Thursday, November 18, 2004        Edition: #2912
Thanks For Being On Our Sheet List!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY at a special ceremony at Washington DC’s Smithsonian Institute, Jerry Seinfeld will donate his ‘puffy shirt’ from the “Seinfeld” sitcom to the museum’s collection of pop culture artifacts (it already includes Judy Garland’s ruby slippers, Mr Rogers’ sweater, and an old Kermit the Frog puppet) . . . Sources say CBS-TV has ordered a makeover for 73-year-old news anchor Dan Rather in an attempt to revamp his image (at least we think they have – our sources may have been lying) . . . Demand for tickets for the final episode taping of “The Apprentice 2″ NEXT MONTH is so huge, Donald Trump is moving the show from NBC-TV’s “Saturday Night Live” studio, which holds just 500, to the much larger Vivian Beaumont Theater at NYC’s Lincoln Center . . . Word is Paris Hilton is starting to annoy club DJs because she demands they play her much-hyped (and much-maligned) single “Screwed” . . . ‘SpongeBob SquarePants’, ‘Barney’ the dinosaur & ‘Clifford the Big Red Dog’ are teaming up to re-record the 1970s disco hit “We Are Family” to promote tolerance and diversity in schools (compared to “Screwed” – sounds like a hit!).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Tim McGraw – TONIGHT he officially closes out his 2004 tour sched with a charity show in Tallahassee FL for Florida State University and the Tug McGraw Scholarship Fund.
• Gavin DeGraw – TONIGHT he’s on NBC-TV’s “Last Call With Carson Daly”.
• Christina Aguilera – She & boyfriend Jordan Bratman aren’t engaged yet but friends tell “In Touch” magazine that if he pops the question … she’ll quickly accept.
• Evanescence – Their “Anywhere But Home” CD/DVD combo isn’t due until TUESDAY but they’ve already released ‘live’ videos from it of “Bring Me To Life” and “My Immortal”.
• TLC – Tionne ‘T-Boz’ Watkins & Rozonda ‘Chili’ Thomas will star in a UPN reality series in which they audition aspiring female singers to join them for a concert and recording session.

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
Rolling Stone guitarist Keith Richards, whom Johnny Depp has credited as the inspiration for his portrayal of ‘Jack Sparrow’ in “Pirates of the Caribbean”, will make his acting debut in the sequel, “Treasure of the Lost Abyss”, playing the Depp’s father . . . Tobey Maguire is set to star and assume the role of producer in a new film entitled “Blackbird”, the story about the death of a CIA agent who was part of the agency’s experimentation with LSD . . . Craig Kilborn’s big post-“Late Late Show” movie role is in – “The Shaggy Dog” remake, playing Tim Allen’s (the man-turned-dog’s) smarmy neighbor . . . Dreamworks has paid over $1.25 million to secure the movie rights to the TV series “Baywatch” and is aiming for a 2006 release which will NOT involve the TV show’s star David Hasselhoff (who’s been trying to flog a remake for years) . . . Liza Minnelli, who was just hit with a lawsuit by her former chauffeur, has lined up her first theatrical movie role since 1991, playing an offbeat self-help instructor in “The Oh in Ohio”, co-starring Danny DeVito, Mischa Barton & Parker Posey.

CIGAR MUSEUM OPENS:
TODAY is the dedication of the “Bill Clinton Presidential Library & Museum” in Little Rock AR as some 125,000 invitations have been sent out for the official opening. The building is not without controversy – numerous homeless people were evicted from the site when construction began. The opening has been cause for a week-long celebration that included an Aretha Franklin concert with guests Whoopi Goldberg & Quincy Jones, and astronaut-turned-Senator-turned-astronaut John Glenn opening an exhibit called “Space & the Presidency”. The complex opens to the public TOMORROW.
– “Newsday”

SENIORS SLAMMER:
In Germany, plans are in the works to build the world’s first – ‘Senior Citizen Prison’. Due to an increase in crimes committed by oldsters over 60, the German government will build a special facility near Hanover which caters to sinister seniors. In the old-age jail, all toilets and beds will be equipped with handrails, cells will be built to accommodate walkers and wheelchairs, and nurses will be on duty 24/7. (And all incoming diapers will be checked for weapons and Viagra.)
– Ananova

THE BOSS BITES HIS TOENAILS:
A researcher at the Westchester Center for Behaviour Therapy has determined that most of us have at least one nervous habit. Psychologist Robert Filewich says it might be as simple as the habit of finishing sentences with ‘you know’ – a way of relieving anxiety. (So what nervous habit have you encountered … that drove you nuts?)
– “Psychology Today”

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• A Brazilian judge has won the right to be called ‘Your Excellency’ or ‘Your Honor’ – even outside court. Judge Antonio Marreiro of Rio de Janeiro went to court to secure the decision. This means neighbors in his apartment building can now only address him by his formal titles – or risk a fine.
• A 43-year-old man in Romania has been forced to seek medical attention after he used Super Glue to secure – a condom. He not only thought it was too large to stay on by itself, he figured if it was stuck on, it could be used several times.
• The chairman of a soccer team in Moldova has been fined $1,900 for driving his car onto the field and trying to run over the referee — several times. Seems he got ticked off when a penalty kick was awarded to the opposing team. Fortunately, no one was hurt but the game was called off.

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
• 82% of guys think that if a French kiss happens at the end of a date, the girl will want to go out with him again.
• 80% of pet owners believe their pets understand English.
• 57% of Canadians believe in life after death.
• 25% of adults say they sleep better when their partners aren’t sleeping in the same bed.
• 20% of married Canadians refuse to be a passenger when their spouse is driving.
• 20% of men have had some form of sex while driving.
• 6% of us have now cancelled our land-line home phones.

BS AMAZING FACT:
On average, 100 people choke to death each year … on ballpoint pens.

THE BULL SHEET 11.18.2K4

Today’s Celebirthdays . . .
1939 [65] Margaret (Peggy) Atwood, Ottawa ON, ‘dean of Canadian authors’ (Booker Prize- “The Blind Assassin”, Giller Prize-“Alias Grace”, Governor General’s Award-“The Handmaid’s Tale”)/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2001)

1962 [42] Kirk Hammet, San Francisco CA, heavy metal guitarist/singer (Metallica-“St Anger”)

1968 [36] Owen Wilson, Dallas TX, movie actor (“Starsky & Hutch”, “Meet the Parents”)/brother of actor Luke Wilson

1979 [25] Fabolous (John Jackson), Brooklyn NY, rapper (“Into You”, “Bada Boom”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is the 28th “Great American Smokeout”, the American Cancer Society’s annual attempt to get people to kick their butts, at least for 24 hours.
PHONER: 800-227-2345
NET: http://www.cancer.org/docroot/SPC/SPC_0.1.asp

TODAY is “Beaujolais Nouveau Day”, the annual limited-release of young Burgundy wines from France as a preview of the year’s grape crop. The long-awaited release comes at the strike of midnight on the 3rd Thursday in November and kicks off some 120 festivals to honor the arrival of the young wine in the Beaujolais region alone, not to mention throughout France and across the globe. More than 20 million bottles were trucked to French airports LAST WEEKEND, destined for wine enthusiasts in the US, Canada and Japan.
NET: http://www.beaujolais.com

TODAY is “Mickey Mouse Day”, generally observed as his ‘birthday’ when he appeared in the cartoon short “Steamboat Willie” in 1928 (making him a geezer mouse of 76!). It was the first cartoon with synchronized sound.

TODAY is “Married to a Scorpio Support Day”, a day of remembrance to honor those who are
married to Scorpios. (Are they that bad? Any horror stories out there?)

THIS WEEKEND is the annual “Elephant Round-Up” in Surin,  the ‘elephant capital’ of Thailand. Highlights include a mock battle featuring smoke, swords, and more than 100 mighty elephants and dozens of costumed warlords, and special elephant competitions in strength, skill, and obedience. There’s also a party for 200 elephants that will include a 60-ton buffet.
PHONER: 011-66-4421-3666 (TAT Northeastern Office)
NET: http://www.thailandgrandfestival.com/festival.asp?festID=254

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1997 [07] 25 people are injured trying to get inside a Texas shopping mall for a concert by …  Hanson

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1883 [121] 1st standard ‘time zones’ adopted by railroads in Canada & the USA

1913 [91] 1st (intentional) ‘loop-de-loop’ flown in an airplane (next day, the ‘barf bag’ is invented)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1991 [13] Suzanne Ferrer of Loire Valley, France becomes a great-grandmother at age 49 (had her first child at age 16, her daughter gave birth at 17, and her granddaughter at 15)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Have A Bad Day Day
[Fri ] World Toilet Day
[Sat] Absurdity Day
[Sat] Name Your PC Day
[Sat] National Child Day in Canada
[Sat] Universal Children’s Day
[Sun] World Hello Day
[Sun] 92nd Grey Cup (BC vs Toronto @ Ottawa)
[Sun] 100th anniversary Toronto Santa Claus Parade
This Week Is . . . Culinary Week
This Month Is . . . Alzheimer’s Disease Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS REJECTION LINES TRANSLATED:
• “There’s a slight difference in our ages.” (I don’t want to do my dad)
• “I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way.” (You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes upon.)
• “My life is too complicated right now.” (I don’t want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I’m seeing.)
• “I’ve got a boyfriend.” (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Haagen Daz.)
• “I don’t date men where I work.” (I wouldn’t date you if you were in the same solar system, much less the same building.)
• “I’m concentrating on my career.” (Even something as boring and non-fulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
• “I’m celibate.” (I’ve sworn off only the men like you.)
• “Let’s be friends.” (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It’s that male perspective thing.)
• “It’s not you, it’s me.” (It’s you.)

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• What is the official name of the ‘pound symbol’ (#) on your phone keypad?
a. Octothorpe.
b. Ampersand.
c. The Bars of Death.
[That would be the octothorpe sign.]

• What country is expected to be the world’s top tourist destination within 15 years?
a. Australia.
b. China.
c. The Moon.
[According to the World Tourist Organization it will be China, with 130 million annual visitors.]

• When is the best time to shave your legs?
a. A half-hour after you wake up.
b. Just before bedtime.
c. Midlife.
[According to “First” magazine, after you’ve been up at least 20 minutes. Seems lying down causes water retention in your legs which prevents a close shave.]

TOP SWAPS:
The week’s most requested music files online …
1. Nelly – “Over And Over”
2. Usher – “My Boo”
3. Trick Daddy – “Let’s Go”
4. Snoop Dogg – “Drop It Like It’s Hot”
5. Eminem – “Just Lose It”
– Big Champagne online music measurement

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• Good morning, here I am! Now … what were your other two wishes?
• [Co-host] is a real wild-man. Heaven won’t have him and Hell’s afraid he’ll take over.
• OK, everybody repeat after me … “We are all individuals.”
• If it’s true that we are what we eat, I’m cheap, fast and easy.

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the worst home remedy for the common cold that you’ve ever heard of … or tried?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: If you are average, you will keep THIS for 29 weeks before you throw it away.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A magazine.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.