Friday, September 24, 2010        Edition: #4350
Can You Believe This Sheet?

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
This morning at 8:30 am PDT Lindsay Lohan is ordered back to court to face charges of violating probation and could face 30 days in jail for each of her 2 failed drug tests (of which she’d likely only have to serve about 4 hours) . . . Fireworks may fly at the hearing as both Lindsay’s father Michael Lohan & mother Dina Lohan plan to show up, and there’s a restraining order requiring him to stay 100 yards away from his former wife at all times (these people belong in a zoo) . . . A new book by Bon Jovi’s former tour manager Rich Bozzett alleges Jon Bon Jovi dumped movie actress Diane Lane (now Mrs Josh Brolin) after he caught her frolicking with his bandmate Richie Sambora (Lane shrugs it off, saying it’s a quarter-century ago and she can’t remember) . . . 79-year-old actor William Shatner says he’s finally accepted he won’t be reprising his role as ‘Captain Kirk’ in producer JJ Abrams’ next “Star Trek” movie because he’s simply ‘too old’ (BS translation: Botox looks beastly on bigscreen) . . . To mark the launch of her Organic Liaison diet plan, former “Fat Actress” Kirstie Alley says she has shed over 50 lbs (22 kg) since January but still has 30 more to go (in other words, she’s trying to lose the equivalent of Nicole Richie) . . . And 38-year-old designer Jade Jagger, daughter of Mick Jagger & former wife Bianca, has revealed to “Gala” magazine that she once peed on a piece of iconic artist Andy Warhol’s artwork while he was babysitting her, and he liked the effect so much – he asked her to do it again (somewhere there’s an art collector who’s a little dismayed at this news).

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “The Amazing Race” (CBS/CTV) – Sunday the 17th season gets underway; the team that comes in first place in this leg earns a game-changing advantage.
• “Battle Of the Blades” (CBC) – Sunday Ron MacLean & Kurt Browning return to host the 2nd season premiere. Former NHLers participating this season include Patrice Brisebois, Russ Courtnall, Theo Fleury, and Valeri Bure.
• “Blue Bloods” (CBS) – Tonight Will Estes stars in this new police drama about a family of cops. Tom Selleck & Donnie Wahlberg co-star.
• “Bored to Death” (HBO) – Sunday Jason Schwartzman, Zach Galifianakis, and Ted Danson return for the 2nd season of this noir comedy about an amateur detective.
• “CSI: NY” (CBS) – Tonight the crime drama’s 7th season debut.
• “Desperate Housewives” (ABC/CTV) – Sunday, in the 7th season premiere, fresh-from-prison ‘Paul Young’ returns to Wisteria Lane with an enigmatic new wife.
• “Dexter” (Showtime/TMN) – Sunday is the 5th season debut. After discovering ‘Rita’ dead in last season’s finalé and star Michael C Hall battling cancer in real life, what more shocks can be in store?
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Today Maroon 5 (“Hands All Over”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Primus (“Sailing the Seas of Cheese”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Tonight Willie Nelson (“Country Music”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Tonight Jimmy Eat World (“Invented”).
• PETA Gala & Humanitarian Awards (Los Angeles) – Saturday “30 Rock’s” Alec Baldwin hosts the 30th anniversary awards gala.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – “SNL” alum Amy Poehler (2001-08) hosts the 36th season kickoff; Katy Perry (“Teenage Dream”) is the musical guest.
• “Smallville” (CW) – Tonight is the ‘Superman’ series’ 10th and final season premiere. It’s been announced that “Desperate Housewives” actress Teri Hatcher, who became famous on “Lois & Clark”, will play ‘Lois Lane’s mom on an episode later this season.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight ‘70s disco diva Gloria Gaynor.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Bret Michaels – Saturday night the brain hemorrhage survivor is scheduled to close out the Tampa Bay Rays’ post-game concert series following the Rays-Seattle Mariners baseball game.
• Carrie Underwood – Today the video for “Mama’s Song”, her co-penned single written for her mother, debuts with a 48-hour exclusive world premiere on VEVO.
• Hank Williams Jr – Saturday he performs the 2nd in a series of concerts aimed at upping Gulf of Mexico beach tourism in the wake of the BP oil spill. His “Rowdy Friends 2010 Tour”, which includes Gretchen Wilson and Lee Brice, plays the Wharf Amphitheater in Orange Beach AL.
• Katy Perry – Her scheduled appearance on “Sesame Street”, singing a kid-friendly version of “Hot ‘N Cold” with ‘Elmo’, has been scrapped because parents complained her low-cut mini-dress was inappropriate for children’s TV. (It’s now a hit on YouTube anyway.)
• Kings Of Leon – Saturday they perform a makeup show in St Louis MO to replace last month’s concert that was infamously halted by pigeon droppings falling on the band. The concert is being staged at the same venue, Verizon Wireless Ampitheater. (Oh oh!)
• Shania Twain – The 45-year-old is writing a memoir, set to be published next Spring, in which she reflects on her childhood in rural Ontario, the death of her mother & stepfather, her rise to stardom in Nashville, and the breakup of her marriage to producer Mutt Lange.
• Vince Gill – Saturday he headlines a free “Back To the Beach” outdoor concert in Destin FL as part of a campaign to attract visitors to beaches along Florida’s Gulf Coast.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Legend Of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole” ( PG Fantasy Adventure ): An animated adaptation of Kathryn Lasky’s children books (novels 1-3 are condensed into this movie) about a young barn owl who is kidnapped and brought to the foreboding ‘St Aegolius Academy for Orphaned Owls’. Voice cast includes Helen Mirren and Sam Neill.
NET: http://legendoftheguardians.warnerbros.com
• “Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps” ( PG-13 Drama ): In director Oliver Stone’s follow-up film, ‘Gordon Gekko’ (Michael Douglas, reprising his Oscar-winning role from the 1987 original) is fresh out of prison and hopes to redeem himself in the eyes of his daughter by befriending her fiancé, a financial trader. Co-stars Shia LaBeouf, Josh Brolin, and Carey Mulligan
NET: http://www.wallstreetmoneyneversleeps.com
• “You Again” ( PG Comedy ): Kristen Bell (voice of “Gossip Girl”) stars as a young woman who realizes her brother is about to marry the girl who bullied her in high school, so she sets out to expose the fiancée’s true colors. Co-stars Betty White, Jamie Lee Curtis, Kristen Chenoweth, Odette Yustman, and Sigourney Weaver.
NET: http://youagain-themovie.com

ATTENTION PLEASE!
Facebook is increasingly becoming a marketing tool but the more crowded it gets, the harder it is to get users’ attention. A few tips on how to stand out, according to social-media marketing firm Vitrue …
• Posts with images get clicked on 22% more often than video posts, and 54% more than text-only posts.
• Posts published before noon get clicked on 65% more often than those published later.
• Posts published on Friday do best; weekends are worst.
– Condensed from “Globe & Mail”

EXCUSES FOR MISSING WORK:
5 ‘smart excuses’ to help you skip work and save your sanity …
• “I’ve earned it.” – No one can argue with performance. If you’re not a slacker, odds are the boss will give you a day off now and again.
• “I’m playing golf with a client.” – A good excuse for those in sales and marketing, but you have to meet the client … not just say you did.
• “I have a doctor’s appointment.” – Make the appointment first thing in the morning or late in the afternoon to shorten up your work day.
• “I have cramps.” – Who’s to argue? But don’t use this one if you’re a man. It’ll never work.
• “I’m working from home.” – An excellent way to give yourself a break if your company allows it. You can not only shorten your day, but also avoid commuting time.
Experts say vague excuses such as “I have a personal emergency” are not recommended. Above all, they warn that no matter what excuse you use – don’t lie. If you get caught, your boss will never trust you again.
– Monster.com

REST TIME:
Sleep specialist Dr Matthew Edlund suggests in his new book, “The Power of Rest: Why Sleep Alone Is Not Enough”, that if you can’t sleep a rest can be just as curative. Even when he helped patients get more and better sleep, their health sometimes remained poor. He discovered that rest plays a very important – and often neglected – role in the rebuilding and rejuvenation of the body, and now believes rest is as important as sleep to our long-term health. (Further proof everything you needed to know you learned in kindergarten.)
– DailyMail.co.uk

BS SOCIAL STUDIES:
• According to a study that asked married people what you should NEVER say to your spouse, the #1 thing you should never say to a husband is “You’re just like your father.” (Especially if you say it in bed.)
• An “Ethics Journal” study of students at some 30 universities concludes that most of them cheat. Business majors are worst, with 87% admitting to cheating at least once. Researchers think they may be looking for a short-cut to big bucks. (Or just practicing for the real business world.)

BS CHRONOMETER 09.24.10

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1959 [51] Steve Whitmire, Atlanta GA, Muppet voice actor (since Jim Henson died in 1990, voice of ‘Ernie’, ‘Kermit the Frog’, ‘Rizzo the Rat’, ‘Beaker’, ‘Bean Bunny’, ‘Doozer’, etc)

1962 [48] Nia Vardalos, Winnipeg MB, movie actress/screenwriter (“My Life in Ruins”, “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”)

1969 [41] Shawn ‘Clown’ Crahan, Des Moines IA, metal rock percussionist/vocalist (Slipknot-“Dead Memories”, “Duality”)

SATURDAY –
TV personality Barbara Walters (“The View”) is 81; Movie actor Michael Douglas (“Wall Street” films) is 66; Movie actor Will Smith  (“Hancock”) is 42; Movie actress Catherine Zeta-Jones (“Chicago”) is 41; NFL quarterback Matt Hasselbeck (Seattle Seahawks) is 35; Rapper TI (“Live Your Life”) is 30.

SUNDAY –
Oldies singer/actress Olivia Newton-John (“Grease”) is 62; Movie actor Jim Caviezel (“Passion Of the Christ”) is 42; Pop singer Shawn Stockman (Boyz II Men) is 38; Pop singer Christina Milian (“Dip It Low”) is 29; Tennis player Serena Williams is 29.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Cherries Jubilee Day”, celebrating the decadent dessert that’s always served flambée. Wanna make a home version easily? All you need is a can of cherry pie filling, some cognac (or brandy), vanilla ice cream and … a match.
• “Hug a Vegetarian Day”. Well, we would but you’ve got carrot breath.
• “Native American Day”, observed annually on the 4th Friday in September.
• “Punctuation” Day!”, the 7th annual celebrating the traffic signs of written language. Wow! Eh?
NET: http://nationalpunctuationday.com

SATURDAY –
• “Comic Book Day”, honoring the books your ‘read’ by looking at pictures.
• “Family Health & Fitness Day”, the 14th annual promoting family involvement in physical activity. (Hey Junior, hand me the remote, will ya?)
NET: http://www.fitnessday.com/family/
• “Fish Amnesty Day”, observed on the 4th Saturday in September when PETA urges anglers to toss their tackle and try activities that don’t involve impaling small animals for fun. Considering the next event, good luck fishies!
• “Hunting & Fishing Day”, an annual celebration of the joys of the outdoors and a salute to the conservation and economic benefits provided by sportsmen & women.
NET: http://www.nhfday.org
• “International Rabbit Day”, observed on the 4th Saturday of September to encourage protection of rabbits as pets and in the wild. Considering the previous event, good luck bunnies!
• “One-Hit Wonder Day”, honoring artists who made it big only once before fading into obscurity. There’s nothing like a one-hit wonder to zap some spice into the bland regimen of playlist radio. NET: http://www.onehitwondercentral.com

SUNDAY –
• “International Tool Day”. So who do you think qualifies as an international tool? Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad? Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez? Victoria Beckham?
• “Love Note Day”, a day to leave a secret message for that someone special in your life.
NET: http://www.punchbowl.com/holidays/love-note-day

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1968 [42] “60 Minutes” debuts (CBS), TV’s longest running news magazine, with corespondents Harry Reasoner & Mike Wallace (back when Andy Rooney is only 75)

1991 [19] Children’s author Theodor Seuss Geisel, better known as ‘Dr Seuss’, dies in La Jolla, California at age 87  FACTOID: Dr Seuss’s German-derived name is properly pronounced ‘zoice’ (rhymes with ‘voice’).

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2007 [03] Aerosmith cancels the biggest concert ever scheduled for Maui, Hawaii because their equipment purportedly can’t be transported from Chicago in time (leads to a class action lawsuit that results in 2 free concerts later)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1927 [83] Conn Smythe changes the name of the NHL’s Toronto St Patricks hockey team to the ‘Maple Leafs’ (Conn never got to Grade 2 to learn about ‘leaves’)

1979 [31] 1st ‘Online Service’ (CompuServe, later absorbed by AOL)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1984 [26] ‘Longest Recorded Kiss’ sets “Guinness Record” at 17 days, 10.5 hours (Eddie Levin & Delphine Crha in Chicago IL)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] Ancestor Appreciation Day
[Mon] World Tourism Day
[Mon] World Heart Day
[Mon] Eat Dinner With Your Kids Day
[Tues] World Maritime Day
[Wed] Women’s Health & Fitness Day
This Week Is … Adult Immunization Awareness Week
This Month Is … Cholesterol Education & Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS

BS SIGNS YOUR SMART PHONE MAY BE TOO DAMN SMART:
• There’s an app to replace you.
• It’s afraid it can’t let you do that, Dave.
• It tells you when you hold it wrong.
• It’s ringtone sounds condescending.
• It complains about having a brain the size of a planet and all it does is forward your text messages.
• You accidentally hit a wrong key and sent a communications satellite screaming into the atmosphere.
• Instead of a beep, it sighs in exasperation every time you complete a function.
• It refuses to run fart apps.
– Adapted from BBSpot.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Everybody says, ‘This tastes like crap’ but only a select few really know what they’re talking about.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
How many of the top 10 best-selling hardcover children’s books of all-time were written by Dr Seuss: 2, 4, or 8? [Four. “The Cat In the Hat”; “Green Eggs & Ham”; “Hop on Pop”;and “One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish”. He wrote 48 books, selling more than 100 million copies in 20 languages.]
– Halife.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
What stalling tactics do your kids use when they don’t want to go to bed? (“Parenting” magazine says the top excuses are: Asking for a glass of , asking for another story, complaining the room is too dark or too light, and begging for another bathroom trip.)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: THIS is the thing that is most likely to make a man cry.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: The death of a pet. 33% say that would bring them to tears. 16% might weep over the birth of a child, but only 2% at weddings.
– WomensHealthMag.com

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Our faults irritate us most when we see them in others.