Friday, May 13, 2011            Edition: #4505
When You Can’t Dazzle Them with Brilliance, Baffle Them With Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Movie star Leonardo DiCaprio has ended his longtime relationship with Israeli fashion model Bar Refaeli, according to “Page Six” (she has expensive tastes and he got tired of the Bar tab) . . . Also splitting: 21-year-old former “Heroes” actress Hayden Panettiere and her 35-year-old Russian boxer-boyfriend Wladimir Klitschko, due to the ‘stress of a long-distance relationship’ (BS translation: Turns out she’s more punch-drunk than he is) . . . Simon Cowell is said to have increased security at his Los Angeles mansion after reportedly receiving death threats (funny how this happens in the run-up to his new American “X Factor” show) . . . Princess Beatrice’s royal wedding ‘fascinator’ – that wacky mauve curlicue hat that went viral online – will be auctioned to raise money for kids’ charities (word has it you can pick up 22 digital TV signals on the damn thing) . . . 38-year-old actress Gwyneth Paltrow may be replacing Miley Cyrus as the face of the legal hallucinogenic salvia as she’s revealed on her GOOP.com website she grows the stuff in her garden (could this explain what happens when she speaks?) . . . . Actor/MC Mos Def has been cast in the upcoming Season 6 of “Dexter” (Showtime) as one of the titular serial killer’s nemeses (he played Chuck Berry in “Cadillac Records”) . . . Will Smith & wife Jada Pinkett-Smith have been confirmed as 2 of the guests on the last episode of the “Oprah Winfrey Show” (May 25th) . . . Meantime, NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg has ordered Smith to move his massive “MIB: 3” 2-story movie set trailer (see yesterday’s “BS”) after it sparked complaints from Manhattan residents (now moved to a private parking lot) . . . And a rep for 32-year-old actress Katie Holmes has denied media rumors the actress is pregnant with her 2nd child via hubby Tom Cruise, despite what recent photos might suggest (aw, it’s just a cute li’l muffin top!).

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “CSI: NY” (CBS) – Tonight in the season finalé, ‘Mac’ becomes focused on closing his last unsolved case after a near-death experience.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Today Lil Jon (“Crunk Rock”).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Tonight Jason Bonham (“The Led Zeppelin Experience”); Sam Roberts (“Collider”).
• Hollywood Memorabilia Auction (Beverly Hills CA) – Saturday & Sunday this Profiles in History sale features the boxing gloves Sylvester Stallone donned in “Rocky”, the robe Jeff Bridges wore in “The Big Lebowski”, and the original, fully functional “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang” car from the film of the same name, expect to fetch $1 million-to-$2 million.
NET: http://bit.ly/m5gLgp
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Raphael Saadiq (“Stone Rollin’”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight “Bob Marley Week” continues with a salute by Lenny Kravitz.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – Tonight Okkervil River (“I Am Very Far”).
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Ed Helms (“The Hangover II”);  musical guest Paul Simon (“So Beautiful or So What”).
• “Smallville” (CW) – Tonight in the series finalé, ‘Clark Kent’ takes the last step to becoming the ‘Man of Steel’.
• “Survivor: Redemption Island” (CBS/Global) – Sunday the 3-hour season finalé determines if ‘Boston Rob’ can finally win after multiple tries.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Rodrigo y Gabriela (“11:11”).
• Wango Tango Pop Festival 2011 (Los Angeles) – Saturday the annual KIIS-FM bash at the Staples Center includes performances by Jason Derulo, Jennifer Lopez, Ke$ha, Lupe Fiasco, Matthew Morrison (“Glee”), Pitbull, and T-Pain among others.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aerosmith – Johnny Depp, who began his career as a musician before turning to acting, tells “Extra” he and Steven Tyler have been ‘hanging out here and there’ to write songs together.
• Beach Boys – 68-year-old Brian Wilson says he may not be able to continue performing live as he’s getting too old and still suffers from nausea and flashbacks stemming from a sustained period of drug use in the ‘60s. (So much for that reunion rumor.)
• Beyoncé – She’s revealed her upcoming album will be called “4” because it’s her birthday (9/4/81), her mom’s birthday, and her wedding date (4/4/08). She used the title “B’Day” in 2006.
• Keith Urban – Sunday in Nashville TN he joins the Music City Walk of Fame alongside country veteran Bill Anderson as the venue’s 49th and 50th inductees.
• Miranda Lambert – Saturday she & fellow country star Blake Shelton (“The Voice”) wed in Texas (she’s originally from Lindale TX). Other than that, details have been kept under wraps.
• Rush – Saturday in Glasgow, Scotland their “Time Machine” tour begins 6 dates in the UK.
• Smashing Pumpkins – Billy Corgan  tells “Rolling Stone” he’s trying to spend an hour a day writing his autobiography “God Is Everywhere, From Here to There”. So far he’s completed 300 pages. (That’s like 8 lbs!)
• TI – Reports say he could be released from prison in late September, after serving 11 months behind bars. He was jailed for suspicion of drug possession while on probation last year.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Bridesmaids” ( R-Rated Comedy ): In this Judd Apatow version of a chick-flick, Kristen Wiig (“Saturday Night Live”) stars as a  lovelorn and broke maid-of-honor trying to bluff her way through expensive and bizarre wedding rituals with an oddball group of bridesmaids. Co-stars Rose Byrne, Maya Rudolph, and Jill Clayburgh in her final role.
NET: http://www.bridesmaidsmovie.com
• “Priest” ( PG-13 Horror Thriller ): In this post-apocalyptic sci-fi thriller, Paul Bettany (“The Da Vinci Code”) plays a legendary Warrior Priest who disobeys church law by deciding to track down the vampires who kidnapped his niece. He’s joined on his crusade by his niece’s boyfriend, a hair-trigger young wasteland sheriff (Cam Gigandet). Screening in 3-D.
NET: http://priest-movie.net

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASE:
“Justin Bieber: Never Say Never” ( 3-D Biopic/Concert ): A look at Bieber’s early life, his rise to fame, plus performances and behind-the-scenes footage from his 2010 tour. Includes clips as a young child, as well as backstage antics. Appearances by Boys II Men, Jaden Smith, Ludacris, Miley Cyrus, Sean Kingston, and Usher.

GOLF SKEWED:
The Alternative Golf Association has created ‘Flogton’ (‘not golf’ spelled backwards). Its commissioner is Scott McNealy, co-founder of Sun Microsystems, who hopes the rogue innovations will get more people interested in the game of golf. How? Easier rules! Witness…
– Players get a ‘mulligan’ (a do-over) on every hole.
– The ball can be teed up anywhere, except on greens.
– You can ‘bump’ a ball 6 feet away from any hazard or bunker, provided it doesn’t put the ball closer to the hole.
– Your 3rd putt is always ‘good’.
– When stuck in a bunker, you can pick up the ball and toss it onto the edge of the green.
– Use of the self-correcting ‘Polara’ ball is not only legal, it’s encouraged.
(Not surprisingly, some purists believe all this cheapens the game.)
NET: http://www.flogton.com
– Adapted from TheToiletPaper.com

PEER PRESSURE:
About 30% of those named ‘most likely to succeed’ in high school regard it later as a curse, according to a recent poll. Some say it’s made them feel stuck with high-school definitions of success, which invariably involve rising to the top of a profession, making lots of money, or both. On the other hand, circa 40% of respondents have found the label an inspiration. One New Yorker who earned the designation had ‘success’ tattooed on her back afterward, changed her middle name to ‘Success’ on Facebook, and founded a PR company she called ‘House of Success’. (OK, somebody’s got OCD.)
– “Wall Street Journal”

FRIDAY THE 13TH SUPERSTITIONS:
Some are hard to believe for most of us, but someone at sometime actually bought into these …
• If you were born on Friday the 13th your entire life will be marked by bad luck.
• You should never cut your hair on Friday the 13th, as it results in a death in the family.
• If you change your bed linens on Friday the 13th, you’ll have bad dreams throughout the night.
• If you pass a funeral procession on Friday the 13th, you will die the very next day.
• Cutting your nails on Friday the 13th is a bad omen which can bring seriously bad luck.
• It’s a bad day for new beginning, so starting a new business on this day will be a disaster.
• Similarly, starting out on a trip on Friday is considered to bring misfortune for you.
• Ships that set sail on Friday 13th are much more likely to end in a disaster.
• If you leave the calendar page on Friday the 13th, you will be killed by a witch the next day.
– Buzzle.com

BS AMAZING FRIDAY THE 13TH FACTS:
• The fear of Friday the 13th is called ‘paraskavedekatriaphobia’.
• The illogical phobia may trace back to 1307 when, on a Friday the 13th, French King Philip IV rounded up hundreds of monks and tortured them into admitting a variety of heresies.
• In Formula 1 racing, there is no car #13. The number has been banned after 2 drivers were killed in crashes, both driving cars with that number.
• Tupac Shakur was shot and killed in Las Vegas on a Friday the 13th.
• In a hangman’s noose there are 13 twists of the rope; there are also 13 steps to the gallows.
– FOX News

BS CHRONOMETER 05.13.11

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1939 [72] Harvey Keitel, Brooklyn NY, tough-guy movie actor (“National Treasure” movies, “Pulp Fiction”)

1950 [61] Stevie Wonder (Steveland Hardaway), Saginaw MI, oldies singer/songwriter with over 30 top 10 hits & 25 Grammy Awards (“Sunshine of My Life”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1989)

1964 [47] Stephen Colbert, Washington DC, comedian-TV host (“The Colbert Report” since 2005)/comedy writer-reporter (“The Daily Show” 1997-2005)

1966 [45] Darius Rucker, Charleston SC, country singer (“This”, “Don’t Think I Don’t Think About It”)/pop singer (Hootie & the Blowfish-“Let Her Cry”, “Only Wanna Be With You”)

1979 [32] Mickey Madden, Austin TX, pop bassist (Maroon 5-“Misery”, “She Will Be Loved”)

1986 [25] Rob Pattinson, London UK, movie actor (“Twilight Saga”, “Water For Elephants”)  COMING UP: The sequel “Breaking Dawn – Part 1”, opening November 18th.

SATURDAY –
Filmmaker George Lucas (“Star Wars”) is 67; Classic rock singer David Byrne (Talking Heads) is 59; Classic rock singer Tom Cochrane (“Life Is a Highway”) is 58; Rock bassist Mike Inez (Alice in Chains) is 45; Movie actress Cate Blanchett (“Lord Of the Rings”) is 42; Pop singer Danny Wood (New Kids On the Block) is 42; Pop singer/bassist Mike Retondo (Plain White T’s) is 30; Billionaire Mark Zuckerberg (Facebook) is 27; TV actress Miranda Cosgrove (“iCarly”) is 18.

SUNDAY –
Producer/songwriter/musician Brian Eno (U2, Coldplay) is 63.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Blame Someone Else Day”, celebrated on the first Friday the 13th of each year as a day to saddle others with the responsibility for the mess we’re in.
• “Friday the 13th”, the only one in 2011, by tradition a day of bad luck. The 13th of the month falls on Friday more often than on any other day of the week. In a 400-year period, there will be 688 Friday the 13ths, as compared to 687 Sundays or Wednesdays, the next highest number.
• “Table Knife Appreciation Day”. It’s said that France’s Cardinal Richelieu invented the utensil on this date in 1639.

SATURDAY –
• “Canada-Wide Science Fair 2011”, the 50th annual through May 21st in Toronto. Some 500 students from across Canada are participating.
NET: http://cwsf.youthscience.ca/cwsf-2011-toronto
• “Dance Like a Chicken Day”, and if it’s at somebody’s wedding, all the better! Everybody now: “Dadda dadda dadda dah, dadda dadda dadda dah, dah dah dah dah …”
• “Help Clean Up Your Street Day”. (So [co-host], guess you’re moving, are you?)
• “International Migratory Bird Day”, observed annually on the 2nd Saturday in May . (Look what’s that in the sky? Ew, what’s that in my eye?)
• “International Online Romance Day”, a day to fall in love online. (With who knows what!)
• “Miniature Golf Day”, observed the 2nd Saturday of May to celebrate the frustrating game that involves putting balls through windmills and into clown mouths. Miniature golf has been around since the 1800s when the Ladies’ Putting Club had a mini-course in St Andrews, Scotland.
NET: http://www.punchbowl.com/holidays/national-miniature-golf-day
• “World Fair Trade Day”, observed on the 2nd Saturday of May to promote improved working conditions and payment for workers and producers around-the-world.
NET: http://www.worldfairtradeday10.org

SUNDAY –
• “Chocolate Chip Day”. Hey, any excuse to mow down on a dozen warm gooey cookies fresh out of the oven is cool. Mmm, can’t you just smell ‘em?
• “Flip Your Mattress Day”, an annual turnover to help prevent a case of the ‘lumpies’.
• “Peace Officer Memorial Day”, an annual observance during “Police Week” by more than 20,000 police departments across North America to honor colleagues killed in the line of duty.
NET: http://www.nationalpoliceweek.com

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1994 [17] Former “Tonight Show” host Johnny Carson makes his final TV appearance on “Late Show with David Letterman”

2000 [11] Actor Ben Stiller weds actress Christine Taylor in an oceanfront ceremony on Kauai, Hawaii

2005 [06] Series finalé of TV’s “Star Trek: Enterprise” (UPN)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1878 [133] Ever useful petroleum product ‘Vaseline’ is first marketed

COMING UP . . .
[Mon] Biographers Day
[Mon] Sea Monkey Day
[Mon] Global Poverty Project’s ‘Live Below the Line’ begins
[Tues] World Hypertension Day
[Tues] Full ‘Flower’ Moon
[Wed] International Museum Day
This Week Is … Hug an Elder Week
This Month Is … Date Your Mate Month

BULL’S BITS

BS PROOF THAT FRIDAY THE 13TH IS JUST ANOTHER DAY:
• Couldn’t possible be any worse than my crappy Thursday the 12th.
• One Friday the 13th, a black cat walked under a ladder, knocked over a salt cellar, broke a mirror, and still somehow avoided being the main course at the Golden Dragon Restaurant.
• It’s my lucky day! I have a meeting after the show to talk over a new contract with our new boss Jason Voorhees.
• Nothing has ever happened to ME on Friday the 13th yet … [SFX: explosion, glass breaking, mayhem, etc]

BS PHONE STARTER:
In what unusual way have you lost or destroyed your mobile phone?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
What’s the common term for when partners each pay their own way on a date?
a. ‘Going Dutch’ [CORRECT]
b. ‘Flying Solo‘
c. ‘Being Cheapo’

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Spent an hour at the wife’s grave this morning. Bless her, she thinks I’m digging a pond.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The average person now does THIS 12 times a day.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Washes hands.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Talk is cheap because supply inevitably exceeds demand.