Friday, October 7, 2011        Edition: #4603
Ahhhh, Your Daily Bovine Colonic!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
In a new interview with “Elle” magazine, actress Jennifer Aniston has revealed that she once threw a chair at a director (how ironic – it was because she thought he was acting horribly) . . . The new coffee-table book “Marilyn: Intimate Exposures”, documents Marilyn Monroe’s life through the lens of famed photographer Bernard of Hollywood, but what’s odd about it is – the forward’s written by Lindsay Lohan (and surprisingly, not in crayon) . . . Reality TV star Kim Kardashian just dropped a cool $325,000 on a pimped-out new Ferrari, but TMZ reports it’s only the 2nd-most-expensive-ride in her million-dollar auto collection (how does someone with so little talent get so much money?) . . . Early ratings winners among this season’s new TV shows include “New Girl” (FOX), “Revenge” (ABC), “Up All Night” (NBC), “Whitney” (NBC) and “2 Broke Girls” (which CBS-TV has just picked up for a full season) . . . Movie star Pierce Brosnan’s wife Keely is suing a Santa Monica, California restaurant after she allegedly ‘sustained serious and permanent injuries to her health, strength and activity’ (BS translation: She picked up a bout of food poisoning) . . . Despite insisting that 2008’s “Gran Torino” was his last time in front of the camera, Clint Eastwood is reportedly set to return to acting in a new movie, “Trouble With the Curve”, playing a baseball scout who goes on a trip with his adult daughter (likely a favor to his longtime producing partner Robert Lorenz, who’s making his directorial debut) . . . And among the more self-serving reactions to the death of Apple visionary Steve Jobs comes this tweet from embattled actor Ashton Kutcher: “I never thought I could be so busted up about the loss of someone I never met” (are we in need of deflecting attention from one’s sordid personal life?).

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Today Scotty McCreery (“Clear as Day”).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Tonight Ohbijou (“Metal Meets”).
• “Great Performances” (PBS) – Tonight Eric Clapton’s “Crossroads Guitar Festival” includes performances by BB King and Robert Cray.
• “Growing Hope Against Hunger” (PBS) – Sunday a new poverty-stricken muppet named ‘Lily’ will highlight the issue of hunger on a special episode of “Sesame Street”. The 1-hour primetime special also features country star Brad Paisley and his wife Kimberly Williams Paisley.
• “Kim’s Fairytale Wedding: A Kardashian Event” (E!) – Sunday part 1 of this 2-part consecutive night special takes viewers inside the glitz and glamor of Kim Kardashian & Kris Humphries’ wedding extravaganza.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Biffy Clyro (“Only Revolutions”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Joe Jonas (“Fastlife”, out Tuesday).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight Garland Jeffreys (“The King of In Between”).
• “Michael Forever – The Tribute Concert” (Cardiff, Wales) – Saturday Jamie Foxx hosts a scheduled 4-hour show with UK artists and B-stars from the USA saluting Michael Jackson at the 75,000-capacity Millennium Stadium. Proceeds are said to benefit 2 charities.
NET: http://home.michaelforevertribute.com/home.html
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Ben Stiller (“Tower Heist”, opening November 4th); musical guest Foster the People (“Torches”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Puddle of Mudd (“Re:[disc]overed”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Today Alicia Keys (“Songs In A Minor – 10th Anniversary Edition”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• David Cook / Gavin DeGraw – Sunday they embark on a co-headlining tour that kicks off at Penn State University in University Park PA. Carolina Liar is the opening act.
• Dierks Bentley – Sunday he takes his “Miles & Music for Kids” charity motorcycle ride and concert to Chicago, Illinois. Over the series’ 6-year history, the project has raised more than $1.6 million for Children’s Miracle Network hospitals.
• 50 Cent – He’s published the partially autobiographical juvenile novel “Playground”, following a troubled 13-year-old named ‘Butterball’ and dealing with the issue of bullying.
• J Cole – His debut album, “Cole World: The Sideline Story”, has earned the #1 spot in its chart debut this week, according to Nielsen SoundScan.
• Panic! At The Disco – Sunday their new headlining tour gets underway in Reno NV, featuring special guests Patrick Stump and Foxy Shazam.
• Queen – Guitarist Brian May says they’d like Lady Gaga to tour with them as lead singer. After all, her stage name is inspired by their song “Radio Ga Ga”. As if she needs a bunch of over-the-hill dinosaur rockers at this point in her career.
• Shakira – It’s a good news/bad news week for her. The good news, record labels are reportedly in a bidding war to sign her. The bad, Spanish tabloids are reporting she’s broken up with her boyfriend because he cheated.
• Slash – He’s set to start recording his 2nd solo album this weekend. He says he has 17 songs ready to take into the studio and already has blisters on his fingers from all the practice he’s been putting in. He hopes to finish up the record before the end of the year.
• Tupac Shakur – His estate is threatening to sue anyone who tries to sell a recently-discovered sex tape allegedly featuring the rapper and a groupie in 1991. Why anyone’s interested in bad-quality footage of a guy who died 15 years ago is anyone’s guess.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “The Ides of March” ( R-Rated Drama ): George Clooney plays a presidential candidate with an idealistic young staffer (Ryan Gosling) who gets a crash course on dirty politics during his stint on the campaign trail. Co-stars Paul Giamatti, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Marisa Tomei.
NET: http://idesofmarch-movie.com
• “Real Steel” ( PG-13 Sci-Fi Action ): Set in the near future, Hugh Jackman stars as a robot-boxing promoter who thinks he’s found a real champion in a discarded ‘bot. Sort of a “Rocky” remake, only with robots. Co-stars Evangeline Lilly.
NET: http://www.steelgetsreal.com

FUNNY FEARS:
A few freaky phobias you’ve likely never heard of …
• Automatonophobia – The fear of human-looking figures that are not actually human, such as wax figures, ventriloquists dummies, humanoid robots, and audio animatronics.
• Cacophobia – An overwhelming fear of ugliness. The cacophobic person may not just fear ugly people, but also objects and situations that they consider to be ugly.
• Consecotaleophobia – The morbid fear of chopsticks. Many people may not know how to use them, but this phobia is not about their usage … it’s the fear of the sticks themselves.
• Epistemophobia – The fear of knowledge, and there would be more to say about it, but we’re too freaked out to do any further research on it.
• Linonophobia – One of the odder phobias, this one is centered on string. String of all colors and fibers, including yarn, thread and sometimes rope.
• Peladophobia – This particular phobia is feeling anxiety at the thought of, or actually seeing a bald person.
• Philophobia – The irrational fear of emotional attachment, of being in or falling in love. This fear of love isn’t merely a distressing emotional condition; it results in actual physical symptoms.
– ListsOPlenty.com

GOOGLE BEER?
Don’t think for a second that Google’s business is limited to Internet services. Indeed, they have their hands in a variety of industries, recently even testing out the beer-making business. That’s right, Google has paired with Dogfish Head brewery to make their own Belgian Dubbel beer called ‘Urkontinent’. To be fair, Google’s not making any money from the venture, they just want to see how the process works and to use the beer’s creation as a marketing tool. (If you notice everyone’s getting prettier when you drink the stuff, you’ve got ‘Google Goggles’.)
– Neatormama.com

EASY WAYS TO GET A FLATTER STOMACH:
Sometimes your digestive health is not just about what you eat, but also how you eat. A few things that may help flatten your tummy …
• Skip the Salt Shaker – The sodium found in salt encourages your body to retain water. Instead of salt, add some flavor to dishes with grated lemon rind or your favorite fresh or dried herbs.
• Chew Food Slowly and Well – Swallowed air can cause bloating, so try not to eat on the run or rush through your meals.
• Avoid Drinking Straws – Again, air is the problem. When you use a drinking straw, you swallow more often than normal, resulting in unpleasant belly expansion.
• Lay off Carbonated Beverages & Beer – Those tiny bubbles contain carbon dioxide gas, which can cause an uncomfortable buildup and result in bloating.
• Relax, and Be a Good Listener, at Mealtime – Mom always said it’s not polite to talk with your mouth full – and in fact, doing so can potentially cause belly bloat.
– Condensed from “Best Health Magazine”, October 2011

BS AMAZING FACT:
According to the International Council of Shopping Centers, fully a third of America’s indoor shopping malls are currently in ‘financial distress’.
– DailyFinance.com

BS CHRONOMETER 10.07.11

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1942 [69] Joy Behar, Brooklyn NY, TV personality (“The View” since 2000, CNN’s “The Joy Behar Show” since 2009)

1951 [60] John Mellencamp, Seymour IN, pop singer (“Jack & Diane”, “Hurts So Good”)/Farm Aid co-founder/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2008)

1953 [58] Tico (Hector) Torres, NYC, rock drummer (Bon Jovi-“Always”, “Livin’ On a Prayer”)

1959 [52] Simon Cowell, Brighton UK, TV personality (“The X Factor” 2011, “American Idol” 2002-10)/TV producer (“The X Factor” [UK] since 2004, “American Inventor” 2006-07, “America’s Got Talent” since 2006)/entertainment mogul (SYCO TV, SYCO Music)

1968 [43] Toni Braxton, Severn MD, R&B/pop singer (“Unbreak My Heart”, “Breathe Again”)

1968 [43] Thom Yorke, Wellingborough UK, rock singer/guitarist (Radiohead-“Nude”, Creep”)

1975 [36] Damian Kulash, Washington DC, rock singer/guitarist (OK Go-“Here It Goes Again”, “Get Over It”)

SATURDAY –
TV actor Chevy Chase (“Community”) is 68; Movie actress Sigourney Weaver (“Avatar”) is 62; TV news anchor Dawna Friesen (“Global National”) is 47; TV actress Emily Procter (“CSI: Miami”) is 43; Movie actor Matt Damon (“True Grit”) is 41; TV personality Nick Cannon (“America’s Got Talent”) is 31; Pop singer-songwriter Bruno Mars (“Just the Way You Are”) is 26; TV actor Angus T Jones (“Two-and-a-Half Men”) is 18.

SUNDAY –
Classic rocker Jackson Browne (“Running On Empty”) is 63; TV personality Sharon Osbourne (“The Talk”) is 59; Movie director Guillermo del Toro (“The Hobbit”) is 47; Movie actor Brandon Routh (“Superman Returns”) is 32; Country singer Scotty McCreery (“American Idol”) is 18.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Diversity Day”, the 6th annual celebrating who we are, no matter what race, religion, gender, age, nationality, or disability. The official motto is, ‘Embrace diversity, embrace our world’.
NET: http://www.nationaldiversityday.com
• “Kitchener-Waterloo Oktoberfest”, the 43rd celebration of the world’s 2nd-largest Oktoberfest (after Munich), expected to draw over 750,000 to suck back suds and sausages in more than 20 ‘Festhallen’ through October 15th. It also features a “Thanksgiving Day Parade” (CTV).
NET: http://www.oktoberfest.ca
• “Nobel Peace Prize”, as the 2011 winner is announced at Oslo’s Norwegian Nobel Institute.
NET: http://nobelprize.org
• “World Smile Day”, observed annually on the 1st Friday in October, when we’re encouraged to do an act of kindness; help one person smile.
NET: http://www.worldsmileday.com
• “Yom Kippur” begins at sundown and continues through tomorrow. The observance, also known as the “Day of Atonement”, is the holiest day on the Jewish calendar.
NET: http://www3.kumc.edu/diversity/ethnic_relig/yomkippr.html

SATURDAY –
• “Pierogi Day” (also spelled pyrogy, perogi, pirogi), honoring the traditional Eastern European dish consisting of boiled dumplings of unleavened dough stuffed with various ingredients. They’re best served while wearing a babushka. So what’s the yummiest kind?

SUNDAY –
• “Clergy Appreciation Day”, an annual salute to acknowledge and celebrate the efforts of those who lead, no matter their religion or creed.
• “Hispanic Heritage Day”, a highlight of “Hispanic Heritage Month”. According to the US Census Bureau, about 33 million people or 12% of America’s population is of Hispanic origin. The estimated number of Hispanics residing in Canada is now circa 550,000.
• “International African Diaspora Day”, the 4th annual to foster awareness, appreciation, and support of the creative and artistic talents of African descendants who have spread throughout the world.
• “Leif Erikson Day” in Norway and Iceland, commemorating the Viking explorer’s discovery of North America (‘Vinland’) circa 1000 AD … almost 500 years before Christopher Columbus.
• “Pumpkin Regatta”, the 13th annual in Windsor NS where racers compete in watercraft made from pumpkins weighing as much as 300 kg (660 lbs). Participants have to be physically fit because a pumpkin doesn’t exactly glide through water easily.
NET: http://worldsbiggestpumpkins.com
• “UN World Post Day”, honoring the founding of the Universal Postal Union in 1874. Today the UPU, with 189 member countries, oversees the co-ordination of the global postal service. When was the last time you actually wrote something on a piece of paper and mailed it snail-mail?

MONDAY –
• Thanksgiving Day in Canada, observed annually since 1879. Originally the date was proclaimed annually and changed year-to-year. In 1957, the Canada’s Parliament decided it would be observed each year on the 2nd Monday in October.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2003 [08] In a State of California recall election, Arnold Schwarzenegger is elected Governor

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1995 [16] Alanis Morrissette’s “Jagged Little Pill” album reaches #1

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2001 [10] The US invasion of Afghanistan begins with an air assault and covert operations on the ground

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2001 [10] Barry Bonds of the San Francisco Giants hits his 73rd home run of the season, setting a new (but tainted) Major League Baseball record

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] Columbus Day (USA)
[Mon] International Newspaper Carrier Day
[Mon] Kick Butt Day
[Mon] World Mental Health Day
[Tues] Full ‘Hunters’ Moon
[Tues] Coming Out Day
This Week Is … Squirrel Awareness Week
This Month Is … Celebrate the Bilingual Child Month

BULL’S BITS

COOL THINGS ABOUT HAVING A BEER BELLY:
• Doubles as a convenient TV tray for nachos and beer.
• Makes you 96% less likely to be pestered by annoying sorority girls.
• You can use your kid’s action figures in the bathtub to play “Survivor” on your very own hairy island.
• Great way to meet cute female cardiologists.
• Understanding mothers give up their seat to you on the subway.
• You no longer feel like an outcast at the bowling alley.
• Instant street cred in biker bars worldwide.
• Prevents dribbled beer from rusting your NASCAR belt buckle.
• Allows you to fit perfectly into the concave embrace of waifish supermodels.
• Under-equipped? Out of sight, out of mind!
– Adapted from TopFive.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:
It must be Autumn. The birds and the grandparents are starting to migrate south.

BS PHONE STARTER:
If you could name the street you live on, what would you call it?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: Your eyesight starts fading when you’re 40 and your memory when you’re 30, but THIS starts fading when you’re just 8-years-old.
Answer: Your ability to see ghosts. (It peaks at age 7, according to paranormal experts.)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
We can never have an honest political race until we develop an honest human race.