Tuesday, September 14, 2010        Edition: #4342
There’s No BS Like Show BS …

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TV actress Lauren Graham confirms in “Redbook” that she’s dating her onscreen brother, “Parenthood” co-star Peter Krause (ew, is that legal?) . . . “Telegraph” reports that Britain’s ITV network has offered Simon Cowell somewhere around £20 million ($31 million) to keep his shows “The X Factor” and Britain’s Got Talent” on the air until 2013 (some would offer him that much to go away) . . . Meantime, “Daily Star” reports Cowell’s planning to launch his own film company, which will specialize in music-themed projects (“Boyle: The Movie”) . . . “Glee” star Matthew Morrison (‘Will Schuester’) is hoping to release his debut album in February 2011, as he fits recording in between filming episodes of the show’s 2nd season, and hopes to tour once the album wraps (it’s described as adult contemporary with some ‘club songs you can dance to’) . . . Actress Megan Fox admits to “Us Magazine” that people roll their eyes when she talks about her husband, Brain Austin Green (actually we roll our eyes when she talks … period) . . . Director James Cameron will film his follow-up to “Avatar” under the sea and is commissioning engineers to build a special vessel equipped with 3-D cameras to travel 11,000 m (36,000 ft) to the bottom of the Mariana Trench in the western Pacific (the movie’s expected in 2014) . . . Movie actor Colin Firth (“Mamma Mia!”) has just been named ‘Britain’s Best Looking Man’ by a poll of 1,500 women (also ‘Brit Celeb Missing the Fewest Teeth’) . . . And director Quentin Tarantino is refuting accusations he convinced fellow jury members to award his ex-girlfriend Sofia Coppola the top honor at the just-completed “Venice Film Festival” for her movie “Somewhere”, insisting the decision was unanimous (BS translation: He got lucky the night before).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC) – The remaining 4 acts perform for the last time in hopes of winning $1 million. The winner is announced tomorrow night … finally!
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Usher (“Versus”).
• “Fashion’s Night Out” (CBS) – Neil Patrick Harris (“How I Met Your Mother”) hosts this 2nd annual prerecorded special that celebrates fashion, which features Justin Timberlake among others.
• “Glee” (FOX) – A rerun of last season’s ‘Lady Gaga’ episode.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Brandon Flowers (today the Killers frontman releases his solo album side-project, “Flamingo”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Black Lips (“200 Million Thousand”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Sarah McLachlan (“Laws of Illusion”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Katy Perry (“Teenage Dream”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Enrique Iglesias f/Juan Luis Guerra (“Euphoria”).
• “Oprah Winfrey Show” (syndicated/CTV) – The Judds, who are reuniting for their “Last Encore Tour”, beginning November 26th.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Trace Adkins (“Cowboy’s Back in Town”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Alan Jackson – Tonight in Nashville he’s presented with the ‘Founders Award’ at the 48th annual “ASCAP Country Music Awards”. The honor is given to those who’ve have made pioneering contributions to music by ‘inspiring and influencing their fellow music creators’.
• Bruce Springsteen – Tonight the documentary “The Promise: The Making Of Darkness On The Edge Of Town” makes its debut at the Toronto International Film Festival. It airs on HBO in October.
• Eminem – He failed 9th grade 3 times before throwing in the towel on formal education, according to “Toronto Sun”.
• Jamey Johnson – His new 25-song double album, “The Guitar Song”, is released today.
• Lady Gaga – She’s reportedly taking an online course in order to become ordained a minister … so she can marry gay fans during her concerts.
• Loretta Lynn – Miranda Lambert & Sheryl Crow have joined her on a remake of “Coal Miner’s Daughter”, being shipped to radio today. It’s the first single from an upcoming tribute album.
• Robert Plant – Today he releases “Band of Joy”, his first album since 2007’s “Raising Sand” with Alison Krauss. The new project was also recorded in Nashville.
• Rolling Stones – Ronnie Wood tells “News Of the World” he spent up to $4,500-a-day on cocaine in the 1980s. He says he was so desperate for drugs he’d try whatever he could get his hands on, once accidentally smoking sugar instead of crack.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Just Wright” ( PG Romantic Comedy ): Queen Latifah stars as a physical therapist who falls for the basketball player (Common) she’s helping recover from a career-threatening injury. He, however, is attracted to her best friend (Paula Patton), who wants to be an NBA trophy wife.
• “Letters to Juliet” ( PG Romantic Comedy ): Amanda Seyfried plays an American on vacation in Italy where she finds an unanswered ‘letter to Juliet’ left in the fictional lover’s courtyard. She goes on a quest to unite the lovers mentioned in the missive. Co-stars Gael Garcia Bernal.
• “Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time” ( PG-13 Action Adventure ): Jake Gyllenhaal, Gemma Atherton, and Ben Kingsley star in this tale of buff young royals in medieval Persia who team up to prevent the destruction of the kingdom by magical and nefarious means.
• Also released today: “The Big Bang Theory: The Complete 3rd Season” (TV); “Bill Maher: But I’m Not Wrong” (Comedy); “Fringe: The Complete 2nd Season” (TV); “Glee: The Complete 1st Season” (TV); “The Good Wife: The 1st Season” (TV); “Grey’s Anatomy: The Complete 6th Season” (TV); “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: Season 5” (TV); “Janeane Garofalo: If You Will – Live in Seattle” (Comedy); “NFL’s Greatest Rivalries: Dallas vs Washington” (Sports Doc); “NFL: History Of the Minnesota Vikings (Sports Doc); and “Private Practice: The Complete 3rd Season” (TV).

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 80% of adults with a computer are in some sort of relationship.
• 34% of us say the Internet is the biggest time-waster at work.
• 30% of girls have gotten a piercing without their parent’s permission or knowledge.
• 24% of women keep underwear in their glove compartment.
• 23% of jilted lovers have cut their past partner out of personal photos.
• 5% of men now use a hair straightener as part of their daily grooming routine.

ECHELONS OF ENTERTAINMENT:
New research by Cambridge University psychologists finds that our entertainment choices tend to share similar content, no matter the method in which they’re delivered. The study concludes that our tastes can be broken down into 5 ‘entertainment-preference dimensions’: ‘Esthetic’ (classical music, art films, poetry), ‘Cerebral’ (current events, documentaries), ‘Communal’ (romantic comedies, pop music, daytime talk shows), ‘Dark’ (heavy-metal music, horror movies); and ‘Thrilling’ (action-adventure films, thrillers, sci-fi). The first 2 are considered ‘highbrow’, the others ‘lowbrow’. (They missed ‘Intelligent’ … listeners of this show.)
– “Miller-McCune Magazine”

HOW TO READ YOUR AIRLINE TICKET:
You can likely figure out the basic info on your travel ticket but have you ever noticed the ‘Fare Basis Code’? That single-letter code can make a big difference in your travel experience. It divides passengers into classes based on how much they paid and how early they booked. Here’s what some of the codes mean …
• ‘Y’ class is a widespread denotation for the highest class in Coach at most major airlines.
• ‘Q’ is a discounted ticket but there’s likely no difference from full-fare if you’re in Coach.
• ‘J’ or ‘C’ usually indicate Business Class.
• ‘F’ and ‘P’ denote 1st Class or Premium.
The code is found on most e-tickets by itself but can also be shown as the first letter of a longer code with a mix of letters & numbers. The better code you have, the better your chance of not getting bumped. It’s also key if you want to upgrade your ticket. Generally ‘Y’, ‘B’, and ‘M’ are the only Coach fares that are up-gradable. (What’s the code for ‘Extremely Fat Guy in Next Seat’?)
– “China Daily”

LEARNING TO TALK DEEP:
Ever wished you had a great voice, one that was deeply sensual and rich? All admirable voices share one common characteristic – a degree of warmth, almost like a blanket. But if you were under the impression that such sounds are the stronghold of the singing fraternity, think again. Men today want rich resonant vocals to impress their ladies. And in India, those yearning for the baritone of choice are now heading to ‘voice gyms’. These are full-fledged fitness centers that monitor the use of vocal cords. (“Altogether now … mee, mee, meee, meeeeee ….”)
– “Times of India”

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• A Yorkshire UK town council has rejected a 70-year-old’s request to block construction of a housing development next door because he claims the right to control who sees his body. It’s not that he’s worried about Peeping Toms … he likes to garden in the buff. (Has an unusual way of planting seed.)
– Reuters
• A Georgia couple is suing a grocery store, claiming the husband found a used tampon … in his breakfast cereal. Thomas Roddenberry claims he bought the box of Chocolate Chip Crunch from a  Thomaston GA supermarket back in 2008. He says he later discovered the tampon in his bowl. (Dude, it’s more likely the wife’s trying to tell you something.)
– NYPost.com
• An act in the “Great Moscow Circus” has been banned in Sydney, Australia after local authorities ruled that it’s cruel to animals. The act involves swallowing a live fish and then … regurgitating it. (Forget the fish … that’s cruel to the audience!)
– “Metro”
• Romania’s Senate has just rejected a proposed new law that would levy a tax on fortune tellers and witches. The politician who pushed for the plan claims his colleagues caved in because they were afraid of … being cursed. (Instead of a tax, they’ll continue with the old law requiring burning.)
– QMI Agency

FOR THE RECORD:
47-year-old Perry Watkins, an inventor from Buckinghamshire UK, is thought to have set a new world record for ‘Fastest Piece of Furniture’. He piloted his Queen Anne dining table, set for a silver service dinner, down a down a racetrack twice at more than 110 mph (180 km/hr). The table, named ‘Fast Food’, reached a top speed of 130 mph (209 km/hr) and averaged 114 mph (183 km/hr), comfortably eclipsing the previous record set in 2007 … by a sofa.
– Telegraph.co.uk

DID YOU KNOW?
The 3 Musketeers chocolate bar was originally split into 3 pieces with 3 different flavors – vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry. When the other flavors became harder to come by during WW2, candy-maker Mars decided to go all chocolate.
– MentalFloss.com

BS CHRONOMETER 09.14.10

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [63] (Nigel) Sam Neill, Omagh, Northern Ireland, movie actor (“Jurassic Park”, “The Piano”)/TV actor (‘Cardinal Wolsey’ on “The Tudors” 2007-08)

1965 [45] Dmitry Medvedev, Leningrad, Russia, President of Russia since 2008 (aka Vladimir Putin’s flunky)/First Deputy Prime Minister of Russia 2005-08

1973 [37] Nas (Nasir bin Olu Dara Jones), Queens NY, rapper (w/Damian Marley-“As We Enter”, “Street Dreams”)/married to hip-hop artist Kelis 2005-09

1983 [27] Amy Winehouse, London UK, drug-addled soul/jazz/R&B/pop singer (“Back to Black”, “Rehab”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Cream-Filled Donut Day” … a holiday for cops? The most popular cream-filled donuts are chocolate cream and vanilla cream.

• “International Cross-Cultural Day”, a good excuse to pepper your show with greetings in different languages. The website for the ‘Say Hello Project’ will help you out …
NET: http://www.ipl.org/div/hello/

• “Pregnant Women’s Day”, set aside to honor all moms-to-be. According to a recent study, less than half of women are happy with the maternity care they get in hospitals and see giving birth as a ‘conveyor belt’ experience. What’s the most unusual pregnancy craving you’ve heard of?

• “US National Anthem Day”, celebrating the anniversary of Francis Scott Key penning the lyrics to the “Star-Spangled Banner” in 1814. The Washington DC attorney wrote the famous words after witnessing the British bombardment of Fort McHenry during the War of 1812. He adapted his lyrics to the tune of a popular drinking song, “To Anacreon in Heaven”, and the result later became the official anthem in 1931.

• “World Hearing Voices Day”, the 4th annual observance honoring all those who receive advice, encouragement, comforting words, and even laughter from others … WHO AREN’T REALLY THERE.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2009 [01] Movie actor Patrick Swayze (“Dirty Dancing”) dies in Los Angeles at age 57 after a long battle with cancer

2009 [01] The short-lived primetime “Jay Leno Show” premieres on NBC-TV

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2002 [08] No Doubt singer Gwen Stefani weds Bush frontman Gavin Rossdale in London UK

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1964 [46] Quickie breakfast alternative the ‘Pop Tart’ is introduced

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1987 [23] ‘Largest-Ever Newspaper Edition’ as Sunday “New York Times” features 1,612 pages and weighs in at a whopping 12 lbs/5.4 kg (paper carriers use forklifts for delivery)

COMING UP . . .
[Wed] International Day of Democracy
[Wed] “Survivor: Nicaragua” debuts (CBS)
[Thurs] International Day For the Preservation Of the Ozone Layer
[Fri] POW-MIA Recognition Day
[Fri] Yom Kippur (Jewish)
[Fri] “Alpha & Omega”; “Devil”; “Easy A”; “The Town” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … Substitute Teacher Appreciation Week
This Month Is … Coupon Month

BULL’S BITS

TOUGH NEW BS DRIVING LAWS:
• Speeding In a School Zone: You have to make everyone’s lunches for a week.
• Drive-Thru Restaurants – Regular coffee orders only during morning commute; if you need a specialty coffee or breakfast, you have to go inside.
• Applying Makeup While Driving – You must go to work for a month without any makeup at all.
• Phoning While Driving – You have to give up your phone … but you’re still stuck with your plan.
• Texting While Driving – You lose your car … or your phone if it’s worth more.
• DUI – Blow over .08 and you forfeit all your empties plus your bunk-buddy on “Non-Celebrity Rehab” has to be either Gary Busey or Amy Winehouse.
– Thanks to Mike Benny

BS PHONE STARTER:
Who apologizes more, men or women? (According to “Ladies’ Home Journal”, women say they’re sorry far more than men, but often use it as an expression of sympathy rather than apology, ie: “Oh, you paid $300 for that outfit … I’m sorry.”)

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
You have a problem with stinky feet. Which is said to be helpful?
a. Wearing scented dryer sheets in your socks.
b. Filling your shoes with baking soda each night.
c. Soaking your feet in tea. [CORRECT. Brew 2 black-tea bags in a pint of hot water, add 2 quarts of cool water, and soak your feet for several minutes. Do it every day for a week and you – plus everyone else – will notice the difference.)
– “Better Homes & Gardens”

BS RANDOM JOKE:
The ‘impossible’ we do at once. The ‘unimaginable’ takes 3-to-5 business days.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: On average, parents tell their young children to do THIS at least once a day.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: “Listen!”

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Comedy, like medicine, was never meant to be practiced by the general public.