Tuesday, October 19, 2010        Edition: #4363
Don’t Take Any Sheet, Unless It’s Pure Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
In celebration of the 60th anniversary of Elektra Records, the label is releasing 2 digital samplers today via iTunes that include the likes of The Doors, Harry Chapin, Judy Collins, and The Stooges (a lesson in how to raise money by recycling!) . . . “Harry Potter” author JK Rowling has been named ‘Most Influential Woman in the UK’ by leading magazine editors, ahead of pop star-turned-fashion designer Victoria Beckham and Queen Elizabeth II (we’re guessing a very embarrassed QE2) . . . It looks like the Jesse James-Kat Von D romance may be over already as she’s been spotted with her ex-boyfriend Nikki Sixx in the VIP section of LA’s House of Blues during a Slash concert (there just wasn’t enough ink to go around?) . . . Troubled actor Mel Gibson is reportedly set to attempt a rebound from his personal problems by taking on a high-profile cameo role in “The Hangover” sequel (how to wreck it!) . . . Former screen ‘sex kitten’ Brigitte Bardot has been asked by the Ecology Alliance party to run for President of France in the upcoming 2012 elections (when she’ll be 78) . . . “Jersey Shore’s” Pauly D had the opportunity to get hired (or, more likely, fired) by Donald Trump on the upcoming season of “The Celebrity Apprentice” – but he turned it down (bad choice dude, you’re coming up on 14 minutes of fame) . . . And RadarOnline.com claims it has the exclusive scoop that philandering golfer Tiger Woods’ divorce payout to his ex, Elin Nordegren, was $110 million, an amount not previously revealed (you know what that means – he got off easy!).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV) – Jason Derulo (“Jason Derulo”) performs; Shakira (“Sale el Sol”) performs; another celebrity is eliminated.
• “Glee” (FOX/Global) – ‘Kurt’ gives ‘Rachel’ a makeover.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Mumford & Sons (“Sigh No More”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Menomena (“Mines”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Robert Plant (“Band of Joy”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Gorillaz (“Doncamatic”).
• “Live From the Beacon Theatre” (FUSE) – Elton John & Leon Russell (“The Union”, a duet album that’s out today).
• “Oprah Winfrey Show” (syndicated/CTV) – Susan Boyle (“The Gift”, released November 9th).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – David Gray (“Foundling”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Alicia Keys – She & producer Swiss Beatz have named their new baby boy ‘Egypt’. (Debuting at #15 on the ‘Cruel Show Biz Baby’ names chart.)
• Bob Dylan – Today Columbia Records releases his first 8 albums in a box set titled “Bob Dylan – The Original Mono Recordings”  in conjunction with “The Bootleg Series Volume 9 – The Witmark Demos”.
• Brad Paisley – He’ll publish his first book, “The Diary Of a Player”, in May 2011. The salute to the guitar gods of country, blues, and rock & roll who helped shape his career will be co-written with David Wild, a contributing editor to “Rolling Stone”.
• Celine Dion – The 42-year-old, who is expecting twins, has been hospitalized in West Palm Beach FL as a preventive measure with weeks to go before her scheduled due date. The babes were conceived through in-vitro fertilization.
• Christina Aguilera – She has officially filed for divorce from her husband of 5 years, Jordan Bratman. According to her divorce petition filed in an LA court, she’s seeking joint physical and legal custody of their 2-year-old son, Max.
• Jimi Hendrix – Today Experience Hendrix LLC reissues deluxe editions of “Jimi Hendrix Experience: BBC Sessions”; “Jimi Hendrix: Blues”; his legendary “Live At Woodstock” performance; and “Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year”, the highly collectible Christmas EP.
• Kings Of Leon – Today they release their 13-track, 5th studio album “Come Around Sundown”.
There’s a rumor going around that they delayed their new album’s photoshoot … because one of them got fat.
• Liz Phair – Today her new album “Funstyle” is out. The physical release includes the “Girly Sound” demos, which she first released back in 1992.
• Sugarland – Today they release their 4th studio album “The Incredible Machine”. A deluxe version includes a making-of documentary called “Blood Love Hope Lust and Steam”.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “The Big 4 Live From Sofia” ( Concert ): Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer, and Anthrax are captured onstage at the June 22nd “Sonisphere Festival” in Bulgaria. A limited edition ‘super deluxe’ version includes the 2 DVDs, 5 CDs, a 24-page booklet, a poster, and a ‘Big 4’ guitar pick.
• “Océans” ( Documentary ): Disney’s follow-up to last year’s Earth Day release “Earth” is an ecological drama/documentary, filmed by French producers around-the-globe. It’s part thriller, part meditation on the vanishing wonders of the sub-aquatic world. Narrated by Pierce Brosnan.
• “Please Give” ( R-Rated Dramedy): In order to expand their NYC apartment, a family buys the place next door on the condition they wait for the cranky old lady living in it to die. Eventually they consider shortcuts to waiting. Stars Catherine Keener, Amanda Peet, Oliver Platt.
• “Predators” ( R-Rated Sci-fi Thriller ): Adrien Brody, Laurence Fishburne, Topher Grace star in this tale of elite warriors who are hunted by members of a merciless alien race. A sequel to the 1987 Arnold Schwarzenegger film “Predator” and it’s follow-up “Predator 2” (1990).
• Also released today: “The Bionic Woman: Season 1” (Vintage TV); “C is for Cookie Monster” (Family); “The Crimson Wing: Mystery Of the Flamingos” (Documentary); “The Psycho Legacy” (Documentary); “The Real L Word: Season 1” (Reality TV); and “Tales From the Darkside: Complete Series” (TV).

WHY AIRLINE FOOD TASTES BAD:
The level of background noise affects both the intensity of flavor and the perceived crunchiness of foods, University of Manchester researchers have found. In experiments, blindfolded diners assessed the sweetness, saltiness, and crunchiness, as well as overall flavor, of foods as they were played white noise. The result: While louder noise reduces the perception of sweetness or saltiness, it increases the sense of crunch. This may help to explain why airline food is perceived as being bland, a phenomenon that drives airline caterers to heavily season their meals. (Naw, it’s more about the rubbery texture.)
– BBC News

SALON SCHNOZ:
A 51-year-old British hairdresser has issued a health warning to others in the industry … after her nose collapsed. It seems the millions of tiny fragments of hair she breathed in during her 35-year career as a hairdresser lodged in her nose and led to an infection that eventually caused a hole to open in her septum. Two weeks ago she had an operation to repair the open wound and now wears a surgical mask when she works to protect her nose. (Uh lady, ever thought of using a Kleenex once in a while?)
– “The Independent”

TIPS FOR CALLING CUSTOMER SERVICE:
If you’re trying to get help from a company’s customer service center, Emily Yellin, author of “Your Call Is (Not That) Important To Us”, offers these suggestions …
• Document All Calls – Make note of the time you call, are put on hold, and finally get through. Write down everyone’s name and ask how to spell it, to show you are paying attention. Make notes on all that is agreed.
• Keep Your Call a Business Transaction – You are not getting paid to call with this problem; in fact, you paid to be the customer. But the customer service rep is getting paid to listen to and resolve your problem. Remind the CSR that you don’t know each other; your criticism or anger is about the company, not the agent. Similarly, remind yourself that any disrespect you get in return is not really about you.
• Encourage the Agent to Work With You –  In the long run it is in the company’s best interest to resolve your issues to your satisfaction as quickly as possible. So work to get the agent on the same team as you … for the good of the company.
• Don’t Abuse Your Value as a Customer – Try not to throw your weight around in a way that alienates the very person tasked with helping you. Remember, the agent might have to deal with a hundred or more customers in a day.
• If All Else Fails, Appeal to a Higher Power – When talking with CSRs and supervisors turns futile, take your story to the top executives. Many large corporations have people in their offices who specifically deal with customer issues.
– TheStar.com

DAILY PLANET:
Less than 20 years after first finding a planet beyond our Solar System, astronomers are poised to discover the landmark 500th alien world by the end of this month. More than 70 have been discovered so far in 2010, bringing the current total to 494 extra-Solar planets. And the 1,000th world could be discovered surprisingly soon afterward, as the space-based ‘Kepler’ mission has already offered up hundreds of planet candidates that await further observation. (This is our mission: To boldly go where no man has gone before; to seek out new life and new civilizations … and kill them.)
– Space.com

EXTREME SNORING:
Hundreds of people in Madrid, Spain are participating in the first ever championship in the grueling sport of … competitive napping. The National Association of Friends Of the Siesta is hosting the event to promote Spain’s traditional afternoon nap, which is quickly disappearing. Here’s how it works: A judge, sitting in a lifeguard-type chair overlooking 5 sofas, monitors contestants’ pulse meters to determine who’s really asleep. They’re awarded points based on how long they sleep during a 20-minute period; style points for eye-catching pajamas and unusual positions; and bonus points … for snoring. (Another reason many want to save the siesta … the 4-hour afternoon break isn’t just nap time, it’s ‘kootchy-kootchy’ time.)
NET: http://bit.ly/aylqBz
– CNN.com

FOR THE RECORD:
52-year-old Mukesh Ambani, the 4th-richest man in the world with a $29-billion fortune, has a new house in Mumbai, India estimated to be worth $1 billion. It’s 27-storeys-high and contains a movie theater, health club, gym, swimming pool, ballroom & dance studio; as well as featuring 3 helipads, 9 elevators, and indoor parking … for 160 vehicles.
– “The Guardian”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• According to genealogists, Barack Obama and Sarah Palin are 10th cousins through a common ancestor: John Smith, a 17th-century pastor and early settler in Massachusetts.
– Ancestry.com
• Bilingual children are less easily confused and less likely to develop Alzheimer’s when they grow older.
– “Science”
• In the contiguous USA, you can not get further than 115 miles (185 km) away from a McDonalds restaurant. A remote spot in northwestern Nevada is the most McDonalds-free.
– DataPointed.net

BS CHRONOMETER 10.19.10

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1931 [79] John Le Carré (David Cornwell), Poole UK, best-selling novelist whose books get made into movies (“The Constant Gardener”, “The Tailor of Panama”)

1945 [65] John Lithgow, Rochester NY, TV actor (“Dexter” 2009, “3rd Rock From the Sun” 1996-2001)/movie actor (“Leap Year”, “Dreamgirls”)  UP NEXT: “Rise Of the Apes” (2011).

1964 [46] Ty Pennington, Atlanta GA, TV home improvement guru (“Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” since 2003, “Trading Spaces” 2000-04)

1969 [41] Trey Parker, Conifer CO, TV producer/writer (“South Park”)/movie producer/director (“Team America: World Police”)

1972 [38] Pras (Prakazrel Michel), Brooklyn NY, rapper/musician (Fugees-“Killing Me Softly”, “Ready or Not”)

1977 [33] Jason Reitman, Montréal QC, filmmaker (“Up In the Air”, “Juno”)/4 Academy Award nominations

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Evaluate Your Life Day”, a time to ‘sit back and reflect on your contribution to humanity and see if you’re really heading toward where you want to be’. Hey, it shouldn’t take long.

• “Make a Scarecrow Day”, sponsored by the Scarecrow Art Appreciation Society.

• “World Osteoporosis Day”, focusing awareness on a major cause of bone fractures in older populations. Osteoporosis is a disease in which the density and quality of bone is reduced, increasing the risk of fracture. It affects around 1-in-3 women and 1-in-5 men worldwide.

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1860 [150] The first company to manufacture internal combustion engines opens in Florence, Italy (nice to see we’re still using this cutting edge technology!)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1980 [30] Steve McPeak rides ‘World’s Largest Unicycle’ (101-ft, 9-inches tall)

COMING UP . . .
[Wed] Medical Assistants Recognition Day
[Wed] Support Your Local Chamber of Commerce Day
[Wed] MOBO Awards (London)
[Thurs] Get Smart About Credit Day
[Thurs] International Credit Union Day
[Thurs] International Stuttering Awareness Day
[Fri] Full ‘Hunters’ Moon
[Fri] Caps Locks Day
[Fri] “Hereafter”; “Paranormal Activity 2”; “The Taqwacores” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … Massage Therapy Week
This Month Is … Chiropractic Month

BULL’S BITS

BS SIGNS YOUR COMPANY WON’T WIN ‘BUSINESS OF THE YEAR’:
• Every employee gets a desk. No chair.
• Your corporate slogan is: “You’ll get it, when we get around to it.”
• Toll-free customer service line is 1-888-GET-HOSED.
• Your company policy of ‘Pants Optional Friday’ has led to numerous employee lawsuits.
• While customers try your stuff on, you like to try theirs on.
• You have to close at 4 pm every day because your mom doesn’t want strangers in the basement during dinner.
• You’ve named your store ‘Crap Mart’.
• Entire staff spends all day surfing the Internet and updating their Facebook.
– Adapted from MikesTopFive.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:
The ozone layer or cheese in a spray can … don’t make me choose.

BS PHONE STARTER:
Your partner buys you clothes you can’t stand. What do you do? Your partner buys themselves clothes you can’t stand. What do you do?

BS WEB GOODIES:
• The website JustUnfollow advertises itself as ‘where it all ends’.  It’s where you go to unfollow Twitter users who can’t be bothered following you. The app allows you to dump them … en masse. Even revenge in the 21st century is so technical!
NET: http://www.justunfollow.com
• Could this be the world’s largest Scrabble game? Maybe … until copyright owner Hasbro shuts it down.
NET: http://scrabb.ly

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: A recent study has found that merely holding one of THESE makes you look dumb.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: An alcoholic beverage. (AOLnews.com)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.