out’ (translation: ‘whatever you say, hon’) . . . And a very pregnant Britney Spears will appear au naturel (with strategically placed hands & arms) on the cover of the AUGUST issue of “Harper’s Bazaar” while an inside photo spread includes a photo of her in a G-string baring her belly, along with a few other tasteful shots (has PT Barnum come back as her PR manager or what?).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Barenaked Ladies – In a unique twist, they’ve made the multitracks from their new single “Easy” (due JULY 17th) available for download on their website so fans can remix the song and send it back to them for review.
NET: http://www.bnlmusic.com/#mce_temp_url#
• Broken Social Scene – TONIGHT the Canadian indie rock band gets some good southern exposure on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• Cheap Trick – TONIGHT the classic rockers do “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).
• Julie Roberts – TONIGHT she performs on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• TI – TONIGHT he guests on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).

FUTURE FLICKS:
• “Batman” – Robin Williams may play ‘The Joker’ in the next sequel. Williams says if director Christopher Nolan gives him the part, he’d play the villain as ‘really funny, but damaged’.
• “Dallas” – “Click” actress Katie Cassidy has beaten out Jessica Simpson and Kristin Cavallari to land the role of ‘Lucy Ewing’. Word is producers were concerned the other two might act like divas on set and upset the rest of the cast, which includes Jennifer Lopez & John Travolta.
• “I Don’t Know How She Does It” – A movie adaptation of the chick-lit novel is in the works. Allison Pearson ‘s 2002 best-selling book deals with a modern working mother’s struggle to balance family and a demanding career. The same team that’s behind the movie “The Devil Wears Prada” (opening FRIDAY) will direct & write the screenplay.
• “The Mummy 3“ – Brendan Fraser & Rachel Weisz have agreed to reprise their roles for the next installment, but actor Arnold Vosloo will not be back as the title character. A new villain will be introduced, the vengeful remains of the Chinese Emperor ‘Qin Shihuang’, as well as a new hero: Fraser & Weisz’s grown-up son.
• “Star Trek” – A planned new film in the series, helmed by ”Lost” creator JJ Adams, is as-yet untitled. Matt Damon is tipped to take the role of a young ‘Captain Kirk’, a casting idea that’s been given the blessing of the original ‘Kirk’, actor William Shatner.

VIRTUAL FENG SHUI:
Some online businesses are turning to feng shui to bring crucial ‘balance’ to their websites and thereby hopefully increase the hits. Indian feng shui expert Vikram Narayan claims a website where the colors hurt your eyes, the music offends your ears, or where there’s too much info-clutter does not give a positive flow of chi (life energy).
– Reuters

NOW THERE’S eSAY:
eBay buyers and sellers will soon be able to call each other over the Internet. NEXT MONTH the idea will be test-marketed in a small number of product categories, in which users will be able to talk to each other for free via Skype, an online phone service also owned by eBay. The site hopes the innovation will allow users to share info about products more easily, and increase the number of transactions.
– AFP

CANUCKS HAVING FUN:
Highlights of a new entertainment study by Statistics Canada …
• The consumer market for movies, spectator sports, performing arts and the like has risen 41% over 5 years.
• The biggest increase has been on sports events, up 44%, mainly due to higher ticket prices.
• On average, Canadian families spend $273 on outside-the-home entertainment annually.
• The biggest spenders overall on entertainment are in Ontario, BC and Alberta.
– CBC Arts

THE EYES HAVE IT:
A new behavioral study by Britain’s Newcastle University finds the feeling of being watched makes people act more honestly – even if the eyes aren’t real. Researchers monitoring a self-pay cafeteria found that the cash box collected almost 3 times as much money when a poster of a pair of eyes was placed above it.
– BBC News

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS:
Three researchers at the University of Alberta have filed a patent for new technology that can regrow human teeth. Here’s how it works – a tiny, wireless ultrasound machine, roughly half the size of the nail on your baby finger, is inserted into the mouth to gently massage the gums and stimulate growth of the tooth root. The device, which can be mounted on a tiny brace or plastic removable crown, needs to be activated for 20 minutes a day for a total of 4 weeks for results to be noticed. Though still in the prototype stage, it’s expected to be on the market within 2 years. (The face of hockey will never look the same!)
– “Globe & Mail”

BS AMAZING FACT:
The portable consumer cellphone was introduced in 1983. It weighed 28 ounces – about 8 times as much as a typical cellphone today – and cost $3,995.
– “Toronto Star”

STYLE STATEMENT:
THIS WEEK a lot of leg has been on display at the menswear fashion shows in Milan, Italy as ‘cropped pants’ have been the key theme on the catwalks. Armani has unveiled a line of tailored shorts; Dolce & Gabbana is showing off shorts in white satin; and Prada is featuring models in micro-shorts. (We’re just guessing but it’s likely none of these guys have driven truck for a living.)
– “Hello!”

THE HYBRID HAMBURGER:
St Louis-based Solae LLC has come up with something called ‘SoleCina’, a process that produces a hybrid meat that’s part soy and part real meat in order to develop healthier food choices. Products using ‘SoleCina’ are expected to be on the market by the end of the year. For example, a hybrid burger dubbed the ‘Better Burger’ has a third less calories and half the fat of a regular burg. But the company claims its hybrid meat has the same ‘chewiness and mouth-feel quality’ as the real thing. (This will never work – meat-lovers will just eat twice as much.)
– AP

BS SIGNS YOU’RE SCORING:
A study shows that when a man meets a woman, it takes only 30 seconds to decide whether they’ll be a romance, and the decision is ALWAYS made by the woman. Research scientist Karl Grammar says the female controls the situation and the outcome, and she’ll show she’s interested by doing one or more of the following —
• Initiating and holding eye contact.
• Leaning forward and smiling.
• Opening her arms and uncrossing her legs.
• Flipping her hair back.
• Tilting her head backward, revealing her neck. (Another indication might be if she jumps on your lap and tongue drills your left ear.)
– “Focus”

NOW YOU CAN FLY ‘FETID AIR’:
A German airline plans to bring back the joy of flying by offering spacious seating, a passenger lounge and – on-board smoking. ‘Smintair’, a contraction of ‘Smokers’ International Airline’, plans to begin service in OCTOBER between Tokyo and Dusseldorf, a route aimed at notoriously nicotine-addicted Japanese businessmen. (This ain’t gonna work, either – the customers will all die off.)
– “The Sun”

IT’S A WACK WORLD:
• Spotting a potential jumper high atop a building, cops in Saarbruecken, Germany sealed off local roads and called for fire department ladder-trucks and negotiators. But it turned out the ‘jumper’ was simply a roofer who was so busy gabbing to his girlfriend on his cellphone he didn’t notice all the commotion below until she asked him what the sirens were all about. Cops are now planning to send the poor slob a hefty bill for wasting their time. (How come it’s his fault?)
• In Corpus Christi TX, a 34-year-old ex-boyfriend sent his 32-year-old former girlfriend his severed finger in the mail with a menacing letter attached saying, “This is my last chance to touch you.” Cops say that when he’s found, the man will be charged with a misdemeanor. (He was just returning the favor for her giving him the finger.)
• Transit officials in New South Wales, Australia are hiring actors and frequent bus travelers to pose as irate passengers in order to prepare drivers for the abuse they’ll face behind the wheel. The taxpayer-funded project will pay the faux passengers about $23-an-hour. ($30 if they can curse in several languages or vomit on command.)

A COOL IDEA ON A HOT SUMMER DAY:
Damian Renzello of East Montpelier VT has created the ultimate dream machine for hockey lovers – the backyard Zamboni. Renzello, who also invented the ‘Porta-Rinx’, a portable skating rink kit, created his new invention by mounting a snow blower on the front of a 4-wheel all-terrain vehicle, adding an ice scraper blade underneath, and mounting a water tank that lays down a film of water to create a glass-like finish on outdoor ice. Sounds great, right? The bad news is – the ‘Bambini Revolution’ will sell for about $30,000. (Still, we think Walter Gretzky would approve.)
– AP

TWINKIE TIME:
Theresa Cogswell‘s new recipe book “The Twinkies Cookbook” contains some 50 different concoctions, all involving the cellophane-wrapped, fat-laden snack cake with a shelf-life of 2 decades. Her creations include everything from a ‘Twinkie Burrito’ to ‘Twinkie Lasagna’. Twinkies, they’re not just for dessert anymore. (No deep-fried Twinkies? How disappointing!)
– “NY Daily News”

ID THEFT FACTS:
Highlights of a new study by Javelin Strategy & Research …
• The top US states for identity theft, in order, are Arizona, Nevada, California, Texas, and Colorado.
• In Arizona, 1 in 6 adults has had his or her identity stolen in the past 5 years. Experts say that’s partly due to a large number of meth users in the state, and also because local governments post public records online.
• Overall, Hispanics and African-Americans aged 25-to-34 are most likely to be the victim of ID theft.
– ABC News

MOST HATED SPECTATOR SPORTS:
According to a new poll conducted by the Sports Marketing Group …
10. ATP Men’s Tennis
9. Major League Soccer
8. NASCAR
7. LPGA Tour
6. PGA Seniors Tour
5. PGA Tour
4. Pro boxing
3. Bullfighting
2. Pro wrestling
1. Dog fighting
– Netscape Sports

THE BULL SHEET 06.29.2K6

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1949 [57] Dan Dierdorf, Canton OH, CBS-TV NFL analyst/NFL Hall of Fame player (St Louis Cardinals)

1953 [53] Colin Hay, Kilwinning, Scotland, classic rock singer (Men at Work-“Down Under”)

1978 [28] Todd Sansom, Stanardsville VA, country singer/guitarist (Marshall Dyllon-“You”)

1978 [28] Nicole Scherzinger, Honolulu HI, pop singer (Pussycat Dolls-“Buttons”, “Don’t Cha”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Festival International de Jazz”, the 27th annual through July 9 in Montréal, which features a whole lot more than all that jazz. Among artists appearing THIS YEAR: Paul Simon, Elvis Costello and Tony Bennett.
NET: http://www.montrealjazzfest.com/

• “International Camera Day”, a celebration of the tradition of recording the moments of your life. These days that’s most often done on your cellphone.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1964 [42] 1st TV remote sold with a TV (Zenith Radio Corporation’s ‘Lazy Bones’ uses a cable that runs from the TV set to the viewer)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1925 [81] 1st ‘Frosted Light Bulb’ patented, to soften glare of  incandescent lights (Marvin Pipkin)

1937 [69] 1st ‘Snowmobile’, built by Armand Bombardier in Québec (originally called ‘Ski-dog’, later ‘Ski-do’)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1966 [40] ‘World’s Largest Hotdog’ measures 3,124 feet-long (Humberside, England)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Meteor Day
[Sat] Canada Day
[Sat] World Wife Carrying Championships (Sonkajarvi, Finland)
[Mon] Canada Day statutory holiday (no BS service)
[Tues] Independence Day (USA)
This Week Is … Camping Week
This Month Is … Fireworks Safety Month

BULL’S BITS

BS WEST-TO-EAST CANADA DAY QUIZ:
• What is the capital of the Yukon? [Whitehorse]
• What is British Columbia’s official flower? [Pacific dogwood]
• Where can you find Canada’s oldest mosque? [Edmonton]
• How many natural borders does Saskatchewan have? [None]
• How many native languages are spoken in the Northwest Territories? [9]
• Which Royal Ballet is the oldest dance company in Canada? [Royal Winnipeg Ballet]
• In what Ontario city did the Dutch Royal Family live during World War II? [Ottawa]
• What was the former name of Nunavut’s capital Iqaluit? [Frobisher Bay]
• Who discovered Quebec in 1534? [Jacques Cartier]
• What province is the only officially bilingual province? [New Brunswick]
• When did Nova Scotia become a province of the Dominion of Canada? [July 1, 1867]
• What province gave Canada the first premier of non-European heritage? [PEI]
• What was the nationality of John Cabot, credited with ‘discovering’ Newfoundland? [Italian]

ODD BS LAWS STILL ON THE BOOKS:
• It is illegal to hunt camels in Arizona.
• A license is required to keep a lunatic in Britain.
• It is illegal to set a mouse trap without a hunting license in California.
• You may not shoot a Welsh person on Sunday with a longbow in the cathedral close.
• During rush hour in the Philippines, cars whose license plates end with a 1 or 2 are not allowed on the roads on Monday, 3 or 4 on Tuesday, 5 or 6 on Wednesday, 7 or 8 on Thursday, and 9 or 0 on Friday.
• In Singapore it is illegal to pee in an elevator.

BS RANDOM JOKES:
• A career is a job that takes about 20 more hours a week.
• Practise safe eating … always use condiments.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 62% of people say THIS upsets them most when they first get to work in the morning. 
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Their usual parking space being taken.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Every successful person has had failure, but failure is no guarantee of success.