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BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
According to Nielsen ratings, Sunday’s “82nd Annual Academy Awards” (ABC) had an average audience of 41.3 million viewers, making it the most-watched entertainment telecast on any US network in 5 years (up a whopping 5 million from a year ago) . . . Ryan O’Neal has voiced his disappointment over the late Farrah Fawcett’s omission from the memoriam announcements at the Oscars (oops, somebody goofed!) . . . 88-year-old Hollywood veteran Betty White has confirmed she’ll host an upcoming episode of NBC-TV’s “Saturday Night Live”, an idea hatched on a Facebook page devoted to the cause (it attracted a half-million fans) . . . NBC-TV has announced it’s renewed the series “30 Rock”, “The Office”, and “Community” (meaning Chevy Chase keeps a job for at least a few more months) . . . Miley Cyrus says she & boyfriend Liam Hemsworth are both ‘deeper than normal people’ (some people just shouldn’t talk) . . . 50-year-old music mogul Simon Cowell, recently engaged to makeup artist Mezhgan Hussainy, says he’s ‘torn’ about having children because he’s a bit too old but also thinks it’s important to have a lot of ‘hims’ around in the future (imagine the withering discipline this dad would levy!) . . . It’s been announced that ‘fashion consultant’/sometimes actress Lindsay Lohan is ‘not involved’ in fashion house Ungaro’s latest collection (BS translation: She’s been axed) . . . And former “Playboy” model & Hugh Hefner girlfriend Holly Madison is reportedly moving in with Good Charlotte rocker Benji Madden after just 3 months of dating (first Paris Hilton, now an 83-year-old’s sloppy seconds – hey, congrats, Benj!).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The top 8 male semi-finalists perform.
• “America’s Next Top Model” (CW/A Channel) – In the 90-minute debut of Cycle 14, Perez Hilton announces that the finalists’ first challenge is to receive makeovers.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Manchester Orchestra (“Mean Everything to Nothing”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Lisa Hannigan (“Sea Sew”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – The Temper Trap (“Conditions”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Alkaline Trio (“This Addiction”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Guest co-host Ludacris (“Battle Of the Sexes”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Lenny Kravitz (“Negrophilia”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Ryan Bingham (“Roadhouse Sun”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Alice in Chains – Today they’ll host an online live chat with fans at 7pm EST on LiveStream.
NET: http://www.livestream.com
• The Beatles – It’s been announced that filmmaker Sam Taylor-Wood’s critically acclaimed John Lennon biopic, “Nowhere Boy”, will be released on DVD May 10th.
• Billy Currington – This week “That’s How Country Boys Roll” is set to become his 5th #1 country single.
• Elton John – Final stats show his 18th annual post-Oscars AIDS Foundation party was a big hit, raising $3.7 million for the charity in just a few hours.
• Foo Fighters – Frontman Dave Grohl tells the BBC they’re set to begin recording their next studio album in September. Grohl says they’ve already begun writing new material.
• Ke$ha – She tells Britain’s “Times of London” she wants ‘more respect’ from her music industry peers because she’s sick of her ‘party girl’ label. Simple solution: Quit partying.
• Lady Gaga – The full version of her new video for “Telephone” runs almost 10 minutes long. It debuted last night on E!.
• Rihanna – Word has it she flew to LA from Berlin, Germany just to attend LA Dodger-boyfriend Matt Kemp’s “Ante Up For Autism” charity fundraiser on the weekend, where she hung out with his family & friends. Are things getting serious?
• Rolling Stones – 62-year-old guitarist Ronnie Wood say’s he’s getting help staying alcohol-free through pep talks from friends, including Mick Jagger, Kate Moss, Elton John, and Rod Stewart. He’s been in rehab numerous times, most recently in January this year.

WORK WISHES:
Most of us have daydreamed at one time or another about having a different, killer job. What is it you’d really like to be doing? A few fantasy jobs dreamed of by guys …
• Trapeze Artist
• Brew Master
• Concert Promoter
• Rock Star
• Mad Scientist
• Photographer
• Chocolatier
• Freelance Writer
• Lion Trainer
• Bar Owner
– Guyism.com

BS BUZZWORDS:
New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Gasper’ – A person who practices the act of auto-erotic asphyxiation. (“Whatever happened to that inquest into actor David Carradine’s death? Was he a gasper or not?”)
• ‘Jibs’ – Slang word for teeth. (“Be there in a sec! I’m just going to brush my jibs.”)
• ‘Polaris Laser’ – A new laser treatment that’s becoming an alternative to Botox for keeping youthful looks. It purportedly brings collagen to the surface and reconditions the skin. 33-year-old actress Anna Friel (“Pushing Daisies”) tells “InStyle” magazine she’s a big fan. (At 33?)

JAVA JALOPY:
A customized car called the ‘Carpuccino’ has been built by the design team on the BBC-TV science show “Bang Goes the Theory”. It runs on … coffee grounds. These are heated in a charcoal fire and the resulting hydrogen and carbon monoxide powers the car. The team calculates the ‘Carpuccino’ will do 3 miles per kilo of ground coffee, the equivalent of about 56 espressos per mile. Clever but not very practical … the cost of operation works out to somewhere between 25-and-50 times the cost of using gasoline. (Next they’ll experiment with a vehicle powered by burning money.)
– DailyMail.co.uk

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• A UK window cleaner has died after stabbing himself in the groin repeatedly with … a jumbo souvenir pencil. (Okay maybe once in a fit of exasperation, but repeatedly? Owwww!)
– Mirror.co.uk
• The ‘Pirate Party’ surprisingly won 2 seats in the European Parliament last year but has yet to score a seat in a national election. That may change as ‘Pirates’ run in the Netherlands general election this Spring. (“I, Senator Blackbeard pledge to fulfill my commitment to …”)
– Torrentfreak.com
• A 3-year-old Tennessee toddler has reportedly shot herself in the abdomen after allegedly mistaking a semi-automatic handgun for … a Wii remote. (At least that’s what the lawsuit will say.)
– AllAboutTheGames.co.uk
• The mayor of Pecica, Romania has had traffic signs erected warning drivers about … drunks crossing. The signs read “Attention – Drunks” beneath a figure on his knees with a bottle. (A drawing of a figure holding a karaoke microphone was rejected.)
– Ananova.com

RECESSION LOYALTY:
It may have hammered many a company’s balance sheet but the global financial crisis has made many employees feel more committed to their employer, a new global survey shows. The poll, conducted by international employment firm Kelly Services, has found that 43% of employees now feel ‘totally committed’ to their current employers and 26% label themselves ‘somewhat committed’. A total of 27% of worldwide respondents say the economic recession made them feel more loyal to their employer. (When you’re worried about hanging onto your job, are you gonna be up-front with some unknown interviewer?)
– ChinaDaily.com

THINGS YOUR SHOE-STORE CLERK WON’T TELL YOU:
• Don’t ask for a size 7 if you’re a 9. No one cares how big your feet are.
• We all appreciate a little foot powder, if it’s not too much trouble.
• It’s not just the distance from the heel to the end of the big toe that matters; it’s also the distance from the heel to the ball of the foot.
• If we don’t have exactly what you want, it may not exist. And I can’t cobble it together in the back room while you wait either.
• Losing weight will make your knees, ankles, and feet feel better. Shoes – not so much.
• Don’t be a serial shoe returner. Once or twice, okay. But 20 times a year? I don’t think so.
• I may be kneeling at your feet, but I’m not your servant. Lose the ’tude, dude.
– Condensed from “Reader’s Digest”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Precise GPS measurements from before and after the recent Chile earthquake show that the magnitude 8.8 shock moved the entire city of Concepcion 10 feet to the west.
– Wired.com
• University of North Carolina researchers are contending that an 18% tax on pizza and soda pop could push down American adults’ calorie intake enough to lower their average weight by 5 lbs (2 kg) per year.
– Reuters.com
• What’s the most expensive drink at Starbucks? A NYC man took a ‘free drink’ coupon into a Manhattan outlet to find out. The result: A 13 shot venti soy hazelnut vanilla cinnamon white mocha with extra white mocha and caramel. With tax, it cost a total of $13.76.
– Neatorama.com

BS CHRONOMETER 03.10.10

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TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1957 [53] Osama Bin Laden, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, Al-Qa’ida founder/world’s most-wanted man

1958 [52] Sharon Stone, Meadville PA, movie actress (“Bobby”, “Basic Instinct”)

1963 [47] Jeff Ament, Havre MT, rock bassist (Pearl Jam-“The Fixer”, “World Wide Suicide”)

1964 [46] Prince Edward (Edward Antony Richard Louis Windsor), London UK, QEII’s #3 son/Earl of Wessex & Viscount Severn/wed to Sophie Rhys-Jones

1971 [39] Jon Hamm, St Louis MO, TV actor (‘Don Draper’ on “Mad Men” since 2007)

1971 [39] Timbaland (Timothy Mosley), Virginia Beach VA, music producer/composer/singer/rapper (f/OneRepublic-“Apologize”, f/Nelly Furtado-“Promiscuous”)

1975 [35] Jerry Horton, Charleston SC, alt-rock guitarist (Papa Roach-“Lifeline”, “Forever”)

1977 [33] Robin Thicke, LA CA, R&B/soul singer (“Sex Therapy”, “Lost Without U”)/son of Canadian actor Alan Thicke  BS FACTOID: Last night he appeared on “The Hour” (CBC).

1983 [27] Carrie Underwood, Muskogee OK, country singer (“Cowboy Casanova”, “Before He Cheats”)/”American Idol 4” winner (2005)  BS FACTOID: Her “Play On” tour begins tomorrow night in Reading PA.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Canadian Music Week 2010”, through Sunday in Toronto. The annual event includes the “Canadian Music & Broadcast Industry Awards” Thursday and the “Canadian Radio Music Awards” Friday. (Best of luck to all the “BS” subscribers who are up for accolades!)
NET: http://www.cmw.net/cmw2010/index.asp

• “Mario Day”, saluting anyone with that name because the abbreviated date (MAR-10) sort of spells ‘Mario’. Famous Marios include NHL Hall of Famer Mario Lemieux, legendary race car driver Mario Andretti, and Super Mario Bros (videogame).

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1842 [168] Queen’s University founded in Kingston ON (home of the ‘Golden Gaels’)

1876 [134] 1st ‘Telephone Call’ as Alexander Graham Bell says to Thomas Watson in next room: “Mr  Watson, come here. I want you.” (setting off all kinds of rumors)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2002 [08] Ravindra Nath Halder of Calcutta, India gets a call to come in for an interview for a government job he’d applied for … 34 years previously (the grandfather says he’s too old for the gig, but he’s glad to know his application is finally being considered)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] World Kidney Day
[Fri] Girl Scout Day
[Fri] Middle Name Pride Day
[Sat] Earmuffs Day
[Sat] International Fanny Pack Day
[Sat] Genealogy Day
[Sat] Open an Umbrella Indoors Day
[Sat] 21st GLAAD Media Awards (NY/LA)
This Week Is … Brain Awareness Week
This Month Is … Listening Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS

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BS KIDS’ KITCHEN TERMS:
• Boil: The point a parent reaches upon hearing the automatic ‘Yuck’ before food is even tasted.
• Casserole: Combination of favorite foods that go uneaten because they are mixed together.
• Dessert: The reason for eating a meal.
• Evaporate: Magic trick performed by kids when it comes time to clear the table or wash dishes.
• Fruit: A natural sweet not to be confused with dessert.
• Refrigerator: A very expensive and inefficient room air conditioner when not being used as an art gallery.
• Soda Pop: Shake ‘N Spray.
• Table Leg: Percussion instrument.
– OurFunnyLists.com

BS POP-CULTURE SPELLING BEE:
See if a contestant/guest/crew member can spell these difficult show biz names …
• Movie actress Scarlett Johansson.
• Actor-turned-governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.
• Movie director M Night Shyamalan.
• “The Dark Knight” actress Maggie Gyllenhaal.
• Movie star Matthew McConaughey.
• CBC-TV’s “The Hour” host George Stroumboulopoulos.
• Actor Jason Lee’s son Pilot Inspektor.
• ‘Snuffleupagus’ from “Sesame Street”.
– Thanks to Jason English

BS PHONE STARTER:
Ask listeners for 4-word phrases that mean trouble, such as “License and registration, please”, “I’m from the government”, or “Where have you been?”

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Oh my God, look at you this morning! Anyone else hurt in the accident?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Studies show that doing THIS reduces stress and can actually help alleviate physical pain.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Swearing. (“TIME”)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
If at first you don’t succeed, you’re doing about average.