November 9, 2000                                              Edition:  #1929

LAST NIGHT at Ottawa’s National Arts Centre, Canada’s 5 political party leaders debated each other in French. TONIGHT they’ll do it all over again in English. In case you missed it, and of course you did, here’s a look at . . .
LAST NIGHT’S BS DEBATE HIGHLIGHTS:
• Confused over the finer points of French, Stockwell Day claiming Lake Erie drains — up.
• Confused over the finer points of French, Joe Clark accidently admitting he’s a lesbian.
• Confused over the finer points of French, Stockwell Day offering to sell marijuana and a free vote on the CBC.
• Alexa McDonough sporting flashy new muttonchop sideburns.
• Stockwell Day showing pics of Parliament Buildings to illustrate the famous ‘brain drain’.
• Chretien telling a raunchy personal anecdote after misunderstanding the term ‘rebuttal’.
• Stockwell Day only saying “I’m not going to mention the APEC Inquiry” 5 times.
• Chretien spending entire debate in a wet pair of Depends without showing much discomfort.
• More poppies than Flanders fields.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Pierce Brosnan is not only becoming a US citizen, he’s hinting that his next ‘James Bond’ film may be his last and producers are said to be considering pop singer Robbie Williams as his successor . . . Word is cosmetics giant Estée Lauder is quietly negotiating with Gwyneth Paltrow to replace Elizabeth Hurley as its spokesmodel . . . “Law & Order” producer Dick Wolf is developing yet another spinoff — “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” – described as crime stories from the perpetrator’s point of view (what next — ‘Law & Order From an Overhead Cam’?).

MOVIES GETTING MADE:
Jennifer Lopez is in negotiations to star in “Enough”, which follows a newlywed woman’s descent into domestic violence (her husband gets caught with a gun in a nightclub?) . . . A remake of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s first big hit, “Conan the Barbarian”, is in the works but it’s unlikely the big guy will star in it, now that he’s taken an anti-movie violence stance . . . Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr are being pursued to co-star in a live-action “Scooby Doo” movie (which one’s the dog?).

IS ‘RICHARD’ IN THIS ONE?
In a Web rip-off of the TV show, 10 bikini-clad women are competing for the title of “Ultimate Bikini Survivor” as Webcams follow them 24/7 for 6 weeks while they struggle to ‘survive’ in an upscale villa in Costa Rica. After daily ‘challenges’ like Twister, hopscotch, limbo, and beach volleyball, online voters knock ‘em off one-by-one. The winner gets 25 grand.
NET: http://www.BikiniSurvivor.com

WIDE WORLD OF BS:
• A man in Madrid, Spain who stole a steamroller because he was tired of walking led police on a 5 mph chase that lasted 3 hours. (It’s not known if AC Cowling will be deported back to the US.)
• A 46-year-old Dortmund, Germany man has died as a result of methane poisoning — caused by his own chronic flatulence. (Adding whole new meaning to “Who died in here?”)
• A pair of house painters in South Australia were so angry when a customer refused to pay their $1,400 fee they waited until he went to work and then repainted his house purple and orange. (Geez, hope he paid the plumber.)

THE BULL SHEET 11.09.00

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1969    [31] Pepa (Sandra Denton), Queens NY, rap/funk/pop singer (Salt-N-Pepa-“ “Push It”,  “Shoop”)
1973    [27] Nick Lachey, Cincinnati OH, pop singer (98 Degrees-“Give Me Just One Night [Una Noche]”, “I Do Cherish You”)
1978    [22] Sisqo (Mark Andrews), Baltimore MD, R&B/pop singer (“Thong Song”, Dru Hill w/Will Smith-“Wild Wild West”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Toronto] Royal Winter Fair opens

Ride ‘em cowboy! The “Canadian Finals Rodeo” continues through Sunday in Edmonton. (http://www.northlands.com/cfr/index.html). A popular new event at Texas rodeos called ‘rump rolling’ is drawing protests from the group Women United Against Indignities To Women. The event features cowgirls bending over a corral fence and wiggling their butts seductively for a panel of rowdy cowboys. (Setting back the feminist movement about 500 years.)

ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1993    [07] Former PM Pierre Trudeau releases autobiography titled “Memoirs”
1998    [02] Canadian filmmaker Norman Jewison receives ‘Lifetime Achievement Award’ from the Canadian Film Centre — which he founded

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1907    [93] 1st game for ‘Edmonton Rugby Foot-ball Club’ (forerunner of Eskimos) as team loses to ‘Calgary City Rugby Foot-ball Club’ (forerunner of Stampeders) 26-5
1967    [33] 1st issue of “Rolling Stone” mag comes with free ‘roach clip’ (John Lennon on cover)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Lung Cancer Awareness Day (have smokers call in and cough, vote on the best)
Peanut Butter Lovers’ Month (have callers try to sing with a mouthful)

BULL’S BITS . . .
STUNTS:
Try this Website for a huge list of phone pranks. One of our faves involves calling a department store and asking for ‘butt plugs’ and getting transfered all over the place from one department to the next.
NET: http://www.franksworld.com/pranks/links.html

ARE THESE ACTIONS AXWORTHY?
“Glamour” mag polled executives to see if the following office goofs and gaffs are ‘forgivable’ or ‘fireable’. See if you agree . . .
• Taking frequent sick days. [Fireable]
• Frequent long lunches. [Fireable]
• Gossiping. [Forgivable]
• Frequently late for work. [Fireable]
• Surfing the Internet. [Forgivable]
• Frequent personal phone calls. [Fireable]
• Sending jokes via email. [Forgivable]
• Dating a co-worker. [Forgivable]
• Drinking too much at a company event. [Forgivable]

BS TAG LINE: Diapers and politicians should be changed often. For the same reason.