Friday, May 20, 2022 — Edition: #7235
Another Sheetload of Bull!
BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
The Bull Sheet will not be publishing on Monday, May 23 to observe the Canadian Victoria Day holiday. All subscribers will receive credit for the non-service day. The Bull Sheet will resume publication on Tuesday, May 24.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Queen Elizabeth II is set to mark her 70 years on the throne with a huge concert featuring some of the biggest stars from around the globe. The “Platinum Party At The Palace” will take place on June 4 and will last about 2½ hours. Alicia Keys, Hans Zimmer, Rod Stewart, and Duran Duran are some of the iconic names set to grace the royal stage. The active members of Queen will team up again with Adam Lambert to open the show before soul legend Diana Ross closes it out with a medley of her greatest hits. Elton John will also take part in the extravaganza, however, his performance will be pre-recorded as he is currently on tour. The evening will also feature appearances by David Attenborough, David Beckham, Stephen Fry, and Julie Andrews, and a performance from The Royal Ballet. The show-stopping spectacle will feature three stages and 3D projections across the face of the palace.
-PageSix
★ Even before a single scene from “Top Gun: Maverick” unspooled at the film’s Cannes premiere on Wednesday night, festival-goers made it clear that they think Tom Cruise is magnifique. He received a thunderous ovation after being presented with a “surprise” Palme d’Or, which genuinely seemed to take him off guard. The extravaganza included the appearance of 8 fighter jets billowing red, white and blue smoke behind them as Cruise and other members of the film’s cast looked on from the red carpet. The movie opens May 27.
-Variety
★ Jennifer Lopez will give fans an inside look at her life in the new Netflix documentary “Halftime”. The film will follow Lopez’s extensive career and will give fans a special look at her 2020 Super Bowl halftime performance alongside Shakira. In advance of the film’s June 14 premiere, Netflix has released the first look at Halftime. The trailer begins with Lopez explaining the difficulties of living life in “the public eye,” saying that she “really believed a lot of” the negative things said about her. Her fiancé, Ben Affleck, then says that he once asked her whether the negativity bothers her, to which he recalls her saying, “I expected this.” Halftime will premiere on Netflix June 14. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/nhz5b7cp
★ Robert Downey Jr. is getting his own reality TV show. He’s joining forces with Discovery+ for the project, which is about restoring classic cars. Under the working title “Downey’s Dream Cars”, the new series will see the “Iron Man” actor restoring cars that once spewed pollutants into environmentally-friendly transportation. Downey says his goal is to “showcase that it’s possible to keep the integrity of classic cars while leveraging new tech and innovation to make them more eco-friendly.” Downey’s Dream Cars will debut later this year.
-PopCulture
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Jessica Biel, Glen Powell, St. Paul and the Broken Bones (R)
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Fred Armisen, Måneskin
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Shaquille O’Neal, Sebastian Stan, Sharon Van Etten
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Bob Odenkirk, Bobby Moynihan, Derrick Wright (R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Maggie Gyllenhaal, Cynthia Erivo, Kimberly Clark (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Jeannie Mai Jenkins, guest co-host Dan Abrams
• “The Talk” (CBS): Milo Ventimiglia
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Josh Gad, Colton Underwood, guest co-host Vanessa Lachey
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Drew Brees
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Emmy Rossum, Joyelle Johnson
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Seth Meyers, Britt Lower, Pilar Valdes (R)
• “The Wendy Williams Show” (BET, Fox), Bethenny Frankel, guest host Michael Rapaport
• “Shark Tank” (ABC): Season 13 finale. Kevin Hart guest-sharks.
• “Come Dance With Me” (CBS): The final 8 teams create performances inspired by their favorite eras, from ancient Egypt to present day.
• “90 Day Fiancé” (TLC): Kobe and Emily argue over her breastfeeding habits in front of her parents; Bilal introduces Shaeeda to his kids; Thais lies to her dad and travels to America.
SATURDAY-
• “Masters of Illusion” (CW): Featured magicians include Eric Jones, Alex Ramon, Clairvoyants, Joel Meyers and Shoot Ogawa.
• “Disappearance in Yellowstone” (LIFE): Jessie must fight against all odds to escape from the police and track down her daughter before she’s killed.
• “Preakness Stakes” (NBC): The 147th running of the second leg of the Triple Crown from Pimlico Race Course in Baltimore
• “Saturday Night Live (NBC): Season 47 finale. Host Natasha Lyonne, with musical guest Japanese Breakfast.
SUNDAY-
• “American Idol” (ABC): Season 20 Grand Finale. The top 3 perform, and a winner is chosen; guest performers include Carrie Underwood, James Arthur, Sara Bareilles, Gabby Barrett, Michael Bublé, Deana Carter, Earth, Wind & Fire, Melissa Etheridge, Flo Rida, Ben Platt.
• “NCIS: Los Angeles” (CBS): Season 13 finale. The team continue to search for Callen as they realize they’re being tricked by multiple deepfakes; Kensi and Deeks hear exciting news regarding the adoption.
• “The Simpsons” (Fox): Season 33 finale. After Bart humiliates him at church, Homer finally teaches his son to admire his dad — until a visit from a magical, singing janitor…
• “Family Guy” (Fox): Season 20 finale. Peter attends a conference in Atlantic City with Preston; Stewie helps Chris prepare for his role in Adam West High School’s rendition of “Romeo and Juliet.”
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Lizzo — A documentary about her life and rise to fame has been announced by HBO. She’ll executive produce the film, which is due to drop this fall. Her new album “Special” arrives July 15. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/2p96aud2
• Taylor Swift — Received an honorary doctorate from New York University in a ceremony at Yankee Stadium. During her 24-minute speech, Swift urged grads to take chances, and learn from them. Quote: “I’d like to thank NYU for making me technically, on paper at least a doctor. Not the type of doctor you’d want around in the case of emergency unless your specific (need) was a hook with a catchy bridge.”
• Florence + The Machine — have released a cover of The Stooges’ ‘Search and Destroy. It appears on the deluxe version of their new album “Dance Fever”. The deluxe album also features unreleased acoustic versions of Dance Fever tunes ‘Cassandra’, ‘Free’, ‘Morning Elvis’ and ‘My Love’. LINK: https://youtu.be/8xrGqfk6Kv0
• Chris Cornell – The late Soundgarden frontman was remembered by his partner Vicky and his former bandmates on Wednesday’s 5-year anniversary of his death. In Vicky Cornell’s statement, she thanks fans for their love and for keeping “Chris’s memory and spirit alive”. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/yc42k89z
• Alanis Morissette – is releasing a meditation album. “the storm before the calm” was co-written with Darkside’s Dave Harrington. She has already shared the first cut from the collection, titled ‘safety—empath in paradise’. The album drops June 17. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/yc6ben8b
• Trace Adkins – “Monarch”, the country music drama he stars in with Susan Sarandon, will finally premiere this fall, according to Fox. The series, about “3 generations of a country music family juggling life’s rawest emotions”, was originally scheduled to premiere in January, but was delayed due to COVID.
• The Judds — As you have probably heard, “The Judds: The Final Tour” is moving forward later this summer without Naomi Judd, who died last month, and now Wynonna Judd has tapped Martina McBride, Faith Hill and others to support the 11-stop tour. A final stop has also been added in Lexington KY, near the Judds’ hometown of Ashland, and Hill will join Wynonna Judd onstage there. Brandi Carlile, Little Big Town and Trisha Yearwood are also scheduled at different dates along the way.
• Dolly Parton – NBC has announced the Christmas special “Dolly Parton’s Mountain Magic Christmas”. The musical is set at Dollywood in Pigeon Forge TN, documenting Parton in the making of a special-within-a-special as she becomes engulfed in “a private journey into her past, guided by the mysterious appearances of her personal Three Wise Men.”
SHOOTING THE BULL
VACATION HESITATION:
A company in the UK has scrapped its “unlimited holiday” plan. Why? The recruiting firm decided to do away with its policy that employees can take as many vacation days as they like because it found that under the plan, staff actually took fewer days off. Ollie Scott, the founder of “Unknown”, said in a LinkedIn post that “No one took more than 21 days in the year”, so the company will move to a more traditional system, where employees are entitled to 32 paid days of vacation annually. Scott wrote that the problem may have been that workers felt “guilty” about taking time off under the policy, or as he put it, “a general anxiety of ‘yeah but like, actually how much can I take’?” In the U.K., where Scott’s company is located, employees are entitled to 28 paid days off per year.
(It sounds great, but there’s no way I could afford more than 2 weeks’ vacation!)
(The problem we have HERE is people taking vacation days while they’re still at work!)
-CTV
NEWS OF THE WEIRD:
➢ The first-ever Zoom bride has now become the first-ever Zoom divorcée. 26-year-old Brit Ayse Reeves has revealed she has split from her American husband, 24-year-old Darrin Martin, 3 months after marrying over webcam — and they still haven’t met in person. The 2 first connected over the internet in July 2020, during the height of the pandemic. Due to travel restrictions, they were unable to meet in person, but their love only grew stronger, with Martin getting down on bended knee via video chat in July 2021 to propose. Alas, she told a reporter this week that in spite of her efforts to make things work, she has filed for an annulment after it turned out she “couldn’t trust” Martin, and saying: “It wasn’t the fairy tale ending I had hoped for.” (It’s funny – because my first marriage would have lasted a lot longer . . . if we had never met in person!)
➢ A man has been arrested for shooting Johnny Cash. Or at least his silhouette, which was painted high atop a water tower in Kingsland, Arkansas. Timothy Sled, who police believe is responsible for firing at the 50,000-gallon water tank, is in custody and facing felony charges. The bullet struck the perfect spot to make it appear as though the Cash silhouette was peeing, and caused a leak in the water tank for nearly a week. Officials estimate the tank lost about 30,000 gallons of water per day, and cost $5,000 to fix. (I THOUGHT I heard that Johnny Cash is “now streaming”!) LINK: https://youtu.be/_poRrGVZ1Jg
-NYPost, 24Talker
BABY NAMES EXPECTED TO MAKE A COMEBACK THIS YEAR:
We all know that trends come back around. And experts have identified a bizarre 100-year trend that allows them to predict exactly which names will be making a comeback this year. Here they are . . .
Girls (in order): Joan, Mary, Margaret, Dorothy, Gladys, Irene, Iris, Elsie, Ada, Mabel
(Sounds like what the receptionist at my doctor’s office says!)
Boys (in order): Ronald, Arthur, Robert, Albert, Freddie, Edward, Archie, Ernest, Isaac, Harris
(Sounds like the Queen’s Christmas shopping list!)
-TheSun
DID YOU KNOW?
How much would you expect to pay for a beer at the PGA Championship at Southern Hills Country Club in Tulsa, Oklahoma? Five bucks? Seven? 10 at the most, right? Try $19. US dollars. Yes, this year’s PGA Championship is charging $19 for a can of Stella Artois, or a mere $18 if you want to stick to Michelob Ultra. Cocktails are also $19, while wine is a relative bargain at $13 a pour. For perspective, here are a few ways you could have spent $19 at the Masters this year: 9 soft drinks, 9 bottled waters, 4 domestic beers, 12 pimento cheese sandwiches, or 19 bags of chips.
-Yahoo
BS CHRONOMETER 05.20.22
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Be a Millionaire Day”, a celebration of the joys of achieving millionaire status. Here’s how you go about it: First, get a whole bunch of money …
• “Eliza Doolittle Day”, in honor of the lead character in the famous musical “My Fair Lady”. The occasion is inspired by the lyrics: “Next week on the 20th of May/I proclaim Eliza Doolittle Day”. Participants are encouraged to mark the day by making proper use of language.
• “Pick Strawberries Day”, which sounds like lots of fun until you get down in the dirt on hands & knees with sweat trickling down your forehead and spiders crawling up your arms…
• “Weights & Measures Day”, marking an 1875 treaty that established the International Bureau of Weights & Measures. That means you’re just as fat in Pago Pago as you are here at home.
• “World Bee Day”, to raise awareness of the importance of pollinators, the threats they face and their contribution to sustainable development. LINK: https://www.un.org/en/observances/bee-day
• “Endangered Species Day”, to become educated about, and more aware of, threats to species, success stories in species recovery, and the opportunity to promote species conservation. (Is the concept of ‘civil discourse’ included?)
• “Bike to Work Day”, encouraging us to cycle to work, and to raise awareness of cyclists as they commute to and from work each day. (Current gas prices are all the encouragement I need . . .)
• “NASCAR Day”, a celebration of NASCAR drivers, celebrities, corporate partners, media, and fans coming together to raise fund for charitable causes. (Politicians should dress like NASCAR drivers. That way we all could tell who their “sponsors” are…)
• “Flower Day”, some flowers are associated with certain meanings. For example, red roses are associated with love, poppies with consolation after death, iris and lilies with burial, and daisies with innocence. (And lilacs with bathroom air freshener?)
• “International Red Sneakers Day”, to save the lives of those with food allergies while sharing the story of 11-year-old Oakley Debbs, who loved red sneakers. He had a nut allergy, and died in 2016 after eating a slice of cake made with walnut extract. Wear your red runners today, and post a pic with the #redsneakersforoakley.
SATURDAY –
• “World Day for Cultural Diversity”, a UN-sanctioned event to help communities understand the value of cultural diversity and learn how to live together in harmony. (Just for today? Please?)
• “Wait Staff Day”, today, think about all the people who serve you food and drinks: the barista that remembers just how you like your incredibly complicated coffee drink, the waiter at the sandwich spot who helps sort out all your group’s orders, the bartender who serves your gin and tonic with a side of English distillery history. Today, put yourself in their hopefully very comfortable shoes. (So, do we show appreciation by NOT using their services, to lighten their workload?)
• “Rapture Party Day”, an excuse for an impromptu bash on the anniversary of late radio evangelist Harold Camping’s 2011 prediction that the world would end on this day.
• “Red Cross Founder’s Day” marking the founding of the American Red Cross on this day in 1881 by Clara Barton, the first president of the organization. It’s a humanitarian organization that does things like this:
— Provides community services to help the needy
— Provides communications services and comfort for military members and their families
— Collects, processes, and distributes blood and blood products
— Coordinates educational programs on preparedness, health, and safety
— Provides international relief and development programs
SUNDAY –
• “Canadian Immigrants Day”, celebrating the many contributions made by immigrants to Canada. Hey, if you go back far enough … we’re all immigrants.
• “Maritime Day”, an annual observance to recognize the maritime industry. (Har, hoist that bilge, matey!)
• “World Goth Day”, celebrating the goth scene and exposing it to the rest of the world. The subculture of music & fashion is often associated with black clothing, makeup, and hair. (They’re only wearing black until someone invents a darker color…)
• “Buy-A-Musical-Instrument Day”. But respect your neighbors … don’t make it drums! (Or there’ll be repercussions…)
• “Sherlock Holmes Day”, celebrating ‘Sherlock Holmes’ and the author who created him, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, who was born on this date in 1859 in Edinburgh, Scotland. (Without whom, we wouldn’t have an appropriate response for when someone states the obvious…)
• “Vanilla Pudding Day”, the creamy pudding we know and love today has been around since the 19th century. Jell-O introduced its first line of instant pudding in the 1950s. The advertising campaign announcing the new product promoted it as a “busy-day dessert”.
• “Harvey Milk Day”, honoring gay rights activist Harvey Milk, and focusing on stopping discrimination against gays and lesbians.
MONDAY-
• “Victoria Day”, commemorating the birth of Queen Victoria (May 24, 1819), who reigned from 1837-1901. Celebration of her birthday in Canada began in 1845. “Victoria Day” originated in 1901 after her death. Since 1952, it has been celebrated on the Monday preceding May 25th.
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1946 [76] Cher [Cherilyn Sarkisian LaPierre], El Centro CA, pop singer (‘Believe’, Sonny & Cher-‘I Got You Babe’)/movie actress (Oscar-“Moonstruck”)
1949 [73] Dave Thomas, St. Catharines ON, TV actor-comedian (“SCTV” 1976-82, ‘Russell Norton’ on “Grace Under Fire” 1993-98)/movie actor (“Strange Brew”)/Canada’s Walk of Fame, 2002/brother of Ian Thomas
1958 [64] Jane Wiedlin, Oconomowoc WI, pop guitarist-singer (The Go-Go’s-‘We Got the Beat’, solo artist-‘Rush Hour’)
1959 [63] Bronson Pinchot, New York City NY, TV actor (‘Balki’ on “Perfect Strangers” 1986-1993)
1960 [62] Tony Goldwyn, Los Angeles CA, TV actor (‘Fitzgerald Grant’ on “Scandal” 2012-18, “Chambers” 2019)/movie actor (“Ghost”) COMING UP…“Oppenheimer”, 2023
1968 [54] Timothy Olyphant, Honolulu HI, TV actor (‘Raylan Givens’ on “Justified” 2010-15, “Santa Clarita Diet” 2017-19) COMING UP…“Justified: City Primeval”
1972 [50] Busta Rhymes [Trevor Smith Jr], Brooklyn NY, rapper (ft. Janet Jackson-‘What’s it Gonna Be?!’, w/Pussycat Dolls-‘Don’t Cha’)
1992 [30] Jack Gleeson, Cork Ireland, TV actor (‘Joffrey Baratheon’ on “Game of Thrones” 2011-2014)
SATURDAY- Al Franken (“SNL”) is 71; Mr. T (“The A-Team”) is 70; Judge Reinhold (“Fast Times at Ridgemont High” is 65; Lisa Edelstein (“House”) is 56; Gotye (ft./Kimbra-‘Somebody That I Used to Know’) is 42
SUNDAY- Songwriter Bernie Taupin is 72; Morrissey (The Smiths) is 63; Michael Kelly (“House of Cards”) is 53; Model Naomi Campbell is 52; Ginnifer Goodwin (“Once Upon a Time”) is 44; Maggie Q (“Designated Survivor”) is 43
MONDAY- Joan Collins (“Dynasty”) is 89; Drew Carey (“The Price is Right”) is 64; Lea DeLaria (“Orange Is the New Black”) is 64; Melissa McBride (“The Walking Dead”) is 57; Phil Selway (Radiohead) is 55; Matt Flynn (Maroon 5) is 52; Jewel (‘Foolish Games’) is 48
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2003 [19] The reality series “America’s Next Top Model”, created by Tyra Banks, debuts on UPN
2015 [07] David Letterman hosts the “Late Show with David Letterman” for the last time, ending 33 years in late-night television
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2012 [10] Robin Gibb of Bee Gees dies from colorectal cancer-related kidney and liver failure at age 62
2013 [09] Ray Manzarek (keyboardist for The Doors) dies at age 74 in Germany, while receiving treatment for bile duct cancer
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1873 [149] Levi Strauss and Jacob Davis patent the first blue jeans with copper rivets
BULL’S BITS
BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ If your view is unobstructed, you can see about 2,500 stars in the night sky.
✓ Beginning at about age 30, humans gradually begin to shrink in size.
✓ There’s a 400-year-old Japanese tradition that if a sumo wrestler can make your baby cry, it means he or she will live a healthy life.
✓ Facebook designers originally planned to call the “Like” button the “Awesome” button.
✓ Crying does make you feel better. Studies show that it stimulates the production of endorphins and feel-good hormones, such as oxytocin.
✓ Someone once tried to sell New Zealand on eBay. Bidding reached $3,000 before the listing was pulled.
-BestLife, BathroomReadersInstitute
Best of BS . . .
BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit expenses always rise to meet income?
• Whyzit when someone says ‘Got a minute?’, you might as well pencil them in for the next 2 hours?
• Whyzit insurance always seems to cover everything EXCEPT what happens?
• Whyzit the amount of sleep needed by the average person is always “10 minutes more”?
• Whyzit boring people are never hoarse?
• Whyzit we think the traffic light will change if we talk to it?
• If sleep regenerates us, whyzit we look like that when we first get up in the morning?
-First published in BS in 2003
BS THINGS SAID EITHER WHILE IN LABOR OR WHILE TRYING TO PUT A FITTED SHEET ON A KING-SIZED BED:
• “I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I can’t do it.”
• “Facing the wrong way? Are you freaking serious?”
• “Nope. There’s no way it’ll fit.”
• “Did I just poo a little?”
• “Oh come on, baby, come on. We got this.”
• “Never again. Never doing this again, I swear.”
• “Why was this even designed this way? It makes no sense.”
• “Let me just rest here. This is crazy.”
• “Fuuuuuuuuh.”
• “No, no vacuum. No. Get that out of here.”
• “I feel the urge to push.”
• “Is there something I can hold on to?”
• “I’M PUSHING.”
• “Aww, I think something just tore.”
-Adapted from McSweeney’s, first published in BS in 2017
BS WEB GOODIE:
Not all heroes wear capes – literally (sound up): https://tinyurl.com/2p8y52yh
BS RANDOM JOKE:
I threw a boomerang a couple years ago; Now I live in constant fear.
BS PHONE STARTER:
What kid’s movie (or scene from a kid’s movie) completely scarred you?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: When women were asked to use one word to describe their spouse or partner, THIS was the #1 answer. What is it?
Answer: Messy
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Many miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn’t stop to enjoy it.
