Monday, June 4, 2018 Edition: #6226

You Really Know Your Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Here we go again? ABC is reportedly in talks to reboot a new version of “Roseanne”…without Roseanne. Reports are that the network is considering rebranding the show to be focused around Sara Gilbert’s character, Darlene Connor. The production company Carsey-Werner, which owns the sitcom, is pitching the new concept to ABC, which canned the show following a racist tweet from Roseanne Barr.
(That’s a new one…a reboot of a reboot!)
-MSN
★ Now that Meghan Markle has officially tied the knot, it’s her ex-husband, Trevor Engelson’s, turn. Engelson is engaged to his health expert girlfriend, Tracey Kurland. The film producer reportedly popped the question on Friday and shared the news on his private Instagram account, posting a photo of the couple with the caption, “Luckiest guy I know! Get ready to party!”
-PagSix
★ Nikolaj Coster-Waldau says that security is so tight around “Games of Thrones” season 8 after previous plot leaks, that scripts “disappear” after filming. According to him, the cast never even sees a paper copy. Coster-Waldau says: “They’re very very strict. It’s reached a crazy level this year. We actually get the scripts… — and we only have it digitally…and when you’ve done the scene, it just vanishes. It’s like ‘Mission: Impossible’. ‘This will self-destruct.'”
-ContactMusic
★ Benedict Cumberbatch, known for his portrayal of fictional crime-fighter Sherlock Holmes and comic book superhero Doctor Strange in the Marvel movies, is being hailed a hero for chasing away four assailants as they mugged a cyclist in London. Cumberbatch jumped out of his taxi and ran to the aid of the man as he was being robbed. Although the victim sustained some facial injuries, he did not require hospital treatment. No arrests have been made. Cumberbatch was quoted by a newspaper as saying “I did it out of, well, I had to, you know?”
(Who writes your stuff?)
-MSN
★ Keanu Reeves and Daniel Dae Kim are joining the cast of Netflix’s romantic comedy “Always Be My Maybe,” which also stars Ali Wong and Randall Park. The project started filming this week in Vancouver. Wong and Park play childhood sweethearts who have a falling out and don’t speak for 15 years. Netflix will release the film in 2019.
-Variety

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Jodie Foster, Becca Kufrin, Ray LaMontagne
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Tina Fey, Evan Rachel Wood, a performance by the Broadway cast of “Mean Girls” ( R )
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Ethan Hawke, Toni Collette, Jeff Arcuri
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Kathy Griffin, Matthew Rhys, Jonny Sun, Carter McLean ( R )
• ” The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Holly Hunter, Shawn Mendes
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Ashton Kutcher, Johnny Marr
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Monique Samuels, Gabrielle Union ( R )
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Michael Eric Dyson
• “The Talk” (CBS): Lucy Liu, Don Diamont, guest co-host Kristine Johnson
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Julianna Margulies, Scripps National Spelling Bee winner Karthik Nemmani
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Mindy Kaling, David Spade, Michael Ray
• “Dietland” (AMC): Men accused of sexual assault are mysteriously disappearing and then turning up dead. Julianna Margulies also stars. Back-to-back new episodes.
• “The Spy Who Raised Me” (AMC): Following the emotional journey of Chelsea Dittrich, the U.S. born daughter of a former American-based Russian spy.
• “Stanley Cup Playoffs” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Las Vegas vs. Washington

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Ed Sheeran – has won a prestigious songwriting award in Britain. He’s been named winner of the Ivor Novello songwriter of the year for his “Exceptional body of work” in 2017. Shane McGowan of The Pogues won an inspiration award, while Billy Bragg, Cathy Dennis and Billy Ocean won career achievement awards. (Quick! When did you last hear someone mention Billy Ocean?)
• Kanye West – has remained unusually silent amid the recent beefing between Drake and Pusha T – until now. On Friday night, he tweeted: “I’ve never been about beef I’m about love…lines were crossed and it’s not good for anyone so this is dead now.” Drake had dragged Ye into the dispute by name-checking him in his new song, ‘Duppy Freestyle’.
• Jessica Simpson – is suing two “professional con men” whom she claims tried to scam her and her family out of $12 million. She says the two men randomly met her father Joe in Beverly Hills in 2010, and befriended him to secure an easy payday through Simpson.
• Nirvana – Dave Grohl says the “greatest misconception” people have about the group is that it was a negative experience for him. He says there were times it was “so outrageously hilarious and fun”, and that being in the band was like “living in a loud, distorted version of Monty Python”.
• Courtney Love – Isaiah Silva, the ex-husband of her child, Frances Bean Cobain, claims in a lawsuit that Love paid men to break into his home to try to repossessing one of Kurt Cobain’s old guitars. He states the men “burglarized, robbed, assaulted, sexually battered, kidnapped, and attempted to murder him.”
• Stone Temple Pilots – new frontman Jeff Gutt says that there is one song from the band’s catalog with Scott Weiland that he will not perform out of respect for the late singer: ‘Sour Girl’. Why? Because he feels it’s “a personal message”.
• The Who – Roger Daltrey has confirmed he’s not a fan of bandmate Pete Townshend’s new music, saying his latest tunes sound “too Broadway.” He says, “I’m always honest with him, I have to tell him what I feel”.
• Luke Combs – is among the performers set for this year’s “A Capitol Fourth” concert from Washington’s West Lawn. Also performing: The Beach Boys, Pentatonix, The Temptations, Lauren Alaina, CeCe Winans and Jimmy Buffett. John Stamos will host the July 4th event.
• Cole Swindell – will release his third studio album, “All of It” on August 17. His last album, 2016’s “You Should Be Here”, spawned the #1 hits ‘You Should Be Here’, ‘Middle of a Memory’, and ‘Flatliner’.

EAT TO THE BEAT:
Any restaurant owner knows that creating the right atmosphere is essential. And that music goes a long way in creating that vibe. But now scientists are telling us that loud music in a restaurant can add to its’ patrons’ waistlines. The study, published in the Journal of the Academy of Marketing Science found that if ambient music played in a restaurant is louder, customers are more likely to choose unhealthy foods. They played music in a restaurant at 55 and at 70 decibels at different times. When the music was louder, researchers found 20 percent more customers ordered something that was not good for them. Researchers concluded that not does music’s volume impact heart rate and arousal, it also affects our decision-making. In the soothing quiet of some gentle jazz, we have better self-control, and we make better decisions about healthful foods. But in the excitement of loud rock music, we want something like meat and cheese on a bun, darn it, and some french fries and gravy!
(And BAM! A couple shots of tequila!)
(I like loud music at restaurants just so I don’t have to listen to myself eat!)
(That explains the music that my garbage-eating teenager listens to!)
-WashingtonPost

ZUCKERBERG MUST BE HAVING A BIRD:
Apparently there ARE limits to the social media juggernaut known as Facebook. It seems it just isn’t “cool” anymore among teenagers. While three years ago, 71 per cent of teens used Facebook, now only 51 percent of kids ages 13 to 17 do, according to Pew Research Center. What’s more, the world’s largest social network has finally been eclipsed in popularity by YouTube, Snapchat and Facebook-owned Instagram. In fact, only 10 percent of teens say that Facebook is their most-used online platform. In comparison, a full 85% of teens use YouTube regularly. The researchers note that not only is Facebook seen as a social network for ‘parents’, but “the social media environment today revolves less around a single platform than it did three years ago.”
(And I plan to start using Snapchat too…as soon as someone explains to me what exactly it does…)
(I’m afraid I’m stuck with Facebook…they have all my pictures!)
(So Facebook isn’t cool anymore…plus, there was that whole data breech thing…)
-Bloomberg

AS IF THEY WEREN’T CREEPY ENOUGH:
University of Manchester researchers would like you to know that not all scientists are sitting around in their white coats applying for grants to study ridiculous things. Some are actually masterminding valuable studies for the betterment of mankind. And that’s why they’ve put so much effort in training a spider to jump on command. Yeah. A regal jumping spider, named ‘Kim’, is the first spider to ever have been trained by humans to jump. Jumping spiders don’t really do the web-weaving thing. They mainly use their silk as a safety line, hooking it to a surface before they leap at unsuspecting prey. They’re usually between half an inch and an inch long (13 and 25 millimeters), and some can jump up to eight times their body length. That’s akin to a human making a standing leap as long as a school bus. But why teach them to jump on command? Scientists hope to use what they’ve learned about Kim’s jumping mechanics to perfect the method used by robots to move around in space.
(That’s nothing…my wife had me trained to jump years ago!)
(Why train them to jump? It’s not like there is anywhere they can’t WALK!)
(This is great until some devious criminal mastermind trains a whole horde of them to come and take over a city! Sorry. I was raised on comic books.)
-NationalGeographic

THE PERSONALITY TRAITS OF PEOPLE WHO LIVE PAST 90:
➢ Resilience – the belief that you can withstand the obstacles that get in your way. (And I would be…if people didn’t bug me all the time!)
➢ Optimism – the belief that things will generally go well. (Just what I was afraid of…)
➢ Good relationships – the support and camaraderie of family and friends. (Although I’ve had relatives who hung on forever just out of spite!)
➢ Overall happiness – strong community religious connections. (Yay! I’m still not dead!)
➢ Love of the land – could be seen as an offshoot of positive community relationships.
➢ Willingness to work – while our aim might be to retire early, some believe that you should work as long as possible to help ensure a long life. (Makes sense, but I don’t want to risk it…)
(And of course the most important tip [and one that you’ve heard before] is to get married…you might not live to be 90, but it’ll sure feel like it!)
-Curiosity

BS CHRONOMETER 06.04.18

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1936 [82] Bruce Dern, Chicago IL, movie actor (“Nebraska”, “Django Unchained”)/father of actress Laura Dern

1974 [44] Stefan Lessard, Anaheim CA, alt-rock bassist (Dave Matthews Band-‘Where Are You Going’, ‘The Space Between’)

1975 [43] Russell Brand, Grays UK, movie actor (“Despicable Me 2”, “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”)/comedian (“Live in New York City”)/wed to pop singer Katy Perry 2010-12

1975 [43] Angelina Jolie (Voight), LA CA, movie actress (“Maleficent”, Oscar-“Girl, Interrupted”)/movie director (“Unbroken”)

1976 [42] Kasey Chambers, Mount Gambier, South Australia, country singer-songwriter (‘Nothing at All’, ‘Not Pretty Enough’)

1978 [40] Josh McDermitt, Phoenix AZ, TV actor (‘Eugene’ on “The Walking Dead” since 2014)

1981 [37] TJ Miller, Denver CO, comedian/TV actor (“Silicon Valley” since 2014)/movie actor (“Transformers: Age of Extinction”, “Office Christmas Party”)

1985 [33] Bar Refaeli, Hod HaSharon, Israel, fashion model (“Sports Illustrated”, “Maxim”)/TV host (“X Factor Israel” since 2013)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Thank God It’s Monday Day”, T.G.I.M. just doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it?

• “Cheese Day”, celebrated on the anniversary of the creation of the first Roquefort cheese, made from ewes’ milk and ripened in a cave near Roquefort, France in the year 1070. It’s the perfect excuse to indulge yourself with a slice of your favorite. (If I could just get this wrapper off…)

• “Hug Your Cat Day”, a day to realize that felines need affection even though they act like they don’t want it.

• “Old Maid’s Day”, a truly outdated observance initiated in 1948 for unmarried women over age 35. Nowadays 35 is when a woman begins THINKING about having kids (and when a man begins thinking about DATING kids).

• “Shopping Cart Day”, invented in 1937 by Oklahoma’s Sylvian Goldman (next day, 27 of them are found abandoned behind his apartment building)

• “International Day of Innocent Children Victims of Aggression”, a UN observance established in 1982. There are approximately 50 million uprooted refugees around-the-world who have sought safety in another country. Around half of them are children.

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Hot Air Balloon Day
[Tues] National Attitude Day
[Wed] Drive-in Movie Day
[Wed] National Yo-yo Day
This Week Is… National Gardening Week
This Month Is… Men’s Health Month

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2004 [14] “Harry Potter & The Prisoner of Azkaban” opens in movie theaters (goes on to earn almost $800 million worldwide)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2012 [06] Queen Elizabeth II’s “Diamond Jubilee Concert” (60th anniversary on the throne) is held outside Buckingham Palace in London (performers include Annie Lennox, Ed Sheeran, Elton John, Jessie J, Kylie Minogue, Paul McCartney, Robbie Williams, Tom Jones)

2017 [01] Ariana Grande hosts the “One Love Manchester” benefit concert to honor the victims of the terrorist bombing at her May 22 concert at the Manchester Arena, which killed 22 people. The show takes place at the Old Trafford Cricket Ground, about three miles from the arena, and also features Coldplay, Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, and Katy Perry.

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2011 [07] China’s Li Na becomes the 1st Asian tennis player to win a major tournament, the French Open women’s title

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1988 [30] The world record for ‘Hacky Sack’ (foot bag) is set at 48,825 consecutive kicks

BULL’S BITS

BS WACK FACTS:
✓ The ‘butterflies’ you feel in your stomach when you see someone you like is actually a stress response caused by adrenaline.
✓ Choosing exciting places for a first date increases the chances of the other person falling for you.
✓ A small amount of stress helps you to remember things better but a large amount may hinder your memory.
✓ Rubbing a banana peel on mosquito bites can help stop the itching.
✓ You don’t sneeze when you are asleep because the nerves involved in the sneeze reflex are also resting.
✓ Passing gas helps reduce high blood pressure and is good for your health.
-Factsd

YOU KNOW YOU’RE IN TROUBLE WHEN:
• You get a note from your boss saying “We need to talk” …. written on your rolling papers.
• There’s a sign saying “Back in 10 Minutes” … on the airport control tower.
• The company pays your wages out of petty cash.
• You tell the barber what you think about his prices before you get your haircut.
• A black cat crosses your path and drops dead.
• You take an assertiveness training course and you’re afraid to tell your wife.
• Your pacemaker only comes with a 30-day guarantee.
• The candles on your birthday cake set off the smoke alarm.
• The pest exterminator crawls under your house … and never comes out.
• Mom calls you by your full name.
-First published in BS in 2015

BS ODD CALENDAR THEMES:
• People of Walmart
• Former Trump administration staff
• Nuns having fun
• Pictures of last year’s calendars
• Skin disease of the month
• Mugshots
• Plumber’s cracks
• People who can’t even
• “19 Kids and Counting” 19-month calendar
• Doomsday countdown
-Twitter

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the absolute last thing you’d hack from your household budget?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
If you think you’re a hypochondriac, but you’re actually not, does that make you a hypochondriac?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: A survey asked: “What superpower would you want?” What were the top 2 answers?
Answer: To be invisible and to fly.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.