Monday, September 22, 2008        Edition: #3862
100% Canada #1 Grade A Bull!

WEEKEND BLOG BUZZ:
• 4 months after her divorce from Paul McCartney was finalized, 40-year-old Heather Mills has announced she’s available to date and on the lookout for a new man. Mills says she feels ready to move on and build a relationship, and is open to ‘different types of people’. (Her most attractive quality … $50 million.)
– ContactMusic.com
• A rep for Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie has vehemently denied online rumors that the Hollywood super-couple has split. Since the recent birth of their twins, Jolie has been absent from public life while Pitt has been seen alone at several high-profile red carpet events, fueling rumors of a rift. Their spokesperson claims the reports are ‘absolutely not true’. (BS translation: We’re still in crisis management stage at this point.)
– “Entertainment Tonight”
• Comedian Kathy Griffin may be moving up her celebrity grade thanks to the success of her hit show “My Life On the D-List” (Bravo). Several networks are said to be aggressively pursuing her for a multi-tier deal, which would include hosting a late-night talk show, awards shows, and continuing her reality show and comedy specials. (Maybe she could star in a TV version of AwfulPlasticSurgery.com?).
– “New York Post”
• Actor/director Mel Gibson has purchased David Duchovny & Tea Leoni’s Malibu, California home for a cool $11.5 million. Mel, who already owns several properties in the area, completed the deal on the 5.5 acre, ocean-view home in Carbon Canyon just prior to Duchovny’s admission to rehab for sex addiction.  (A nice chunk of change to cover his future divorce settlement perhaps?)
– “LA Times”
• Sometime actress Lindsay Lohan will serve as a guest judge on the 6th-season premiere of Heidi Klum’s “Project Runway” (Bravo). In fact, she’s already filmed the episode in NYC, shortly after wrapping her guest appearance on “Ugly Betty” (ABC). (Who knows where she’ll be by the time “PR-6“ airs NEXT SUMMER … Rehab? Jail? Purgatory?)
• Some are saying there’s a ‘Transformers Curse’ on the set of the now-shooting movie sequel “Transformers: Revenge Of the Fallen”. First, there was Shia LaBeouf’s car accident, then director Michael Bay’s apartment gets broken into, and now another member of the crew has been injured. A technician has received 2nd- & 3rd- degree burns while attempting to add fuel to a special effects fire. Seems he grabbed the wrong container, one containing gasoline instead of diesel. The on-set ambulance quickly responded, taking him to hospital for treatment. (Well Megan Fox, it seems you’re up next!)
– TMZ.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Dancing With the Stars“ (ABC/CTV) – The 2-hour, 7th season premiere introduces a new celeb line-up that includes former *NSYNC singer Lance Bass; Olympic beach volleyball gold medalist Misty May-Treanor; pop singer Toni Braxton; ample-assed media personality Kim Kardashian; former NFL player Warren Sapp; and soap opera star Susan Lucci.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – Dolly Parton is a guest.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Nelly flogs his new album “Brass Knuckles”.
• Oscar Lottery – 300 bleacher seats lining the red carpet for FEBRUARY’s “Academy Awards” are up for grabs in an online lottery that runs through SUNDAY.
NET: http://www.oscars.org/bleachers

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aerosmith – “Guitar Hero: Aerosmith” has turned out to be their biggest hit so far. In its first week of sales, the game generated more revenue than any Aerosmith album: roughly $25 million, according to RockGamer.com.
• George Michael – The 45-year-old newly-retired pop star has been arrested in a public washroom (again) in London’s Hampstead Heath and found to be in possession of  cocaine & cannabis. After questioning at a police station, he’s been released with a caution.
• Jack White – His new ‘James Bond’ theme, “Another Way to Die”, sung with Alicia Keys, is now previewing online at his website. The tune will kick off “Quantum of Silence” (opening NOVEMBER 14).
NET: http://www.thirdmanrecords.com/
• Led Zeppelin – Word has it frontman Robert Plant has been given an ultimatum by his bandmates: join us on tour or we’ll replace you. The group’s been busy rehearsing in West London’s Ritz Studio using a series of stand-in vocalists.
• Miley Cyrus – She & manager-dad Billy Ray have made it clear she wants off “Hannah Montana” because there’s far more moolah in the singing biz. The Disney Channel is refusing to budge on their contract, so the father-daughter team has reportedly been showing up to the set ridiculously late, stalling production, and infuriating cast & crew. How pro.
• +44 – Travis Barker (ex-Blink-182) is in critical but stable condition in a burn unit following a plane crash in Columbia, South Carolina. 4 other passengers on the California-bound Learjet died in the accident. Shanna Moakler, Barker’s ex-wife (former “Playboy” playmate & co-star on reality TV show “Meet the Barkers”) has reportedly flown to the medical center to be by his side.

EVEN MORE FRAGMENTATION:
Slacker is making its personalized radio service available to Blackberry mobile phones under a new deal struck with manufacturer Research In Motion. The pact gives Blackberry devices much the same functionality as any other Slacker-made unit, meaning it can stream more then 100 Slacker radio channels when in wireless coverage or cache playlists for consumption when out of coverage. (Broadcast radio – one of the few things in life that’s still free.)
– “Billboard”

CHOPPER CONCERT:
The “Helikopter-Streichquartett” (“Helicopter String Quartet”), written by Karlheinz Stockhausen, was first performed in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. Here’s how it works: there’s a normal string quartet, and then there are 4 helicopters used as background ‘instruments’. The sound of the blades beating creates a backdrop for the composition. It’s very specific: helicopters have to circle at a radius of 6 km (3.7 mi) from wherever the string quartet is playing, typically inside an auditorium. The whirlybirds change altitude in order to change the rhythms. (Rehearsal must cost like a gajillion in fuel.)
– Neatorama.com

MOST DESIRED SUPERPOWERS:
If you could pick, what superpower would you wish to have? These are the most popular in a new online poll …
5. Superhuman strength.
4. Sexual magnetism.
3. Weather control.
2. Time manipulation.
1. Invisibility.
–  FilmOn.com

OUT TO LUNCH:
A recent school lunch study reveals that about 31% of students purchase their lunch through school cafeteria facilities. About 29% of kids pack their own school lunch, while 40% rely on a parent to do it. (So they have an excuse to complain about the contents after school.)
– “Better Homes & Gardens”

HAPPY ENDING:
A British couple is finally getting married, 40 years after their relationship was interrupted when her family discovered she was pregnant. Chester Locke & Christine Orchard began a 2-year relationship in 1965, when he was 21 and she was just 14. Her mother put an end to things when her daughter got knocked up at age 16. Interestingly, it was the ensuing daughter (now 40) who tracked down her father and reunited the couple. Since the reunion, the relationship has reignited. The bride will be 57, the groom 64, when they finally wed in Taunton, England. (Aw! No he really IS a dirty old man.)
– “The Sun”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• 60% of Canadian teens devote, on average, 2 hours & 20 minutes to homework each day.
– “Toronto Star”
• Every year around this time, thousands-upon-thousands of Monarch Butterflies mass at Point Pelee ON, the southernmost point of Canada, before migrating to Mexico for the Winter.
– Parks Canada
• Canadians now eat 4 times as much garlic and twice as much asparagus as 20 years ago.
– Statistics Canada

DID YOU KNOW?
• Among advanced countries, the US is the only one where you can end up in jail for a minor property crime, such as passing a bad check.
• The word ‘maverick’ comes from 19th-century Texas rancher Augustus Maverick, who refused to brand his cattle. Some say he felt it was cruelty to animals, while others believe it was so he could claim any unbranded cows that he happened upon.
– both of the above from “New York Times”
• Artists represent only a slightly smaller segment of the US workforce than the military.
– “The Futurist”

BS CHRONOMETER 09.22.08
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1958 [50] Andrea Bocelli, Lajatico, Italy, operatic singer (“The Prayer”)

1958 [50] Joan Jett (Larkin), Philadelphia PA, classic rock singer (“I Love Rock & Roll”)

1961 [47] Bonnie Hunt, Chicago IL, movie actress (“Cars”, “Cheaper by the Dozen” films)

1975 [33] Ethan Moreau, Huntsville ON, NHL winger/team captain (Edmonton Oilers)

1987 [21] Tom Felton, London UK, movie actor (‘Draco Malfoy’ in “Harry Potter” films)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Centenarians Day”, honoring those who’ve lived 100 years or more. (Which will soon be most of us!)

• “Dear Diary Day”, a day to ‘put it on paper because it’ll make you feel better’. (Same goes for your new puppy.)

• “Elephant Appreciation Day”, to celebrate the world’s most interesting and noble endangered land animal.

• “First Day of Autumn” in the Northern Hemisphere as the Autumnal Equinox occurs at 11:44 am EDT. Studies show we eat an average of 12.5% more during Fall than any other season. Down Under, “Spring” begins in the Southern Hemisphere.  FACTOID: LAST YEAR, ‘Autumn’ was the 91st-most-popular name for baby girls, down from 77th in 2000.

• “Good Neighbor Day”, dedicated to developing positive relationships with those next door.

• “Hobbit Day”, commemorating JRR Tolkein and the birthdays of his characters ‘Frodo’ & ‘Bilbo Baggins’. On this date in the year 3001 of the 3rd Age, Shire Reckoning, the 2 characters celebrated their shared birthday. ‘Bilbo’ was 111 and ‘Frodo’ was 33.
 
• “OneWebDay”, the 2nd annual global celebration of online life. The goal is to create and make visible a global constituency that cares about the future of the Internet.
NET: http://onewebday.org

• “World Carfree Day”. Wow, free cars? No dummy, it’s an annual effort to help create permanent change to benefit pedestrians, cyclists, and other people who do not drive cars.
NET: http://www.worldcarfree.net/wcfd

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1989 [19] “Baywatch” debuts on NBC-TV (is later cancelled but returns in syndication to become world’s most-watched TV show)

1994 [14] The sitcom “Friends” debuts (NBC) and begins a frenzy for the ‘Rachel’ hairstyle worn by star Jennifer Aniston

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1954 [54] 1st ‘Pina Colada’ is concocted (rum, coconut cream & unsweetened pineapple juice) by Ramon ‘Monchito’ Marrero, a bartender at the Caribe Hilton Hotel in San Juan who wanted to capture all of the flavors of Puerto Rico in a single drink

1986 [22] ‘The Wave’ (originally called the ‘Mexican Wave’) first achieves widespread popularity in stadiums during the World Cup soccer finals in Mexico City

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1990 [18] ‘World’s Fastest Talker’ utters 595 words in 56.01 seconds or 637.4 wpm (Britain’s Steve Woodmore)

2003 [05] British adventurer David Hempleman-Adams becomes the first person to cross the Atlantic Ocean in an open-air, wicker-basket hot air balloon

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Celebrate Bisexuality Day
[Wed] “Knight Rider” debuts (NBC)
[Wed] National; “Punctuation” Day!
[Wed] Women’s Health & Fitness Day
[Thurs] One Hit Wonder Day
[Thurs] Comic Book Day
[Fri] Native American Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Adult Immunization Awareness Week / American Newspaper Week / Build A Better Image Week / Child Passenger Safety Week / Clean Hands Week / Deaf Awareness Week / Dog Week / Farm & Ranch Safety Week / Food Service Workers Week / Keep Kids Creative Week / Prostate Cancer Awareness Week / Rehabilitation Awareness Celebration / Religious Freedom Week / Roller Skating Week / Singles Week / Tolkien Week

BULL’S BITS
BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …

BS SIGNS YOUR DOG HAS A DRINKING PROBLEM:
• Wakes up looking for a little ‘hair o’ the human that bit him’.
• Justifies quantities consumed by reasoning that they are in ‘dog beers’.
• He used to bark … now he just belches the chorus to “Louie Louie”.
• Lately, you’ve noticed that he’ll even hump a really UGLY leg.
• Won’t drink out of the toilet unless there’s an olive in it.

BS MOVIE CLICHÉS:
Why is it that in the movies that …
• No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption, or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
• You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
• When staying in a haunted house, women will investigate any strange noise in their most revealing underwear.
• Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds … unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
• Movie characters driving in the city will find a place to park without delay right in front of their destination.
• People being chased by a car will keep running down the middle of the road instead of ducking in somewhere where a car can’t go.
• A slight blow to the head is usually enough to cause total amnesia.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Always borrow money from pessimists … they don’t expect it back.

BS PHONE STARTER:
What unusual thing do you wear when you sleep?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Men with THIS particular trait have more children than men who don’t.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A deep voice.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The world is grouped into winners and whiners.