Sweet Sheet!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
A source tells “Chicago Sun-Times” that Oscar-winning actress Sandra Bullock is a ‘total mess’ in the wake of her split with hubby Jesse James, a ‘cauldron of both rage & intense pain’ . . . Meantime, James’ former partner, adult film star Janine Lindemulder, is reportedly so disgusted she’s considering suing him for custody of their 6-year-old daughter Sunny (you know you’re a sleazebag when …) . . . Incarcerated record producer Phil Spector is set to release an album from behind bars in June, a project he worked on with his wife Rachelle Short (the release party is in Big Julie’s cell) . . . 48-year-old Rosie O’Donnell is planning a new TV talk show, targeting Fall 2011 for the debut of her new afternoon vehicle (not coincidentally around the same time that Oprah takes her final bow) . . . An article that falsely claimed Beyoncé & Jay-Z have a ‘secret 2-year marriage contract’ has led German celebrity gossip magazine “Neon” to admit it has published several made-up interviews with celebs, including Christina Aguilera & Snoop Dog (who apparently are NOT expecting a love child together) . . . Hard to believe but it seems Sarah Palin is closer to landing a deal for her TV reality show with the working title “Sarah Palin’s Alaska”, as both A&E and Discovery Channel are said to be interested (“Now let’s go over ta the dock and I’ll show ya this nucular-powered fishin’ boat”) . . . And poor “Twilight Saga” star Robert Pattinson tells “Times of London” he has a really hard time with love scenes in his movies (gee, too bad there’s no one out there willing to help him rehearse!).
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – Performers include this week’s mentor Miley Cyrus, Joe Jonas (Jonas Bros), and Demi Lovato (“Sonny With A Chance”). Then another contestant is voted off.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Diane Birch (“Bible Belt”).
• “The Hour” (CBC) – 1970s singer Dan Hill.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Jamie Cullum (“Devil May Care”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Raveonettes (“In & Out of Control”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Mishka (“Talk About”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – The Clientele (“Bonfires On the Heath”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Joan Jett & The Blackhearts (“The Runaways”).
• “Survivor: Heroes vs Villains” (CBS/Global) – In a special Wednesday episode (thanks to NCAA basketball), the castaways learn that 2 will be sent home in a rare double elimination.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Akon – Monday about 200 protesters hurled stones at the headquarters of the Sri Lankan broadcaster sponsoring his upcoming April concert in Colombo. What’s their beef? Desecrating the image of Buddha in the music video “Sexy Chick”, which features scantily clad women dancing at a pool party with a Buddha statue in the background.
• Bon Jovi – Tonight “The Circle” tour plays Philadelphia’s Wachovia Center. The show is preceded by a free, special ticketed performance for fans and former season ticket holders of the Arena Football League team that Jon Bon Jovi owned, the Philadelphia Soul. The team folded along with the league in 2009. It’s expected to return in 2011.
• Easton Corbin – With “A Little More Country Than That” he’s become the 1st country male solo artist to score a #1 hit with a debut single since 2003.
• Green Day – Tonight the stage musical version of “American Idiot” begins preview performances at Broadway’s St James Theatre in NYC. Opening night is April 20th.
• Ke$ha – She’s apologized via Twitter for calling Justin Bieber a ‘tiny little baby’ in her April cover story with “Maxim” magazine. Quote: “I think u r rad.”
• Mariah Carey – It appears her remix album, “Angel’s Advocate”, has been scrapped following disappointing sales of “Memoirs Of an Imperfect Angel” and a mediocre tour turnout.
• MIA – The “Paper Planes” singer has announced plans for a new album, to be released as early as June, and upcoming tour gigs this July & August in LA, NYC, London, and Oslo.
PHASERS ON STUN:
Lund Technologies has developed a ‘variable lethality rifle’ that automatically determines the range of a target and slows down the velocity of the bullet (fired with compressed air) as needed in order to reduce the likelihood of killing the target. To keep less-lethal intentions from turning into lethal actions, the ‘Lund Variable Velocity Weapons System’ is equipped with a range finder that locates the target and calculates distance; if the shooter is working in less-lethal mode, the rifle ratchets down the muzzle velocity of the round, maintaining its less-lethal status even in close quarters. (“Stop … or I’ll shoot you a little bit!”)
– “Popular Science”
BS BUZZWORDS:
New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Dow Joneser’ – Coined by broadcaster Dick Vitale, this is a basketball player whose play is inconsistent, marked by ups and downs. (“And East Kentucky A&M Tech’s Stilt Owens misses another foul shot. He’s become a real Dow Joneser at the line.”)
• ‘Lipstick Effect’ – The theory that, when economic times are tough, consumers buy less costly luxury goods. So instead of buying fur coats, women buy expensive lipstick. The idea dates back to the 1930s Depression, when industrial production halved but sales of cosmetics rose.
• ‘Thumbo’ – Blend of ‘thumb’ and ‘typo’. An error made while using the thumbs to type, particularly on a mobile device keypad. (“Sorry I sexted you by accident last night, buddy. I was sending to Samantha but I thumbo-ed the address.”)
‘ELITE’ NAMES:
Baby naming expert Pamela Redmond Satran has scoured through data of the top 1,000 baby names to find those that are ‘Elite Popular’, names chosen by the rich for the future denizens of the country club. Among the top girls’ names that meet the definition: Charlotte, Seraphina, Olivia, Maisie, and Imogen. And for boys: Finn, Oliver, Asher, Kai, and Atticus. (They better go to private school because tags like these would guarantee a slap-down in a public schoolyard.)
NET: http://bit.ly/94Rp1V
– TheDailyBeast.com
MOST POPULAR CELEBS:
Marketing Evaluations has just released its latest ‘Performer Q’ study, which asks a random sample of the public to rate the familiarity and appeal of various personalities. The resulting ‘Q Score’ ranks the stars on a combination of familiarity and likeability. That means you can score high even if you’re lesser known but people really love you. The latest top scorers …
Performer / Familiarity / Q Score
5. Clint Eastwood / 85% / 46
4. Robin Williams / 84% / 48
3. Pauley Perrette (“NCIS”) / 42% / 50
2. Morgan Freeman / 82% / 50
1. Tom Hanks / 88% / 50
Who would you pick as most familiar but least likeable?
NET: http://bit.ly/9MC6DU
– “Entertainment Weekly”
FOR THE RECORD:
• The “Plastiki”, a boat made from recycled plastic bottles, has set sail from Sausalito, California on a voyage to Australia in order to call attention to the value of recycling. The twin-hulled catamaran is rigged as a ketch, relying on wind for propulsion. No such boat has ever made an ocean passage before. It was built on the San Francisco waterfront in 2009.
NET: http://www.theplastiki.com
– “San Francisco Chronicle”
• Thomas Feely of Leeds, England has committed 110 driving violations and has, at various times, been banned from driving 59 times over the past 28 years. He usually ignores these bans and, as a result, has now been sentenced to 5 months in jail for his latest violation.
– “Daily Telegraph”
DID YOU KNOW?
• The Achilles tendon usually breaks with a loud snap. (Ouch!)
– BBC News
• This month the Internet domain extension ‘.com’ is turning 25-years-old. (You’re older than you think.)
– CNET.com
• The median age in Canada is now 41. In 1967 it was 21. (Our new national symbol is the geezer.)
– “Globe & Mail”
BS CHRONOMETER 03.24.10
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1936 [74] David Suzuki, Vancouver BC, scientist/environmentalist/broadcaster (“The Nature of Things” on CBC-TV since 1979)/author of 43 books/founder & chair of the charitable David Suzuki Foundation/Order of Canada (1976)
1951 [59] Tommy Hilfiger, Elmira NY, fashion designer (‘Tommy Girl’) who’s name on anything jacks the price about 200%
1970 [40] Lara Flynn Boyle, Davenport IA, TV actress (“Las Vegas” 2005-07, “The Practice” 1997-2003)/movie actress (“Men in Black II”)
1974 [36] Alyson Hannigan, Washington DC, TV actress (‘Lily Aldrin’ on “How I Met Your Mother” since 2005, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” 1997-2003)/movie actress (“American Pie” series)
1973 [37] Jim Parsons, Houston TX, TV actor (‘Sheldon Cooper’ on “The Big Bang Theory” since 2007)
1974 [36] Chad Butler, Amsterdam, Netherlands, rock drummer (Switchfoot-“Mess of Me”, “Meant to Live”)
1976 [34] Peyton Manning, New Orleans LA, NFL QB (2007 Super Bowl MVP-Indianapolis Colts)
1980 [30] Benj Gershman, Rockville MD, alt-rock bassist (OAR-“Shattered [Turn the Car Around]”)
1984 [26] Chris Bosh, Dallas TX, NBA player (Toronto Raptors)/5-time NBA All-Star
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Chocolate Covered Raisins Day” … but not the kind you find in your kid’s bunny cage.
• “Inspect Your Cat’s Tongue Day”. You know you’ve always wanted to see what makes your cat’s tongue feel like sandpaper … today’s the day to find out!
• “Kick Butts Day”, part of the Campaign for Tobacco-Free Kids, a day of activism when young people are encouraged to take action against tobacco use at various special events worldwide.
NET: http://kickbuttsday.org
• “World Tuberculosis Day”, to build public awareness that tuberculosis remains an epidemic in much of the world, causing the deaths of about 1.6 million people each year, mostly in the Third World.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2002 [08] Halle Berry (“Monster’s Ball”) & Denzel Washington (“Training Day”) take home the top acting Oscars at the Academy Awards
2005 [05] Actress Sandra Bullock gets a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1930 [80] The recently discovered 9th planet is given the name ‘Pluto’ (in 2006, it is demoted from full planet status to the new designation ‘dwarf planet’)
1975 [35] The ‘Beaver’ becomes an official Canadian symbol
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1936 [74] ‘Longest NHL Game Ever Played’ as the Detroit @ Montréal Maroons Stanley Cup Playoff semi-final match finally ends when Red Wings’ Mud Bruneteau scores the game’s only goal in the 6th overtime period after 176 minutes, 30 seconds of play (by then it’s ‘Hockey Morning in Canada’)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Letting Go of Stuff Day
[Thurs] Pecan Day
[Fri] “How to Train Your Dragon”; “Hot Tub Time Machine” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Legal Assistants Day
[Fri] Make Up Your Own Holiday Day
[Sat] Earth Hour
[Sat] 23rd Kids’ Choice Awards (Nickelodeon)
This Week Is … Bubble Blowers Week
This Month Is … Cheerleading Safety Month
BULL’S BITS
YOU KNOW IT’S TIME TO DIET WHEN …
• You dance and it makes the band skip.
• You are diagnosed with flesh-eating disease, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live.
• You put mayonnaise on aspirin.
• You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts.
• Your driver’s license says, “Picture continued on other side.”
• You run away and they have to use all 4 sides of the milk carton for your picture.
• You learn you were born with a silver shovel in your mouth.
• Your blood type is Ragu.
BS PHONE STARTER:
Swimming with dolphins may be sold as a life-affirming experience, but research shows that it can be traumatic for the animals. So is it time to stop?
BS BAR SPEAK:
“What bar patrons say” = What it actually means …
• “I’ll get this one, next one is on you.” = Happy Hour is about to end.
• “You get this one, next round is on me.” = We won’t be here long enough to get another round.
• “I don’t feel well, let’s go home.” (female) = You’re paying more attention to your friends than me.
• “I don’t feel well, lets go home.” (male) = I’m horny.
• “What do you have on tap?” = What’s cheap?
• “I’ve had like 10 beers already.” = I’ve only had 3 but I need an excuse to behave this way.
• “Excuse Me.” (male to male) = Get the hell out of the way.
• “Excuse Me.” (male to female) = I am going to grope you now.
• “Excuse Me.” (female to male) = Don’t even think about groping me, just get the hell out of the way.
• “Excuse Me.” (female to female) = Move your fat butt. Who do you think you are anyway?
• “I don’t have my ID on me.” (female) = I’m only 18.
• “I don’t have my ID on me.” (male) = I’m 45 but the 22-year-old girl I brought thinks I’m 30.
– Adapted from OurFunnyLists.com
BS RANDOM JOKE:
Doctors tell us that 53% of us are now overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.
BS AD SLOGAN QUIZ:
We tell you the slogan, you tell us the advertiser …
• “Nothing Sucks like [Electrolux]”
• “The Champagne of Beer” [Miller High Life]
• “It’s Waaaay Better Than Fast Food, It’s [Wendy’s]”
• “Size Does Matter” [Mini Cooper]
• “Dieting Doesn’t Work, [Weight Watchers] Does”
– Thanks to Jill Harness
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: During an average woman’s lifetime she will spend over $50,000 on THIS. Answer to Give Out Next Show: Haircare products.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.
