Monday, November 20, 2006        Edition: #3412
Sheet For Brains!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• SUNDAY the newlywed Mr & Mrs TomKat flew out of Rome for a honeymoon in the Maldives, an island nation in the Indian Ocean. The SATURDAY evening wedding was performed by a Scientology minister in front of more than 150 relatives and friends, including Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony; Will Smith; John Travolta; Jenna Elfman, Jim Carrey, Brooke Shields, and Hollywood producers Jerry Bruckheimer and JJ Abrams. The best man was Cruise’s best friend David Miscavige and the matron-of-honor was Holmes’ sister Nancy Blaylock. The couple exchanged vows in a former stable at the Castello Odescalchi in Bracciano, which was decorated simply with white flowers. Because a Scientology wedding isn’t recognized under local law, the couple actually made things official LAST WEEK in a civil ceremony in LA. By the way, it rained during SATURDAY’s ceremony, but rain at a wedding is seen as a sign of good fortune in Italy.
– USA Today
• Talk about your punchline! When Sacha Baron Cohen, dressed as ‘Borat’, was recently on the way to have a drink with “House” star Hugh Laurie following a TV appearance, he asked a passer-by in his Kazakh accent: “I like your clothings. Are nice! Please may I buying? I want have s– with it.” The man responded by punching Cohen in the face … several times.
– “Daily Mail”
• Angry Michael Jackson fans are seeking refunds for their tickets to LAST WEEK’s “World Music Awards” in London UK. Top tickets went for more than $175, and fans claim they were misled by promises that Jackson would perform his mega-hit “Thriller”.  He ended up doing only a few bars of “We Are the World”, supported by a choir of children.
– DayInRock.com
• Here’s a reason to bring back corporal punishment! In an online poll conducted by the National Education Association, movie star Jessica Alba ranks as the #1 celebrity that most would want to see as a substitute teach for a day. Jessica and her A-plus curves topped votes for runners-up Oprah Winfrey and Angelina Jolie. Detention never sounded so good!
– TMZ.com
• She’s finally made up her mind! “Grey’s Anatomy” star Ellen Pompeo is engaged to her record producer boyfriend Chris Ivery. The groom-to-be proposed on her 37th birthday FRIDAY. No wedding date has been set. So long ‘McDreamy’!
– “National Enquirer”
• 21-year-old “Pirates of the Caribbean” actress Keira Knightley is reportedly set to wed her actor boyfriend Rupert Friend. Seems she spilled the beans at a party hosted by Lindsay Lohan at London’s Paper Club FRIDAY night. She and Friend have been a couple for almost a year after co-starring in the movie adaptation of Jane Austen’s “Pride & Prejudice” in 2005.
– “News Of The World”
• Black Crowes frontman Chris Robinson has officially filed for divorce from actress Kate Hudson after nearly 6 years of marriage and 3 months of separation, citing irreconcilable differences. The couple have a 2-and-a-half-year-old son, Ryder. Refusing to stoop to K-Fed’s antics, Robinson is requesting joint custody and is not looking to collect any spousal support.
– “E! Online”
• And the new book “Bunny Tales: Behind Closed Doors at the Playboy Mansion” claims that Tinseltown stars Leonardo Dicaprio, Colin Farrell, Matthew Perry & Owen Wilson have all enjoyed ‘romping’ with models at Hugh Hefner’s infamous Playboy mansion in LA. According to author Izabella St James, once one of Hefner’s 7-strong inner-harem, the stars just needed to snap their fingers to seduce the many glamour girls at parties. Quote: “Leo practically lived at the mansion. I lost count of the times I saw him bundling 5 or 6 girls into the back of a limo to take back to his house.” See … it’s not just about money.
– “Contact Music”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Audioslave – TONIGHT Chris Cornell is on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC) to perform his theme song from the Bond film “Casino Royale”, “You Know My Name”.
• Bono/Pearl Jam – FRIDAY they teamed up for a surprise free open-air concert near the “G20 Summit” in Melbourne, Australia. They played “Rockin’ in the Free World” and called for an end to world poverty before an estimated crowd of 14,000.
• Bryan Adams – Hard to believe but his oldie “Summer of 69” is currently the most-played music video on YouTube.
• Diddy – TONIGHT he does “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Fall Out Boy – Their new album will be called “Infinity on High”, taken from a quote by artist Vincent van Gogh.
• The Game – He’s facing charges of impersonating an officer after hopping into a NYC taxi, telling the driver he was an undercover cop and ordering the cabbie to ignore red lights.
• Kellie Pickler – In a newspaper interview, her estranged mother Cynthia Morton says she is proud of her daughter but has not tried to contact her. They haven’t spoken since Kellie was returned to the custody of her paternal grandparents at age 12.
• Peter Gabriel – He’s just been awarded the annual “Man of Peace” prize from a foundation headed by former Russian president Mikhail Gorbachev.
• Sting – SATURDAY he performed at a classical concert for charity at Salisbury Cathedral near his home in England.
• Whitney Houston – She’s now homeless … at least, on paper. Her Atlanta mansion, which she & estranged hubby Bobby Brown bought for $1.1 million in 2003, has been sold at foreclosure. Just days ago, it was reported her NJ mansion was slated to be offloaded in a sheriff’s sale.

PRACTICING JEDIS:
A pair of self-proclaimed ‘Jedi Knights’ in Britain want their faith to be officially recognized as a religion. ‘Umada’ and ‘Yunyun’, aka John Wilkinson and Charlotte Law, want the UN to acknowledge ‘Jedi’ as a religion. They’re also calling for the UN’s “International Day of Tolerance” to be renamed the “Interstellar Day of Tolerance”.  Some 400,000 people claimed to be ‘Jedi’ in the most recent UK census, more than those who listed themselves as Sikh, Jewish or Buddhist. (Next they’ll want their own country.)
– “The Guardian”

HURTING AT HOME:
According to the National Safety Council, the leading causes of fatal accidents in the home are, in order, ‘falls’ (increasing due to the aging population), ‘poisonings’, ‘fires’, and ‘suffocation’ from swallowing foreign objects. But non-fatal accidents are more interesting – 25% of blinding injuries are ironically caused by people poking themselves with eyeglasses, and 15% of ALL home accidents involve impact with a door. (Take care of your health … don’t go home!)
– Reuters

WHO’S NOT HOT:
The annual list of the “Frigid 50: The Coldest People in Hollywood”, ranks the least-powerful, least-inspiring, least-intriguing people in all of Tinseltown. Here are the top (bottom?) 5 …
5. Wesley Snipes – Thanks to his penchant for not paying the bills.
4. Lindsay Lohan – All she seems to do is party and then dry out.
3. ‘Borat’ – Because the character is finished. It can never be a ‘surprise hit’ a 2nd time.
2. Jennifer Aniston – Her tale of woe has become almost as tiring as her films.
1. Mel Gibson – In Hollywood, DUI is just another form of publicity, but antisemitism will get you ostracized.
– FilmThreat.com

DOOMSDAY PLANS:
NASA is drawing up plans to land an astronaut on an asteroid hurtling through space at more than 30,000 mph. The US space agency is planning to master techniques needed to deflect a potentially doomsday-causing object. Though designs are still in their infancy and the spacecraft needed to send an astronaut that far into space exists only on the drawing board, NASA is serious about the project. The space agency has already identified a possible threat in a small asteroid called Apophis, which could collide with Earth in 2036. (By which time, an 81-year-old Bruce Willis will be just too old to take the gig.)
– “GQ”

SURVIVING FOR A CENTURY:
If you’d like to live past the age of 100, here are some tips culled from a sampling of seniors between the ages of 101 and 120 …
• Never second-guess yourself. When you make a decision, act on it, and forget it.
• Never go to bed angry at anyone, especially yourself or your mate.
• Try to do something nice for someone everyday.
• Don’t let people get under your skin.
• Don’t worry about money.
• Never get on an airplane.
• Don’t drive at night.
• Take time to relax.
– “Focus”

WHY MEN ARE SO UGLY:
A new report from the London School of Economics claims that beautiful people are more likely to have daughters than sons, a fact which is slowly changing the world so that future women will be even more beautiful and men will be even uglier. The researchers claim that attractive parents are 36% more likely to have a daughter than a son. Dr Satoshi Kanazawa, the evolutionary psychologist who led this study, suggests it must be an evolutionary strategy which passes the most beneficial characteristics of parents on to children. (This still doesn’t explain why stupid people have so many kids.)
– “Telegraph”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
• Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

AND WE QUOTE:
• “The cheesiest pick-up line I ever used was, ‘You’re hot.’ But she’s still dating me, so it worked.”
– “Vegas” TV actor Josh Duhamel [‘du-MEL’] revealing how he first landed a date with singer/girlfriend Fergie.
• “Singing is a gift from God, and when people say I can’t sing, it’s kind of like insulting God.”
– Fergie, suggesting divine intervention may be the only way to stop her.

THE BULL SHEET 11.20.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [59] Joe Walsh, Wichita KS, classic rock guitarist (“Life’s Been Good”, Eagles-“Hotel California”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1998)

1965 [41] Mike D (Diamond), NYC, rap/rock musician (Beastie Boys since 1981-“Ch-Check It Out”)

1975 [31] Dierks Bentley, Phoenix AZ, country singer (“Long Trip Alone”, “Every Mile a Memory”)

1977 [29] Josh Turner, Hannah SC, country singer (“Would You Go With Me”, “Your Man”)

1978 [28] Nadine Velazquez, Chicago IL, TV actress (‘Catalina’ on “My Name Is Earl” since 2005)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Mexican Revolution Day”, celebrating the anniversary of the date in 1910 when the uprising to overthrow dictator Porfirio Díaz began.
NET: http://www.inside-mexico.com/revolucion.htm

• “Name Your PC Day”, a good day to ask listeners what pet names they’ve bestowed on theirs.

• “National Child Day in Canada”, first recommended by the UN  in 1989 as a day to highlight how important young people are to our society.
NET: http://www.unac.org/en/news_events/un_days/children1.asp

• “Universal Children’s Day”, first recommended by the UN  in 1954 as a day to highlight how important young people are to our society.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1947 [59] Britain’s Princess Elizabeth marries Duke Philip Mountbatten, later to become Queen Elizabeth II & Prince Philip

1982 [24] Drew Barrymore first hosts “Saturday Night Live” … at age 7

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1866 [140] Pierre Lalemont of Paris, France patents ‘Rotary Crank Bicycle’ (the original bicycle was nicknamed the ‘bone shaker’)

1923 [83] 1st ‘Traffic Signal’ (Garrett Morgan designates red for ‘stop’, green for ‘go’, and yellow for ‘go like hell!’)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1994 [12] New England Patriots QB Drew Bledsoe sets NFL record for pass attempts (70) and completions (45) vs Minnesota Vikings

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] World Hello Day
[Tues] False Confessions Day
[Tues] 34th American Music Awards (LA)
[Wed] “Deck the Halls”; “Deja Vu”; “Tenacious D in: The Pick of Destiny”; “The Fountain” open in movie theaters
[Thurs] US Thanksgiving Day
[Thurs] Thanksgiving Day (no BS service)
[Sat] Vanier Cup (Saskatoon)

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Better Conversation Week / Cold & Cough Awareness Week / Farm-City Week / Family Week / Game & Puzzle Week

BULL’S BITS

BS 3-WORD TEST:
You ask 4 questions, and have your guest or listener answer each with 3 words. Write down the answers for review afterward.
1. What is your favorite color? Give 3 words that describe what you like about this color.
2. What is your favorite animal? Give 3 words that describe what you like about this animal.
3. Picture the color white. Give the first 3 words that come to mind.
4. Imagine a waterfall. Give the first 3 words that come to mind.
What the answers mean . . .
1. The words you use to describe your favorite color reflect the way you see yourself.
2. The words you use to describe your favorite animal reflect how others see you.
3. The words you use to describe the color white reflect your feelings about death.
4. The words you use to describe the waterfall reflect your feelings about making love.

BS INTERVIEW:
WEDNESDAY the Parkside Pub in Huntley IL serves up an odd pre-holiday dinner that’s become an  American Thanksgiving tradition with patrons for more than 2 decades – turkey testicles. Over 800 lbs (about 30,000) of the high-fat gobbler nuggets will be deep fried in a secret batter and sold by the dozen. Afionados say they taste something like a mushroom.
PHONER: 847.669.8496
NET: http://www.turkeytesticlefestival.com/

WEB GOODIE:
Someone with way too much time on their hands has figured out that you can use your iPod’s ‘Click Wheel’ alphabet-search tool like an old-fashioned Ouija board to get answers from the departed for any pressing questions you may have. Studio experiment time!
NET: http://tinyurl.com/y69r8t

BS RANDOM JOKES:
• My wife always laughs during love-making … no matter what she’s reading.
• Thanksgiving is a wash: you get the day off … but you have to spend it with family.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: A third of women polled say they hate it when a man does THIS to them.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Blows in their ear.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Those who race through life finish first.