Wednesday, September 4, 2019 Edition: #6523
Sheet For Brains!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ A private Roman Catholic school in Nashville, Tennessee, has banned all “Harry Potter” books from its library. Why? Rev. Dan Reehil says he consulted with exorcists in the United States and Italy before making the determination that the books about a boy wizard and his friends should be removed. He believes “the curses and spells used in the books are actual curses and spells; which when read by a human being risk conjuring evil spirits into the presence of the person reading the text.”
-TheWrap
★ Kevin O’Leary is not taking any chances with the death investigation into his boat crash, so the “Shark Tank” star is putting his trust in a lawyer who once got Justin Bieber out of hot water. O’Leary has reportedly hired prominent Canadian defense attorney, Brian Greenspan. In 2013, when Bieber was accused of punching a Canadian Uber driver in the head after a night of partying, Greenspan managed to have the charges dismissed.
-TheBlast
★ Kim Kardashian may have 147 million followers on Instagram, but in real life, the reality queen is not so popular. She’s forcing friends to sign non-disclosure agreements before she will even go on coffee dates with them. A source says, “Kim’s not very popular with a lot of her kids’ friends’ moms, because she’s so paranoid about even having a basic conversation with them.” Though the mom of four is often seen out with her family members, staffers, and celebrity friends, she doesn’t stray far from her tight-knit posse.
-Canoe
★ Elisabeth Moss wants to continue her lead role in “The Handmaid’s Tale” in a TV series based on Margaret Atwood’s upcoming sequel. Atwood will release “The Testaments” on September 10th, as the follow-up to her seminal 1985 novel “The Handmaid’s Tale”, which was adapted into the acclaimed TV series starring Moss. And despite the events of the new book taking place 15 years after the original, Moss hopes there is a place for her in a TV sequel.
-Canoe
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Dr. Phil McGraw, Method Man
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Orlando Bloom, Constance Wu, Jack White, Brendan Benson, the Raconteurs
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Joe Biden
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Tracee Ellis Ross, Maren Morris, Carter McLean
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Marc Maron, Jillian Bell, Keane
• “Lights Out with David Spade” (COMEDY): Margaret Cho, Steve Rannazzisi, Kyle Dunnigan
• “Conan” (TBS): Conan Without Borders: Japan (R)
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Dorit Kemsley, Ramona Singer (R)
• “The Talk” (CBS): Gwen Stefani, guest co-host Brigitte Nielsen (R)
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Cara Delevingne, David Muir, Mike Holmes
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Zac Efron (R)
• “Dog’s Most Wanted” (WGN): Season premiere. After being diagnosed with terminal throat cancer, Beth decides the best way to live out her last few months is to do what she does best — hunt down fugitives.
• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC): Five of last night’s performers move on to the finals, viewers have one last chance to send their favorite performer to the next round with a save, plus a surprise guest performance.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Taylor Swift – The new Tool album “Fear Inoculum” has a very good chance of beating Swift’s “Lover” for the No. 1 spot on this week’s Billboard 200 chart. Tool’s long-awaited new album is expected to shift between 240,000 and 260,000 equivalent album units in its first week of release.
• Shawn Mendes — has finally confirmed that he is in a relationship with Camila Cabello. After a fan asked him on Twitter: “You’ve said you’ve never been in love. Has that changed recently?”, he told a crowd in Uncasville CT, I wanna talk to you guys about this stuff, but it’s not just me in the relationship, There’s another person involved and I can’t say things that I feel.”
• Ariana Grande – canceled a meet-and-greet with fans before Friday’s concert in Belgium, because she had suffered a “handful of panic attacks”. A statement posted on her Instagram Stories said that she needed to prioritize her mental health and “preserve her energy for the show”.
• Avril Lavigne — has offered to host a family Christmas dinner for Justin Bieber and Ryan Gosling, after Bieber “discovered” that the three are related on Ancestory.com. Gosling has yet to comment, but a message from the official Ancestry account stated: ”Totally legit! What a glorious Canadian combo. This totally made our day.”
• Abba – Bjorn Ulvaeus says they are closer than ever before since coming together to record their new songs. In 2020, they plan to release their first new recordings in 37 years. Ulvaeus says the reason for recent delays is because of the complex technical nature of the show they are creating, which will give fans the chance to see their music performed by computer-generated ‘Abbatars’.
• Rolling Stones — An upcoming documentary about Ronnie Wood will present a “brutally honest” depiction of the guitarist. “Somebody Up There Likes Me” will premiere at the London Film Festival on Oct. 12, and will see him “disclosing his three-year battle to beat freebase addiction,” while also detailing his battle with lung cancer and his interest in painting.
• Jon Bon Jovi – says there will never be a Bon Jovi biopic because, as much as he loved Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” and Elton John’s “Rocketman”, according to him, “that thing is done…so oh, well.”
• (***Caution: “Damn”***) Miranda Lambert — Her fans are reacting to a video that is circulating online of her hysterically deflating a beach ball while performing in Allentown PA. After it made its way to the stage, Lambert wasted no time in making sure the beach ball stopped making its rounds, then told the crowd: “I love y’all but we’re not at the damn beach.” The fan who posted the video captioned it: “This was such a Miranda Lambert thing to do.”
• Jason Aldean – had to cancel his show at the Gulf Coast Jam in Panama City, Fla. on Saturday due to what sounds like a nasty flu. He posted on Instagram: “unfortunately I’m down for the count with a stomach virus. It’s just not in the cards for us this year. Hope to be back as soon as I can. Thank you to everyone who came out.”
THE ‘PARTY IN THE BACK’ IS BACK:
The mullet. The butt of many jokes, and the owner of just as many fun nicknames. There’s ‘Ape Drape’, ‘Kentucky Waterfall’, ‘Tennessee Top Hat’, ‘Camaro Crash Helmet’…Well, get set for a fresh crop of nicknames, because the hairstyle that even has its own slogan (“Business in the front, party in the back”) is making a comeback among the young and trendy. The hairstyle, which features short hair at the front and sides, and long at the back, has been the subject of ridicule for decades. But now, some hairdressers say they are giving people the cut several times a week. It is thought that Netflix’s “Stranger Things” bad boy ‘Billy’ — played by Dacre Montgomery — may be the biggest reason for the renewed interest in “mulletitude”. One London hairdresser who says she cuts a few mullets every week says, “It’s a fun haircut and it’s only going to get more popular.”
(Get a grip, people. Repeat after me: “Stranger Things” is set in the 1980s!)
(I blame ‘Old Town Road’!)
(Does this mean greasy white undershirts are coming back too?)
-TheSun
THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH CHEESE:
Here is the latest gloriously oversized item available at Costco: The superstore is selling a…get ready for it…72-pound (32.6 kg) wheel of parmigiano reggiano cheese. The online listing says that each block produced by the store’s Kirkland Signature brand is aged for 24 months and imported from Italy. And for those of us who can foresee a use for a 72-pound block of cheese, you’ll be interested to know that the going rate for such an extravagance is US $899.99. Or $12.50 per pound. Online reviewers posted comments including, “It’s not bad and I’ve used it in alfredo sauce with great success,” and “Got this as a gift, what the heck am I supposed to do with all this cheese!?”
(And here’s the kicker…you have to buy them in packs of 12!)
(Please tell me they aren’t selling this at the snack counter…)
(On the plus side, the free-sample lady will only have to open one package!)
-NYPost
APPLE SEASON:
Apple says it will finally begin selling parts, tools and repair guides to independent shops to allow them to fix broken iPhones. That marks a major change for the company, which has lobbied against laws in some areas that would have forced them to do just that. Apple says the move to allow independents to make out-of-warranty repairs will lighten the load on authorized repair outlets. Analysts say it is a smart move for Apple, as it encourages iPhone owners to hand down used phones to friends and family, and studies show that once someone begins using Apple products, they generally become permanent customers.
(I’m all for anything that helps me avoid spending half my weekend in line at an Apple Store!)
(Just watch that you don’t bring your cracked screen to a quack!)
(Why is it I picture mechanic opening a new smaller, cleaner bay at his garage?)
-NYPost
LITTLE ETIQUETTE RULES YOU SHOULD ALWAYS PRACTICE:
⇒ When to start eating: Wait until everyone at the table is served and the host to begin eating until you dig in. This does not apply at a table with more than eight guests. (Or when there are chicken wings present!)
⇒ Tell people when they’re on speakerphone: In fact, don’t put someone on speakerphone unless it is necessary, such as in a “remote meeting” situation. (And importantly, make sure you also tell them WHO is present!)
⇒ Don’t send an email that just says “Thanks!”: If that’s all you are going to say, don’t send it…you’re just clogging an inbox. (Whoops…)
⇒ Keep your phone out of an IRL conversation: When talking to someone in person, don’t glance down at your cell phone to see who’s trying to reach you. (Probably no one, if you’re like me…)
⇒ Remove your sunglasses and earbuds to speak to someone: Many people miss this, but leaving them on is just plain rude. (Especially with music playing. At the optometrist.)
⇒ Never show up empty-handed: It’s basic party etiquette – Bring wine or flowers or dessert. (And for God’s sake, don’t take your empties when you leave!)
-Reader’sDigest
DID YOU KNOW?
The first rollercoaster was originally built to transport coal down a hill. It reached speeds of up to 80 km/h on its descent, and curious tourists started asking if they could ride along for a few cents.
-Gizmodo
BS CHRONOMETER 09.04.19
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1960 [59] Kim Thayil, Seattle WA, alt-rock guitarist (Soundgarden-‘Spoonman’, ‘Black Hole Sun’)
1960 [59] Damon Wayans, New York City NY, TV actor (“Lethal Weapon” 2016-19, “In Living Color” 1990-2001)/movie actor (“The Last Boy Scout”)
1975 [44] Mark Ronson, London UK, DJ/musician (w/Bruno Mars-‘Uptown Funk’)/music producer (Adele, Amy Winehouse, Christina Aguilera, Lady Gaga)
1978 [41] Wes Bentley, Jonesboro AR, movie actor (“Hunger Games”)/TV actor (“American Horror Story” 2014-16)
1980 [39] Max Greenfield, Dobbs Ferry NY, TV actor (‘Schmidt’ on “New Girl” 2011-18)
1981 [38] Beyoncé (Knowles-Carter), Houston TX, pop singer (‘Crazy in Love’, Destiny’s Child-‘Say My Name’)/wed to rapper Jay Z since 2008
1982 [37] Whitney Cummings, Washington DC, stand-up comedian/TV screenwriter (co-creator of “2 Broke Girls”)/TV actress (“Whitney” 2011-13)
1986 [33] Neyla Pekarek, Denver CO, indie music multi-instrumentalist (The Lumineers-‘Ho Hey’)
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Macadamia Nut Day”, saluting the yummy nut first found in the rainforests of eastern Australia thousands of years ago by aboriginals. Though they can be toxic to dogs, they are super nutritious for humans. NET: http://tinyurl.com/lm2ur99
•“Newspaper Carrier Day”, celebrating the anniversary of the first recorded ‘news boy’, 10 year-old Barney Flaherty, who began hawking the “New York Sun” 186 years ago in 1833 (now an endangered species?)
• “Eat an Extra Dessert Day”, guiltlessly indulge yourself in a little extra dessert today and inform everyone you know about this happy holiday (And if they won’t participate, eat theirs too!).
• “National Wildlife Day”, aims to focus on endangered species, preservation, and conservation efforts around the world. Zoos, aviaries, and marine sanctuaries provide a variety of ways to get involved.
COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] Cheese Pizza Day
[Thurs] Be Late For Something Day
[Fri] Barbie Doll Day
[Fri] Great Egg Toss Day
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2006 [13] Steve Irwin, wildlife expert and host of “The Crocodile Hunter” wildlife TV series, dies in Batt Reef, Australia of a stingray barb.
2014 [05] Comedian, actress, and TV host Joan Rivers dies in NYC at age 81 after complications from a minor throat procedure at an outpatient clinic (daughter Melissa Rivers filed a malpractice suit, which was settled).
2015 [04] Muppets Missy Piggy and Kermit the Frog announce the end of their relationship on Twitter.
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1984 [35] Prince’s “Purple Rain” album hits #1 & stays at the top of the chart for 24 weeks.
2002 [17] The debut “American Idol” competition on FOX-TV is won by Kelly Clarkson, a 20-year-old cocktail waitress from Texas. Justin Guarini is the runner-up.
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1995 [24] Online auction site ‘eBay’ is founded in San Jose, California by French-born Iranian-American computer programmer Pierre Omidyar (it is originally called ‘AuctionWeb’)
1998 [21] Google Inc is founded as a privately held company by 2 students at Stanford University, Sergey Brin & Lawrence Page, whose headquarters are located in a friend’s garage in Menlo Park, California
TODAY’S SECOND . . .
2018 [01] Amazon becomes America’s second trillion dollar company (Apple was first, Microsoft became the third in April, 2019)
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2011 [08] Competitive eater Sonya Thomas (‘The Black Widow’) is declared winner of the US Chicken Wing Eating Championship in Buffalo NY after consuming 183 wings in 12 minutes
BULL’S BITS
BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ The first woman to cycle round the world learned to ride a bike a few days before she set off.
✓ A study using MRI scans showed that the brains of people who exercise moderately look 10 years younger than those who don’t.
✓ A report found that the free weights at the gym have 362 times more bacteria than a toilet seat.
✓ Cologne was originally produced as protection against the plague. It was widely believed that bad-smelling air spread the disease.
✓ Dynamite was originally going to be called ‘Nobel’s Safety Powder’.
✓ The Museum of Bread Culture in Ulm, Germany, has a collection of over 18,000 objects, none of which is bread.
-WhattheFFacts
BS SCRAMBLED SONG TITLES:
• Go-Go Before You Wake Me Up
• Like, Teen Spirit Smells!
• You Are Who?
• Hand in My Drink
• It Wouldn’t Be Nice
• Lady Looks Like a Dude
• An Elevator in Love
• Eileen, Come On!
• I’m Standing Still
• Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm (See what I did there?)
• Don’t We Have to Take Our Clothes Off To Have a Good Time?
-Twitter
Best of BS . . .
BS THINGS I REALLY LEARNED IN SCHOOL:
• How to forge my parents’ signature.
• There is no greater joy than walking into class and seeing the A.V. cart.
• Coaches don’t give a flying frig about history class either.
• Cursive? Totally unnecessary.
• Substitute teachers equal a field day for a smart-mouthed student.
• That gum under the desk? Don’t chew that.
• A bottle of vodka can be conveniently carried in a guitar case.
• That’s the only time in your life that you will ever use a protractor.
• It is good to bring a gift for your teacher. That gift should not be your pet snake.
• That I could make the word ‘BOOBS’ with my calculator.
-Twitter, first published in ‘BS’ in 2018
BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever put in your kid’s school lunch?
BS RANDOM JOKE:
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: The most often recurring dreams include #1 – falling, and #2 – being chased. What is number 3?
Answer: Being back in school as an adult
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Just because someone carries it well doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy.
