Monday March 6, 2017 – Edition: #5925

Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ From “Family Feud” to “Match Game” to “The $100,000 Pyramid”, game shows are making a comeback on primetime TV. And there are more in the wings: ABC-TV is rebooting “Battle of the Network Stars” (1976-85), the competition show that pits stars from the major networks against each other in physical events like tug of war and football. And believe it or not, a revival of the infamous “Gong Show” (1976-80) is expected to premiere this Summer.
– “New York Daily News”
★ Would you do this for a co-worker? The stars of “Big Bang Theory” (CBS) have agreed to take a pay-cut in order to raise the salaries of castmates Mayim Bialik and Melissa Rauch. They’ve previously been considered supporting players and therefore not been paid on par with stars Kaley Cuoco, Johnny Galecki, Jim Parsons, Kunal Nayyar, and Simon Helberg who each make $1 million an episode. Rauch and Bialik bank about $200,000. That’s about to jump to $450,000.
– “National Post”
★ YouTube has announced its new cable-style streaming TV service, known simply as YouTube TV, to considerable fanfare. For some cord-cutters, it might seem like a pretty great deal at $35-a-month. It has 40 or so channels and on top of that you get the YouTube Red service and Google Play Music. However, there’s nothing from Viacom (BET, CMT, MTV) or Time Warner (CNN, Discovery, TBS, TNT). In addition to those holes, the YouTube TV service is only available in markets where its existing cable partners have affiliates.
– “Fortune”

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Sinkane (“Life and Livin’ It”).
• “Daily Show” (Comedy Central) – Jennifer Lopez (“Shades of Blue”).
• “Ellen” (syndicated/CTV2) – Country couple Tim McGraw & Faith Hill (“Keep Your Eyes on Me”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – A rerun of ‘Mash-up Monday’ features Lady AnteBell Biv DeVoe (a mash-up of Lady Antebellum and Bell Biv DeVoe).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – DJ Shadow (“The Mountain Will Fall”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/CTV) – New Kids On the Block (“10”).
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Jidenna (“The Chief”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Alicia Keys (“The Voice”), John Mellencamp (“Sad Clowns & Hillbillies”, out April 28th). Rerun.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Andy Grammar (“Fresh Eyes”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – The blind auditions continue as the coaches vie to discover and coach the best vocalists.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aretha Franklin – Tonight a bevy of artists are paying tribute to “The Music of Aretha Franklin” at NYC’s Carnegie Hall. Performers include Ann Wilson (Heart), Cee Lo Green, Kenny Loggins, Melissa Etheridge, Sam Moore, and Todd Rundgren.
• Backstreet Boys – Nick Carter likes to check into hotels as ‘Max E Pad’.
• Brad Paisley – “Today” is the first single off his next album, “Love & War”, due out April 21st.
• Céline Dion – She’s lined up to be the mentor for Gwen Stefani’s team on “The Voice” (NBC) this season.
• Elton John – He’s accusing radio of being ‘ageist’ for not playing his tunes … his new tunes, that is. The English rocker, who turns 70 next month, hasn’t seen his new material played extensively on North American radio since “Songs From the West Coast” 15 years ago.
• Jennifer Lopez – It’s no secret J-Lo loves to show off some skin onstage, but the 47-year-old’s 9-year-old son Max recently asked her: “Mommy, why don’t you wear pants in your show? You should wear pants more.”
• Kygo – “It Ain’t Me” has marked the 10th biggest-ever jump on the ‘Billboard Hot 100′ chart, from #93 to #12. Biggest ever? Kelly Clarkson’s “My Life Would Suck Without You”, from #97 to #1 in 2009.
• Lorde – Her new album “Melodrama” does not have a release date as yet but is slated to arrive sometime this Summer.
• Luke Bryan – While in NYC last week he had a chance to meet his new wax figure at Madame Tussauds’ Times Square museum. Seated on a road case and holding a guitar, the replica rocks Bryan’s signature grin, painted on jeans, and a tight V-neck T-shirt.

WAIST MANAGEMENT:
Are you going to buy into this? Fashion designers are pushing the ‘casual corset’ as a Spring trend. That’s right, a return of the 19th-century lace-up lingerie designed to help create an hourglass figure. But the new style is to wear the corset as outerwear, over top. It’s all thanks to Miuccia Prada, who put her take on the lace-up under-piece very much at the forefront of her new collection which showed in Milan, Italy last February. The Italian designer has layered corsets over everything from Hawaiian shirts to dresses and coats, making it the standout styling trick from her show. And where Prada goes, everyone else seems to follow. (What next, the return of the bustle?)
NET: http://tinyurl.com/glovp3v
– “Elle UK”

THE NEW PREJUDICE:
Even total strangers can have strong negative reactions to couples … who don’t have kids. Some even feel “moral outrage”. After polling hundreds of young adults a new study finds that not having children is seen not only as atypical, or surprising, but also as morally wrong. Respondents also tend to believe that voluntarily childless people are less likely to feel fulfilled. Ironically, these perceptions have absolutely no basis in reality. In fact, previous research suggests that non-parent couples are more satisfied with their marriages, and that dissatisfaction actually increases with the more kids a couple has. But the stigma against childless couples may be affecting those couples’ lives, including work and healthcare. (You poor people, you’re missing paying through the nose for daycare.)
– “Live Science”

WOMEN ARE TURNED ON BY SWEATING & FROWNING:
An aggregation of scientific studies has debunked all those overly sanitized and rosy images of men’s sexuality we often see on the bigscreen. It turns out, the research suggests, that more women find it hottest when men sweat and don’t smile. In fact, women seem more naturally attracted to the expressions seen on men who possess what’s called the ‘Dark Triad’ traits: narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. It may sound bizarre, but ladies love a bad boy, not smiling toadies. A separate study has found that women become sexually aroused when they smell male sweat, indicated by an acceleration of heartbeat. (Tough luck, clean guys who smile!)
–”Maxim”

THROWBACK GADGETS ARE HOT:
It seems the future of tech could be nostalgia. At last week’s Mobile World Congress 2017 in Barcelona, Spain recycled vintage gadgets eclipsed major launches of new technology. Among them: a new version of the Nokia 3310, an iconic basic phone that consumers stopped buying a long time ago because it went out-of-date. The updated version has a fresh look and an improved feature set, but hasn’t strayed too far from the original. It allows for phone calls, text messaging, a bit of gaming, and that’s about it. One of the reasons past tech may have some appeal is that many smartphone users are becoming exhausted trying to keep up with their social network obligations. (Did you keep your old flip-phone? Trendy. Just ask Anna Wintour, Kate Beckinsale, or Scarlett Johansson.)
– “The Independent”

BS AMAZING FACT:
Norwegian broadcaster NRK is experimenting with their new website’s comment section. You can only leave a comment after you pass a test to prove you actually read the piece you’re commenting on. (Brilliant! Even better … get rid of comments completely.)
– PopBitch.com

BS CHRONOMETER 03.06.17

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [70] Rob Reiner, The Bronx NY, movie producer-director (“The Bucket List”, “This Is Spinal Tap”)

1967 [50] Connie Britton, Boston MA, TV actress-producer (‘Rayna Jaymes’ on “Nashville” since 2012).

1984 [33] Chris Tomson, NYC, indie rock drummer (Vampire Weekend-“Unbelievers”, “A-Punk”)

1991 [26] Tyler, the Creator (Tyler Gregory Okonma), LA CA, rapper (“Yonkers”)/producer (Mac Miller-“Watching Movies With the Sound Off”, Frank Ocean-“Channel Orange”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Day Of the Dude”, promoting the philosophy & lifestyle inspired by fictional character ‘Jeffrey “The Dude” Lebowski’, as portrayed by Jeff Bridges in the Coen Bros’ 1998 film “The Big Lebowski”. Many consider ‘Dudeism’, a modern form of Chinese Taoism, as a mock religion.
NET: http://dudeism.com

• “Dentist’s Day”, honoring the professionals who help us maintain a big, toothy smile … for a big fee. The business of dentistry has an average profit margin of about 17%, higher than any other industry. Yeah, you know the drill.

• “Frozen Food Day”, commemorating the first ‘Individually Packaged Frozen Foods’, created by Clarence Birdseye in Springfield, Massachusetts 87 years ago (1930). He got the idea after seeing Canadians thawing and eating naturally frozen fish.

• “Fun Facts About Names Day”, when you’re encouraged to look up interesting tidbits about names as part of “International Celebrate Your Name Week”.
NET: http://www.namesuniverse.com

• “Headache Relief Day”, marking the patenting of ‘Aspirin’ on this date in 1899 by the Bayer Company of Germany. ‘Aspirin’ is a much easier way of asking for acetylsalicylic acid.

• “Oreo Cookie Day”, honoring the taste treat many of us deconstruct before eating. The 1st Oreos went on sale on this date in 1912. Close to 500 billion have sold since. New versions of Oreos are being released: ‘Oreo Peeps’ this Easter, with Marshmallow Peeps flavor; and coming soon – ‘Firework Oreos’, with pop rocks in the creme.

• “Southern Drawl Day”, a good excuse for y’all to talk funny like yer from America’s Deep South.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2016 [01] Former movie actress and 42nd US First Lady Nancy Reagan dies in Bel Air CA aged 94

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2013 [04] Singer-songwriter and Canadian icon Stompin’ Tom Connors dies at age 77 (his oddball songs include “Bud the Spud”, “The Hockey Song”, and “Moon-Man Newfie”)

2016 [01] Diplo and his electronic dancehall project Major Lazer become the first US musical act to perform in Havana, Cuba in the new era of diplomatic relations

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
2000 [17] With his induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame as a solo artist, Eric Clapton becomes the 1st to be so-honored 3 times (also as a member of Cream and The Yardbirds)

2014 [03] Britain’s Prince Harry initiates the ‘Invictus Games’, a sporting competition for wounded members of the military

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2007 [10] USA’s Mega Millions has the highest lottery jackpot ever … $370 million

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] RodeoHouston begins (Houston TX)
[Tues] Cereal Day
[Tues] Unique Names Day
[Wed] International Women’s Day
[Wed] General Strike: A Day Without a Woman
[Wed] “Survivor” season premiere (CBS/Global)

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Consumer Protection Week / Dental Assistants Recognition Week / Procrastination Week / Professional Pet Sitters Week / Read an E-Book Week / Return the Borrowed Books Week / Save Your Vision Week / School Social Work Week / Sleep Awareness Week / Teen Tech Week / Women in Construction Week / Women of Aviation Worldwide Week

BULL’S BITS

BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 23 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS THINGS MEN WOULD LOVE TO TELL WOMEN (IF THEY HAD THE BALLS):
• If we ask what’s wrong and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you’re lying, but it’s just not worth the hassle.
• If you think it makes you look fat, it probably does. Don’t ask.
• When we have to go somewhere, absolutely ANYTHING you wear is fine. Really.
• It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take a magazine quiz together. No, it doesn’t matter which quiz.
• Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work. Strong hints don’t work. Just SAY it!
• Let us ogle other women. We’re going to look anyway. It’s genetic.
• You can either tell us to do something or tell us how to do something … but not BOTH.
• If it itches, it will be scratched.
– First published in “BS” 2001.

BS WAYS TO UNDERSTAND UNITS OF MEASUREMENT:
✓ Teaspoon … An unsatisfying bite of ice cream.
✓ Tablespoon … Brain freeze.
✓ Mile … The maximum distance gym teachers can force out-of-shape teens to run without being charged with reckless endangerment.
✓ 100 yards … The distance a jock thinks he can throw a Nerf football.
✓ Foot … The average length by which you miss an elevator.
✓ Inch … Three smartphones stacked on top of each other.
✓ Minute … The amount of time you must listen to your cellphone ring before it goes to voicemail if you don’t want the caller to know you’re avoiding their call.
✓ Hour … The length of time you incorrectly believe it will take to run a few errands while using metered parking.
✓ Decade … The time it takes for a popular song to become an ironic reference.
✓ Dollar … The gratitude you’re expected to show a bartender for opening a beer bottle.
– First published in “BS” 2014.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Contrary to popular belief, tattoos are NOT permanent. They usually rot away a few weeks after you die.

BS WEB GOODIE:
Want to buy ‘Grey Gardens’? It’s on sale for $20 million.
NET: http://bit.ly/2mwQVTa

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
Before he became a movie star, George Clooney had a leading role in which TV medical series?
a. “Chicago Hope”
b. “ER” [CORRECT, as ‘Dr Doug Ross’.]
c. “Grey’s Anatomy”
d. “General Hospital”
– IMdB.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ Which is better, being the boss or being an employee?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: More than half of people polled say THIS is their favorite activity.
Answer: Eating.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.