Friday, March 20, 2020 – Edition: #6659
Sheet for Brains!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Oprah Winfrey has not been arrested — she’s in self-quarantine like many others amid the coronavirus pandemic. Early Wednesday morning, the TV icon and OWN honcho took to Twitter where her name was trending, to slam the false internet rumor that she had been arrested for a role in a global sex trafficking ring. Oprah called it an “awful FAKE” rumor and “NOT TRUE.” She said she hadn’t “been raided, or arrested.” In fact, she just been at home “sanitizing and self distancing with the rest of the world.”
-Yahoo
★ Amanda Bynes is said to be excited with the news that she is expecting her first child with her once-again boyfriend Paul Michael, but the problem is that she will not maintain custody of her baby when it is born because of the state of her mental health. She is currently in a psychiatric facility where she will remain for at least the next 30 days. The judge in her conservatorship case has ruled she does not have the mental capacity to make decisions for herself, including living on her own, medical care, or finances. Bynes announced her pregnancy Tuesday night by posting a pic of the ultrasound, which she’s since taken down. She is reportedly about 6 weeks pregnant.
-TheBlast
★ Kathy’s Griffin’s mother Maggie Griffin, the co-star of her Bravo reality series “Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List,” died on Tuesday. She was 99. Alongside a picture of the two together, Kathy tweeted: “My Mom, the one and only, Maggie Griffin, passed away today. I am gutted. My best friend. I’m shaking…I’m so grateful you guys got to be part of her life…Oh, and OF COURSE she went on St Patrick’s Day.” Maggie Griffin appeared on “My Life on the D-List” from 2005 to 2010.
-TheWrap
★ Trevor Noah is a man of the world so he should have known better than to sing from his New York City balcony after being inspired by the videos from Italy. He tried to share some cheer with his fellow New Yorkers on Tuesday but it ended up backfiring in his face. Noah shared his funny video with his millions of fans on Instagram but apparently his neighbors are not too fond of his antics. As soon as he got through the first line of “A Whole New World,” his neighbor yelled, “Shut the (frig) up!”
-PinkVilla
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Ben Affleck, Justina Machado, Victoria Monét (R)
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): BTS (R)
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Will Ferrell (R)
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Nicolle Wallace, Keke Palmer, Daymond John, Steve Ferrone (R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Justin Bieber, Lucy Hale, Scott Bakula, Wajatta (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Day of Hot Topics
• “The Talk” (CBS): Andy Grammer, guest co-host Brigitte Nielsen (R)
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Tyler Perry, Scarlett Johansson, Olivia Rodrigo
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Chris Pratt (R)
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Eric McCormack, Liza Koshy
• “The Blacklist” (NBC): Return of season 7
SATURDAY-
• “In the Key of Love” (HALLMARK): A woman abandons her promising singing career to run her grandmother’s wedding photography business. Just as she’s beginning to forget about her former life, her ex-boyfriend walks back into the picture.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC): Host JJ Watt, with musical guest Luke Combs
SUNDAY-
• “2020 Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards” (NICKELODEON): The biggest, slimiest, surprise-iest awards show is back for the most epic night of the year. Hosted by Chance the Rapper.
• “American Idol” (ABC): Hollywood Week — Duets
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Billie Eilish – will be among the artists featured as The Grammy Museum has announced it will put unreleased Q&As and performances with musicians online for the first time to provide fans with entertainment in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic. Also included in the initial rollout will be: Greta Van Fleet, Brandi Carlile, Yola, Bob Newhart, Kool and the Gang, X Ambassadors and more.
• Katy Perry — has emerged victorious in the copyright infringement case over her 2013 hit ‘Dark Horse’. A judge overruled a decision by a jury that Perry and others had plagiarized part of a Christian rap song by Marcus Gray called ‘Joyful Noise’. The judge said that that the eight-note musical phrase was not original enough to be protected under copyright law.
• Harry Styles – a racy photo of him caused “Beauty Papers” magazine’s website to crash. The mag teased the black-and-white snap of a topless Harry wearing only a pair of fishnet tights and Gucci loafers on Monday, prompting fans to race online, creating a system failure.
• Eurovision – The annual song contest, one of the world’s largest television events, will not take place this year due to the coronavirus outbreak. The contest has been held annually since 1956, and was expected to draw up to 200 million viewers and a live audience of tens of thousands for the final on May 16 from Rotterdam, Netherlands.
• U2 — frontman Bono has written a new song and dedicated it to those who are helping the people affected by the coronavirus outbreak. He uploaded a video of him singing it to U2’s Facebook page, where he called it “A little tune, made up here about an hour ago. I think it’s called ‘Let Your Love Be Known.’” He asked fans to “Let me know what you think.”
• The Who — have announced rescheduled dates for their postponed March UK and Ireland tour. The new run kicks off on March 5, 2021 at Dublin’s 3Arena and wraps at Manchester Arena on March 29. Pete Townshend said in a statement that these shows ”May be the last time we do a tour of this type, so keep those tickets, as the shows will be fantastic.”
• ZZ Top – have postponed their Las Vegas residency scheduled for March 20-28 as a result of the coronavirus pandemic. In a statement, the band said: “We will make a return engagement at the Venetian with specific dates to be announced soon. Thank you for understanding and look forward to seeing you all in Vegas soon!”
• Luke Combs – Believes that the show must go on, even with the coronavirus pandemic. He did a show from his garage, performing 20 minutes worth of music for his fans, which he later shared on social media.
• Brett Young — isn’t taking any risks after returning home from Europe last week. He is currently quarantined on his tour bus until he can be sure he isn’t infected with the coronavirus (COVID-19). He told an interviewer via phone that he didn’t even touch or kiss his wife or his 5-month-old baby girl after getting off the plane, and his “luggage is still sitting unpacked in our garage.”
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
***Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, and the fact that most theatres are closed, all major movie releases have been put on hold. Stay home and binge-watch something!*** Like this:
HAPPIEST PLACE ON THE WEB:
While Mickey Mouse and Goofy might be taking some time off during the COVID-19 outbreak as Disney World and Disneyland are closed for at least a few weeks, your kids can still experience some of that magic while cooped up at home. With a quick visit to YouTube, they can be momentarily transported to the Magic Kingdom. There are tons of ride-through videos on the site from park-goers who have documented themselves enjoying attractions like ‘Space Mountain’ and ‘Slinky Dog Dash’. And ‘It’s a Small World’. And ‘Frozen Ever After’. And ‘The Little Mermaid: Arial’s Undersea Adventure’. And ‘The Seas with Nemo & Friends’ And ‘Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin’. Uh, you get the idea.
(Great. Now I can get sick on a ride from the comfort of my own home!)
-Romper
L.E.D. BY EXAMPLE:
You have to do SOMETHING with all that spare time while you are socially-distancing, so why not spread a little cheer? A little Christmas cheer, even. Some Twitter users are calling for people to put their Christmas lights back up. Using the hashtag #LightsforLife, tweeters are pointing out how the lights serve as a sign of hope in a particularly dark time. With school and work closing, restaurants shutting down, and events being cancelled, many people are feeling the scary effects of the Coronavirus. And for parents with kids home from school indefinitely, perhaps there is a special need to give the young ones (and their parents) something exciting to focus their thoughts on.
(Or there is a special need to come up with something that makes them feel pressure to behave!)
(And I thought I’d be using this time to take them DOWN!)
(The problem is that you can’t run out and buy that ONE MORE light string you need to make it perfect…)
-HouseBeautiful
NEWS OF THE WEIRD:
➢ An Israeli fearing a coronavirus apocalypse decided to come clean and return a 2,000-year-old catapult stone that he stole 15 years ago. The guilt-ridden citizen used another man as a go-between to deliver the bowling ball-sized projectile to the City of David National Park, with the words: “The time has come to clear my conscience. It feels that the end of the world is near.” It is believed that the ballista stone, which the man took from a fortification as a youth, is connected to the harsh battles between the besieged residents of Jerusalem and the soldiers of the Roman Legion, from around 70 CE. (All those concerts are being cancelled, and THIS guy doesn’t wanna rock!)
➢ A woman has been dubbed the ‘Queen of Toilet Paper’ after an online ordering blunder caused 48 boxes of the stuff to be delivered to her home. Australian Haidee Janetzki has no reason to fear the coronavirus-fuelled TP shortage, with enough to last her family approximately 12 years. When placing her order on the toilet paper website “Who Gives A Crap” (seriously), she misunderstood the word ‘quantity’, and wound up ordering 48 boxes of 48 rolls, rather than simply 48 rolls. That’s a total of 2306 dunny rolls, as they call it there. She realized the mistake when she saw that she had been billed $3260 Australian dollars, plus $400 for shipping. (So THAT’S where it all is!)
-NYPost, NewsHub
DID YOU KNOW?
This social-distancing thing might need to go on for 18 months, according to a report. The report, released by London’s Imperial College, found that the most effective strategy to fight off the pandemic is to require the entire U.K. population practice social distancing, along with self-isolation by infected cases. According to the report, measures taken to suppress the virus will have to be maintained until a vaccine for coronavirus becomes widely available, which is possibly 18 months away. (**Quickly Googles “How to make toilet paper”**)
-Forbes
BS CHRONOMETER 03.20.20
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1948 [72] Bobby Orr, Parry Sound, ON, retired pro hockey player (Legendary Boston Bruins defenceman who revolutionized the position, 2-time scoring champ/2-time Stanley Cup winner)/Hockey Hall of Fame 1979/now runs a player agency firm
1950 [70] William Hurt, Washington DC, movie actor (“Captain America: Civil War”, “Kiss Of the Spiderwoman”)/TV actor (“Too Big to Fail”, “Damages”)
1957 [63] Spike (Shelton) Lee, Atlanta GA, movie director (“BlacKkKlansman”, “Malcolm X”)/movie producer (“Kobe Doin’ Work”)/movie actor (“Do the Right Thing”)
1958 [62] Holly Hunter, Conyers GA, movie actress (“The Incredibles”, “The Piano”)
1963 [57] Kathleen Marie “Kathy” Ireland, Glendale CA, model/actress/author/entrepreneur (as a supermodel in the 1980s and 1990s, appeared in 13 consecutive Sports Illustrated swimsuit issues)
1970 [50] Michael Rapaport, New York City NY, TV actor (“Boston Public”, “The War at Home”)
1986 [34] Ruby Rose, Melbourne, Australia, TV actress (“Batwoman” since 2019)/movie actress (“John Wick: Chapter 2”, “Pitch Perfect 3”)/fashion model
SATURDAY- Timothy Dalton (“Licence to Kill”) is 76; Gary Oldman (“Darkest Hour”) is 62; Matthew Broderick (“Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”) is 58; Rosie O’Donnell (“Rosie O’Donnell Show”) is 58; Deryck Whibley (Sum 41) is 40; Scott Eastwood (“Suicide Squad”) is 34; Forrest Wheeler (“Fresh Off the Boat”) is 16
SUNDAY- William Shatner (“Star Trek”) is 89; Andrew Lloyd Webber (“Phantom Of the Opera”) is 72; News anchor Wolf Blitzer is 72; Sports anchor Bob Costas is 68; Keegan-Michael Key (“Key and Peele”) is 49; Retired figure skater Elvis Stojko is 48; Reese Witherspoon (“Legally Blonde”) is 44; Constance Wu (“Fresh Off the Boat”) is 38
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Atheist Pride Day”, an unofficial salute to non-believers. Many mark the occasion by changing their Facebook profile picture to a stylized capital ‘A’. Green is the chosen color for the day, standing for ‘natural’ as opposed to ‘supernatural’.
• “Extraterrestrial Abductions Day”, honoring all those who claim they’ve been abducted by aliens. (Hey, I’m as fascinated with alien abductions as the next guy, but let’s not get carried away!)
• “International Day of Happiness”, adopted in 2012 by the UN in acknowledgment that the pursuit of happiness is a fundamental human goal.
HAPPIEST COUNTRIES IN THE WORLD, 2020 (According to the World Happiness Report):
1. Finland
2. Denmark
3. Norway
4. Iceland
5. Netherlands
• “World Storytelling Day”, a global celebration of the art of oral storytelling.
• “Won’t You Be My Neighbor Day”, a day to remember and honor Fred Rogers, the iconic children’s TV presenter of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood.
SATURDAY-
• “Fragrance Day” and “Flower Day”, Always close to the start of Spring. Smell a flower or wear a favorite scent.
• “Common Courtesy Day” … if you please. Thanks for your adherence!
• “Single Parents Day”, saluting those dedicated folks who single-handedly do the work of two in raising and providing for their families.
• “Teenagers Day”, a day to quit picking on them for their awkwardness and angst, and admit that they aren’t so bad after all. So tell them how special they are … and they’ll grunt at you.
• “Memory Day”, but we can’t remember why.
• “World Poetry Day”, a good day to sample some ‘modern poetry’ by reading the inane lyrics to a hit song over a mushy violin background track. Find lots of dumb lyrics here …
NET: http://www.lyrics.com
• Maple Syrup Saturday”, Sorry, but good luck finding a sugar shack that’s open this year.
SUNDAY-
• “As Young As You Feel Day”, a day to quit wallowing in worry about your chronological age and start feeling peppy. (“Peppy”? What are you, 100?)
• “International Goof-Off Day”, a day to relax, be yourself, and generally just goof off. In other words … a regular day.
• “Sing-Out Day”, a day to let fly with a special tune to let someone know how you feel.
• “World Water Day”, a UN observance since 1992 emphasizing the worldwide necessity of potable drinking water and proper wastewater treatment.
• “Bavarian Crepes Day”, crepes are a delicious, very thin pancake-like dessert, typically made from wheat flour or buckwheat flour, then filled, rolled and then often topped with a glaze, fruit, chocolate or whipped cream.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2015 [05] FOX-TV airs the series finalé of the musical show “Glee”, an episode entitled ‘Dreams Come True’
2017 [03] Rihanna begins her stint as Marion Crane on “Bates Motel”, a role originated by Janet Leigh as the infamous shower-stabbing victim in the Alfred Hitchcock thriller “Psycho”.
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1991 [29] 1991 Eric Clapton’s 4-year-old son, Conor, dies after falling out of a window at his mother’s apartment. Clapton later writes ‘Tears In Heaven’ about his son, a song which won 3 Grammys
2003 [17] Bruce Springsteen opens his Melbourne, Australia gig with an acoustic version of ‘Born In the USA’ followed by Edwin Starr’s ‘War’ as the US begins military operations in Iraq, with help from Australia, Poland, and the UK
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1917 [103] The first patent for the ‘zipper’ is granted to Gideon Sundback (Time flies!)
2009 [11] Barack Obama appears on NBC-TV’s long-running “Tonight Show”, the first sitting US president to do so
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
2012 [08] The movie “John Carter” (starring Taylor Kitsch) becomes one of the biggest losers in cinema history as Disney takes a $200 million write-down on the film
2015 [05] The equinox, a solar eclipse, and a super-Moon all occur on the same day
BULL’S BITS
BEST OF BS:
BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ There is an island in the Bahamas that’s inhabited only by swimming pigs.
✓ There’s an island in Japan you can visit that’s inhabited only by friendly bunnies.
✓ The British royal family isn’t allowed to play Monopoly.
✓ Iceland has an ‘elf whisperer’ who inspects construction sites before anything gets built to make sure no elves are hanging around.
✓ In the 19th century, experts warned women about a disease called bicycle face, which meant getting stuck with the awkward faces they made while biking.
✓ (***Caution: ‘Hell’***) “What in tarnation?” is literally just another way of saying, “What the hell?”
-Buzzfeed
BS HOW IT RAINS IN DIFFERENT LANGUAGES:
• Cats and dogs (English)
• Old ladies and sticks (Welsh)
• Like a peeing cow (French)
• As from Esteri’s butt (Finnish)
• Female trolls (Norwegian)
• Chair legs (Greek)
• Tractors (Slovakian)
• Men (hallelujah)
Best of BS . . .
BS THINGS FOUND DURING SPRING CLEANING:
What have you dug up around the house that you’d forgotten you had? Perhaps …
• A box of useful 5-and-a-quarter-inch floppy discs.
• Vintage hairballs, courtesy of ‘Fluffy’.
• That copy of “Purple Rain” you were sure your girlfriend stole when she left … in ’98.
• A valuable collection of fridge mold … 10 years in the fermenting.
• Your stockpile of microwave popcorn from Y2K.
• A complete set of ‘Power Rangers POGs’ worth over $300 … 20 years ago.
• The OTHER pink sock you thought the dryer ate.
• Or maybe just … your hatred of Spring Cleaning.
–first published in BS 2004
BS WEB GOODIE:
Social distancing: Cat-style: https://tinyurl.com/suz4myn
BS PHONE STARTER:
What crazy thing happened at work, and you were still expected to show up?
BS RANDOM JOKE:
Finally! My winter fat is gone. Now I have spring rolls.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: Sales of THESE rise by 50% in Spring. What are they?
Answer: Prepackaged salads (bathing suit season is coming…)
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning how to dance in the rain.
