Tuesday, September 26, 2023 – Edition: #7562

Sheet Happens!

 

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Legendary Italian actress Sophia Loren has been hospitalized after suffering broken bones from a fall. The 89-year-old Oscar winner fell Sunday in the bathroom of her home near Lake Geneva in Switzerland, suffering several fractures, including to her hip and thigh, her agent said. Loren was taken to hospital, where she underwent surgery that went “very well,” and she’s now recovering. Her rep said they were “optimistic” about Loren’s recovery.
-EW, ETCanada
★ How soon will late night be coming back? “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert”, “Jimmy Kimmel Live!”, “The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” and “Late Night with Seth Meyers” are now be making plans to return to air after the WGA and the AMPTP struck a tentative agreement Sunday. They will likely be the first shows able to return, along with daytime talk shows. The late-night shows have been dark since the beginning of May when writers walked out, becoming one of the first subsects of the TV industry to close down. Deadline reports that the shows will likely return a few days after the strike is officially over, once the WGA Board and Council votes to lift the restraining order. Variety reports that a return on Oct. 2 or Oct. 9 seems likely.
-Deadline, Variety
★ Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner were spotted grabbing a bite to eat with their daughters just 3 days before she sued him. The pair, who welcomed Willa in 2020 and their second daughter last year, were photographed dining at Momofuku Noodle Bar in New York City last Monday, says TMZ. Three days later, Turner sued Jonas for “wrongful retention” of their daughters. Turner is asking for the return of the children to their “forever home” in her native England, where she said the family moved in April.
-Insider
★ Dwayne Johnson isn’t forgetting his past. He shared a candid Instagram video message with fans on Saturday, after a follower asked him to explain the benefits and drawbacks of fame. In the clip, The Rock said: “For me, the drawbacks are, there are no drawbacks to fame.” He said he’s been lucky to be famous for a long time, and for him, “Back in the day, the alternative to fame [was] not being famous, and I couldn’t pay rent, I was struggling to figure out who I was, I was broke.” Johnson then noted that remembering his past struggles with money gives him “good perspective,” “balance” and “an anchor” for when the “blender of noise can always follow fame”, and he says he “never let that go…so it keeps me hungry.” LINK: https://tinyurl.com/3s827j8w
-People
★ Writer-director Paul Schrader has reacted to that report that Robert De Niro will reprise his iconic “Taxi Driver” role of ‘Travis Bickle’ for an Uber commercial filmed last week in London. The report said De Niro would be riffing on Bickle’s classic lines in a series of spots. Schrader noted the Uber ad report in a Facebook post, writing: “Ouch. Why Bob would do this is beyond my reckoning. But I haven’t seen it. If I’m lucky I never will.”
-Deadline
★ Kevin Bacon’s farm came with a spooky stipulation! On a recent episode of Rob Lowe’s podcast “Literally!”, Bacon recounted the creepy story of some farmland property he purchased in Connecticut in 1983. The “Footloose” star had been buying parcels of land in the area, but one owner refused to sell because of the “abandoned house” that was on it, in which he grew up. Bacon told Lowe: “He says, ‘I can’t sell it to you because it’s haunted. I’m afraid that you’ll get possessed and do some serious damage.’” Bacon said that the 2 “finally came to an agreement (and) in the contract…I had to destroy it within a month (of purchase).”
-CNN, People

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Charlize Theron, Brian Cox, Todd Glass (R)
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): The Cast of “Reservation Dogs”, Chance the Rapper ft. Joey Bada$$ (R)
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Samuel L. Jackson, Clarissa Ward (R)
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Tina Fey, Nate Bargatze (R)
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Jackie Goldschneider, Heather Gay
• The View” (ABC/CTV): TBA
• “The Talk” (CBS): Celebrating the 50th anniversary of “The Young and the Restless” with Camryn Grimes, Bryton James, Michael Graziadei and Christel Khalil (R)
• “Live with Kelly and Mark” (ABC/CTV): Tiffani Thiessen, Phil Keoghan
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Ellen DeGeneres, John Legend (R)
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Pamela Anderson (R)
• “Jennifer Hudson Show” (Check local listings): Yvette Nicole Brown, Ron Funches (R)
• “Sherri” (Check local listings): Katherine Heigl, Lorene Harmon
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC): Season 32 premiere
• “The Voice” (NBC): Blind auditions part 2
• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC): Season 18 finale. The top 11 acts perform one last time for their chance to win $1 million and be named the most talented act in America.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Usher — has big plans for 2024. In addition to headlining the Super Bowl Halftime Show, he has announced he’ll release his next album the same day. “Coming Home” will be his first new album since “Hard II Love” in 2016.
• Billie Eilish — marked the end of her “Happier Than Ever” tour with an Instagram post, revealing a sizable, mysterious back tattoo. In a series of snapshots, she offered a glimpse of her back ink, composed of intricate black lines forming a unique design. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/yc6c2cpw
• Theory of a Deadman — has shared the new holiday song ‘Missing You This Christmas’. Frontman Tyler Connolly said: “We’ve never done an original holiday track and for some reason the timing seemed right. Maybe it was all the years of hearing Mariah Carey in Target that sparked the idea.” LINK: https://tinyurl.com/9jkn4sh7
• Rival Sons — have unleashed the new single ‘Mercy’. It comes from the new album “Lightbringer”, out October 20. That’ll be the group’s second full-length album this year, following June’s critically acclaimed companion album “Darkfighter”. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/yj9td2fu
• Bachman-Turner Overdrive — Randy Bachman has announced he’s reviving BTO for a run of fall shows in the US. Joining him will be his son, Tal, plus 3 touring musicians. Founding bassist-singer Fred Turner – who retired from touring in 2018 – will “contribute” but not perform. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/8bvys23t
• Rolling Stones – Keith Richards on pop music: “It’s always been rubbish. I mean, that’s the point of it. They make it as cheap and as easy as possible and therefore it always sounds the same.” Keith Richards on rap music: “I don’t really like to hear people yelling at me and telling me it’s music, AKA rap. I can get enough of that without leaving my house.” (Also: “Get off my lawn!”)
• Zach Bryan — Hot on the heels of his chart-topping self-titled album, on Friday, he released a surprise EP, “Boys Of Faith”. Entirely self-produced and written, it features 5 songs, including collabs with Noah Kahan on ‘Sarah’s Place’ and Bon Iver on the title track. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/9amum9ed
• Cody Johnson — has announced he’s releasing his new record “Leather” on November 3. It will feature 12 songs, including lead single ‘The Painter’ and the newly released ‘Work Boots’ and ‘Watching My Old Flame.’ Johnson said his new material “is the best round of songs I have ever recorded and I feel like that’s the way it should be. Each album should outdo the last one.”
• Luke Combs – appears on Shenandoah’s new duet version of their iconic hit ‘Two Dozen Roses’. The original version was released in 1989 and became Shenandoah’s third #1 single. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/25jpz4y8

SHOOTING THE BULL

FATHER FIGURES:
Dads: It’s not exactly a huge sacrifice, but if you want your kids to do well school, one of the best things you can do is…play with them. A study from the University of Leeds found that children do better in school if their dads engage in activities with them like reading, drawing, singing and telling stories. The researchers studied 5,000 households in England, observing the test scores of 5 to 7-year-olds. The study found that a dad’s involvement with their kids improved their grades in school – no matter the child’s age, gender, ethnicity or the family’s household income. Moms? Moms who similarly spent quality time with their kids had more of an impact on their social development than on grades.
(Man, I hate to imagine how many grades I would have flunked if my dad DIDN’T hang with me so much as a kid!)
(Maybe so. But better grades or not, there’s no WAY my family is going to let me sing with ANYONE!)
-NYPost

DOGGIE DNA:
The genealogy company Ancestry is getting into the dog business. Ancestry has just launched it’s first “Know Your Pet DNA” kit, which it says is the most scientifically advanced dog DNA test out there. It works just like a human DNA kit. You swab your dog’s inner cheek for 30 seconds, and send the sample back to Ancestry. When the results are ready, you’ll receive a dashboard revealing your dog’s breed mix, inherited traits, and matches with other dogs. It can also give you an indication of dog relatives in your area, help you discover breed personalities, and offer insights into behavioral traits. They say the Know Your Pet DNA kit is perfect for those wanting to uncover the background of their rescue dogs, and for owners who just want to understand what makes their dog tick.
(PLEASE! Never use the words ‘dog’ and ‘tick’ in the same sentence!)
(Swab his cheek? Can’t I just wait for the next time he barfs on the new couch?)
-CountryLiving

INTERESTING DEVELOPMENTS:
⇒ Costco has released a Monopoly game inspired by the warehouse store, and there’s no membership required. The classic Monopoly game has been revamped to give gamers the full Costco experience, where classic game board pieces have been replaced with Costco faves, like the $1.50 hot dog combo, pizza slice and jumbo shopping cart. Chance and Community Chest cards have been relabelled Gold Star and Executive Membership cards, and the game board features artwork of a busy Costco store. Properties like Boardwalk, Broadway and Park Place are replaced with warehouse locations from stores worldwide, and the famous “Go to Jail” board space appears as – you guessed it – “Costco Travel.” (Can I get a free sample?)
⇒ Hasbro has unveiled the first-ever Nerf-themed land at Beto Carrero World theme park in Brazil, set to open on Oct.12. Nerf Mania is a 14,000-square-meter attraction, featuring family-friendly rides, a themed restaurant and a Nerf shop. Experiences include Nerf Arcade, the Super Soaker Splash aquatic attraction, and Spin Blast Adventure disc ride. Beto Carrero World is the largest theme park in Latin America. (Better go on opening day, because if history is any indication, all the Nerf bullets will be lost after that…!)
-KTLA, BlooLoop

TOP 5 FAST FOOD MASCOTS:
…according to experts. And by experts, we mean a bunch of people who have spent WAAAY too much time thinking about stuff like this:
1. Colonel Sanders – KFC
2. Ronald McDonald – McDonald’s
3. The King – Burger King
4. Wendy – Wendy’s
5. Jack Box – Jack in the Box

BEST REGGAE SONGS EVER:
…according to experts. And by experts, we mean a bunch of people who have spent WAAAY too much time smoking…I mean listening…to this genre of music:
1. ‘One Love’ — Bob Marley & The Wailers (1965)
2. ‘Legalize It’ — Peter Tosh (1976)
3. ‘The Tide Is High’ –The Paragons (1967) [popularized by Blondie in 1980]
4. ‘Bam Bam’ — Sister Nancy (1982)
5. ‘I Can See Clearly Now’ — Johnny Nash (1972)
-StudyFinds

DID YOU KNOW?
A new study says that free internet should be a basic human right, along with food and shelter. The report, published by the University of Birmingham in England, reasons that if only a certain percentage of the world’s population has access to the internet, while others, particularly those in developing nations, do not, it undermines these peoples’ basic human rights and ability to live “minimally decent lives.” It says that not being afforded free access to the internet is akin to taking away an individual’s freedom of expression, right to information, and freedom of assembly. (Here comes the part where my kid sues me for punishing him by taking away his phone…)
-StudyFinds

BS CHRONOMETER 09.26.23

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Better Breakfast Day”, to remind us that eating a healthy breakfast can get you and your family on track to making healthier choices throughout the day, and help curb overeating at other meals. (I’m such a big proponent of eating a good breakfast that I usually have 2!)
• “National Pancake Day”, serve with a variety of syrups, jams, chocolate sauce or even Nutella. Slice fresh fruit and serve on the side. Make Cinnamon Butter by whipping unsalted butter with cinnamon and serving over pancakes. (Not to be confused with “Pancake Tuesday” in February…)
• “Lumberjack Day”, honoring a tough job that’s become a popular sport … logging games. (Also known as “Eat Like a Lumberjack Day”… and you know what lumberjacks LOVE to eat? Pancakes!)
• “Human Resource Professionals Day”. They aren’t often given credit for their work, but this day honors HR people, and encourages us to learn more about human resource jobs and their importance. (Yesterday I told a joke on-air that was so funny, our HR person asked me to drop by and tell it again!)
• “National Family Day”, created by the Center on Addiction, focusing on getting parents to do things with their children to help create and sustain strong relationships, in order to help prevent teen drug use.
• “World Contraception Day”, to raise awareness about contraception and safe sex. Odd contraceptives used throughout history have included: crocodile dung, animal intestines, blacksmith water, lemon diaphragms, and – ew…brewed tea with beaver testicles (also, morning breath!).
• “Johnny Appleseed Day”, celebrated on the anniversary of his birth. He was born John Chapman in Massachusetts in 1774, and introduced apples to many orchards in the wilderness of the American Midwest. He then gave or sold trees to pioneers.
• “The Last of Us Day”, celebrating video game that became a hit show. It was first released on Playstation 3 in 2013. In the game, Sept. 26 is the date that the outbreak—the Cordyceps brain infection—reaches its crisis point.

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Day of Forgiveness
[Wed] Chocolate Milk Day
[Thurs] Good Neighbor Day
[Fri] Ask a Stupid Question Day
This Week is…Keep Kids Creative Week
This Month is…Courtesy Month

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1945 [78] Bryan Ferry, Washington England, pop/new wave singer-songwriter (‘Slave to Love’, Roxy Music-‘Love is the Drug’, ‘Avalon’)

1955 [68] Carlene Carter (Rebecca Carlene Smith), Gallatin TN, country singer-songwriter (‘Every Little Thing’, ‘I Fell in Love’)/daughter of June Carter Cash

1956 [67] Linda Hamilton, Salisbury MD, movie actress (‘Sarah Connor” in “Terminator” franchise)/TV actress (“Resident Alien” since 2021)/COMING UP… “Stranger Things” season 5

1968 [55] Jim Caviezel, Mount Vernon WA, TV actor (“Person of Interest” 2011-16)/movie actor (“The Count of Monte Cristo”, “The Passion of the Christ”)

1972 [51] Shawn Stockman, Philadelphia PA, R&B singer (Boyz II Men-‘I’ll Make Love to You’, ‘The End Of the Road’)

1981 [42] Serena Williams, Saginaw MI, retired(?) pro tennis player (23 Grand Slam singles titles)/ranked #1 for 319 weeks, including a joint-record 186 consecutive/highest-earning female athlete of all time/sister of Venus Williams

1981 [42] Christina Milian (Flores), Jersey City NJ, pop singer (‘AM to PM’, ‘Dip It Low’)/movie actress (“Be Cool”, “American Pie”)

1984 [39] Nev Schulman, New York City NY, TV host-producer (“Catfish: The TV Show” since 2012)/documentary filmmaker (“Catfish”)

1988 [35] Lilly Singh, Scarborough ON, YouTube vlogger (known as “Superwoman”, she was ranked 3^rd in Forbes’ list of highest-earning YouTubers – $10.5million)/TV personality (“A Little Late with Lilly Singh” 2019-21, “Canada’s Got Talent” judge since 2022)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1964 [59] “Gilligan’s Island”, starring Bob Denver as ‘Gilligan’, debuts on CBS

2008 [15] Screen legend Paul Newman dies from cancer at age 83 at his home in Westport CT

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1975 [48] “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” opens. Featuring a young Meat Loaf, along with Tim Curry and Susan Sarandon, the movie tanks, but later becomes a cult classic, with audience members shouting back at the screen and bringing toast, toilet paper, and other items to enhance the viewing experience

2003 [20] Robert Palmer dies from a heart attack at age 54 in Paris, France

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2017 [06] Saudi Arabia announces it is overturning its ban on women driving – the last country in the world to do so. Women began driving legally June 24, 2018

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1926 [97] The shortest MLB double-header ever is played, as NY Yankees lose 6-1 in 72 minutes — then lose again 6-2 in 55 minutes, to St Louis Browns (Yanks had already clinched the pennant)

BULL’S BITS

BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ If you started with 1 cent and doubled your money every day, it would take 27 days to become a millionaire.
✓ The word ‘bi-weekly’ has two different definitions: Twice a week and once every two weeks.
✓ Mona Lisa was stolen from the Louvre in 1911. That actually drew more visitors to see the empty space than came to see the actual painting.
✓ It takes longer to say “www” than it does to say “World Wide Web” because of all the syllables.
✓ UK’s Royal Mail estimated in 2015 that it would cost £11,602 (US $15,215) to send a letter to Mars.
✓ Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males.
-BestLife, WhattheFFacts

Best of BS:
BS SIGNS THAT FALL HAS ARRIVED:
• Flannel clothing is popping up everywhere. Even in church.
• You’ve just taken a selfie in a pumpkin patch.
• Food stores contain sufficient wheat, oats, and cured meats to see your entire town through the next 3 winters.
• A temporary Halloween shop has moved into every vacant strip mall store.
• Finally! New episodes of your 16 favorite reality TV shows.
• You have lost one of your children for at least 30 minutes in your local corn maze.
• You put away your entire summer wardrobe, only to be immediately hit by a major heatwave.
• You experience an overwhelming compulsion to go apple-picking.
• Pumpkin-spice. Everyfreakingwhere.
-McSweeney’s, first published in BS in 2017

BS NEW TOILET PAPER SLOGANS:
• When doody calls!
• #1 at taking care of #2
• Wipe right
• Treat your seat to our sheets!
• Good to the last plop
• We’ve got your backside
• Because who else will handle your crap?
• The cat-puke picker-upper
• It sure beats the alternative
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2019

BS WEB GOODIE:
What? It’s only Tuesday? (sound up):  https://tinyurl.com/3kyrvv2x

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Fish that are caught and released are the aquatic equivalent of people who claim they were abducted by aliens.

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the most epic way you’ve seen someone quit or be fired?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question:  On average, people have 240 of THESE. What are they?
Answer:  Nose hairs

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.