BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Grieving actor Liam Neeson has returned to Toronto and completed the final scenes of his upcoming movie “Chloe” after abandoning the set March 16th to be at the side of his dying wife Natasha Richardson (now that’s a pro!) . . . Actress Tori Spelling’s estranged mother Candy has placed the family home in Los Angeles on the market for a staggering $150 million (the 3-story mansion boasts a bowling alley, wine cellar, library, gym, and is rumored to have over 100 bedrooms) . . . Attorneys for “Harry Potter” author JK Rowling are battling to get free digital versions of her mega-selling novels removed from Scribd.com, a California-based website that operates on a ‘notice & takedown system’ whereby it removes books only if publishers demand the action (akin to giving back the bottle after you’ve stolen the perfume) . . . “Sideways” actor Paul Giamatti has turned down a cameo role in a quirky remake of his hit 2004 wine movie that’s being made in Japan, featuring local actors and settings (instead of the ultimate Pinot noir, they’re searching for saki?) . . . And “Hustler” magazine is about to go beyond the final frontier by shooting an adult-movie version of “Star Trek” called “This Ain’t Star Trek XXX”, starring Evan Stone & Tony DeSergio as ‘Captain Kirk’ & ‘Mr Spock’, that’s set to go before the cameras in April (and straight to DVD about a day later).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The remaining contestants sing their hearts out in hopes of surviving another week of competition.
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/A Channel) – Another couple gets the boot in the round 3 results show.
• Jennifer Hudson – She kicks off her first tour since “American Idol” in Albany NY. Robin Thicke co-headlines.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Flo Rida performs “Right Round”.
• Gavin DeGraw – He releases his new album, “Free”, a 10-song project recorded in just 2 weeks.
• “Leonard Cohen’s Live In London” – A musical chronicle of the legendary singer/songwriter’s July 2008 concert at London’s 02 Arena is released, available as either a DVD or 2 CD set.
• “Osbournes: Reloaded” (FOX) – Debut of the new variety-style show starring Ozzy Osbourne, manger-wife Sharon, and their kids Jack & Kelly. In the premiere, they challenge an audience member to kiss a stranger. Having “American Idol” as a lead-in is likely the best thing this show has going for it.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Fall Out Boy performs “America’s Suitehearts”.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Green Day – “New York Times” reports a stage adaptation of their 2004 album “American Idiot” will premiere at California’s Berkeley Repertory Theater in September.
• Lady Gaga – “Poker Face” remains atop the UK singles chart for a 2nd consecutive week.
• Madonna – A Malawian judge held a closed-door hearing yesterday on her application to adopt a 2nd child from the African nation but delayed a ruling on the matter until Friday. (In order to leave time for the cheque to clear.)
• Michael Jackson – London’s “The Sun” reports he’s looking for a female singer to fill in for his sister Janet’s vocals on his 1995 hit “Scream” during his upcoming O2 Arena residency. And #1 on his wish list is Leona Lewis. (If Janet won’t go near this, who else would wanna?)
• Peter Gabriel – He’s met with Mexican president Felipe Calderon, urging him to increase efforts to end violence against women and murders in Ciudad Juarez and Chihuahua. Gabriel was in Mexico City for a concert as part of a brief Mexican tour. (We’re sure the rantings of some old geezer rocker are sure to be the tipping point in the prez finding a quick solution.)
• Taylor Swift – She may have one of the most successful tours of 2009. So far, every venue has been a quick sellout, ie: NYC’s Madison Square Garden, which sold out in a minute.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Marley & Me” ( Comedy ): Owen Wilson & Jennifer Aniston play the newlywed owners of an impossibly cute but impossible-to-live-with yellow Labrador retriever named ‘Marley’, who teaches them a thing or two about patience and parenthood. Co-stars Eric Dane (“Grey’s Anatomy”). Also available in a ‘2-Disc Bad Dog Edition’.
• “The Other End Of the Line” (Romantic Comedy): An employee at an Indian call-center travels to San Francisco CA to be with a guy she falls for over the phone. Stars Jesse Metcalfe (“Desperate Housewives”) & Indian actress Shriya. Shot entirely in Mumbai. Only received limited release in North American theaters.
• “Seven Pounds” ( Drama ): Will Smith plays an IRS agent with a secret who embarks on an extraordinary journey of redemption by forever changing the lives of 7 strangers. Co-stars Rosario Dawson & Woody Harrelson. The film marks the reunion between director Gabriele Muccino and star/producer Will Smith, 2 years after “The Pursuit of Happyness” (2006).
• “Slumdog Millionaire” (Drama): A Mumbai teen who grew up in the slums becomes a contestant on the Indian version of “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” After he’s arrested under suspicion of cheating, events from his life are shown which explain why he knows the answers. Stars Dev Patel & Freida Pinto. Winner of 8 Academy Awards, including ‘Best Picture’.
• Also released today: “California Dreams: Seasons 1 & 2” (TV); “Hannah Montana: Keeping It Real” (5 episodes of the TV series); “Ricky Gervais Out of England: The Stand-up Special” (comedy); and “Strawberry Shortcake: Berry Big Journey” (animation).

A GAMER’S GAIN:
New University of Rochester research reveals that playing fast-paced, action-packed videogames is good for … your eyes. While many feared that overplaying videogames might be harmful to eyesight, the new study shows that action shooting games such as “Call of Duty”, “Left 4 Dead” and “Killzone” can actually improve vision. The games are said to provide an excellent workout for contrast sensitivity, the ability to notice small changes in shades of grey against a uniform background. (Isn’t it great to know that next time some geek loses it and goes on a shooting rampage, his visual acuity will be 20/20?)
– ContactMusic.com

THINGS GUYS WISH WOMEN KNEW:
A few thoughts from the mind of French actor Gilles Marini, currently partnered with Cheryl Burke on “Dancing with the Stars” …
• Everything is a turn-on when it’s new.
• If we’re going somewhere together, we have to lie about when you need to be ready to leave. That’s only so that we’ll be on time. Women take too freakin’ long to get ready!
• When a woman uses swear words in regular conversation, it’s a turnoff. It’s not classy.
• All men are body conscious. If they say they’re not, they’re lying.
• We hate when you say another guy is attractive. It hurts a bit.
• Accents are very sexy. American girls who speak French are very attractive to a Frenchman. Anything exotic or different is attractive.
• If you’re looking for more than just a hookup, don’t give up too much on the first or second date. Respect yourself.
– Condensed from “Cosmopolitan”

TIME-LAPSE GARDEN PHOTOGRAPHY:
Hammacher Schlemmer & Co is marketing a camera that takes time-lapse video of your garden to show you the development of individual plants or entire areas over a period of time. It can focus as close as 20 inches and takes pictures at pre-determined intervals ranging from 5 seconds to 24 hours. It then combines the shots into a single AVI movie file stored on a removable USB flashdrive. Cost of this little gizmo? About $160. (Later you can watch in fascination on your computer as your nasturtiums slowly wither, turn a horrific brown, and finally die in complete agony.)
– Neatorama.com

RECESSION-PROOF CAREERS:
Despite the economic downturn these careers are among those still growing, according to Laurence Shatkin, co-author of “150 Best Recession-Proof Jobs”. Listed alphabetically alongside the rounded-off median income for each …
• Computer Systems Analysts … $73,000.
• Electrical Power-Line Installers & Repairers … $53,000.
• Environmental Engineers … $72,000.
• Environmental Scientists … $58,000.
• Hydrologists (water scientists) … $68,000.
• Insulation Workers …: $31,000.
• Power Plant Operators … $57,000.
• Urban & Regional Planners … $58,000.
– “Reader’s Digest”

FEEL THEIR PAIN:
Not so good news for crustacean lovers – according to research from Queen’s University Belfast, crabs not only feel pain … they also remember it. Scientist Bob Elwood’s study used electric shocks on hermit crabs to determine their response to unpleasant external stimuli. The only crabs that evacuated their shells in time to avoid the shocks were those which had previously received them, indicating that the experience is unpleasant for them and they remembered that. Elwood previously carried out a study showing that prawns feel pain. (Next, he’s going to conduct an experiment in which he pulls the wings off flies.)
– ScienceDaily.com

BS AMAZING FACT:
Overwrought pop singer Michael Bolton has sold more than 53 million records and has a star on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame. Before all that, he was lead singer of rock band Blackjack in the late 1970s. At that time he was known by his real name, Michael Bolotin. Blackjack toured briefly with Black Sabbath and Bolotin was considered as a possible lead singer for the band following the departure of Ozzy Osbourne.
– AskMen.com

BS CHRONOMETER 03.31.09

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TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1928 [81] Gordie Howe, Floral SK, Hall of Fame hockey legend (Detroit Red Wings)/1,767 games in 26 seasons/6-time NHL MVP (greatest player of all-time?)

1943 [66] Christopher Walken, Queens NY, movie actor (“Hairspray”, 1979 Oscar-“The Deer Hunter”)

1949 [60] Al Gore, Washington DC, environmental activist/45th US Vice President (1993-2001)

1955 [54] Angus Young, Glasgow, Scotland, short-panted rock guitarist (AC/DC-“Rock ‘n Roll Train”, “Moneytalks”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2003)

1971 [38] Ewan McGregor, Crieff, Scotland, movie actor (“Star Wars: Episodes 1-3”, “Moulin Rouge”)  COMING UP: “Angels & Demons”, opening May 15th.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Bunsen Burner Day”, honoring the 1811 birth date of its inventor, Robert Wilhelm Eberhard von Bunsen of Germany. (Thanks to him, hundreds of high school labs have been blown up!)

• “Clams-On-the-Half-Shell Day”. (Tonight is ‘Pass-the-Upchuck-Bucket Night’.)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1994 [15] Madonna uses the ‘F-bomb’ 13 times on “Late Show With David Letterman”

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1918 [91] 1st ‘Daylight Saving Time’ (next day, the first ‘sleepyheads’)

1923 [86] 1st ‘Dance Marathon’ as Alma Cummings sets endurance record of 27 hours in NYC (an early version of “So You Think You Can Dance”)

1932 [77] 1st ‘V-8 Engine’ (Ford Motor Co thereby invents ‘gas-guzzling’)

1949 [60] Newfoundland officially joins Confederation to become Canada’s 10th province (bringing us cod tongues, figgy duff and a wonderful sense of humor)

2007 [02] 2.2 million people take part in the first “Earth Hour” in Sydney, Australia

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1990 [19] 1st NHL player to score 100 points in a season with a last-place team (Québec Nordiques’ Joe Sakic, who also becomes the youngest player to do it, at age 20)

1997 [12] Martina Hingis becomes youngest-ever #1-ranked women’s tennis player at age 16

BS MONTHLY PLANNING CALENDAR . . .
[Apr 1] April Fools Day / Bruce Springsteen & E Street Band tour begins (San Jose CA) / National Fun Day / Day of Hope / Paraprofessional Appreciation Day / Poetry & The Creative Mind Day / St Stupid’s Day
[Apr 2] “ER” series finalé (NBC) / International Children’s Book Day / Reconciliation Day
[Apr 3] Hospital Admitting Clerks Day / “Adventureland”, “Fast & Furious” open in movie theaters
[Apr 4] 29th Genie Awards (Toronto) / 2009 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Indiction (Cleveland) / International Day for Mine Awareness / World Rat Day / Tangible Karma Day
[Apr 5] Palm Sunday (Christian) / WrestleMania XXV (Houston) / Academy of Country Music Awards (Las Vegas)
[Apr 6] Toronto Blue Jays home opener / Drowsy Driver Awareness Day / Tartan Day / Teflon Day
[Apr 7] Metric System Day / No Housework Day / World Health Day
[Apr 9] Full ‘Pink’ Moon / Passover begins (Jewish) / Alcohol Screening Day / Cherish An Antique Day / Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day
[Apr 10] Good Friday (Christian) / SPCA Day / Sibling Day / Salvation Army Founder’s Day / “Dragonball Evolution”, “Hannah Montana: The Movie” open in movie theaters
[Apr 11] Barbershop Quartet Day / World Parkinson’s Disease Day / Baby Massage Day
[Apr 12] Easter (Christian) / Licorice Day / Walk on Your Wild Side Day
[Apr 13] Dyngus Day / White House Easter Egg Roll
[Apr 14] Be Kind To Lawyers Day / Pan American Day
[Apr 15] US Income Tax Pay Day / Take a Wild Guess Day / That Sucks Day / Equal Pay Day
[Apr 16] High Five Day / International Moment of Laughter Day / International Stress Awareness Day / Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day
[Apr 17] Blah! Blah! Blah! Day / Ford Mustang Day / World Hemophilia Day / “17 Again”, “Crank: High Voltage”, “State of Play” open in movie theaters
[Apr 18] Adult Autism Day / Pet Owners Independence Day / Record Store Day / Respect Your Mother Day / Teach Your Daughter to Volunteer Day / Third World Day / World Amateur Radio Day / Husband Appreciation Day / Auctioneers Day
[Apr 19] Hanging Out Day
[Apr 20] Boston Marathon
[Apr 21] Kindergarten Day / Teach Your Children to Save Day
[Apr 22] Earth Day / Jelly Bean Day / Administrative Professionals Day / “Earth” opens in movie theaters
[Apr 23] Take Our Daughters & Sons to Work Day / World Book & Copyright Day
[Apr 24] Arbor Day / Hairball Awareness Day / “Fighting”, “Obsessed”, “The Soloist” open in movie theaters
[Apr 25] Red Hat Society Day / Bulldogs are Beautiful Day / DNA Day / Malaria Awareness Day / Rebuilding Day / World Tai Chi Day
[Apr 26] Hug An Australian Day / Marconi Day / Richter Scale Day
[Apr 28] Workers Memorial Day
[Apr 29] Sense of Smell Day / Dance Day
[Apr 30] Canadian Income Tax Deadline / Hairstylists Appreciation Day / Honesty Day / Spank Out Day / Walpurgis Night

BULL’S BITS

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MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• Can we surgically remove that part of our brain that plays the same snippet of music over and over and over?
• Is it a prerequisite for medical receptionists to be bitchy?
• In baseball, why do we call it a ‘strike’ when they miss the ball?
• Is any dance more positive than the ‘cancan’?
• What is it about accounting that makes a man go bald?
– Thanks to Jason Love

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Hear about the oyster who went to a seafood disco last weekend? He pulled a mussel.

BS PHONE STARTER:
In Louisville KY, KFC is fixing potholes on city roads, then painting the company’s logo on top. The fast-food chain is offering the service to other cities. Is this a great way to save public funds or another step down the slippery slope?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: It takes a woman an average of 10 months to do THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Lose the baby-weight.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
No honest man ever repented of his honesty.