This is Where March Comes In Like a Bull!
WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Music mogul Simon Cowell (“American Idol”, “X Factor”) has let his guard down on ITV’s “Piers Morgan’s Life Stories” in Britain when interviewed by his pal. An emotional Cowell described the death of his father as a horrible time that made the music biz seem meaningless. Cowell says his dad was his best friend who gave him lots of good advice. EMI executive Eric Cowell suffered a fatal heart attack in 1999 on the same day the Simon-managed boy-band Westlife had its first #1 hit. (Interesting. Seems papa got him into the biz.)
– “News Of the World”
• Plans for a follow-up to the 2008 action movie “Wanted” have been scrapped after Angelina Jolie pulled out of the project. As her character appeared to die at the end of the original movie, it took some juggling to write her back into the script. But new reports suggest she’s turned down the role to star in the new space thriller, “Gravity”, about the lone survivor of a space mission determined to return home to see her kid. (No doubt adopted from the planet Xeron.)
– NYMag.com
• Vegas entertainer Marie Osmond is in mourning following the apparent suicide of her son Michael Blosil. The 18-year-old, adopted as a baby by Osmond & her ex-husband Brian Blosil, is believed to have jumped to his death from an 8th floor window in an LA apartment building Friday evening. Osmond is mother to 7 other children. (Divorced twice, bouts of severe depression, and now this. Tough life.)
– ContactMusic.com
• 55-year-old Janice Dickinson wants to be the next Demi Moore – as in she wants her own version of Ashton Kutcher – so she’s getting a dating show to find herself one. Dickinson is developing a “Bachelorette”-style show in which aspiring boy-toys compete for the attention of the Earth’s first supermodel by waiting on her hand and foot. (Surprisingly, this groundbreaking premise hasn’t found an interested TV network as yet.)
– TMZ.com
• After a week away with her husband and their 2 children, Tiger Woods’ wife Elin flew home to Orlando FL from Arizona on Saturday night in a private jet. The week away is the most time she’s spent with Tiger since his secret serial cheating was exposed last November. (With a $600 million fortune in the balance, she’s got the hammer: “Eldrick, crawl on your belly like a reptile … faster!”)
– RadarOnline.com
• And 29-year-old Paris Hilton has the Brazilian government up in arms. A spokesperson for the Secretariat for Women’s Affairs wants a beer commercial she stars in off-the-air because it ‘devalues women … in particular, blond women’. In the ad, Hilton, poses in a short black dress and rubs a can of local brew Devassa (which translates to ‘naughty’) on herself while onlookers swoon through a window. (Again, she gains fame simply from being famous.)
– UsMagazine.com
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love” (ABC/CityTV) – Jake’s family meets the final 2 bachelorettes in St Lucia; Jake makes his decision and gives out the final rose.
• “CSI: Miami” (CBS/CTV) – Tonight an episode directed by rocker-turned-horror film director Rob Zombie. His first TV directing gig features the track “Virgin Witch” from his latest album, “Hellbilly Deluxe 2”.
• “How I Met Your Mother” (CBS) – Country singer Carrie Underwood guest stars, playing ‘Tiffany’, described as an ‘enigmatic pharmaceutical sales rep’.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Josh Turner (“Haywire”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Daniel Merriweather (“Love & War”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Ludacris (“Battle Of the Sexes”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – New Boyz (“Skinny Jeans And a Mic”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Leno’s late night return features Brad Paisley (“American Saturday Night”); actor Jamie Foxx “(“Valentine’s Day”); and US Olympic-medal skier Lindsey Vonn.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Avril Lavigne – There are rumors of a reconciliation with ex-husband Deryck Whibley (Sum 41) after they’ve been snapped at the “Alice in Wonderland” premiere in London and then leaving a party together. It’s just 4 months since she filed for divorce.
• Lady Gaga – She tells “Cosmopolitan” magazine she became determined to succeed as a pop star after an ex-boyfriend dismissed her as a failure who’d never have a hit song. Vengeance!
• Rihanna – Perez Hilton reports she’s asking fans to help choose a name for her new fragrance via the RihannaDaily website. After initially naming the scent ‘Route 22′, she’s reportedly decided to reconsider.
• Sara Evans – She’s obtained a temporary restraining order against ex-husband Craig Schelske which stipulates he’s not allowed to make derogatory statements about her or make allegations about what led to their 2007 divorce. A court hearing has been set for March 15th.
• U2 – They top “Billboard” magazine’s annual ‘Money Makers’ list, earning more than $108 million in 2009 through tours, CD & digital sales, publishing royalties, etc. Bruce Springsteen is 2nd with $57 million; Madonna 3rd with $47 million.
YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOSE:
Sufficient sleep is essential not only for overall health but also to stay trim, according to the Taiwan Medical Association For the Study of Obesity. A study of close to 4,000 people finds that those who sleep more than 6 hours a night are generally slimmer than those who sleep less. (If you sleep 24/7, you can’t be eating now can you?)
– HeraldSun.com.au
BREATHALYSER REPLACEMENT?
Swiss scientists can now tell the difference between light and heavy drinkers simply by looking at … hair samples. It seems 4 fatty acid ‘ethyl esters’ appear in the blood 12-to-18 hours after someone drinks alcohol and they are stored in hair. The only way to remove the evidence of drinking, say University of Basel researchers, is to shave off all body hair. (An idea that might make total sense after you’ve had a few.)
– NewScientist.com
CELEBS WHO SHOULDN’T DRINK:
Which do you think is worst at getting totally wasted in public?
• Amy Winehouse
• Andy Dick
• Charlie Sheen
• David Hasselhoff
• Lily Allen
• Lindsay Lohan
• Mariah Carey
• Rip Torn
• Paris Hilton
• Tara Reid
– Condensed from StarPulse.com
NOT ONLY LOVE CAN BREAK YOUR HEART:
Johns Hopkins University researchers have discovered that bad news can cause heart troubles. A study of patients suffering from heart attack symptoms who hadn’t actually had one reveals most experienced a severe emotional shock – the death of a loved one, speaking in public, being in court, even being surprised by a party – just a few hours before the onset of symptoms. The experience apparently sends a surge of stress hormones to the heart. The good news is, the damage seems to be temporary; most fully recover within a few weeks. (As opposed to real heartbreak, which can leave you bitter for a lifetime.)
– “Fortean Times”
PLEASE, SOMEBODY GIVE HIM A JOB:
Random sample tweets from unemployed (but oh-so-wealthy) TV host Conan O’Brien …
• “Good news! I can now spend quality time with my vintage ’92 Ford Taurus. Bad news – I left yogurt in the trunk.”
• “Today I connected all the freckles on my arm with a Sharpie. It spells out RIKSHAZ9LIRK. Clearly I am ‘The Chosen One’.”
• “This morning I watched ‘Remington Steele’ while eating Sugar Smacks out of a salad bowl. I was naked.”
• “Today I interviewed a squirrel in my backyard and then threw to commercial. Somebody help me.”
– Dose.ca
YOU GET WHAT YOU EAT:
According to medical researchers in Belgium, you can influence the gender of your baby just by eating specific foods. The study, published in the “Applied Health Solutions Journal”, shows a steady diet of fruits and vegetables will give you a good chance of producing a bouncing baby boy. (For a girl, try sugar and spice …)
– “Social Studies”
DID YOU KNOW?
• Actor Tom Cruise has 2 body doubles. (Hurray! Employment for midgets!)
• The national fruit of Spain is the pomegranate. (Huh? Not the orange?)
• RIP: The Hummer. GM is dropping the gas-guzzling model. (What will rap videos do now?)
– PopBitch .com
BS CHRONOMETER 03.01.10
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1944 [66] Roger Daltrey, London UK, classic rock singer (The Who-“Who Are You” [theme from “CSI”], “Won’t Get Fooled Again” [“CSI: Miami”], “Baba O’Riley” [“CSI: NY”])
1954 [56] Ron Howard, Duncan OK, movie director (“Frost/Nixon”, Oscar-“A Beautiful Mind”)/movie & TV producer (“Arrested Development”)/former TV actor ( ‘Ritchie’-“Happy Days” 1974-84, ‘Opie’-“Andy Griffith Show” 1960-68)
1967 [43] George Eads, Fort Worth TX, TV actor (‘Nick Stokes’ on “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation” since 2000)
1969 [41] Javier Bardem, Las Palmas de Gran Canaria, Spain, movie actor (“Vicky Cristina Barcelona”, 2008 Oscar-“No Country for Old Men”)
1973 [37] Ryan Peake, Brooks AB, rock guitarist (Nickelback-“Burn It to the Ground”, “Photograph”)
1978 [32] Jensen Ackles, Dallas TX, TV actor (‘Dean Winchester‘ on “Supernatural” since 2005, “Smallville” 2004-05)
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Beer Day” in Iceland, celebrated each March 1st to mark the elimination of the 74-year prohibition of beer which lasted 1915-89. In the interest of international relations, bottoms up!
• “Chalanda Marz” in Switzerland, when they drive away Winter by ringing bells and cracking whips. Let’s try that and see if it works! [SFX].
• “Holi”, the 2-day Hindu Spring festival also known as the “Festival of Colors”. On the 1st day, bonfires are lit at night; on the 2nd day, celebrants toss colored powder & water on one other.
• “Peanut Butter Lover’s Day”, a good day to have phone contestants try a tongue twister with a mouthful of smooth or crunchy. A few suggestions …
– ‘The sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick.’
– ‘A box of biscuits, a batch of mixed biscuits.’
– ‘Pope Sixtus VI’s six texts.’
– ‘I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit.’
– ‘I’m not the fig plucker nor the fig plucker’s son, but I’ll pluck the figs till the fig plucker comes.’
• “Pig Day”, honoring the ‘most intelligent and useful of domesticated animals’. Studies show pigs are much smarter than horses (… but harder to ride).
• “Plan a Solo Vacation Day”, to inspire singles to spice up their lives by checking out solo travel options. What’s the biggest thing that would dissuade you from traveling on your own?
NET: http://www.solotravelportal.com
• “RRSP Deadline” if you want a deduction on your 2009 income tax. (So be sure to call your investment office this afternoon at about 4:55 pm … they’ll love you for it!)
• “St David’s Day” in Wales. The Welsh celebrate their patron saint by taking a leek … and wearing it.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1941 [69] 1st commercial ‘FM radio station’ goes on-the-air (W47NV in Nashville TN, which must have had really complicated jingles)
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1995 [15] Sheryl Crow wins ‘Record Of the Year’ at the “Grammy Awards” for “All I Wanna Do”
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1969 [41] Prince Charles officially invested ‘Prince of Wales’ (starting to seem like a lifetime appointment, isn’t it?)
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1949 [61] Team Canada beats Denmark 47-0 in international hockey
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Namesake Day
[Tues] Lil Wayne goes to prison
[Tues] Academy of Country Music Awards nominations announced
[Wed] I Want You to Be Happy Day
[Thurs] International Scrapbooking Day
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Cheerleading Week / Ghostwriters Week / Newspaper in Education Week / Procrastination Week / Return the Borrowed Books Week / Universal Human Beings Week / Write a Letter of Appreciation Week / Yo-Yo & Skill Toys Week
BULL’S BITS
BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 16 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY AT WORK BUT CAN’T:
So we’ll say them for you while you picture the appropriate person …
• “I can see your point … but I still think you’re full of crap.”
• “Ahh, I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again!”
• “I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.”
• “I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.”
• “Well, aren’t we just a ray of friggin’ sunshine?”
• “This isn’t an office, this is hell with fluorescent lighting.”
• “Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?”
• “How many times do I have to flush before you go away?”
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com
BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
What is the relationship of a godparent to the real parent of a child called?
a. ‘Compaternity’ [CORRECT, according to “Useless Digest”’.]
b. ‘Godsend’
c. ‘Obligation’
BS RANDOM JOKE:
What do a short-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.
BS PHONE STARTER:
Will you miss following the Olympics today or have you had your fix?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 85% of the world’s supply of THIS comes from Canada.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Maple syrup.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The saddest moment in a person’s life comes but once.
