Wednesday, May 21, 2008        Edition: #3780
You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Carrie Underwood tops a new AOL poll to find the most popular “American Idol” ever, sucking up 54% of the vote; Kelly Clarkson is a distant 2nd with 26% (0.1% went to Taylor who?) . . . 17-year-old Josiah Leming, the weepy former “American Idol” contestant who was living in the back seat of his car, has just signed a record & music publishing deal with Warner Bros and begun recording his debut album (now he can afford a pickup truck with a mattress) . . . Download pioneer Napster is back, looking to challenge Apple’s iTunes by launching the world’s largest MP3 download store with more than 6 million songs, and by offering more without copy protection or DRM (prices are similar: 99 cents/tune; $9.95/album) . . . The following takes place between the 20th and 21st century – 41-year-old “24“ star Kiefer Sutherland has been granted a divorce from his estranged wife Elizabeth Kelly Winn, in what seems an awfully long process since their separation in 1999 (after 7 years, aren’t you legally dead?) . . . Mrs Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, will make her Broadway debut THIS FALL after winning a role in a revival of Arthur Miller’s 1947 play, “All My Sons”, which will co-star John Lithgow & Dianne Wiest (Katie will be the first robot to ever play Broadway) . . . Industry watchers predict “Indiana Jones & The Kingdom Of the Crystal Skull” will gross $168 million at the box office in its first 5 days (then word of mouth about the garbled storyline will kick in) . . . And according to “TV Week”, overall ratings for the MAY sweeps, which end TODAY, are down 10% from a year ago; and in the crucial 18-49 demographic – a whopping 17%.

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “American Idol“ (FOX/CTV) – The top 12 finalists reunite, then another idol is crowned as the 2-hour finalé closes out the season at LA’s Nokia Theatre. Congrats, David Cook!
• “Criminal Minds” (CBS/CTV) – In the season finalé, the team faces one of its toughest cases in which people who seem to have nothing in common are being killed at random.
• “CSI: NY” (CBS/CTV) – When a heist goes bad, a frantic gunman takes an entire bank hostage and demands a CSI to prove his innocence. Season finalé.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – Josh Groban performs; then TONIGHT he’s on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – kd lang is a guest.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Jimmy Buffett makes an appearance.
• “Law & Order” (NBC/A Channel) – Tom Everett Scott guest stars in the show’s 18th season finalé.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC) – 1970s soul man Al Green is onstage.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Dierks Bentley – The country star has just announced that he and wife Cassidy are expecting their 1st child.
• DMX (Earl Simmons) – His previous sleazy hijinks pale in comparison to this: cops in Scottsville AZ allege he checked into the Mayo Clinic to be treated for pneumonia … using an assumed name (Troy Smith) in order to avoid paying. He even bragged to a fellow patient his bill would be paid by ‘someone in the projects’. He’s being investigated for theft of services.
• Lil Wayne – The rapper’s in negotiations to land a role in the next “Fast & The Furious” movie.
• Madonna – Her upcoming tour will feature what appears to be a first in the concert biz. An official ‘ticket reseller’ will peddle seats at marked-up prices to fans who couldn’t get them through normal channels. In other words … an ordained scalper.
• Nas – After getting all kinds of negative feedback over his intention to call his new album the N-word, he’s apparently changed to another N-word … “Nas”. It’s out JULY 1st.
• Red Hot Chili Peppers – Frontman Anthony Kiedis tells “Rolling Stone” they are ‘disbanded’ for a minimum of 1 year because they are all ‘emotionally and mentally zapped’.
• Rihanna – She’s planning an unusual product launch to follow her line of umbrellas … her own underwear collection.
• Shania Twain – Her 14-year hubby Mutt Lange allegedly had an affair which triggered their split, according to “People” magazine. Guess she wasn’t “Still the One”.
• Velvet Revolver – They’ve been bombarded with thousands of applications from singers vying to take over from former frontman Scott Weiland. The open audition follows an apparent turndown by the group’s unnamed chosen replacement. Sebastian Bach, maybe?

BS BUZZWORDS:
New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Bio-Mom’ – The biological mother of an adopted child or ‘birth mother’. (“I finally tracked down my bio-mom and discovered it’s the same one that brought me up … how boring!”)
• ‘Free-Range Child‘ – A kid who’s given lots of time for unstructured activities during the day. (“We’re raising Aiden free-range … that’s why he hunts and pecks for Cheerios.”)
• ‘Silent Disco’ (aka ‘Silent Rave’) – A dance party where music is only heard through headphones; each person dancing to their own MP3 player. (Sure looks weird when you first walk in!)

RUN TO YOU:
According to a survey of more than 3,000 marathon runners, these are the best running songs, the top tunes for creating a runner’s high …
5. Kanye West – “Stronger”
4. Vangelis – “Chariots Of Fire”
3. Spencer Davis Group – “Keep On Running”
2. Queen – “Don’t Stop Me Now”
1. Survivor – “Eye Of the Tiger” (“Rocky” soundtrack)
Also-rans: The Killers’ “Mr Brightside” and Nickelback’s “Rockstar”.
– RealBuzz.com

WHY WOMEN DRIVE ‘FLOSSIE’:
A recent study by the UK’s Social Issues Research Center finds men behave differently to women in a car. A man may cruise with one hand on the wheel, while women are more likely to grasp it with both. Psychologists say that’s because men consider their cars to be part of themselves, but women see the vehicle as a separate entity. That may be why women are more likely to give names to their cars. Men are able to get out of a car and walk away within 8 seconds, while families can take 1-to-10 minutes. (If there’s an infant seat … 2 hours.)
– WhatCar.com

ALL-TIME BEST ACTION MOVIE SEQUELS:
5. “Die Hard: With a Vengeance” (1995)
4. “The Bourne Supremacy” (2004)
3. “Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade” (1989)
2. “X2: X-Men United” (2003)
1. “Terminator 2: Judgment Day” (1991)
– StarPulse.com

THE PAPERLESS CONCERT:
TicketMaster is looking to get rid of the paper part of tickets entirely – at least the paper that you bring with you to the concert, which can get lost or resold. Beginning with Tom Waits’ “Glitter & Doom Tour” THIS SUMMER, ‘Paperless Tickets’ will be purchased online (limit 2 per customer) using a credit card. Paperless ticket holders can then bypass line-ups and simply present the purchasing credit card and photo ID at the door. Ticket takers then swipe the credit card to confirm the tickets, and give paperless ticket holders access to the event. (Are you gonna give your 12-year-old your VISA card?)
– TicketNews.com

HELL’S FURY:
Highlights of a study on how women handle anger …
• The younger the woman, the more likely she is to express anger.
• Women get angry frequently but normally get over it in less than an hour.
• Unmarried women suppress anger more than married women.
• Most married women express anger to their husbands, even when angry with someone else. (Gee, ya think?)
– “Women & Anger” by Sandra Thomas

ALL-TIME FAVORITE GUITARISTS OF GUITARISTS:
A new poll of over 300 rock guitarists ranks their choices for the creme-de-la-creme …
5. Ritchie Blackmore (Deep Purple, Rainbow)
4. Randy Rhoads (Ozzy Osbourne, Quiet Riot)
3. Yngwie Malmsteen (Swedish neo-classical metal guitarist)
2. Eddie Van Halen (Van Halen)
1. Jimi Hendrix
Perhaps surprisingly, Led Zeppilin’s Jimmy Page only makes it to #6.
– “Roadie Crew”

DIRTY EATS:
The foods that can be the most hazardous …
5. Eggs – They cause over 600,000 cases of food poisoning each year.
4. Oysters – Many are tainted with the Norovirus and bacteria.
3. Ground Turkey – 1-in-4 packages contain bacteria.
2. Ground Beef – Due to heavy processing, it’s often loaded with E Coli bacteria.
1. Chicken – In one study, more than 40% of samples contained sickening bacteria.
– “Men’s Health”

NO SHOES, NO SWEAT:
The ‘Society for Barefoot Living’ has over 1,100 members worldwide. Members of this ‘dirty sole society’ are anti-shoe, believing it’s more natural to go barefoot. A few foot facts …
• It is healthy for your feet to go barefoot.
• It is not against the law to go barefoot into any kind of establishment, including restaurants.
• It is also not against any health department regulation.
• It is not against the law to drive barefoot.
NET: http://www.barefooters.org

DID YOU KNOW?
Lingerie company Victoria’s Secret was founded by Roy Raymond in 1977 in the Stanford Shopping Center outside San Francisco. He sold the company in 1982 for $4 million, a paltry amount in hindsight. He died in 1993 (by suicide, investigators determined) at the age of 47.
– “New York Times”

BS CHRONOMETER 05.21.08

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1941 [67] Bobby Cox, Tulsa OK, MLB baseball manager (Atlanta Braves 1978-81 and 1990-present)

1951 [57] Al Franken, NYC, 2008 US Senate candidate (Minnesota)/former talk show host (Air America Radio)/author (“Lies & the Lying Liars Who Tell Them”)/comedian (“Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot”)/former “Saturday Night Live” writer/performer (1975-80, 1985-95)

1957 [51] Judge Reinhold (Edward Reinhold Jr), Wilmington DE, movie actor (“The Santa Clause”, “Beverly Hills Cop”)

1966 [42] Lisa Edelstein, Boston MA, TV actress (‘Dr Lisa Cuddy’ on “House MD” since 2004)

1978 [30] Adam Gontier, Norwood ON, rock singer/guitarist (Three Days Grace-“Never Too Late”, “Pain”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Employee Health & Fitness Day”, observed annually on the 3rd WEDNESDAY in MAY to promote the benefits of physical activity in enhancing the overall health & productivity of    organizations. Founded in 1989, it has now enlisted tens-of-thousands of participants from employers around-the-world.
NET: http://www.physicalfitness.org/nehf.html

• “Memo Day”, a day for office workers who are tired of memos from bosses’ to post their own. The ultimate act is to post a memo complaining about too many memos. (Then clean out your desk and go home.)

• “Pickle Week”, recognizing the ‘World’s Most Humorous Vegetable’. (Broccoli, zucchini, and squash are demanding a recount.)

• “Wait Staff Day”, set aside for restaurant managers and patrons to show appreciation for the efforts of servers. What we wanna know is why restaurant owners get away with paying minimal wages and then expect customers to supplement servers’ incomes.

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1994 [14] World’s 1st ‘Genetically-Engineered Tomatoes’ go on sale, priced at $2.79/lb

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1927 [81] Charles Lindbergh arrives in Paris, France after crossing the Atlantic aboard ‘Spirit of St Louis’ (66 other aviators had already completed trans-Atlantic flights but ‘Lucky Lindy’ is first to do it alone)

1997 [11] Then-Toronto Blue Jay pitcher Roger Clemens notches his landmark 200th career win by beating NY Yankees 4-1 (afterward, he says the big win makes him feel like a teenager … again)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Buy-a-Musical-Instrument Day
[Thurs] “Indiana Jones & The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull” opens in theaters worldwide
[Sat] Bob Dylan’s 67th birthday concert (St John’s NL)
[Sat] Brothers Day
[Sun] 92nd Indianapolis 500
[Mon] Memorial Day (no “BS” service)
This Week Is … Backyard Games Week
This Month Is … Brain Tumor Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS

BROADCASTING 101:
A nugget of know-how to help encourage you to get back to basics …
• Quit trying to be funny all the time. Why does everything you say have to have a punchline? People either have a sense of humor or they don’t. If you do, it will come out naturally. If you don’t, quit forcing it and concentrate on becoming a better communicator.

BAD-ASS BS METAPHORS:
Some of the oddest comparisons ever written, as complied by English teachers from high school essays …
• “Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.”
• “His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.”
• “She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.”
• “Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.”
• “He was as tall as a 6-foot, 3-inch tree.”
• “The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.”
– ThatsRich.com

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
Which of the following is NOT a drum?
a. Conga.
b. Tom-tom.
c. Marimba. [CORRECT, it’s the Latin music version of the xylophone.]

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I find that one of the most handy, helpful, useful, beneficial, advantageous, valuable items I have is a thesaurus.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Men do THIS fewer than 10 times a day; but women do it an average 62 times a day.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Smile.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The meek shall inherit the Earth … if that’s okay with everyone.