Friday, September 13, 2019 Edition: #6530
The BS Press!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Move over, Jim and Pam. It’s all about Pam and Angela in a new podcast coming from former “Office” stars Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. Fischer and Kinsey, who played Pam Beesly and Angela Martin on the beloved comedy, will be teaming up for “Office Ladies,” “the ultimate podcast for nostalgic fans.” Each week the duo, who are best friends in real life, will break down an episode of “The Office” and provide behind-the-scenes stories and answer questions from listeners. The podcast premieres October 16th.
-CNN
★ “Dancing With The Stars” pros Maksim & Val Chmerkovskiy are suing a former employee, accusing him of stealing their dance studio clients. In the lawsuit, the company say Klajdi Kasemi started working as an instructor with them in 2015. As part of their deal, Kasemi was prohibited from giving dance lessons within 10-miles of the studio. He was also not allowed to solicit clients away from DWM Dance Studios. Maks & Val accuse him of breaking both rules and now they want him to pay up.
-TheBlast
★ It’s been more than 20 years since actor and comedy icon Phil Hartman, best known for his roles on “The Simpsons” and “NewsRadio”, and his impersonation of Bill Clinton on “Saturday Night Live”, was murdered by his wife, Brynn. Now, ABC News is taking a look at the life, legacy, and tragic death of the actor with the two-hour special. “The Last Days of Phil Hartman” will air Thursday, Sept. 19 on ABC.
-MSN
★ CBS All Access has found its Mother Abagail for its upcoming adaption of Stephen King’s “The Stand.” It was revealed during “The View” on Wednesday that Whoopi Goldberg will play the role. The Stand is King’s apocalyptic vision of a world decimated by plague and embroiled in an elemental struggle between good and evil. The fate of mankind rests on the frail shoulders of the 108-year-old Mother Abagail (Goldberg) and a handful of survivors.
-TheWrap
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Dr. Phil McGraw, Method Man, Shaed (R)
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson, Jillian Bell, Tori Kelly (R)
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Sen. Bernie Sanders, Julio Torres, Deray Mckesson (R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Melissa McCarthy, Elisabeth Moss, Jakob Dylan & Jade (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Kim Kardashian West
• “The Talk” (CBS): Sean Hayes
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Kim Kardashian West, Jonathan & Drew Scott, “Science Bob” Pflugfelder
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Sean Hayes, Surprise Guest
• “Murder in the Bayou” (SHOWTIME): Season 1 premiere. Between 2005 and 2007, the bodies of four young women are discovered in and around the town of Jennings, La.
• “Room 104” (HBO): Season 3 premiere. An estranged brother and sister reunite at the site of their future joint investment.
• “The Ranch” (NETFLIX): Season 4 premiere
SATURDAY-
• “The Cheerleader Escort” (LIFETIME): A college freshman who just made the cheerleading squad finds herself falling for a much older man.
• “Forever in My Heart” (HALLMARK): Two people find love in Ireland but their dreams drive them apart. Five years later, they reunite and the woman must decide where her heart belongs.
SUNDAY-
• “Comedy Central Roast of Alec Baldwin” (COMEDY): Multitalented star Alec Baldwin takes the hot seat to be skewered by his entertainment peers.
• “The Masked Singer: Super Sneak Peek” (FOX): Host Nick Cannon and panelists Ken Jeong, Jenny McCarthy, Nicole Scherzinger and Robin Thicke reflect on the show’s impact on pop culture; T-Pain makes a special appearance; Season 2’s characters are introduced.
• “Fear the Walking Dead” (AMC): Season 5 finale
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Max Martin – is writing his way into the musical world with “& Juliet”, a stage musical which will feature his prolific body of work as a songwriter. Renditions of his No. 1 hits like Britney Spears’ ‘…Baby One More Time’, Backstreet Boys’ ‘I Want It That Way’ and Katy Perry’s ‘Roar’ will be featured in the new London musical, opening Nov. 20, the same day the soundtrack comes out.
• Louis Tomlinson – His sister Félicité’s cause of death has been ruled as an accidental overdose of cocaine, an anxiety drug and painkillers. The 18-year-old passed away in March at her apartment in West London.
• Mariah Carey — took her daughter, Monroe, on a shopping spree to Target on Tuesday. Documenting the trip, Carey took a picture for Insta, and her post didn’t go unnoticed by the retail giant. Target left a clever comment, writing, “We belong together” and added Mariah’s iconic symbol.
• Rush — A 144-page graphic novel detailing the making of their 1977 album “A Farewell to Kings” is now available. “The Making of A Farewell to Kings” is presented in LP-sized pages.
• KISS — drummer Eric Singer has been sworn in as an “honorary corporal” by the police department in Wharton, Texas. Wharton police chief Terry David Lynch performed the swearing in before the band’s concert Monday in Houston, with Singer in full “Catman” makeup and the police chief wearing a KISS t-shirt.
• Pet Shop Boys — have announced their first greatest hits tour, dubbed “Dreamworld: The Greatest Hits Live.” The tour is named after the duo’s new single ‘Dreamland’, from their forthcoming, as yet untitled, studio album, set for release in January.
• Blake Shelton – is such a fan of Craig Morgan’s heartbreaking new song, ‘The Father, My Son and the Holy Ghost’, that he is offering to give up his own airplay on country radio so the song can be heard. The song was written after Morgan’s son, Jerry, died in a tubing accident in July 2016.
• Darius Rucker – Along with Randy Houser and Kristian Bush of Sugarland, he will hold a benefit concert on Monday at Nashville’s Ryman Auditorium for the people of the Bahamas following the destruction of Hurricane Dorian.
• Brantley Gilbert – He and his wife Amber are settling into life with a newborn after the birth of their second child and first daughter, Braylen Hendrix Gilbert, on Monday. The couple shared the first photos of their baby girl with People Magazine and on Instagram, with the caption: “Happy…Healthy…Blessed”
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Hustlers” (R-Rated, Drama: A crew of savvy former strip club employees band together to turn the tables on their Wall Street clients. Inspired by the viral New York Magazine article. (Constance Wu, Jennifer Lopez, Julia Stiles, Cardi B)
• “Brittany Runs a Marathon” (R-Rated, Comedy/Drama): Brittany is a funny, likeable, hot mess of a New Yorker whose trashy nightclub adventures and early-morning walks of shame make her late for work every day. On the verge of a complete breakdown, she decides to train for the New York Marathon. (Jillian Bell, Jennifer Dundas)
• “The Goldfinch” (R-Rated, Drama): A boy in New York is taken in by a wealthy Upper East Side family after his mother is killed in a bombing at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. (Finn Wolfhard, Nicole Kidman, Sarah Paulson, Ansel Elgort)
• “Freaks” (R-Rated, Horror/Mystery, Limited): A bold girl discovers a bizarre, threatening, and mysterious new world beyond her front door after she escapes her father’s protective and paranoid control. (Emile Hirsch, Bruce Dern, Grace Park)
WOULD YOU LIKE ANXIETY WITH THAT?
The weekend is almost here, and for most of us, that will involve at least one trip to a restaurant. And although a meal out is supposed to be an enjoyable occasion, a new study reveals that the entire dining out process, from choosing where to eat, what to eat, and making reservations, is actually quite stressful. But the most stressful part of the whole thing? Deciding what to wear. A poll of 2,000 Americans found that 65% feel overwhelmed when choosing what to wear to a restaurant. One third said that choosing what to wear is more stressful than deciding where to eat. And about a quarter of those surveyed admitted they’ve skipped going out to a meal because they couldn’t find the right outfit.
(The most stressful part for me is when the machine is deciding whether my credit card is good…)
(I’ve got a feeling they surveyed more women than men on this!)
(Here’s my rule of thumb when deciding what to wear to a restaurant: “What I wore to work on Friday.”)
-NYPost
NEWS OF THE WEIRD:
➢ An Alaska high school swimmer was disqualified because of a wedgie. After winning a heat last Friday, the 17-year-old state champion Breckynn Willis of Dimond High School was told she’d been disqualified because she’s broken a rule about bathing suit modesty – her team-issued suit had ridden up her back. The Alaska School Activities Association has since reversed the disqualification. (If I’m swimming in Alaska, I’m wearing as much bathing suit as I can!)
➢ A Pennsylvania couple who police say went on a wild spending spree after a bank accidentally deposited $120,000 into their account are headed to trial. It is alleged that Robert and Tiffany Williams spent most of the money on an SUV, a race car, two four-wheelers and a camper, and gave friends $15,000. When the bank realized its error and demanded the money back, they stopped communicating with the bank. The couple has been released on a 25 thousand bond. (Do you think they’d take a race car instead?)
➢ The death of a French man who died of a heart attack during carnal capers with a woman he met on a business trip has been ruled a “professional accident”. The dead man, “Xavier X”, was an engineer for the TSO company, who met a local woman at a bar in central France, and nature took its course. But he was found dead in his hotel room shortly afterward. Authorities ruled that because he was travelling for work, he remained TSO’s responsibility, and the company is on the hook to pay his survivors up to 80% of his salary. (I don’t know how far he travelled, but he was definitely getting around!)
-AP, YahooSports, Canoe
BS CHRONOMETER 09.13.18
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1967 [52] Stephen Perkins, LA CA, alt-rock drummer (Jane’s Addiction-‘Just Because’, ‘Been Caught Stealing’)
1969 [50] Tyler Perry, New Orleans LA, actor/producer (“Madea” movies)/dubbed highest-paid man in entertainment by Forbes magazine in 2011
1971 [48] Stella McCartney, London UK, fashion designer (Gucci, Chloe, CARE)/Paul & Linda McCartney’s daughter/PETA advocate
1975 [46] Joe Don Rooney, Baxter Springs KS, country guitarist (Rascal Flatts-‘I Like the Sound of That’, ‘Bless the Broken Road’)
1977 [42] Fiona Apple, New York NY, singer/pianist (‘Shadowboxer’, ‘Criminal’)
1993 [26] Niall Horan, Mullingar Ireland, pop singer (‘Slow Hands’, w/One Direction-‘Best Song Ever’, ‘What Makes You Beautiful’)
1996 [23] Lili Reinhart, Cleveland OH, TV actress (‘Betty Cooper’ on “Riverdale” since 2017)
SATURDAY- Sam Neill (“Jurassic Park”) is 72: Dr. Terry Dubrow (“Botched”) is 61; Andrew Lincoln (“The Walking Dead”) is 46; Emma Kenney (“Shameless”) is 20
SUNDAY- Oliver Stone (director-“Platoon”) is 73; Tommy Lee Jones (“No Country for Old Men”) is 73; Tom Hardy (“Mad Max”) is 42; Prince Harry is 35
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Full Harvest Moon”, tonight will be the first full moon on Friday the 13th since Oct. 13, 2000. Peak viewing will be at 12:33 a.m. on Saturday morning, but the moon will appear almost entirely full from when the sun goes down this evening. It’s also this year’s “harvest moon” (the full moon closest to the autumnal equinox) — adding another spooky layer to the already ominous date. What is a harvest moon? The full moon closest to the autumnal equinox.
• “Defy Superstition Day”, a day to stare down your superstitions. So, walk under a ladder, break a mirror, let a black cat cross your path, open an umbrella indoors, and do all those other things that many think are bad luck. (Do two negatives make a positive?)
• “Fortune Cookie Day”, celebrating the tasty little treats with a slip of paper inside that brings you good luck, a whimsical saying, or a philosophical thought. It’s thought they were invented in San Francisco around 1914
• “International Chocolate Day”, celebrating ‘the greatest substance known to humanity’. It’s a day for indulgence that should be free of guilt (until you get on the scale tomorrow morning)
• “Peanut Day” Peanuts are not really nuts at all but legumes (edible seeds enclosed in pods). As a group, legumes provide the best source of concentrated protein in the plant kingdom (and how perfect is it that it is also Chocolate Day?)
• “Bald is Beautiful Day”, a day that we can stop hiding and finally start celebrating the thing that haunts many individuals all over the world. Today, being bald is beautiful. There will be no hats, crooked toupees, or cover ups of any sort. Let it shine!
• “Positive Thinking Day”. It’s all about attitude … a positive attitude. (And I’m positive this is never gonna fly…)
SATURDAY-
• “Cream-Filled Donut Day” … a holiday for cops? The most popular cream-filled donuts are chocolate cream and vanilla cream. (Why eat a regular donut when you can replace the empty space of the hole with delicious cream…or jelly…for the same price??)
• “Eat a Hoagie Day”, celebrating the super-sized sandwich also known as a sub, grinder, hero, Italian sandwich, po’ boy, wedge, zeppelin, or torpedo. What’s the best combo?
• “Live Creative Day”, take the time to invent, discover and dream. Incorporating creativity through a variety of media, from painting and graphic art to music and gardening all have a positive impact on our lives. (The only thing I’m capable of creating is an excuse!)
• “World Hearing Voices Day”, for those who receive advice, encouragement, and even laughter from others … who aren’t really there. Something tells me you should visit their website:
http://www.intervoiceonline.org/news-events/hearing-voices-day
SUNDAY-
• “Greenpeace Day”, honoring the 1971 founding of the now internationally renowned environmental organization. A group of 17 activists initially formed in Vancouver BC to protest offshore nuclear testing in Alaska.
• “International Day of Democracy”, a UN observance since 2007 encouraging the freely-expressed will of people to determine their own political, economic, social, and cultural systems.
• “Care Givers Day”, recognizing the selfless people who do the chores for the sick and elderly that the rest of us can’t be bothered with. How come one of the most important occupations is one of the poorest paying?
• “Google.com Day”, founded on September 4th 1997, it officially became a domain on this day 22 years ago. (Who says “Google.com”?)
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1993 [26] “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” premieres on NBC-TV (and Max Weinberg, drummer with Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band, begins his new job as bandleader)
2009 [10] When Taylor Swift wins for Best Female Video at the MTV Video Music Awards, Kanye West comes on stage and commandeers the microphone, saying that Beyoncé deserved the award. Beyoncé later brings Swift on stage to finish her speech. (“Imma let you finish but…”)
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1996 [23] Rapper Tupac Shakur dies at age 25 of gunshot wounds suffered in a Las Vegas drive-by shooting 6 days earlier
1997 [22] Elton John releases ‘Candle in the Wind 1997’, a tribute to Diana, Princess of Wales. It becomes the second-highest selling song ever, next to ‘White Christmas’.
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1956 [63] IBM introduces the RAMAC 305, the first commercial computer with a hard drive that uses magnetic disk storage, weighs over a ton
2004 [15] TV talk-show host Oprah Winfrey gives a brand-new Pontiac G-6 sedan, worth $28,500, to everyone in her studio audience … a total of 276 cars in all (the problem was the up to $7,000 “gift tax” that they had to pay…)
BULL’S BITS
BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ The first train reached a top speed of only 5 mph (8 km/h).
✓ A gallon of diesel weighs one pound more than a gallon of gasoline.
✓ Your mouth produces 1 litre (1.8 pints) of saliva a day.
✓ Over the last 150 years, the average height of people in industrialized nations increased by 10 cm (4 inches).
✓ 55% of people yawn within 5 minutes of seeing someone else yawn.
✓ After tonight, the next full moon to land on Friday the 13th won’t happen until 2049.
-UberFacts, KickassFacts, DidYouKnow
BS FUTURE REALITY TV SHOWS:
• The Amazing Space Race
• Queer A.I. for the Straight Guy
• Naked and Afraid: Generation Z
• Real Housebots of Futurama
• Ohio Shore
• 17 Clones and Counting
• America’s Next Top Meme
• Are You Smarter Than an Algorithm?
• Ice Road Hookers
• Here Comes President Honey Boo-Boo
-Twitter
Best of BS . . .
BS GREAT LINES ABOUT GOLF:
• Golf is a good walk spoiled.
• Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result.
• Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a very small hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.
• Golf is a game where the ball always lies poorly and the player well.
• There’s no better game in the world when you are in good company, and no worse game when you are in bad company.
• Golf is a sport whose secret is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often.
• Your worst putt will be as close as your best chip.
• The only shots you can be dead sure of are those you’ve had already.
• It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
• The biggest liar in the world is the golfer who claims that he plays the game merely for exercise.
• Old golfers never die, they just putter away.
-Bathroom wall at a golf course, first published in BS in 2017
BS PHONE STARTER:
If someone was making a movie about your life, who would play your parents?
BS RANDOM JOKE:
We need a 12-step group for compulsive talkers. They could call it On Anon Anon.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: 6% of men have had THIS for breakfast. What is it?
Answer: Beer
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery while on a detour.