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BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
A new report from RadarOnline claims that Jake Pavelka of “The Bachelor” (ABC) cheated on his pick Vienna Girardi with an ex-girlfriend after the show was over (people, it’s all about the money not a lifelong relationship) . . . 23-year-old “Twilight Saga” actor Robert Pattinson reportedly offered to go completely nude for his “Details” magazine photoshoot, but they turned him down (offering during the interview was even more awkward) . . . TV actor Neil Patrick Harris (“How I Met Your Mother”) has signed on for the lead role in “Smurfs: The Movie”, a live action/animated bigscreen version of the popular 1980s cartoon that begins shooting in April (will they roll him in blue food dye?) . . . James Cameron has given Sacha Baron Cohen the greenlight to mock his blockbuster “Avatar” at the Oscars on Sunday but Academy Awards organizers have already scrapped the sketch over fears it would offend the director (a billion bucks later, what does he care?) . . . 60-year-old Meryl Streep (“Julie & Julia”) says many new actresses are too ‘self aware’ and it ruins their ability to do their job (right, watch her at the Oscars for a definitive demonstration of ‘self aware’) . . . 74-year-old actor Burt Reynolds has undergone quintuple bypass surgery in a Florida hospital and is recovering at home where he’s being monitored 24/7 by nurses (in his heyday, this would be a setup for a racy joke) . . . And show biz trade paper “Variety” reports a bigscreen version of the 1964-67 TV classic “Gilligan’s Island” (sort of a sitcom version of “Lost”) is in the works, which will reportedly take a contemporary approach to the premise and characters (who should play ‘Mary Ann’? ‘Ginger’?).

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SCHED:
• “Academy Awards” (ABC/CTV) – Sunday Steve Martin & Alec Baldwin co-host Hollywood’s 82nd annual night of self-congratulation at the Kodak Theatre in Los Angeles (first time for multiple hosts since 1987). The increased ‘Best Picture’ category now includes 10 films.
• “Friday Night Alright” (VH1) – Kings Of Leon; Pearl Jam.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Pearl (“Little Immaculate White Fox”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live: After The Academy Awards” (ABC) – Sunday the 5th annual post-Oscar special edition features Robert Downey Jr introducing the world premiere of the “Iron Man 2” trailer; Keith Urban performing his new single “’Til Summer Comes Around”.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Arctic Monkeys (“Favourite Worst Nightmare”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Tonight Regina Spektor (“Far”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Joanna Newsom (“Have One On Me”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Tonight Corinne Bailey Rae (“The Sea”).
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Zack Galafianakis (“The Hangover”) hosts; Vampire Weekend is musical guest.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Robin Thicke (“Sex Therapy”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Christina Aguilera – She’s put her own personal touches on a vehicle dubbed the ‘Eco Style by Christina Aguilera’, a custom-made Chrysler that features recycled materials in the interior and an economic engine. The prototype will be auctioned off to raise money for relief efforts in Haiti.
• Kanye West – He says he can ‘sympathize’ with suicidal fashion designer Alexander McQueen because he’s also ‘tormented’ by the ‘need to be creative’. Oh please, stop talking.
• Ke$ha – She’s slammed Britney Spears for lip-synching during her “Circus” tour, telling “Showbiz Spy” Brit cheated her fans by not singing live. Of course, it’s easier to perform a show live when you only have one hit.
• Keyshia Cole – The 28-year-old “Heaven Sent” singer & her 24-year-old NBA player- fiancé Daniel Gibson (Cleveland Cavaliers) have a new baby son, named Daniel Hiram Gibson Jr.
• Rihanna – Hot on the heels of “Rated R” she’s already working on a new album, which producer/songwriter Sean Garrett predicts will include ‘f–ing smashes’.
• Lady Gaga – What’s worse? That she’s talking about her sex life (non-existent) or that she’s now speaking about herself in the third person?
• Norah Jones – Tonight she opens “The Fall” tour in support of her latest album, in Tulsa OK.
• The Wreckers – Jessica Harp has announced she’s quitting singing to focus on a songwriting career. She & former partner Michelle Branch collaborated on the duo from 2005-07.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Alice in Wonderland” ( PG Fantasy Adventure ): Director Tim Burton’s take on the Lewis Carroll classic stars 20-year-old Aussie actress Mia Wasikowska as ‘Alice’ and Johnny Depp as the ‘Mad Hatter’. In this version, ‘Alice’ returns to the magical world from her childhood adventure, where she learns of her true destiny: to end the ‘Red Queen’s reign of terror.
NET: http://adisney.go.com/disneypictures/aliceinwonderland
• “Brooklyn’s Finest” ( R-Rated Crime Thriller ): Richard Gere, Don Cheadle, and Ethan Hawke play veteran NYC cops in Brooklyn, each struggling with their own personal dilemmas as they’re dispatched to a notorious housing project where deadly consequences await. Co-stars Wesley Snipes (“Blade: Trinity”) and Vincent D’Onofrio (“Law & Order: Criminal Intent”).
NET: http://www.brooklynsfinestthemovie.com

WISE GUYS:
Researchers at the UK’s London School of Economics have found that men with higher IQs place greater value on monogamy and sexual exclusivity than their less intelligent peers. Interestingly, this connection between morality and intelligence does not seem to be mirrored in women. The researchers could find no evidence that clever women are more likely than the general population to remain faithful. (Actually guys are just acting on an ultimatum from their women: “You’d be smart to keep your belt buckled, buster.”)
– “Social Studies”

DO YOU HEAR HUMMING?
A new Japanese gadget supposedly determines a blind date’s age so you don’t have to go through the embarrassment of asking. The pocket-sized device, aptly called the ‘Age Prediction Machine’, emits high-frequency buzzing noises similar to that of a mosquito, that are meant to help users determine someone’s age based on how well they can hear it. The frequencies supposedly correspond to age ranges – teens, 20s, 30s, and 40-plus. (This gizmo is really getting some ‘buzz’.)
– TheFrisky.com

LUCKY PESSIMISTS:
Despite their best efforts to think the worst, pessimists are more successful than optimists as gamblers and stock market players, according to University of Utah psychological researchers. Why? It seems that pessimists are naturally cautious and therefore less likely to waste money by prolonging a losing streak. (Optimists, on the other hand, are the ones who keep saying, “Maybe next time!”)
– Telegraph.co.uk

LIKE WHITE ON BLUEBERRIES:
Ever notice how blueberries always seem to be covered with a fine white powder that washes off with water? No worries, it’s not mould. It’s called ‘bloom’ and is completely natural and safe to eat. It’s actually a waxy material the plant produces to protect the berries from sunlight and to hold in moisture. Experts say you should actually look for blueberries with bloom; it indicates they haven’t been handled excessively. (Now about that green stuff on your cheese …)
– “Boston Globe”

DID YOU KNOW?
Some insects can live for months without their heads. (Blondes, a lifetime.)
– “Trivia Today”

BS CHRONOMETER 03.05.10

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TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1955 [55] Penn Jillette, Greenfield MA, Las Vegas magician (Penn & Teller)

1970 [40] John Frusciante, NYC, rock guitarist (formerly Red Hot Chili Peppers-“Snow [Hey Oh]”, “Dani California”)

1974 [36] Kevin Connolly, Long Island NY, TV actor (‘Eric Murphy’ on “Entourage” since 2004)/movie actor (“He’s Just Not That Into You”, “The Notebook”)

1974 [36] Eva Mendes, Miami FL, movie actress (“Ghost Rider”, “Hitch”)/rehab veteran

SATURDAY –
Classic rock singer-guitarist David Gilmour (Pink Floyd) is 64; Movie actor-director Rob Reiner (“The Bucket List”) is 63; TV actress Connie Britton (“Friday Night Lights”) is 42; NBA star Shaquille O’Neal (Cleveland Cavaliers) is 38; Rock drummer Chris Tomson (Vampire Weekend) is 26.

SUNDAY –
TV host/comedian Wanda Sykes (“The  Wanda Sykes Show”) is 46; Movie actress Rachel Weisz (“The Lovely Bones”) is 39; TV actress Jenna Fischer (“The Office”) is 36.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Employee Appreciation Day”, observed annually on the first Friday in March. Hey, you’re so appreciated … you get to keep your job.
• “Frozen Dead Guy Days” festival weekend in Nederland CO, an annual celebration of Grandpa Bredo Morstoel, who died in 1989, was frozen by his grandson, and stored in a shed. Among the events: ‘Kids Coffin Races’. Huh!?!?
NET: http://www.nederlandchamber.org/events_fdgd-home.html
• “Mother-in-Law Day”, first celebrated 76 years ago on March 5, 1934. A similar “Mother-in-Law’s Day” is held on the 4th Sunday in October. To stay out of trouble, best to remember both!
• “Multiple Personalities Day”, saluting the adage ‘We have only one person to blame, and that’s each other.’ Can people with multiple personalities deduct themselves as dependents on their income tax?
• “On-Hold Month”. A good day to conduct a search for the worst (or best) on-hold music. (The best, of course, will feature your station.)
• “Salespersons Day”, observed on the first Friday of March to honor those gifted and creative individuals whose big kick in life is persuading others to spend a buck.

SATURDAY –
• “Dentist’s Day”, honoring the professionals who help us maintain a big, toothy smile … for a really big fee.
• “Frozen Food Day”, commemorating the first ‘Individually Packaged Frozen Foods’, created by Clarence Birdseye in Springfield MA 80 years ago (1930). He got the idea after seeing  Canadians thawing and eating naturally frozen fish.
• “Nenana Ice Classic”, the 93rd annual in Nenana, Alaska where they erect a 26-foot wooden tripod on the frozen Tanana River. Since 1917, when the first tripod was built by bored engineers, people have been betting on the day & date of the Spring breakup. Because of the high stakes (close to $300,000), the ice is closely watched by lottery participants.
NET: http://www.nenanaakiceclassic.com
• “Tim Hortons Brier”, the 81st Canadian Men’s Curling Championship through March 14th in Halifax. Hurry hard!
NET: http://www.seasonofchampions.ca/2010brier/

SUNDAY –
• “Cereal Day”, a day to share in the delights of crunchy ‘n crispy breakfast cereals. If you invented your own breakfast cereal, what would be in it? You can name it by selecting options from various categories in the ‘Cereal Name Creator’ here …
NET: http://www.lavasurfer.com/cereal-creator.html
• “Stop Bad Service Day”, honoring companies that foster loyalty by providing top-notch service. Ask listeners for stories of unusual and exceptional customer service. If it turns out to involve a station sponsor … all the better!

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2002 [08] “The Osbournes” debuts on MTV (who woulda thought such an untalented bunch could become so famous?)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1937 [73] ‘SPAM’ is 1st marketed after Hormel Co chefs discover that ham cooked in special spices, then ground up and canned has a 7-year shelf-life (has since become both the butt of jokes and the world’s most popular canned meat)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1994 [16] ‘World’s Largest Milkshake’ is created, at 1,955 gallons (Nelspruit, South Africa)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] International Women’s Day
[Tues] Barbie Day
[Tues] Organize Your Home Office Day
[Wed] Mario Day
[Wed] Salvation Army Day
[Thurs] World Kidney Day
This Week Is … Save Your Vision Week
This Month Is … Music In Our Schools Month

BULL’S BITS

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10 REASONS TO WATCH THE OSCARS:
• Your doctor told you to keep the bandage on for 6-and-a-half hours, which just happens to be the exact duration of the telecast.
• Every time someone thanks a lawyer, a hairdresser, or their parents who are ‘looking down from up there’, you get to take a swig of cooking brandy.
• If you don’t watch, Mickey Rourke will come to your house and never leave.
• The ‘Best Picture’ clips will be projected onto Nicole Kidman’s forehead.
• It’s the perfect excuse to eat caviar muffins.
• It’s marginally more cheerful than the documentary on the inevitable extinction of every cute species in the entire world that’s airing on Animal Planet.
• Those guys vying for ‘Film Editing’ are smoking hot.
• At least 5% of the nominees have all their original body parts.
• If you get really drunk and squint, you can almost imagine that it’s Ricky Gervais hosting.
• Ben Mulroney will be snubbed by at least 10 celebrities on the red carpet.

10 MORE REASONS TO WATCH THE OSCARS:
• It’s funny when the ‘Best Foreign Language Film’ winner has to run all the way from the back of the theater.
• That $10.95 bottle of sparkling wine you bought for a special occasion isn’t going to drink itself.
• Your mom promised to do your laundry if you’d come over and watch.
• What with the restraining order and all, this is the closest you’re likely to get to George Clooney for a long time.
• It’s always exciting to see who gets the least recognition applause during the ‘In Memoriam’ segment.
• Awkward pairings of celebrity presenters who have clearly never met each other before.
• The Oscar statuette weighs 3.85 kg and some emaciated actress may drop it from her hunger-weakened hands and break a toenail.
• Your Wii is broken.
• You’re Paris Hilton and, once again, you’ve failed to sneak into the Kodak Theatre.
• You’re tangled in your Snuggie and you can’t reach the remote.
– Extrapolated from “Toronto Star”

BS PHONE STARTER:
There are lots of female-related words in English, particularly slang words. Which are good ones? (Stems, Vixen, Badonkadonk, perhaps?) Which are bad? (Skank, Hoo-ha, Diva?).

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I like my steak so rare a good veterinarian could still save it.

BS WEB GOODIE:
You can waste hours of work time checking out the many features of the ‘Dunder-Mifflin’ website. It looks like the real deal even though it’s just a tongue-in-cheek promotional tool for the fictional paper company on “The Office” (NBC/Global).
NET: http://www.dundermifflin.com

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: By the time they’re 10, average kids use over 700 of THESE.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Crayons.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The older I get, the better I was.