BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
“Friends” star Jennifer Aniston is headed back to the small-screen to front a weekly late-night talk show on the Oprah Winfrey Network, a new channel set to launch next year (one step closer to Oprah ruling the world) . . . 45-year-old actor Benjamin Bratt is returning to “Law and Order” (NBC) as ‘Detective Reynaldo Curtis’, a role he played for 4 seasons (back when it was good 1995-99), but it will only be a ‘special return appearance’ for an episode or two . . . Dr Conrad Murray, the physician being investigated in Michael Jackson’s death, says he can’t afford to pay the $13,000 he owes in child support and other debts, claiming he went to work for Jackson in May but never got paid (don’t fret, doc – take a chill pill) . . .  And the #1 movie at the box office, “Paranormal Activity”, was made 2 years ago for circa $11,000 and only got into wide release thanks to a write-in campaign by some 1 million fans (may take over from 1999’s “Blair Witch Project” as ‘Most Profitable Movie of All-Time’ based on return on investment).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “BET Hip-Hop Awards” (BET) – Comedian Mike Epps hosts this year’s prerecorded honors from Atlanta GA, which feature TI accepting awards via mail from prison and a notable no-show by Kanye West who had 9 nominations. Ice Cube receives the “Icon Award”.
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/A Channel) – Taylor Swift performs; 2 couples are eliminated.
• “Jay Leno Show” (NBC/CityTV) – Tim McGraw (“Southern Voice”) w/Gregg Allman.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Morningwood (“Diamonds and Studs”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Creed (“Full Circle”).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX) – The top 20 dancers, paired up as couples, perform.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – Sting (“If On a Winter’s Night …”).
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Julian Casablancas (“Phrazes For the Young”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Rod Stewart, who today releases “Soulbook”, a collection of covers of classic ‘60s/’70s-era soul music favorites.
• “This Is It” – The Michael Jackson documentary, based on footage from concert rehearsals before his death in June, premieres simultaneously in 15 cities worldwide and plays in ‘advance screenings’ at approximately 2,000 theaters. It opens to the general public tomorrow for a limited 2-week run. The accompanying 2-disc soundtrack is also released today.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Anne Murray – Today the Canadian “Snowbird” releases her autobiography, “All of Me”.
• Blue October – Their “Pick Up The Phone Tour” to help young people overcome depression has been called off because frontman Justin Furstenfeld has been hospitalized for an extreme anxiety attack. (Ironic?)
• Chris Brown – Tonight he’s scheduled to make his musical comeback at the Power 105.1 [WWPR] “Powerhouse ’09” concert in NYC, alongside Ginuwine, Keri Hilson, The-Dream and others.
• David Bowie – Rock ‘n roll journalist Marc Spitz’s “Bowie: A Biography” is published today, which charts the rock icon’s life from his childhood as David Jones to his ascent in the 1970s as one of the most influential cultural figures.
• Dolly Parton – Today she releases a 4-CD box set containing 99 songs going back to 1957, when she was 11-years-old. The package also includes a 60-page booklet.
• Garth Brooks – His first 5 weekends of concerts at Wynn Las Vegas are sold out. They were gone in 5 hours. The concerts in the Encore Theater start December 11th.
• Jack Johnson – Today his “En Concert” DVD/CD is released, featuring live tracks from European and US dates.
• Taylor Swift – Her “Fearless: Platinum Edition” album got a last-minute release yesterday, one day earlier than scheduled. The expanded version of the multi-million seller includes 6 new songs and a bonus DVD of videos and behind-the-scenes footage.
• U2 – Today the 25th anniversary of their 1984 album, “The Unforgettable Fire”, is celebrated with a remastered expanded edition released in 4 different configurations. Also included are B-sides, rarities, alternate versions, and previously unreleased songs.
• Weezer – Today they release their 7th album, titled “Raditude”, an idea frontman Rivers Cuomo says he got from actor Rainn Wilson of “The Office” (NBC).
• Weird Al Yankovic – The 2-disc ‘best of’ set “The Essential Weird Al Yankovic” is released today. The guy’s made a living cranking out pop music parodies for more than 25 years.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Battlestar Galactica: The Plan” ( Sci-Fi Adventure ) – A continuation of the long-running TV story (2004-09) through the eyes of humanity’s deadly adversary, the ‘Cylons’. The TV series’ original cast is reunited for this straight-to-DVD release, including Edward James Olmos (who also directed), Dean Stockwell, Callum Keith Rennie, Tricia Helfer, and Grace Park.
• “Ice Age: Dawn Of the Dinosaurs” ( Animated Adventure ): In this sequel to “Ice Age” (2002) & “Ice Age: The Meltdown” (2006), ‘Manny’, ‘Ellie’, ‘Diego’, and ‘Scrat’ discover an underground world where they encounter dinosaurs’. Voice cast includes Ray Romano, Queen Latifah, Denis Leary. Also available in a ‘Scrat Pack Double DVD’ edition, and in the ‘Ice Age Triple Pack’.
• “The Maiden Heist” ( Crime Comedy ): A trio of museum security guards devise a plan to steal back artworks to which they’ve become attached after they’re transferred to another museum. Straight-to-DVD release features a stellar cast that includes Morgan Freeman, Christopher Walken, Marcia Gay Harden, and William H Macy.
• “Orphan” ( Horror Thriller ): After they lose their unborn baby, a couple (Vera Farmiga & Peter Sarsgaard) adopt a 9-year-old orphan (Isabelle Fuhrman) as a way to bring some joy into their lives. Oops! It quickly becomes clear they’ve picked the wrong girl.
• “Whatever Works” ( Romantic Comedy ): Director Woody Allen’s latest stars 61-year-old Larry David (“Curb Your Enthusiasm”) playing an eccentric older guy who falls for a much younger Southern belle (21-year-old Evan Rachel Wood). But how will the May-December couple, her family, and his NYC friends cope? Sounds a bit icky, but Allen has experience along these lines.
• Also released today: “Adult Swim: In a Box” (animation); “The Guardian: The Complete 1st Season” (TV); “Iron Man: Armored Adventures” (animation); “Monty Python: Almost the Truth – The Lawyer’s Cut”; “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation – Ultimate Collector’s Edition”; and “Tinker Bell & The Lost Treasure” (animation).

TRICKY TREAT:
Lollipops with dead scorpions and other insects inside are being sold to children in Britain for Halloween. Margaret Morrison, who runs ‘Cybercandy’ in Brighton, assures us the scorpions have been fried at a high temperature and are perfectly safe. In fact, she claims they’re probably the healthiest things she sells. (But don’t you hate it when you get a ‘feeler’ stuck in your teeth?)
– “The Observer”

LIFE BY THE NUMBERS:
A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 47% of us admit we talk to the ATM machine. (“Skip the commercial, just give me my money!”)
• 25% of women say when it comes to men, their top turn-off is a cologne overdose.
• 23% of adults never attended a school dance when they were teens. (Awwww … losers.)
• 20% of condom users complain they are too tight. (Actual problem may be the male ego is too big.)
• 19% of students still walk to school. (But not in a blinding snowstorm … uphill both ways.)
• 13% of men admit they are looking for anybody to have sex with. (At least they aren’t picky!)

MONSTER 101:
Beginning in late September, temporary performers at the Halloween seasonal ‘Terror Park’ in Columbus OH are schooled in how to act in a haunted house attraction. Among the rules: Don’t talk unless you have scripted lines; don’t scare children if they’re already crying; and don’t get within 18 inches of a visitor. That one is mostly for the actors’ protection … at least one gets punched every year. (One other rule: No laughing if you’re supposed to be the dead guy.)
– “Columbus Dispatch”

ALL-TIME SEXIEST SCREEN STRIPPERS:
Which movie actresses take their clothes off like a pro? How about …
10. Jessica Biel in “Powder Blue” (2009)
9. Jennifer Beals in “Flashdance” (1983)
8. Marisa Tomei in “The Wrestler” (2008)
7. Salma Hayek in “Dogma” (1999)
6. Jessica Alba in “Sin City” (2005)
5. Jamie Lee Curtis in “True Lies” (1994)
4. Rose McGowan in “Grindhouse” (2007)
3. Rebecca Romijn in “Femme Fatale” (2002)
2. Natalie Portman in “Closer” (2004)
1. Kim Basinger in “9-and-a-Half Weeks” (1986)
Honorable mention: Demi Moore in “Striptease” (1996); Elizabeth Berkley in “Showgirls” (1995).
– Adapted from HuffingtonPost.com.

WHAT YOUR COSTUME SAYS ABOUT YOU:
What you choose to be for Halloween may reflect your personality, says psychologist John Suler of Rider University in Lawrenceville NJ. For instance, animal costumes generally represent strength & basic instincts; clowns & cartoon characters represent whimsy, playfulness, and youth; and superhero characters most likely represent a simple expression of fantasy, although in some cases they can also reveal an underlying feeling of helplessness or insecurity. (“Who are you supposed to be?” “Oh, I’m just ‘Supermeek’.”)
– “Albuquerque Journal”

DID YOU KNOW?
Under the ‘One Laptop per Child’ initiative, Uruguay has become the first country to deliver a free laptop to each child of primary school age.
– PopBitch.com

BS CHRONOMETER 10.27.09

---

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1939 [70] John Cleese, Weston-Super-Mare UK, movie actor (“Shrek” movies, “Die Another Day”)/former TV comedian (“Monty Python’s Flying Circus” 1969-74)

1949 [60] Garry Tallent, Detroit MI, rock bassist (Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band-“Born to Run”, “Born In the USA”)

1958 [51] Simon LeBon, Bushey UK, classic rock singer (Duran Duran-“Hungry Like the Wolf”, “The Reflex”)

1967 [42] Scott Weiland (Kline), Santa Cruz CA, rock singer (Stone Temple Pilots-“Plush”, Velvet Revolver-“Slither”)/rehab veteran

1984 [25] Kelly Osbourne, London UK, TV personality (“Dancing With the Stars” 2009, “The Osbournes” 2002-04)/daughter of Ozzy & Sharon Osbourne

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Cranky Co-Workers Day”, in honor of all the complaining and just plain cranky people you work with and have to endure all year. This is the day to let them go with it and enjoy their misery!

• “Plush Animal Lover’s Day”, in honor of Teddy Roosevelt’s birthday (1858), namesake of the ‘Teddy Bear’. Ask listeners what animals they have saved from their childhood, where they keep them … and what they do with them.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2006 [03] “Saw III” opens in movie theaters, in which serial killer ‘Jigsaw’ (Tobin Bell) kidnaps a doctor to help keep him alive (we’re at #6 – how many “Saws” do you think they can make?)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1901 [108] 1st ‘Boxer Shorts’ introduced (and the argument begins … boxers or briefs?)

1991 [18] 1st ‘Planet Hollywood’ restaurant officially opens (part-owners Bruce Willis & Arnold Schwarzenneger do the honors)

1998 [11] Media mogul Conrad Black launches new Canadian national newspaper, “The National Post” (he now reads it in the slammer)

2004 [05] Boston Red Sox win their 1st World Series in 86 years by defeating St Louis Cardinals 4 games-to-0

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Day of International Concern About Young People & Gun Violence
[Thurs] World Psoriasis Day
[Thurs-Fri] Rock & Roll Hall of Fame 25th Anniversary Concerts (NYC)
[Fri] 2009 Voodoo Music Experience (New Orleans)
[Fri] Create a Great Funeral Day
[Fri] Devil’s Night
[Fri] International Bandanna Day
[Fri] Frankenstein Friday
[Sat] Halloween
This Week Is … Cleaner Air Week
This Month Is … Emotional Wellness Month

BULL’S BITS

---

WORST BS HALLOWEEN COSTUMES:
• Baby – For some reason this appeals to bald, out-of-shape, hairy men who think others really want to see them wearing nothing but a diaper and a pacifier.
• Donut – It’s only okay if you go the extra mile and hollow out your stomach wall through to the small of your back.
• Opposite Sex – C’mon, the most effort you’re willing to put out is picking through the other end of the master bedroom closet?
• Pimp – This tacky outfit doesn’t even look good on actual pimps.
• Scar Tissue – You do not get extra candy for making people throw up.
• Belly Dancer – Okay if you’re a toned & fit woman. If you are a guy with a beer belly – please, please, no!
• ‘The Joker’ – It’s just so 2008.
• Naughty School Girl – You dug out the Catholic school uniform you used to wear daily for a ‘costume’? Slacker.
• Athlete – You put on a jersey? Super impressed.
• Person Too Busy Texting on Phone to Take Care of the Matter at Hand – That’s so everyday!

BS PHONE STARTER:
What famous couple do you most admire?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• According to a hospitality industry poll, what is the most stolen item from hotel rooms?
a. Washcloths [CORRECT. Why would you want something 500 other people have used?]
b. Towels.
c. TV remote batteries.
d. Gideon Bibles.

• According to a recent survey, if you have a ‘junk drawer’ it is most likely to contain what?
a. Dead batteries.
b. Pens that don’t write.
c. Rubber bands. [#2 answer.]
d. Keys. [CORRECT. Most of which you’ve forgotten what they’re for.]

BS RANDOM JOKE:
What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu? For bird flu you need tweetment; for swine flu you need oinkment.

WEB GOODIE:
“Saw VI” has a ghoulish game website where you can upload photos of ‘friends’ from your computer or Facebook, thereby placing them on the ‘Carousel of Death’.
NET: http://www.saw6deathcarousel.com/

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Many of those automated ‘customer service’ phone systems are programmed to transfer you directly to an operator if you do THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Swear.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Its better to be over the hill than under it.