Friday, March 25, 2011        Edition: #4470
If the Sheet Fits, Buy It!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
“Us Weekly” reports Oscar-winning actress Reese Witherspoon (“Walk the Line”) will wed her agent-fiancé Jim Toth at sunset Saturday on her ranch in Ojai CA (seeing as he lined up the box office bomb “How Do You Know”, the wedding may be off!) . . . Lindsay Lohan hit up no less than 7 nightclubs in just 4 days after flying in to NYC this week (wow, she’s really taking this ‘mature homebody’ thing seriously!) . . . Actress Elizabeth Berkley, famed for the horrifically bad 1995 movie “Showgirls”, is writing a book for teenage girls on – self-esteem (no BS!) . . . Actress Sandra Bullock is said to be comforting Renée Zellweger after her split from actor Bradley Cooper (the ‘Bitter Girls Club’) . . . Apple CEO Steve Jobs has been ordered to testify in an antitrust case involving Apple blocking competitor’s songs from playing on iPods (this will get to court in about 2089) . . . HBO’s upcoming TV movie “Game Change”, about John McCain’s 2008 US presidential campaign, will star Ed Harris and Julianne Moore, who will portray controversial running mate Sarah Palin (what, not Tina Fey?) . . . 64-year-old actor Sylvester Stallone is set to front Sly Inc, his own men’s ‘lifestyle brand’ that will market everything from jeans to fragrances (for guys who want to smell like a boxer) . . . Wonky actor Charlie Sheen’s plan to release a memoir entitled “Apocalypse Me” has hit a stumbling block as he’s axed his literary agent, reportedly because he failed to find a suitable offer from publishers (proving the time’s almost up on Sheen’s fame for being flaky) . . . 30-year-old movie actor Jake Gyllenhaal says he wants to direct (don’t they all?) . . . According to a new book by former “Variety” editor Peter Bart, the explicit love scene in the 1973 film “Don’t Look Now” starring Donald Sutherland (now 75) & Julie Christie (now 69) was the real deal (ick, thanks for that mental picture!) . . . And Dorothy Young, the last surviving stage assistant of famed magician Harry Houdini, has died at the age of 103 (her top half will be buried in New Jersey, the bottom half …).

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Today Duran Duran (“All You Need Is Now”).
• “Gayle King” (OWN) – Today Taboo (Black Eyed Peas).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Tonight Bahamas (“Pink Strat”).
• “Juno Awards” (CTV) – Sunday night Drake hosts Canada’s 40th annual music awards from the Air Canada Centre in Toronto; he also leads nominations with 6. Other multiple nominees include Arcade Fire, Justin Bieber, Sarah McLachlan. Shania Twain is formally inducted into the Canadian Music Hall of Fame.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Aussie pop band Cut Copy (“Zonoscope”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Tonight Danish singer Oh Land performs her viral YouTube hit “Sun Of a Gun”.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Today Justin Bieber (“Never Say Never – The Remixes”)
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Jennifer Hudson (“I Remember Me”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Britney Spears – Sunday she performs a free show at San Francisco’s Bill Graham Civic Auditorium to promote the release of her new album “Femme Fatale”. The event will be taped for airing Tuesday on “Good Morning America” (ABC).
• Chris Brown – In an appearance on BET’s “106 & Park” show, he’s apologized for losing his temper and allegedly smashing a window backstage after a “Good Morning America” interview earlier this week. Brown says he felt ambushed, but is ashamed of the way he handled it.
• Foo Fighters – Sunday they perform a benefit concert at the Botanic Gardens in Brisbane, Australia. Proceeds go to the Disaster Relief Appeal to help ongoing clean-up efforts following the devastating floods in Queensland earlier this year.
• Lady Gaga – She’ll make her directorial debut on the video for her next single, “Judas”, with the help of her creative director Laurieann Gibson. (Who’ll no doubt do all the heavy lifting.)
• Motley Crue – Screenwriter Rich Wilkes, who’s penning the script for the movie adaptation of their memoir “The Dirt”, has a wish-list of who he’d like in the cast: Ashton Kutcher or Russell Brand as Tommy Lee, Sam Rockwell as Mick Mars, and Jared Leto to play Vince Neil.
• The Who – 65-year-old guitarist Pete Townshend tells music publication “Uncut” he wishes he’d never joined the band because he would have been a brilliant solo artist and ‘less physically damaged today’. (OK, give back the $500 mill then.)

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Diary Of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules” ( PG Comedy ): The sequel to last year’s hit, which surprised everyone but the 28 million people who’ve bought Jeff Kinney’s books. Back in middle school after summer vacation, ‘Greg’ and his older brother ‘Rodrick’ try to deal with their parents’ misguided attempts to have them bond. Stars Zachary Gordon, Devon Bostick.
NET: http://www.diaryofawimpykidmovie.com
• “Sucker Punch” ( PG-13 Fantasy ): 22-year-old Aussie actress Emily Browning plays a teen institutionalized by her wicked stepfather who creates a dream world that helps her cope with her harsh reality. Co-stars Abbie Cornish, Jena Malone, Vanessa Hudgens, and “Mad Men” star Jon Hamm, whose love scene with Browning was axed to get the PG-13. Shot in Vancouver.
NET: http://suckerpunchmovie.warnerbros.com

WHAT, ME WORRY?
Ever heard of ‘GHOSTS’ … ‘Grey-Haired, Overstressed Twenty-Somethings’? They’re a new phenomenon among women, according to British research. In the past, most women didn’t spotted their first grey hair until their late 30s or early 40s. But nowadays, 32% of women say they already started to go grey under the age of 30, and most of them blame it on stress. Just 20 years ago, that figure was only 18%. Perhaps not surprisingly, the new study was funded by a hair-care brand. (Whose fear-mongering facts have likely caused even more grey hairs.)
– DailyMail.co.uk

BS LAW & DISORDER:
• A 92-year-old St Petersburg, Florida woman as been charged with firing a semi-automatic weapon 4 times at her 53-year-old neighbor’s house. Seems she wanted a kiss … he refused.
– Thomson Reuters
• A 28-year-old Bucharest, Romania TV star who was caught driving without a license says it was an emergency … she had terrible pains in her new breast implants.
– Orange.co.uk
• Police in Grand Rapids, Michigan have busted a man on polygamy charges after his first wife noticed he had ‘defriended’ her on Facebook … and posted photos of his 2nd marriage.
– AOL News
• A Los Flores, California student charged with breaking into his high school and hacking its computer to boost his grades admits that he watched “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” … 5,405 times.
– NYPost.com
• A bank robber who hid in a Copenhagen, Denmark bank-vault for 3 days has been charged with stealing $500K after his DNA was matched up with … the bottles of urine he left behind.
– CBSNews.com

HYPOCRITICALLY HOLIER-THAN-THOU:
In surveys, most Americans claim to belong to a religion, and about 40% claim they attend some form of worship service nearly every week. However, studies of how people actually use their time have found that the actual attendance rate is lower by 10-to-20 percentage points. A new analysis suggests that Canadians tend to exaggerate almost as much, but Europeans exaggerate far less. (See you in church … wink.)
– “Boston Globe”

THE BOLD & THE BOASTFUL:
According to an ABC News survey, 28% of single men say they’ve participated in a ‘threesome’ at least once, compared to 14% of all adults who make the same claim. 30% of single men over the age of 30 admit they’ve paid for sex. In the same poll, 57% of respondents say they’ve had sex outdoors or in a public place. 5% of male respondents claim to have had ‘99 or more’ sexual partners. (Liar, liar pants on fire.)
– AskMen.com

FRIEND OR FOE?
How picky are you about friend requests on Facebook? A new Harris Interactive survey shows that 1-in-5 male social network users admits they’ll accept ANY friend request that comes from a woman … even if she’s a complete stranger. Not surprisingly, females are considerably less promiscuous in their ‘friending’; just 1-in-13 will accept advances from random male strangers. The poll suggests that an awful lot of social network users seem to have no problem giving strangers total access to the intimate details of their lives. (And you wonder how you became a victim of identity theft.)
– MSNBC

DID YOU KNOW?
• Chicago psychologist Kate Wachs, author of “Relationships for Dummies”, says most people never meet their soul-mate online. Why? It’s exhausting and people burn out really fast.
– “Wall Street Journal”
• Movie theater chain Regal Entertainment Group sells a bucket of popcorn for about $6. It’s cost on that bucket of popcorn is about 15-to-20 cents. That’s a 3,000% mark up!
– “Los Angeles Times”

BS CHRONOMETER 03.25.11

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1942 [69] Aretha Franklin, Memphis TN, ‘Queen of Soul’ with 20 Grammy Awards (“Respect”, “Chain of Fools”)/first woman in Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame (1987)

1947 [64] Elton John (Sir Reginald Dwight), Pinner UK, pop singer (“Candle In the Wind”, “Your Song”) who’s sold over 250 million albums & 100 million singles/Songwriters Hall of Fame (1992)/Hollywood Walk of Fame (1975)/6 Grammy Awards/1 Academy Award/1 Tony Award

1962 [49] Marcia Cross, Marlborough MA, TV actress (‘Bree Van De Kamp’ on “Desperate Housewives” since 2004)

1965 [46] Sarah Jessica Parker, Nelsonville OH, movie actress (“Sex & The City: The Movie”)/TV actress (“Sex & The City” 1998-2004)/wed to actor Matthew Broderick (1997)

1982 [29] Danica Patrick, Beloit WI, auto racing driver (“Indianapolis 500” & IndyCar Series ‘Rookie Of the Year’ 2005)/1st woman to win an Indy car race (2008 Indy Japan 300)

SATURDAY –
TV/movie actor Leonard Nimoy (“Star Trek”) is 80; Oldies singer Diana Ross (Supremes) is 67; “American Idol” judge Steven Tyler (Aerosmith) is 63; Comedian/actor Martin Short (“Father Of the Bride”) is 61; Country singer Kenny Chesney (“Somewhere With You”) is 43; Movie actress Keira Knightley (“Pirates Of the Caribbean”) is 26.

SUNDAY –
Movie director Quentin Tarantino (“Inglourious Basterds”) is 48; Rock bassist Johnny April (Staind) is 46; TV actress Pauley Perrette (“NCIS”) is 42; Pop singer Mariah Carey (“We Belong Together”) is 41; Pop singer Fergie (Black Eyed Peas) is 36.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Greek Independence Day”, the anniversary of the country’s proclamation of independence in 1821. Opa!
• “International Day of Remembrance Of the Victims of Slavery & The Transatlantic Slave Trade”. Okay it’s a worthwhile effort and all … but wearing the button will give you a hernia!
• “International Waffle Day”, a holiday that originated in Sweden to coincide with the Christian “Feast Of the Annunciation”. It was also considered the start of Spring so it became a custom for Swedish families to celebrate the 2 events by making waffles on this day.
• “Pecan Day”, an annual salute to the only nut tree native to North America. The word comes from Algonquian language, meaning a nut requiring a stone to crack. The proper pronunciation is ‘peh-CAHN’ not ‘PEE-can’.
• “Tolkien Reading Day”, an annual event launched by the Tolkien Society in 2003 with the aim of encouraging the reading of the works of JRR Tolkien. The date of March 25th was chosen in honour of the fall of ‘Sauron’ in “The Lord Of the Rings”.

SATURDAY –
• “Earth Hour 2011”, a global effort initiated by the World Wide Fund for Nature to raise awareness of the need to reduce energy consumption. Hundreds of millions around-the-world are expected to show their support by turning off their lights for 1 hour at 8.30 pm local time. The event began 4 years ago when an estimated 2.2 million Australians in Sydney participated.
NET: http://www.earthhour.org
• “Legal Assistants Day”, honoring all those who help lawyers with their briefs.
• “Make Up Your Own Holiday Day”. What ingredients make for a good holiday? Special foods? Parades? Costumes? Fireworks? Religious obligations? A day off from the sweatbox?

SUNDAY –
• “National Joe Day”, when people who hate their names are to be called ‘Joe’. Ask listeners for the most horrific given names they’ve come across.
• “Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day”. The ‘Do-It-Yourself Country Song Generator’ will help you create a hit in just moments …
NET: http://baetzler.de/cgi-bin/country.pl
• “Viagra Day”, celebrating the anniversary of the FDA’s approval for the drug to be marketed as a treatment for male dysfunction in 1998. Are you up for this?

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1991 [20] Michael Jackson escorts Madonna to the Academy Awards

2002 [09] “The Bachelor” premieres on ABC-TV (paving the way for “The Bachelorette”, “Joe Millionaire”, “Average Joe”, “My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé”, etc)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2006 [05] Veteran country singer/TV personality Buck Owens dies at age 76

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1934 [77] 1st ‘Masters’ golf tournament wraps up in Augusta GA

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] Weed Appreciation Day
[Mon] Something On a Stick Day
[Tues] Mom & Pop Business Owners Day
[Tues] Smoke & Mirrors Day
[Wed] Doctors Day
[Wed] Take A Walk In the Park Day
This Week Is … RV Lifestyle Week
This Month Is … Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS

This month is officially “Caffeine Awareness Month”, so as a public service we offer …
BS SIGNS YOU’RE ADDICTED TO CAFFEINE:
• When a Tim Hortons commercial comes on, you actually lick the TV screen.
• You walk 73 miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.
• Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
• You have a picture of your coffee mug … on your coffee mug.
• You answer the door before people knock.
• You chew other people’s fingernails.
• You grind your own coffee beans … in your mouth.
• Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
• You can keyboard 60-words-a-minute … with your feet.
• You don’t sweat, you percolate.

PHONE STARTER:
‘Marathon Viewing’ has become a popular diversion. What complete TV series have you spent an entire weekend watching via download or DVD? How many hours did you watch?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
They call it ‘payday’ because it’s when all the people you owe money to get paid.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: When it comes to relaxing, 9-out-of-10 people surveyed say they’d pick THIS over a warm bath.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Shredding paper.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The only short meetings are when no one shows up.