Wednesday, May 10, 2006        Edition: #3279
Get your BS here, hot ‘n fresh!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY the entire Arquette acting family (Rosanna, Richmond, Patricia, Alexis & David) will be honored with the American Film Institute’s 6th ‘Platinum Circle Award’ at a Beverly Hills CA luncheon (previous acting families to win the award include the Fondas & the Penns) . . . FOX-TV has added “American Crime” to its sched for NEXT SEASON, a legal drama starring London ON-born Victor Garber (‘Jack Bristow’ on “Alias” 2001-06) . . . Leading Catholics & members of the Opus Dei sect have formed what’s being called ‘The Da Vinci Code Response Group’ to respond to any ‘negative impact’ the film brings when it opens MAY 19th . . . Production on the  Malibu CA set of “The OC” was suspended temporarily when stars Mischa Barton & Rachel Bilson were heard howling about an uninvited guest in their trailer – a coyote looking for leftovers . . . Alas, 18-year-old “One Tree Hill” actress Kenzie Dalton could not attend her high school prom with 24-year-old fiancé /co-star Chad Michael Murray  because – no one over 20 was allowed (so in true Hollywood fashion, he made up for it by throwing an after-party & giving her a Mercedes) . . . 19-year-old actress Lindsay Lohan has racked up a massive million-dollar bill while staying at Hollywood’s Chateau Marmont hotel for most of the last year, and that doesn’t account for extras like Cristal champagne at $550 a bottle or the hotel’s personal chauffeur at $700 a day (stop the financial bleeding and buy a house, girl!) . . . Starting THIS SUMMER, Warner Bros will become the first major movie studio to distribute its films and TV shows over the Internet using peer-to-peer technology, with movies selling for about the same price as buying a DVD . . . And rumor has it that, with Rosie O’Donnell joining the panel, Star Jones Reynolds will be axed from ABC-TV’s daytime talk show “The View”, at the behest of the show’s grand old dame, Barbara Walters (she’s 74 but still feisty!).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Chris Isaak – TODAY he appears on both the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” & “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson”.
• Jack Ingram – The country singer/songwriter finally has his first #1 hit with “Wherever You Are”, 13 long years after releasing his debut album.
• Kanye West – He’s being sued for $50,000 over a car he leased 4 years ago and allegedly never returned.
• Madonna – She’s in a 58-page photo-spread in the JUNE issue of “W” magazine, wearing equestrian gear, a riding crop and fishnet stockings while in the company of 6 horses.
• Nelly Furtado – Her next album “Loose”, due JUNE 20th, will reportedly be less pop, more R&B/hip-hop.
• Nick Lachey – TONIGHT he guests on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Tool – Frontman Maynard James Keenan is planning his touring schedule around the harvesting & bottling at his new Merkin Vineyards in Sedona AZ because he insists on being part of the process.
• Trace Adkins – TONIGHT  in Philadelphia PA, he joins Gretchen Wilson as co-headliner on the 2nd leg of her “Redneck Revolution” tour.

BABY BONUS:
Somewhere on Earth, every 10 seconds a woman gives birth to a child. (For the good of all humanity, we must find this woman and stop her at once!)
– AFP

CUTTING-EDGE VOCAB:
• ‘Gotcha Day’ – The anniversary of the day on which a child was adopted, according to “Today’s Parent” magazine. And yes, there are already “Gotcha Day” cards, balloons & party favors on the market. (In my family, we celebrate ‘Dumped Ya Day’.)
• ‘The Dopeler Effect’ – The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. (That’s why we talk so fast on this show.)
• ‘Post & Pray’ – To place a  résumé or job-wanted ad online, in a newspaper or, for that matter, anywhere else (laundromat bulletin board?) and then hope that you get a response.

SINK & MIRROR TIME:
The average person spends 47 minutes per day in the bathroom, or 2-and-a-half years over a lifetime. (I once waited 2-and-a-half years just to get in!)
– “What Are the Odds?”

A NOSE FOR DIRECTION:
Researchers in Manchester UK think they’ve found the key to why some people seem to never get lost. It may be due to exceptional magnetic bones found in their noses and sinuses similar to the magnetic structures found in homing pigeons which help them perform amazing feats of navigation. (That’s not nose hair, it’s iron filings!)
– “The Guardian”

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 80% of employees polled say they have been disrespected at work.
• 77% of us have a container for spare change at home.
• 63% of 18-to-24 year-old Americans aged can’t find Iraq on a map. 50% can’t find New York State.
• 60% of families with children have arguments about housecleaning.
• 52% of Canadian students aged 15-to-24 worked LAST SUMMER.
• 25% of Canadians claim charitable donations on their income tax.
• 20% of people who show up late for work use fake excuses.
• 8% of guys say that, even if it would improve their love-life, they still wouldn’t wear makeup.

PERFECT PREGNANCY AGE:
Physically speaking, the ideal age for a woman to get pregnant is 22, according to experts. (So how come biological clocks are always set for 35?)
– “Glamour”

STONEHENGE, THE THEME PARK:
British developers are planning to build a copy of Stonehenge, complete with guides dressed as Druids, as part of a $30-million theme park near Circencester, England. The project’s creative director, Colin Shearing, says the plan is not to replicate the world renowned landmark as the ruin it has become but to show how it would have looked when first completed. Plans are to have the theme park open by 2009 and attract 800,000 visitors a year. (About the same number as trample all over the real Stonehenge – each day.)
– BBC News

AND WE QUOTE:
“Dear Mommy, Happy first Mother’s Day. Lots of Love, Suri & Daddy.”
– A source tells “The Scoop” that’s what the card will say that accompanies $900-worth of pink peonies in a Limoges vase which Tom Cruise ordered up for Katie … er Kate.

THINK YOU’VE GOT A LONG DRIVE?
46-year-old California electrical engineer David Givens has won Midas Muffler’s ‘Longest Commute’ contest. Each day he drives 186 miles from his Mariposa CA ranch to his job in San Jose CA which takes 3-and-a-half hours – one-way (the average is 25-and-a-half minutes). And he’s been doing the 372-mile, 7-hour daily commute since 1989.  Why’s he do it? He says it’s a decent trade-off for the outdoor lifestyle of living in the mountains. As grand prize winner, he gets $10,000 in gas money. (But apparently not a life.)
– Knight Ridder News

THE BULL SHEET 05.10.2K6

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1929 [77] Peter C Newman, Vienna, Austria [raised Toronto ON], author (“The Secret Mulroney Tapes”)/journalist (ex-editor “Maclean’s”, “Toronto Star”)/Order of Canada (1978)

1955 [51] Chris Berman, Greenwich CT, ESPN/ABC-TV sportscaster (“Baseball Tonight”, “Super Bowl XL Pre-Game Show”)

1960 [46] Bono (Paul Hewson), Dublin, Ireland, rock singer (U2-“Vertigo”, “Beautiful Day”)/only person nominated for an Oscar, Grammy, Golden Globe & Nobel Prize/2005 “TIME” magazine ‘Person of the Year’

1965 [41] Linda Evangelista, St Catharines ON, aging fashion model (1 of the 5 original ‘supermodels’)/Canadian Walk of Fame (2003)/VH1 Fashion Awards Lifetime Achievement Award (1996)

1975 [31] Adam Deadmarsh, Trail BC, NHL winger (LA Kings)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Child Care Provider Appreciation Day”, saluting the dedicated souls who interact with our children during the important formative years of their lives. (Cuz we can’t be bothered.)

• “Clean Up Your Room Day”. Once a year? What, were you born in a barn?

• “Root Canal Appreciation Day”, apparently started by some masochist somewhere. By comparison, what would make you appreciate a root canal? Watching someone’s PowerPoint presentation of their vacation? A date with Paula Abdul?

• “Third Shift Workers Day”, honoring everyone who works the night shift. Ask for calls from people with unusual all-night jobs.

• “Trust Your Intuition Day”, a day to listen to your ‘gut feelings’ and act upon them. Is it true – are women better at this than men?

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1996 [10] Tornado disaster thriller “Twister” opens in movie theaters

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1963 [43] Rolling Stones 1st recording session (Keith Richards is a youngster of 42)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1853 [153] The ‘Potato Chip’ is invented by Chef George Chum of the Carey Moon Lake House in Saratoga Springs NY (just yesterday at the 7-11, I bought a bag from the original batch)

1908 [98] 1st (unofficial) ‘Mother’s Day’ held, at the request of Philadelphia’s Anna Jarvis

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1983 [23] Lee Chin Yong performs a record 170 continuous chin-ups in Seoul, Korea

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Eat What You Want Day
[Fri] Receptionists Day
[Fri] Limerick Day
[Fri] International Nurse’s Day
[Fri] “Poseidon” opens in movie theaters
[Sat] Native American Day
[Sun] Mothers Day
[Sun] “The West Wing” series finalé (NBC-TV)
This Week Is … Stuttering Awareness Week
This Month Is … Skin Cancer Detection & Prevention Month

We bonus you ONE FREE MONTH for each and every new “BS” subscriber you refer!

BULL’S BITS

It’s “National Etiquette Week”, a good time to review some helpful …
BS RULES OF ETIQUETTE:
• Though uncomfortable, say ‘yes’ to socks and shoes for your wedding.
• Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
• Never take a beer to a job interview.
• Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
• When decanting wine, always make sure to tilt the paper cup.
• Do not lay rubber while driving in a funeral procession.
• Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
• Ear cleaning is a job that should be done using your OWN car keys.

MOTHER’S DAY BIT:
Get 2 of your morning team’s moms on the phone and have them read ‘Snaps’ at each other (aka ‘Yo Momma’ jokes).
NET: http://www.pimpdaddy.com/yomama/yomama-noframes.shtml

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• Who’ll be first to kick … Steven Tyler or Keith Richards?
• Which celebrity is most in need of some ‘good old motherly advice’?
• Which famous mom would you most like to meet?

BS MOTHERS DAY QUICK-PICK QUIZ:
• The embryos of which animal fight each other while in the mother’s womb and only the survivor is born?
a. Tiger shark. [CORRECT]
b. Opossum.
c. Professional wrestler.

• Which famous house is named after the deceased owner’s mother?
a. ‘Taj Mahal’ in Acra, India.
b. ‘Graceland’ in Memphis TN. [CORRECT]
c. ‘Casa Loma’ in Toronto ON.
c. The ‘White House’ in Washington DC.

• Which TV mom is named after the real-life mom of the show’s creator?
a. ‘Bree Van De Kamp‘ on “Desperate Housewives”.
b. ‘Lorelai Gilmore’ on “Gilmore Girls”.
c. ‘Marge Simpson’ on “The Simpsons”. [CORRECT]

• If a mother rat washes her newborn baby, she’ll take good care of it from then on. But if you wash it, what is she most likely to do?
a. Trade it to another rat.
b. Wash it again with her own spit.
c. Eat it. [CORRECT]

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
• You should always practice safe eating … use condiments.
• I called her the ‘B-word’ and she said that’s just an acronym for ‘Being In Total Control, Honey’.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 6% of men admit they have worn one of THESE, but they sure wouldn’t admit it to their buddies.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A girdle.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The fact that no one understands you doesn’t make you an artist.