Thursday, May 10, 2001 Edition: #2052
MORE BS REJECTED MOTHER’S DAY CARDS:
• “The cards in the store were just too full of sex, But I thought, ‘What the hell’ Love, Oedipus Rex”
• “There once was a woman named Mother who always favored my brothers, But now that they’re dead she senses with dread that her nursing home’s worse than the others.”
• “I know my Mom’s a test tube the fact is crystal clear, And so I toast each Mother’s Day with a beaker full of beer.”
• “I’m going to the clinic for a change of which you’ll learn, You always wanted a little girl and you’ll have one when I return.”
• “Your girlish figure disappears with every bite that you chew, You now look worse in lingerie than creepy Uncle Lou.”
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY London’s longest-running musical, Andrew Lloyd Webber’s “Cats”, celebrates its 20th birthday (it’s also played in 300 other cities, earning close to $1.5 billion) . . . TONIGHT CBS airs the 1-hour special “Survivor: Back From the Outback” in which the “S2″ contestants go back to their hometowns while NBC counters with a celebrity “Weakest Link” featuring contestants from the original “Survivor” . . . The next project for hip-hop mogul and ex-con Suge Knight will reportedly be marketing a 10-year-old home video on the Internet of Jennifer Lopez and a boyfriend doing the nasty . . . Here comes another reality show from the UK – NBC will air an Americanized version of “Dog Eat Dog”, in which contestants compete in studio-based stunts.
MOVIES IN THE MAKIN’:
Looks as if Kate Hudson’s next pic will be the romantic comedy “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”, about a womanizer who bets his friends he can stay in a relationship for more than 10 days . . . The thriller “Tick Tock” is being developed for Jennifer Lopez, in which she’d play an FBI agent trying to find bombs planted by an amnesiac . . . Country star Deana Carter has a small role as a ‘bimbette Wal-Mart wife’ in an upcoming indie film starring Billy Bob Thornton (your basic redneck Wal-Mart husband) . . . “The Fourth Hand”, the next novel from “Cider House Rules” author John Irving, is already being readied for the bigscreen – it’s about a TV reporter whose hand is bitten off by a lion during a live report (sounds like a reality special on FOX).
WILD WILD WEB:
• According to a new Boston Consulting Group study, retail sales on the Internet grew to $44.5 billion LAST YEAR, a jump of 66%. And what are we most likely to buy on the ‘Net? Travel leads all other categories, and travel sales are expected to grow by another 50% THIS YEAR.
• eBay is test marketing an exciting new method to attract more visitors to it’s online auction site — classified ads in newspapers. People selling items on eBay now have the option of having them also listed in newspaper want ads. (Not to be outdone, Amazon.com has let it be known it’s products may also be seen — in bookstores.)
• Perhaps John Wayne Bobbitt will be interested. He’s decided to auction off what’s being touted as “a piece of history” — the knife used by his wife to slice off his member — on eBay. Bids will start at $3 million. (And likely close around 50 cents.)
BS AMAZING FACT:
Forget about Casanova, the world’s greatest lover was, in actuality, the obscure French actor Antoine DuBois, who lived from 1716 to 1775. The silver-tongued Romeo talked his way into bed with a whopping 16,527 women and methodically documented each conquest in his diary.
THE BULL SHEET 05.10.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1929 [72] Peter C Newman, Toronto ON, financial author (“Titans: How the New Canadian Establishment Seized Power”)/magazine columnist (“Maclean’s”)
1930 [71] Pat Summerall, Lake City FL, FOX-TV NFL sportscaster/John Madden’s booth partner
1955 [46] Chris Berman, Greenwich CT, ESPN/ABC sportscaster (“Monday Night Football”)
1955 [46] Homer Simpson, Springfield, animated character (“The Simpsons”)
1960 [41] Bono (Paul Hewson), Dublin IRE, rock singer (U2-“Beautiful Day”, “The Sweetest Thing” [written for his wife after he missed her birthday]) NOTE: His daughter Jordan, nicknamed ‘U3’, turns 12 today
1965 [36] Linda Evangelista, St Catharines ON, aging fashion model ranked #4 in wealth NOTE: Entered the “Miss Teen Niagara” pageant at age 12 — and lost
1968 [33] Erik Palladino, Yonkers NY, TV actor (Dr Dave Mallucci-“ER”)
1975 [26] Adam Deadmarsh, Trail BC, NHL winger (LA Kings)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is the annual “Clean Up Your Room Day”. Once a year? Were you born in a barn?
TODAY is “National Small Business Day”. A ‘small business’ is commonly defined as one with fewer than 100 employees . . . like Nortel soon will be.
TODAY is “Trust Your Intuition Day”, a day to listen to your ‘gut feelings’ and act upon them.
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1853 [148] The ‘potato chip’ is invented (just yesterday at the gas station, I bought a bag from the original batch)
1908 [93] 1st [unofficial] “Mother’s Day” held, at request of Philadelphia’s Anna Jarvis (then Hallmark got a hold of the idea)
1963 [38] 1st recording session for the Rolling Stones (“Love Potion #9″, “Come On”, “Pretty Thing”, “I Want to be Loved”)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1983 [18] Lee Chin Yong performs a record 170 continuous chin-ups (Seoul KOR)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Eat What You Want Day
[Mon] National Dance Like A Chicken Day
[Tues] Canadian Census Day (40,000 Statistics Canada reps have been going door-to-door, the largest ever peacetime mobilization of Canadian citizens)
[Wed] BC Election
National Nurses Week (a new study in the medical journal “Health Affairs” shows that a third of nurses under age 30 plan to leave their jobs within a year due to burn-out)
Date Your Mate Month (when’s ‘Mate Your Date Month’?)
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS INTERVIEW:
The first ‘space tourist’ may have just come back to Earth, but Professor Clinton Wallington at the Rochester Institute of Technology has been teaching a course on ‘Space Tourism Development’ for the past 2 years. Part of RIT’s Hospitality Program, the course addresses issues like how to handle food service in a weightless environment.
PHONER: 716-475-2411 (Rochester NY)
BS QUICK PICKS:
• How many different smells can the average nose distinguish — 50, 500, or 5000? [Most people can distinguish somewhere between 5,000 to 10,000 different aromas. Among the most recognizable — coffee, peanut butter, banana — and (your co-host) after a celebrity softball game.]
• What is the traditional flower to wear on Mother’s Day — the rose, the carnation or the chrysanthemum? [According to the Floral Council it’s the carnation, red if she’s living, white if not.]
• If you’re average, you’ll wear over 7,000 of these in your lifetime — hats, diapers, or bandaids? [Diapers, some worn early in life — and some late.]
• When an ad for this product appeared in “Ladies’ Home Journal” in 1919, hundreds of offended women cancelled their subscription – vacuum cleaners, condoms, or underarm deodorant? [‘Odorono’, a new deodorant.]
• Which is the is the world’s most visited grave site – Princess Diana’s, Elvis Presley’s, or Marilyn Monroe’s? [“Guinness World Records” says it’s Elvis’ at Graceland, with more than 700,000 visitors annually.]
• Physically speaking, what’s the ideal age for a woman to become pregnant — 16, 22, or 28? [22, according to “Glamour” magazine. So how come biological clocks seem to be set for 35?]
LEAST-HEARD SENTENCES:
• “I’m sorry, if you want service charges you’re just gonna have to go to a different bank.”
• “Wow, these taxes are great!”
• “I can’t believe how cheap gasoline is these days!”
• “Hey, that was a really different episode of ‘Friends’!”
• “Gee Mom, sorry your ‘Mother’s Day’ card arrived several days early.”
• “You da man, Stockwell.”
BS TAG LINE:
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
