WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Oprah Winfrey is being sued for damages in excess of $75,000 by a flight attendant who claims unjust dismissal. Corrine Gehrls says she was fired from her job after being accused of engaging in ‘inappropriate intimate behavior’ with a pilot aboard the media mogul’s private jet while Winfrey slept in the cabin. Gehrls alleges 2 other flight attendants hatched the plot to get her dismissed. (What we want to know is … who the heck was flying the airplane?)
– TMZ.com
• 51-year-old talk show host Ellen DeGeneres is preparing for her upcoming stint as an “American Idol” judge by critiquing ex-contestants. She and partner Portia de Rossi have reportedly been watching a DVD collection of past auditions to see how the judges interact with contestants and the audience. Ellen has also apparently enrolled on an online course to improve her knowledge of music. (It’s going to take a lot of practice to achieve that glazed-eye, vacant facial expression that Paula Abdul was so good at.)
– “National Enquirer “
• 36-year-old model-turned-“Project Runway” host Heidi Klum has become a mom for the 4th time, giving birth to her first daughter via singer-husband Seal. The couple welcomed baby ‘Lou Samuel’ on Friday, thereby evening up their household. Klum has a daughter from her previous relationship with Formula 1 racing team owner Flavio Briatore, and 2 sons with Seal. (As you know, there’s nothing cuter than a baby seal.)
– RadarOnline.com
• It seems 39-year-old Matt Damon & 37-year-old Ben Affleck are more than childhood pals and movie collaborators. According to the New England Genealogical Society, they’re also cousins … 10th cousins, once removed, that is. Society researchers dug up evidence that both Damon & Affleck are descended from one William Knowlton Jr, a bricklayer who came to the US from England in the 1630s. The two actors were friends growing up in the Boston MA area and teamed as writers and co-stars for the 1997 film “Good Will Hunting”. (If you go back far enough, we’re all incestuous.)
– StarPulse.com
• 48-year-old movie star George Clooney is reportedly getting serious about his new girlfriend, even buying her a rock. Clooney began dating Italian actress/TV personality Elisabetta Canalis this summer and has moved her into his Studio City CA home. He’s so smitten with the European beauty he’s bought her a string of gifts, including a Cartier diamond ring that is NOT an engagement ring, but surely a sign of his attachment. One insider says every day at George’s house is like Christmas for Elisabetta. (Before we start considering a wedding, let’s wait and see if she makes it to New Year’s.)
– “In Touch Weekly”

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Behind The Music” (VH1) – TI (“Paper Trail”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated) – Pete Yorn & Scarlett Johansson.
• “Gone Too Far” (MTV) – The late DJ AM’s “Intervention”-style reality series premieres. The family of AM (real name Adam Goldstein) decided to support airing the series after ‘careful consideration’ because they hope it will ‘inspire others to seek help’. (BS translation: They got a boatload of cash.)
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC) – Kid Cudi (“Man On the Moon: The End of Day”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Dierks Bentley (“Feel That Fire”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Tim McGraw (“Southern Voice”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated) – Alicia Keys (“The Element of Freedom”, coming December 1st).
• Musicians Hall of Fame Awards (Nashville TN) – This year’s inductees include fiddling country singer Charlie Daniels, surf guitarist Dick Dale, and members of the 1980s band Toto. Late guitarist Chet Atkins is inducted posthumously. Rascal Flatts & Steve Wariner are among performers scheduled to appear during the gala.
• “Planet Holly” – Formerly one of the “Girls Next Door”, one-time “Playboy” Playmate and ex-Hugh Hefner girlfriend Holly Madison is getting her own reality TV show. Today it begins shooting in Las Vegas NV.
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC) – Grizzly Bear (“Yellow House”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Darryl Worley – He co-wrote the new Tennessee Titans Radio Network theme song “Bring It On” with Titans QB Kerry Collins & songwriter Moose Brown. The tune was first featured during yesterday’s game. Collins also appears in Worley’s music video “Sounds Like Life to Me”.
• Kanye West – Word has it he’s planning a getaway to an Indian religious retreat in a bid to turn his life around. An insider tells “Star” magazine he’s looking to escape for a month to a Hindu ashram in Pondicherry, India. (Hey, maybe he’ll stay?)
• Michael Jackson – Tonight the first song from the upcoming “This Is It” documentary will make its debut online. Sony Music has announced the title track will premiere at midnight. It plays during the closing sequence of the movie and will be included on a companion 2-disc CD set.
NET: http://www.michaeljackson.com
• Miranda Lambert – Her new album “Revolution” debuts at #1 this week on “Billboard” magazine’s country album chart and at #8 on the all-genres list.
• Soulja Boy – The “Crank That” hitmaker has been charged with obstruction after a crowd of partiers ran from an abandoned McDonough GA house when cops showed up. A man identified as DeAndre Way (his real name) returned later to explain the group was shooting a video.
• TI – He was the toast of the “BET Awards” Saturday night, accepting 2 honors from his jail cell … by handwritten letter. He’s currently serving a 366-day sentence at an Arkansas penitentiary on weapons charges. Kanye West failed to show up for the ceremony, despite being nominated for 9 awards. The edited show will air October 27th.
• Trace Adkins – He sang the anthem prior to last night’s Indianapolis Colts/Tennessee Titans “Sunday Night Football” game in Nashville TN.
• Usher – He’s called the cops on his estranged wife Tameka Foster after she allegedly turned up at his mother’s house following a heated ‘custody dispute’. (It’s getting ugly.)

MOST MIRROR TIME:
A new survey of 3,000 women finds that blond women spend an average of 6 minutes longer on their beauty routine each day than brunettes … 72 minutes, compared with 66 minutes. The poll also finds that the average blonde has a better social life, going out with friends 3 times a month, compared to twice for darker-haired females. Researchers found that often it’s the time spent getting ready that gives women a confidence boost … which would explain why blondes are thought to have more fun. (What does a blonde put behind her ears to make herself more attractive? Her ankles.)
– “Daily Telegraph”

CHILD LABOR, JUST FOR FUN:
At a theme park in Japan kids fight fires, pursue criminals through the streets, and perform more mundane tasks like making hamburgers and delivering parcels. ‘Kidzania’, in a shopping center in Tokyo, is like a real town where children can act out their dream jobs. The cobbled streets are lined with stores, a bank, even a service station, branded with the logos of household-name companies. Everything in the town is two-thirds normal size to accommodate pint-size workers. After their parents pay for entry, kids get to work a shift, trying several of the dozens of available jobs. It is all taken very seriously with parents banished to viewing areas. (Hey kids, you can try this at home … imagine the fun of pretending to be a dishwasher!)
– BBC News

FEEDING ISN’T FOUL:
This is one myth that never seems to die … birds are NOT dependent on our feeders. In fact, experts estimate that wild birds get less than 25% of their food from birdfeeders. Besides, their urge to migrate is so strong it couldn’t be overridden by the availability of feeder food. Migrating birds probably appreciate an easy meal after a full night of flying. Far from harming birds, you’re doing them a favor by keeping your feeders stocked and your birdbaths full in Autumn. ([Co-host] feeds the birds … to his dog.)
– “Minneapolis Star Tribune”

FANTASTIC PLASTIC:
Over the weekend judges conferred to reach a verdict at a beauty contest with a difference … only women with fake breasts and facelifts could take part. The ‘Miss Plastic Pageant’ in Hungary featured patients of leading cosmetic surgeons showing off everything from boob jobs and liposuction to hair transplants. Judges awarded prizes to the surgeons for their handiwork. In order to reach a verdict, they not only had to study participants’ vital statistics but their medical records as well. (Wonder who won the ‘Boobie Prize’?)
– Ananova.com

DID YOU KNOW?
• “Afghan Star” is the official UK entry for the 2010 ‘Foreign Language’ Academy Award. That’s right, Britain gets an entry for best ‘foreign language’ film.
– PopBitch.com
• The number of American hunters has declined by 11% over a 15-year period. However, the number of girls aged 6-to-15 who go hunting has gone up by 50% during the same period.
– “USA Today”
• The National Rifle Association was created in America in 1871 by Union Army veterans Colonel William Church & General George Wingate who, appalled by the poor marksmanship of their troops, sought to ‘promote & encourage rifle shooting on a scientific basis’.
– NRA.org
• Hunters kill 7,000 of Alaska’s roughly 175,000 moose each year. Bagging a moose yields 400-to-700 lbs (180-to-320 kg) of meat, which is why it’s suggested hunters try to find a moose fairly close to their vehicles.
– WildlifeNews.Alaska.gov

BS CHRONOMETER 10.12.09

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TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [62] Chris Wallace, Chicago IL, TV news correspondent (“Fox News Sunday”)/son of legendary TV journalist Mike Wallace

1968 [41] Hugh Jackman, Sydney, Australia, movie actor (“Wolverine”, “The Prestige”)

1969 [40] Martie Maguire (Martha Erwin), York PA, country singer/fiddle player (Dixie Chicks-“Travelin’ Soldier”, “Landslide”)/sister of Dixie Chick Emily Robison

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Columbus Day” in America, a lame excuse for a holiday if there ever was one. It commemorates  Christopher Columbus’ October 12th, 1492 ‘discovery of the New World’, which had already been discovered by Vikings, Siberians, Aboriginals, Aztecs, and many others centuries before. It’s a holiday in DC and for all federal employees, observed on the 2nd Monday in October since 1971. This year Brown University in Rhode Island has renamed the long weekend “Fall Weekend” after hundreds of students petitioned the Ivy League school to discontinue a “Columbus Day” observance, citing Columbus’s violent treatment of native Americans he encountered.

• “Dia de la Raza” (‘Day Of the Race’), observed in Mexico and throughout Latin America to celebrate Hispanics everywhere.

• “Farmers Day”, to honor all farmers and recognize all that they do.

• “Free Thought Day”, the annual observance by freethinkers and secularists on the anniversary of the effective end of the 17th-century ‘Salem Witch Trials’.

• “International Moment of Frustration Scream Day” when we’re encouraged to go outside at 12 noon and bellow for 30 seconds to vent our frustrations. That way when they’ve locked you up, you’ll feel completely cleansed.

• “School Librarian Day” … but don’t say anything about it too loud or you’ll get a detention.

• “Thanksgiving Day” in Canada, a yearly tradition since 1879. It was originally celebrated at the same time as the USA, but was eventually moved to the 2nd Monday of October to reflect the earlier harvest season.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1969 [40] A mysterious phone caller urges WKNR Detroit personality Russ Gibb to listen to The Beatles’ “Revolution #9” backwards, which purportedly reveals the hidden message “turn me on, dead man” and thus the ‘Paul McCartney is Dead’ conspiracy craze is born

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1997 [12] 53-year-old singer John Denver is killed when his home-built plane crashes into California’s Monterey Bay

2002 [07] More than 25 years after his death, the Elvis Presley album “Elv1s 30 No 1 Hits” debuts at #1 on the ‘Billboard 200′ (first Elvis album to ever debut atop the chart)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1901 [108] US ‘Executive Mansion’ renamed ‘The White House’

1934 [75] According to some accounts, the ‘cheeseburger’ is born at Kaelin’s Tavern in Louisville KY

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1927 [82] Hermann Gorner of Germany raises 24 men weighing 4,123 lbs on a plank with the soles of his feet

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] All for the Hall Concert (Nashville TN)
[Tues] Face Your Fears Day
[Wed] International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction
[Wed] International Emergency Nurses Day
[Wed] BFI London Film Festival opens (UK)
[Wed] Bring Your Teddy Bear To Work & School Day
[Thurs] Rome Film Festival begins (Italy)

THIS WEEK IS . . .
American Beer Week / Chestnut Week / Emergency Nurses Week / Food Bank Week / Getting the World to Beat a Path to Your Door Week / International Credit Union Week / Medical Assistants Week / School Lunch Week / World Rainforest Week

BULL’S BITS

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BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 16 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS THINGS YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERNER SAY:
Read ‘em with a Southern accent, then ask listeners for more!
• “She’s too old to be wearing a bikini.”
• “Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.”
• “We don’t keep firearms in this house.”
• “Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?”
• “You can’t feed that to the dog.”
• “No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s not safe.”
• “Do you think my hair is too big?”
• “I’ll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.”
• “Give me the SMALL bag of pork rinds.”
• “The tires on that truck are too big.”
• “Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.”
• “Elvis who?”
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
What mind-numbing terminology really gets up your nose?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
My dog is like a little organic vacuum cleaner …

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Americans buy 14 million gallons of THIS high viscosity product every year.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Toothpaste.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Crisis management works beautifully until an actual crisis occurs.