Friday, September 2, 2005        Edition: #3108
Sheet Happens!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Beginning TODAY, Oscar-winning actor Morgan Freeman (“Million Dollar Baby”) has helped organize an online auction to raise funds for disaster relief in the wake of Hurricane Katrina (NET: http://www.charityfolks.com) . . . TONIGHT the “Concert for Hurricane Relief”, an hour-long NBC-TV special, will feature Louisiana natives Tim McGraw, Harry Connick Jr & Wynton Marsalis . . . SUNDAY & Monday young country singer & Muscular Dystrophy Association youth chairman Billy Gilman will co-host the annual “Labor Day MDA Telethon” with Jerry Lewis, Larry King, Jann Carl & Ed McMahon . . . MONDAY CBC-TV has been forced to hand TSN half of its “CFL Labor Day Classic”, the traditional Toronto Argos-Hamilton Ti-Cats game, appropriately due to the ongoing ‘labor dispute’ (CBC will still air Edmonton @ Calgary) . . . The movie “Good Night.& Good Luck” directed by George Clooney is competing against 18 other films for the coveted ‘Golden Lion’ prize at the 52nd “Venice International Film Festival” . . . There’s talk of a sequel to “The Dukes Of Hazzard” – to be set in London, England (no … please … no!) . . . Actress Sharon Stone is said to be spitting mad that the lead in the upcoming bio-pic about screen goddess Lana Turner (titled “Stompanato”) has gone to Catherine Zeta-Jones after Sharon lobbied for the role for years (years are exactly the problem, dear – Stone is 47, Zeta-Jones is 35) . . . Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie are rumored to be planning a special ‘coming out’ interview about their relationship that would be conducted by – who else? – Barbara Walters (promises to be a 3-hanky event) . . . And even teensy-weensy “Desperate Housewives” actress Eva Longoria has her foibles – she ate an entire dozen Krispy Kreme glazed doughnuts while watching TV soaps on a recent day off.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Allman Bros Band – TONIGHT the geezer rockers do NBC-TV’s “Last Call With Carson Daly”.
• Elton John – SATURDAY he’ll perform a free concert on Rome’s Via dei Fori Imperiali, the broad boulevard that leads to the Colosseum. LAST YEAR, a concert there by Simon & Garfunkel drew hundreds-of-thousands of fans.
• Faith Hill – TONIGHT she’s on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Madonna – She isn’t wasting any time while recovering from her riding accident; signing a mega-deal to star in TV ads for phone giant Motorola, alongside rock icon Iggy Pop.
• Pearl Jam – TONIGHT they embark on a 15-date tour of Canada in Vancouver. They’ll debut material for their as-yet-untitled new studio album.
• Rolling Stones – SATURDAY they play the largest concert to ever hit the Maritimes as 80,000 fans are expected at Magnetic Hill Park near Moncton NB. Les Trois Accords, Our Lady Peace, Maroon 5, and the Tragically Hip open the show.
• Snoop Dogg – He’s following in the footsteps of 50 Cent and suing a Philadelphia-area car dealer for using newspaper ads with his picture and ‘distinct speech pattern’ without his permission. For this faux pas, he wants $2 million.
• U2 – TOMORROW they’re on a “Saturday Night Live” rerun on NBC-TV.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “A Sound of Thunder” (PG-13 Sci-Fi Adventure): Edward Burns stars in this Ray Bradbury time-travel story about a dinosaur hunter sent back to the prehistoric era who runs off the path he must not leave, thereby causing a chain reaction that alters history. Filmed in 2002 but relegated to the shelf when the original production company went bankrupt.
NET: http://asoundofthunder.warnerbros.com
• “The Transporter 2″ (PG-13 Crime Thriller): In this sequel to the 2002 thriller, Jason Statham returns as mercenary ‘Frank Martin’, who specializes in moving goods of all kinds. The first film took place in France; in this one he’s retired in Miami but forced back into action when 2 kids are kidnaped and injected with a virus.
NET: http://www.transporter2movie.com
• “Underclassman” (PG-13 Action Comedy): Nick Cannon (“Drumline”) stars as a young detective who goes undercover at an elite private school to destroy an international stolen car ring. Things start to get complicated when he finds himself falling for a teacher (Roselyn Sanchez) who doesn’t know he’s working the case. Partly shot in Vancouver.
NET: http://www.miramax.com/underclassman

HOW #$%-ING DUMB IS THIS?
A secondary school in Wellingborough UK has decided to allow students to swear at teachers – as long as they don’t do it more than 5 times per class. The policy, which the school believes will improve behavior, is being slammed by parents and politicians. (Just to make it fair, the teachers are equipped with Uzis.)
– “Daily Mail”

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 94% of women find the physiques of male bodybuilders ‘extremely repulsive’.
• 80% of us have been reprimanded at least once for surfing non-work-related Websites.
• 60% of men will admit to spitting in public.
• 54% of women buy themselves flowers at least once a month.
• 42% of people think the best invention of all-time is the toothbrush.

MORE MICROSOFT MEDIA :
Microsoft is launching a telephone service that will allow computer users to make calls from their PCs. The computer giant now leads the Internet phone game following its purchase of top online phone company Teleo. (With the next Windows version, you’ll be able to get both the ‘blue screen of death’ AND a busy signal.)
– “GQ”

FOOD FOR THOUGHT:
Chilean artist Alejandra Prieto’s artworks include a chair made of sausages, another made of fish skin & chocolate bars, and a sofa made of jam. She says she likes to use food as a medium because of its diversity in color and texture, and because it gives off a ‘poetic vibe’. Her exhibition is now open at Die Ecke Gallery in Santiago. (And also on sale in the cafeteria.)
– “Las Ultimas Noticias”

DIET DISCOVERY:
An 800-year-old herbal potion used by medieval monks to curb the appetite may help you shed unwanted pounds. Archaeologists excavating an ancient hospital site south of Edinburgh, Scotland that was founded by Augustinian friars about 845 years ago have found evidence that they used to chew on the bitter vetch plant to stave off hunger pangs. Researchers think the component of the plant that suppresses appetite could be turned into a wonder pill for dieters. (Yeah, we’re sure you’ll develop a real craving for something called ‘bitter vetch’.)
– “The Independent”

FOR THE RECORD:
Right now in Hoevelhof, Germany, 2 women & 8 men aged 18-to-22 are in the midst of an attempt to soap themselves down for a total of 101 hours in order to break the record for ‘World’s Longest Shower’. They began their quest WEDNESDAY and will try to remain ‘singing in the rain’ until SUNDAY.

THE BULL SHEET 09.02.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1943 [62] Glen Sather, High River AB, NY Rangers President-General Manager since 2000/former Edmonton Oilers GM/coach (4 Stanley Cups)

1948 [57] Terry Bradshaw, Shreveport LA, NFL analyst (FOX-TV)/Hall of Fame NFL QB (Pittsburgh Steelers 1970-83)

1951 [54] Mark Harmon, Burbank CA, TV actor (‘Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs’ on “Navy NCIS” since 2003)/movie actor (“Freaky Friday”)

1964 [41] Keanu Reeves, Beirut, Lebanon [grew up in Toronto], movie actor (“Constantine”, “The Matrix” trilogy)

1966 [39] Salma Hayek, Coatzacoalcos, Mexico, movie actress (“Frida”, “Once Upon a Time in Mexico”)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
Oldies singer Al Jardine (Beach Boys) is 63; TV/movie actor Charlie Sheen  (“Two & a Half Men”) is 40; One-hit wonder Jennifer Paige (“Crush”) is 32.

SUNDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
Syndicated radio personality Paul Harvey is 87; TV actress Khandi Alexander (“CSI: Miami”) is 48; TV actor Damon Wayans (“My Wife & Kids”) is 45; Pop singer Beyoncé Knowles (Destiny’s Child) is 24.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is –
• “Unspunnen Festival” in Interlaken, Switzerland. The unusual 3-day festival is celebrating its bicentennial but it’s only held every 13 years. Locals dress in colorful costumes to watch traditional activities like yodeling, alphorn playing, alpine wrestling, and the hurling of the massive 85-kg ‘Unspunnen Stone’ by sturdy alpine herdsmen.
NET: http://www.unspunnenfest.ch
• “World Championship Barbecue Goat Cook-off” in Brady, Texas. The 32nd annual 2-day event features 125 teams trying to get goat to taste good. Hmm, what’s the proper wine to serve?

SUNDAY is –
• “Great Klondike International Outhouse Race” in Dawson City, Yukon, the 27th annual dash though downtown streets involving decorated outhouses on wheels pulled by costumed runners. If you don’t happen to own one – they’ll rent you one!
NET: http://www.dawsoncity.org/events_Outhouse_Race.php
• “International Newspaper Carrier Day”, celebrating the anniversary of the 1st recorded ‘news boy’, 10 year-old Barney Flaherty, who began hawking the “New York Sun” 172 years ago in 1833. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve found your paper after it was ‘delivered’?

MONDAY is –
• “Be Late For Something Day”, sponsored by ‘The Procrastinators Club’. Its purpose is to let people know that procrastination is not a bad thing. In fact, if you put things off long enough – you won’t have to do them at all! The Procrastinators Club has about 15,000 members worldwide.
• “Labor Day” in the USA & Canada, a tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity & well-being of our nations. The first Labor Day holiday was celebrated on Tuesday, September 5, 1882 in NYC. In Australia, Labor Day is the first Monday in October. In dozens of other countries, May 1st is “International Workers’ Day”, the day of celebration for labor.
• “Montréal World Film Festival” wrap-up. After screening 342 films from 70 countries over 10 days, the 29th annual celluloid celebration hands out various prizes including the “Air Canada People’s Choice Award” and the “Grand Prix of the Americas”.

OTHER BS EVENTS THIS WEEKEND …
• [Oatmeal TX] “Oatmeal Festival” celebrates the town being put back on the state map after years of being left off.
• [Prairie du Sac WI] “Wisconsin State Cow-Chip Throw” includes the ‘Cow Pie Eating Contest’.
• [Reed Point MT] “The Running of the Sheep”, when hundreds of woollies charge down Main Street and participate in the ‘Ugliest Sheep’ and ‘Prettiest Ewe Contest’.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1995 [10] Grand opening of Cleveland’s “Rock & Roll Hall of Fame” features 7-hour concert featuring Bruce Springsteen, Chuck Berry, Jerry Lee Lewis, Little Richard, Martha & the Vandellas, John Mellencamp & oodles more

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
490 BC [2495] 1st ‘Marathon’ as Phidippides runs 26 miles from Marathon to Sparta (seeking a men’s room?)

1912 [93] 1st ‘Calgary Stampede’ (back when it really was ‘Cow Town’)

1964 [41] Norman Manley scores 2 holes-in-one consecutively at Del Valley CA, the 1st recorded ‘Double Albatross’ (or ‘Double Ace’) in golf

COMING UP . . .
[Sat] National Flag Day [Australia]
[Sun] Cheese Pizza Day
[Sun] Father’s Day [Australia]
[Sun] Working Mother’s Day
[Mon-Sept 11] 101st Canadian Open Golf Championship week [Vancouver]
[Tues] Fight Procrastination Day–Do It! Day
[Wed] CMA Awards nominations announced [NYC]
[Thurs] “Blondie” comic strip 75th anniversary
[Thurs] NFL Opening Kickoff 2005 [Foxboro MA]
[Thurs-Sept 17] Toronto International Film Festival
This Week Is . . . Emergency Care Week
This Month Is . . . Children’s Good Manners Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit we strive to be perfect, knowing full well that everyone will hate us when we get there?
• Whyzit called ‘dusting’ when you’re cleaning up? Aren’t you actually ‘undusting’?
• Whyzit the word ‘phonics’ isn’t spelled the way it sounds?
• Whyzit the ‘3 Rs’ are reading, writing and … arithmetic? Maybe we should spend more time on the one R?
• Whyzit school principals suspend bad students? Shouldn’t we give them more school?

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• My alphabet soup always spells the same thing … YUCK.
• One of the hardest things you’ll ever have to say is, “Get this gag out of my mouth!”
• Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish … and he’ll stink for the rest of his life.

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the first thing a woman tries to change about a guy? AskMen.com says the top 5 are ….
• How he dresses.
• What he eats.
• His friends.
• His hobbies.
• His bad habits.

BS Q & A:
Q: Are brown eggs actually any different than white eggs?
A: Brown and white eggs are identical in terms of nutritional value and they have the same composition. The color of the egg is determined by the ancestry of the hen that lays it. White eggs are produced by hens originating in the Mediterranean area, while brown eggs are produced by hens originating in Asia.

TOP SWAPS:
The week’s most requested music files online …
1. Bow Wow – “Like You”
2. Mariah Carey – “Shake It Off”
3. Rihanna – “Pon De Replay”
4. Pussycat Dolls – “Don’t Cha”
5. Missy Elliott – “Lose Control”
– Big Champagne online music measurement.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 56% of people who corrected a problem by doing THIS say their love life also improved.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Wearing contact lenses. (“Men’s Health”)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Never trust a story that has been told more than twice.