Thursday, May 26, 2005        Edition: #3042
Sheet Happens!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT at its annual NYC gala at the Waldorf-Astoria, the “Museum of Television & Radio” honors Merv Griffin, former TV talk show host (1962-86) and creator of the long-running TV game shows “Jeopardy!” and “Wheel of Fortune” . . . Russian tennis babe Anna Kournikova has landed a new job as “Elle” magazine’s new fitness guru (“Step 1: Look like me”) . . . Gwyneth Paltrow says she hates watching herself in movies because she’s convinced she can’t act (what a smart cookie she is!) . . . Rosie O’Donnell hasn’t been doing many acting gigs lately, but she’ll appear on Showtime’s “Queer as Folk” for 3 episodes after calling producers to request a role (“Hey look, I’m qualified!”) . . . He keeps denying it’s going to happen but it seems “Live Aid” producer Bob Geldof will hold a press conference NEXT MONTH to reveal who will perform at what’s being called “Live 8″ in London’s Hyde Park (word is it will be opened by Paul McCartney and U2 performing the Beatles’ classic “Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”) . . . To celebrate the 20th anniversary of her show, Oprah Winfrey has given all-expense-paid vacations in Hawaii to her staffers and their families (we should all work for her!) . . . “Stuff” magazine’s investigation of celeb entourages has found that Mariah Carey employs a petite Colombian whose duties include preventing her long skirts from touching the floor; Ja Rule keeps a comedian around to tell him jokes; and Ludacris has an assistant who makes sure that his Game Boy is always loaded with fresh batteries.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Beyoncé – Her father Matthew Knowles insists he’s still her manager but “In Touch Weekly” is reporting that Jay-Z has been guiding a lot of her business decisions lately.
• Bo Bice – TONIGHT he’s on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (or Carrie Underwood if she happened to pull off an upset in “American Idol” voting LAST NIGHT).
• Britney Spears – She’s reportedly given her pet Chihuahua ‘Lucky’ to an assistant because it doesn’t like Kevin Federline and continually growled and snapped at him.
• Gavin DeGraw – THIS MORNING he’s on “Live With Regis & Kelly”.
• Madonna – Her new album to be released in JANUARY will be called “Defying Gravity” and she plans to release a single of the same name. The album is said to have a ‘rockier edge’ to it.
• Montgomery Gentry – SATURDAY they’ll perform for thousands of US troops returning from duty in Iraq in a concert aboard “USS Intrepid”, a retired aircraft carrier on the Hudson River in NYC.

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
Here’s a show biz oddity – it looks as if a sequel to the hit movie “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” is NOT going to get made as the idea has been shopped for months but found no studio takers . . . 28-year-old Michelle Monaghan (“The Bourne Supremacy”) has been confirmed as Tom Cruise’s love interest in “Mission Impossible 3″, replacing Scarlett Johansson who pulled out of the role (and hopefully ending Lindsay Lohan’s campaign for it) . . . Paramount has spent $4 million for the rights to Robert Ludlum’s thriller “The Chancellor Manuscript” as a vehicle for Leonardo DiCaprio . . . In the upcoming “Da Vinci Code” film starring Tom Hanks & Audrey Tautou, Lincoln Cathedral (in the town of Lincoln, England) will stand in for Westminster Abbey which was featured in the book – in return for a donation of circa $200,000 . . . “Sin City” actor Clive Owen will star in the upcoming sci-fi film “Children of Men”, set in a barren future in which he must protect the first pregnant woman in 20 years . . . Now that Jane Fonda is back onscreen with “Monster In Law”, producers of her 1980 comedy “9 to 5″ are hoping they can talk her into doing a sequel . . . “That ’70s Show” alum Topher Grace will join the cast of “Spider-Man 3″, but there’s no word yet on what part he’ll play . . . “Dreamz”, a comedy that will satirize American politics and show biz, will star Dennis Quaid as a US president going through a nervous breakdown and Hugh Grant as a TV personality (even though he threatens to quit acting after finishing every film) . . . And just a warning – Sylvester Stallone wants Robert Downey Jr to star in “Poe”, a movie about the life of Gothic author Edgar Allen Poe that he’s written and plans to direct.

AND JUSTICE FOR ALL:
Employees exposed to difficult or unjust circumstances may not only become sullen and unproductive, they may become physically ill. A University of Helsinki study finds that workplaces rated as having ‘low justice’ – where performance reviews are considered unfair and employee viewpoints are not heard – have 41% more sick days among men and 12% more among women.
– “Psychology Today”

HOW TO BECOME MORE LIKEABLE:
Tim Sanders, author of the new book “The Likeability Factor”, offers the folloing tips …
• Smile Back: Each day the average person gets about 17 smiles pointed in their direction but returns less than 4 of them.
• Show Interest: Listen to what others are passionate about and take a sincere interest in it.
• Keep it Real: Eliminate little white lies and tell the truth.
• Empathize: Celebrate other people’s happiness with them, whenever and wherever it happens.
– “Toronto Star”

COFFEE DRINKERS ARE SEXIER:
Research shows that coffee drinkers are more sexually active than non-drinkers, but no one’s sure if that’s because of something in the caffeine – or just because it keeps people awake!
– “Woman’s Own”

FOODS THAT SUPPRESS APPETITE:
These 5 foods control your appetite and suppress cravings – without adding calories …
1. Water or broth.
2. Green leafy vegetables, including lettuce, cabbage & bok choy.
3. Homemade instant banana pudding.
4. Pickles.
5. Apples.
– NewsTarget.com

HELL IN A CHAIR:
A Munich, Germany woman has successfully sued a dentist who got her drunk and then carried out – 14 root canal operations in 1 day! The treatments should have taken several months but the wacko toothman decided to get it all done in a single 12-hour operation. He gave his patient large glasses of cognac in between drilling, telling her it would take the pain away. For all her pain and anguish the poor woman has been awarded $7,000 compensation. (She told the judge, “Hank-hoo, yawna.”)
– Ananova

A REAL COCK UP:
THIS WEEK Sherif’s deputies closed down a section of I-75 in Fort Myers FL during afternoon rush hour to remove a suspicious package from the roadway under an overpass. A robot was used to fetch the foot-long cylinder wrapped in duct tape which authorities thought resembled a pipe bomb. The suspicious package was later found to contain – a prosthetic penis.
– NBC News

THINK YOUR RENT’S HIGH?
Here’s further proof London, England has become one of the world’s most expensive cites – a ‘store cupboard’ in the Notting Hill area is being rented out for £135 (about CDN $300) a week as a ‘tiny but trendy flat’. The 8-by-3 foot ‘apartment’ comprises a kitchenette, shower and wardrobe with a bed on a raised platform which is reached by a ladder. On the sky-high London real estate market, its value is said to be circa £100,000 (CDN $230,000).
– “The Sun”

BS AMAZING SHOW BIZ FACTS:
• In early “Star Wars” script drafts, ‘Luke’s’ last name was ‘Starkiller’, not ‘Skywalker’.
• “Ocean’s 11 & 12″ actor Andy Garcia was born with an undeveloped twin about the size of a tennis ball on his shoulder.
• Vanna White is TV’s “Most Frequent Clapper”, averaging 720 claps per episode according to the “Guinness Book of World Records”.

THE BULL SHEET 05.26.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1948 [57] Stevie (Stephanie) Nicks, Phoenix AZ, oldies singer (Fleetwood Mac-“Dreams”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1998)

1949 [56] Hank Williams Jr, Shreveport LA, country singer (“Monday Night Football” theme, “Family Tradition”)

1962 [43] Bobcat (Robert) Goldthwait, Syracuse NY, comedian/movie actor (“Shakes the Clown”)/cartoon voice (“Crank Yankers”)

1964 [41] Lenny Kravitz, NYC, rock singer/guitarist (“Lady”, “Fly Away”)
 
1966 [39] Helena Bonham Carter, London UK, movie actress (“Big Fish”, “Fight Club”) UPCOMING: Co-stars with Johnny Depp in “Charlie & the Chocolate Factory” as ‘Mrs Bucket’, opening JULY 15th.

1971 [34] Matt Stone, Houston TX, TV/movie writer & producer (“South Park” co-creator with Trey Parker, “Team America: World Police”)

1975 [30] Lauryn Hill, South Orange NJ, pop/R&B singer (“Doo Wop [That Thing]”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Bob Day”, honoring anyone with the name. Why is it they always seem to turn out to be the ultimate OK guy?

TODAY is “Corpus Christi”, a Roman Catholic holiday celebrated in Mexico, Austria, Poland, Spain, Brazil, Germany and elsewhere.

TODAY through Saturday, the 22nd annual “International Country Music Conference” takes place at Belmont University in Nashville TN. The scholarly event will feature lectures on topics such as “The Roots & Branches of a Country Music Hit” and “Gender & Identity Politics in the Margins of Country Music”. (And you thought it was just about pickin’ and grinnin’.)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1994 [11] Elvis rolls over in his grave as ‘King of Pop’ Michael Jackson secretly weds ‘The ‘King’s’ daughter, Lisa Marie Presley, in the Dominican Republic (she files for divorce in January 1996)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1968 [37] 1st non-American-based MLB team, Montréal Expos, officially formed (RIP)

1978 [27] 1st Atlantic City NJ casino opens

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2001 [04] More than 2,000 people pose naked in downtown Montréal in 12-degree C weather for a nude group photo-shoot by NYC artist Spencer Tunick, who specializes in taking shots of nude crowds in urban centers (only 300 were expected)

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] Ancestor Honor Day
[Sat] Hamburger Day
[Sun] Indianapolis 500
[Mon] Memorial Day (USA)
[Tues] Macaroon Day
[Tues] Save Your Hearing Day
[Tues] World No-Tobacco Day
This Week Is . . . Mudbug Week (Creole slang for crawfish)
This Month Is . . . Allergy Awareness Month (ahhhhh-CHOOOOO!)

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS DICTIONARY OF NEW DEFINITIONS:
• Traffic Light – An apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches.
• Divorce – The postgraduate program in the ‘School of Love’.
• Swimming Pool – A mob of people with water in it.
• Self-Control – The ability to eat only 1 peanut.
• Magazine – A bunch of printed pages that tell you what’s coming in the next issue.
• Emergency Numbers – The police, the fire department and places that deliver.
• Buffet – A French word that means ‘Get up and get it yourself’.
• Tattoo – Permanent proof of temporary insanity.

WORDS THAT DON’T BELONG IN THE SAME SENTENCE:
• “Ashlee Simpson” and “Talent”.
• “Best Actor Oscar” and “Vin Diesel”.
• “Oops” and “Emergency Landing”.
• “Rosie O’Donnell” and “Playboy Pictorial”.
• “Rottweiler” and “Testicles”.
(Ask listeners for more.)

BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit ‘Buick’ doesn’t rhyme with ‘quick’?
• Whyzit the bus is always late – unless you are?
• Whyzit everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die?
• Whyzit we use the phrase ‘recorded earlier’?  Is there any OTHER time to record something?
• Whyzit the word ‘palindrome’ isn’t spelled the same way backwards?

THE HOKEY POKEY:
(As Shakespeare would have written it.)
O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke.
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from heaven’s yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke – banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, ’tis what it’s all about.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Researchers have discovered that people with THIS physical feature also tend to have aggressive tendencies.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Asymmetrical extremities – ears, fingers, feet, etc.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
He who has burned his mouth blows his soup.