Friday, November 15, 2002        Edition: #2422
Hairy Bull & The Chamber of Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
The items Winona Ryder was accused of stealing from Saks are now selling like hot-cakes, especially the $100 Frederick Fekkai hair bows which apparently have become cult items after they were mentioned in the trial and are sold out in many stores . . . Seen pics of Michael Jackson testifying in the $21-million breach-of-contract lawsuit filed against him? His freakin’ nose is falling off! . . .St Louis Rams coach Mike Martz is reportedly so upset that FOX NFL commentator Terry Bradshaw called him ‘a girl’ for not doing an interview and he’s demanding a formal apology (watch them make this into a big deal SUNDAY) . . . First Ben Affleck proposed to J-Lo and now word has it his best bud Matt Damon has popped the question to 27-year-old girlfriend Odessa Whitmire, who used to be Ben’s personal assistant, and she’s said ‘yes’ (hmm, double wedding?) . . . Meantime, Ben Affleck is reportedly spending over a million bucks on former FBI and CIA agents to protect Jennifer Lopez from kidnappers and terrorists (or maybe to protect the engagement ring?) . . .  J-Lo’s ring is a rare 6.1-carat, near-flawless pink diamond on a Harry Winston platinum & 18K-pink gold mounting with 2 diamond trapezoid side stone accents (Liz Taylor must be green with envy) . . . Word is starting to leak on why Kim Delaney was canned from “CSI: Miami” – seems she and egocentric star David Caruso were constantly bickering after he found out she was making almost the same money and he began having her lines cut or changed (this show’s gonna self-destruct if they don’t get this guy in line) . . . And because you really need to know – “People” mag tells us 20-year-old “Spider-Man” actress Kirsten Dunst and 21-year-old “Moonlight Mile” actor Jake Gyllenhaal are a hot-‘n-heavy item.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
“Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets”, the 2nd in the ‘Potter’ series. Some quick facts –
• Director Chris Columbus warns this film may be too intense for kids 7 or younger. Among the scary parts – a dead cat is hung, children are frozen stiff by a monster and chased through a forest by an army of giant spiders.
• Many ‘Potter’ fans went to see “Scooby-Doo” THIS SUMMER just to see the first trailer for this movie.
• Star Daniel Radcliffe was initially only offered $180,000 for this film, but the Actor’s Union Equity stepped in and negotiated a deal for him worth about $3 million.
• Daniel Radcliffe says “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets” is his favorite book.
• Zoe Wanamaker does not appear in this film as Hogwarts flying instructor ‘Madam Hooch’. Her character was written out!
• Christian Coulson landed the role as ‘Tom Riddle’, even though he’s 23, far beyond the 15-17 age limit set for auditions.
ALSO OPENING TODAY:
Steven Seagal & Ja Rule star in the crime thriller “Half Past Dead”, about a criminal genius who sneaks into a hi-tech prison to get a death row inmate to reveal the location of $200 million in missing gold from a heist . . . Canadian film maker Atom Egoyan’s “Ararat” opens in limited release, a film within a film, it’s a contemporary story of the making of a historical epic about the Armenian holocaust between 1915 and 1918 (premiered at the Cannes Film Festival, then made its Canadian debut at the Toronto Film Festival).

TWO CUPS OF COCOA:
Austrian fashion designer Reinlinde Trummer has come up with the world’s first bra made completely of – chocolate. Each bra takes 2 days to manufacture, then 3 weeks to dry and harden. The edible bras are made from 2 kilos of chocolate mixed with exotic flavors like pepper, chili and whisky – for that extra bite! And don’t worry, the special chocolate won’t melt and, well, er…let you down at the wrong moment. Even at $140 each, Trummer says they are proving incredibly popular and she can’t make them fast enough. (Makes you wonder, will they be using the M&M’s slogan?)

SEASON OF DEFLOWERS:
A new study in the latest issue of the “Journal of Marriage & Family” shows that teens are most likely to lose their virginity in the month of JUNE. The next most popular month is DECEMBER. Researchers says the findings suggest parents and sex educators should therefore discuss the topic with teens just before summer and again ahead of the holiday season. (Like the kids haven’t been talking about it all year anyway.)

MAYBE GEORGE MICHAEL WAS RIGHT:
According to a new poll, fully one-third of Brits surveyed now believe that George W Bush poses a greater threat to world peace than Saddam Hussein. The poll also finds that half of Brits now think Prime Minister Tony Blair is Bush’s ‘lapdog’.

ONLY IN CANADA:
• THIS WEEK’S issue of “Sports Illustrated” features an article titled “Why Everyone Hates the Leafs” which calls the Toronto Maple Leafs a bunch of ‘whiners, divers, and cheap-shot artists’. It claims the Leafs have become the NY Yankees of hockey – only without the championships. (Ouch!)
• The federal government has begun an investigation into odd electric phenomena in the Victoria BC suburb of Colwood after a pair of 61-meter transmission towers were built 2 years ago to broadcast 3 FM stations and improve cell phone signals. Ever since, residents have been plagued by weirdness – garage doors opening suddenly, lawn sprinklers coming on at will, radios playing several stations at once, VCRs and TVs turning on spontaneously, and even a brass bed heating up from radio waves. (And lord knows what it’s doing to all those pacemakers!)
• 67% of Canadians surveyed say aggressive driving is a serious problem and want more done to stop it, according to a new report from the Traffic Injury Research Foundation. (Step #1 – get everyone off the road except me.)
• THIS WEEK a horny deer attacked a minivan in Windsor ON, injuring 5 people. Cops say the rutting deer struck the side of the van, causing the driver to lose control. (Ford is now considering dropping the ‘antler option’ from its Windstars.)

ONLY IN AMERICA:
• THIS WEEK a rally in support of fired Michigan State football coach Bobby Williams drew a total of – 8 people. (At least it was a better turn-out than this season’s home games.)
• Mayor Jay Lee of Virgin, Utah says he wants town council meetings to be positive, not a gripe session. So to ensure meetings are short and sweet, he charges residents $25 to show up and speak! (Just call it a ‘gas tax’.)
• A man having a heart attack couldn’t be airlifted to hospital in Des Moines IA – because he weighed too much. Apparently 365 pounds exceeds the air ambulance helicopter’s weight limit. (Everything turned out OK – he was transported by emergency forklift.)

TWO-FACED:
The world’s first ‘face transplant’ could occur sometime soon. Dr Peter Butler, a plastic surgeon at London’s Royal Free Hospital, says that scientifically and technically, we have reached the point where taking the face from a dead body and refitting it onto a live human would only be marginally more difficult than other forms of transplant. (The first donor – Michael Jackson.)

WEIRD WORLD OF BS:
• German swimming champ Franziska van Almsick tells ”Bild” magazine she likes to warm up for races – by having sex. Oh, and her favorite place for it is in the water. (In related news, attendance at European swimming competitions is way, way up this year.)
• YESTERDAY Bill Gates was welcomed to the city of Hyderabad, India with an 8-foot tall condom. It was supposed to be a tribute to his generosity in fighting AIDS. (Or maybe just some sort of slam about him being a giant prick.)
• The makers of Italian liqueur Disaronno Amaretto have yanked a unique ad campaign which involved wafting the scent of almonds around London Underground subway stations. Seems there were fears that the sweet aroma might be confused with cyanide and panic commuters. So much for that $2.4-million idea! (And likely some keener’s job.)
• Judges have just ruled that oral sex does not constitute adultery in Taiwan. (In related news, Bill Clinton is taking Chinese lessons.)
• THIS MONTH dozens of suspected criminals in Germany found out that their telephones were being tapped by security services when a software glitch caused them to be BILLED for the eavesdropping! (When did Inspector Clouseau join the German police?)
• The top soccer team in the Birmingham (England) Amateur Football Alliance is called the Sikh Hunter New Boys and features an unusual phenomenon – EVERY player has the surname ‘Singh’. Must make for interesting play-by-play! (“And it’s Singh over to Singh who heads it back to Singh . . .”)

FOR THE RECORD:
40-year-old former NBA player Manute Bol has signed a deal to play for the Indianapolis Ice of the Central Hockey League and is expected to debut with the team TOMORROW night. Not really notable except – he’s 7-foot-7! That makes him the tallest player ever signed in pro hockey history. (Likely just a scam to sell tickets. He may never get off the bench.)

THE BULL SHEET 11.15.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1929 [73] Ed Asner, Kansas City MO, former TV actor (“Mary Tyler Moore”) whose 7 Primetime Emmy Awards make him the most honored male performer in the awards’ history

1940 [62] Sam Waterston, Cambridge MA, TV actor (Executive DA Jack McCoy-“Law & Order” since 1994)

1945 [57] Frida Lyngstad, Narvik NOR, oldies singer (ABBA-“Dancing Queen)  NOTE: After selling over 350 million records worldwide, group is enjoying a revival thanks to the nostalgic stage musical “Mamma Mia”

1957 [45] Kevin Eubanks, Philadelphia PA, guitarist/bandleader (“Tonight Show With Jay Leno” since 1995)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1958 [44] Marg Helgenberger, Fremont NE, TV actress (CSI Catherine Willows-“CSI: Crime Scene Investigation”)/movie actress (“Erin Brockovich”)

1964 [38] Diana Krall, Nanaimo BC, jazz singer/pianist (“Live in Paris”, Grammy Award for ‘Best Album of the Year’-“When I Look In Your Eyes”)/2002 Juno Awards for ‘Best Artist’, ‘Best Album’ and ‘Best Vocal Jazz Album (“The Look of Love”)

1979 [23] Trevor Penick, CA, manufactured pop star from “Making the Band” (O-Town-“Liquid Dreams”, “All or Nothing”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[USA] National Educational Support Personnel Day
[USA] America Recycles Day (http://www.americarecyclesday.org/)

TODAY is “Pack Your Mom’s Lunch Day”, when kids with a mother who’s gone back to school  are encouraged to honor her by making her lunch. (Or could it be a chance to get back at mom for all those baloney sandwiches and the embarrassing wiener-on-a-string in a Thermos that you were forced to take to school in Grade 3?)

TODAY is “National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day”, a day to hunt down and throw out those green-encrusted remains lurking in the depths. And would it kill you to wash out the vegetable crisper for once? What’s the oddest thing in your fridge?

TODAY is “George Spelvin Day” (female variation ‘Georgette’ or ‘Georgina’), commemorating the 1886 invention of the name used on Broadway for actors who have more than one role in a play. The fictitious name has appeared in over 10,000 Broadway programs. (The name “Walter Plinge” is similarly used on the British stage.)

TOMORROW the “Dog Bowl” will be held in the Detroit suburb of Waterford Township MI to raise cash for the Michigan Animal Adoption Network. Dogs and their owners will play football, the pooches thrown passes by their owner-quarterbacks using a soft doggie football. They will be judged on style and the number of receptions. (This could be a fun public service promotion in your market!)

THIS WEEKEND is the annual “Elephant Round-Up” in Surin,  the ‘elephant capital’ of Thailand. Highlights include a mock battle featuring smoke, swords, and more than 100 mighty elephants and dozens of costumed warlords, and special elephant competitions in strength, skill, and obedience. There’s also a party for 200 elephants that will include a 60-ton buffet. (Man, you oughta see the sneeze-guards!)

SUNDAY is “Homemade Bread Day”, when we’re all encouraged to bake a loaf from scratch. (A good day to get a bun in the oven!)

SUNDAY is “Take A Hike Day”, which is either a day to enjoy the outdoors or to get out of someone’s face.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1926 [76] National Broadcasting Company’s on-air debut (‘Must-See Radio’)

1969 [33] 1st Wendy’s fast-food restaurants open (“Hey look, them burgers is square!”)

1976 [26] Parti Quebecois 1st wins election victory in Quebec but leader Rene Levesque says it’s too early to talk about separation (and apparently it STILL is)

1981 [21] At 5-11, Ottawa becomes 1st CFL team to advance to Grey Cup with a losing record (Toronto could do it this year)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1948 [54] Canada’s longest-serving Prime Minister, William Lyon Mackenzie King, retires after serving as PM 3 times for a total of 22 years

1974 [28] Rock group Faces releases tune with longest title – “You Can Make Me Dance, Sing or Anything (Even Take the Dog for a Walk, Mend a Fuse, Fold Away the Ironing Board, Or Any Other Domestic Shortcomings)”

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] “UN International Day for Tolerance”
[Sat] Button Day
[Sun] 98th Toronto Santa Claus Parade
[Sun] CFL East & West Finals (Toronto @ Montréal, Winnipeg @ Edmonton)
[Sun ] National Farm Joke Day
[Tues] World Toilet Summit (Singapore)
[Wed] Beaver Moon (Full Moon in November)
[Wed] Canadian National Child Day
[Wed] Name Your PC Day
[Thurs] Beaujolais Nouveau Day (worldwide release of France’s new crop wines)
This Week Is . . . Key Club International Week / Chemistry Week
This Month Is . . . Healthy Skin Month / Hospice Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS ‘5-DOLLAR PSYCHIC’:
Pick a $5-bill at random (or any other bill for that matter) and hold it with the portrait facing you. Now you’re ready for your daily ‘reading’!
BS ‘BUCK-A-DAY PSYCHIC’:
Pick a one-dollar bill at random and hold it with the portrait facing you. Now you’re ready for your daily ‘reading’!
• If the left margin is wider than the right margin – it means good luck is headed your way in the finance and romance departments. Take risks, act on instincts and ask someone out on a date.
• If the margin on the right is wider than the left – this is the month to play it safe in money and love. Things will eventually turn around but lay low for now.
• If the bill is wrinkled and crumpled – your physical energy is running low. Do not exert yourself next month. Rest and baby yourself until your energy cycle returns.
• If the bill is smooth and slick – the next month is full of pep and vigor. Work a little harder than you normally would and there will be big rewards.
• If the same digit appears twice in the serial number – an unexpected financial windfall is headed your way within 30 days. This is not true if a number appears more than twice!
• If the first letter/number in the serial number is followed by an even number – you may encounter resistance or conflict from a friend or family member. Be patient!
• If the first letter/number in the serial number is followed by an odd number – an old lover may be coming back into your life. Use caution!
• If the last 2 digits of the serial number are odd, pay more attention to your driving because you are headed for a crash. Drive defensively and slow down!

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 82% of guys think that if this happens at the end of a date, you will want to go out with him again.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A French kiss.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Wisdom comes with age. Death comes with age. Therefore, wisdom is dangerous.