BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
As promised, all subscribers have now received account credits for missed service during our just completed 2-week late Summer hiatus. By the way, Scotland was guid. Och!

5 BS THINGS WE LEARNED IN SCOTLAND:
• Scots have 421 words for “snow”, far more than Canadians. (If true, they should also have about 10,000 terms for “frickin’ miserable rain”.)
• The ‘YES’ movement seeking Scottish independence is alive and flourishing despite last year’s disappointing loss in a country-wide referendum. (In our experience, ‘YES’ rallies are easily distinguished by withering putdowns of the BBC and extremely bad music.)
• A dog can learn Gaelic in just 3 weeks if the trainer familiarizes it with commands in the ancient language. (A human struggles to learn anything in Gaelic in 3 weeks other than “slainte” [SLAHN-chə] … “to your health”, “bottoms up” … or is it “up yours”?)
• Haggis and black pudding actually taste pretty good. (But never, ever look up how they’re made.)
• If it’s not Scottish, it’s crrrrap.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Last night many stars of the long-running “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation” drama returned for a 2-hour movie that served as the CBS-TV series finalé. Among those who went behind the yellow tape one last time: William Petersen (‘Gil Grissom’); Marg Helgenberger (‘Catherine Willows’); Ted Danson (‘DB Russell’); Jorja Fox (‘Sara Sidle’), and Paul Guilfoyle (‘Detective Jim Brass’). There were 2 notable absences: Elisabeth Shue (‘Julie Finlay’) and George Eads (‘Nick Stokes’), who opted not to participate. (The show’s best all-time character? We say ‘Grissom’.)
– TVLine.com
★ If you visit the LA tourist trap Universal Studios Hollywood by the end of October you’ll get the chance to take in the new “Halloween: Michael Myers Comes Home” attraction. The haunted maze winds through “the tormented town of Haddonfield IL, where a 6-year-old by the name of Michael Myers inexplicably stabbed his sister to death on Halloween 1963”. The maze celebrates the long-running “Halloween” movie series that began in 1978. Guests must evade the relentless killer, armed with his signature bloodstained knife. (Fun for the whole family!)
– ContactMusic.com
★ Popular 1980s TV show “The A-Team” is heading back to the small-screen. 20th Century Fox Television is planning to revamp the series which featured George Peppard and Mr T as leaders of a team of mercenaries. “Fast & Furious” writer/producer Chris Morgan has been tasked with giving the show a contemporary feel. Inside sources claim the new team will feature at least one female. The original series aired 1983-87; a 2010 movie adaptation starred Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, and Quinton ‘Rampage’ Jackson. (It rated far less than an ‘A’.)
– WENN.com
★ Screenwriter Aaron Sorkin issued an apology to Apple CEO Tim Cook on Saturday morning after the two engaged in verbal sparring over Sorkin’s work on the upcoming film “Steve Jobs”. Cook allegedly called the film “opportunistic”; Sorkin fired back by saying that’s nervy coming from a CEO with “a factory full of children in China assembling phones for 17¢-an-hour”. Sorkin’s apology suggests both parties have gone too far and he hopes Cooks enjoys the movie as much as he enjoys Apple products. “Steve Jobs”, directed by Danny Boyle, opens on October 9th. (It couldn’t possibly be half as bad as 2013’s “Jobs” starring Ashton Kutcher.)
– Variety.com
★ And actress Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting has stunned fans & friends by ending her marriage to tennis player Ryan Sweeting. “The Big Bang Theory” star’s rep has confirmed the split and says her client has already ditched her hyphenated married name. Sweeting proposed to Cuoco in September 2013 after a whirlwind romance; they wed 3 months later on New Year’s Eve. Cuoco has already deleted all photos of her estranged husband from her Instagram account and stopped following him on social media sites. (This is the modern-day sign of finality.)
– People.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• American Theatre Wing Gala (NYC) – 84-year-old veteran actor James Earl Jones (‘Darth Vader’) is saluted for his contributions to the stage during his long and varied career.
• Apple Music Festival (London UK) – The annual month-long concert series at London’s Roundhouse venue wraps with Florence + The Machine.
• “The Daily Show” (Comedy Central) – The late night talk show returns with new host Trevor Noah. Comedian Kevin Hart guests.
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – For “TV Night”, the competitors dance to songs that celebrate iconic TV shows; a couple is eliminated.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Andy Grammar (“Magazines or Novels”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Fidlar (“Don’t Try”).
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Catfish & The Bottlemen (“The Balcony”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Awolnation (“Run”).
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – John Legend (“Love In the Future”).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Guest co-host Reba McEntire (“Love Somebody”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Hozier (“Live in America”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – Hopefuls perform for the judges as blind auditions continue.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Ed Sheeran – Friday night his North American tour made a stop at Gillette Stadium in Foxboro MA, his first time headlining an NFL stadium. He opened for Taylor Swift at the venue during her “RED” tour. Sheeran also played Saturday’s 4th annual Global Citizen Festival in NYC’s Central Park.
• Fetty Wap – The 24-year-old rising hip hop star was injured Saturday when he collided with a vehicle while riding his motorcycle in his hometown of Patterson NJ.  A photo on Twitter appears to show him looking alert with a brace around his left calf as he receives treatment in a hospital. The rapper dropped his 1st full-length album, “Fetty Wap”, on Friday.
• Kelly Clarkson – She’s cancelled her upcoming tours of Canada, Ireland, and the UK so she can rest her voice. Doctors have apparently told the singer she’s too sick to continue with her current “Piece by Piece” tour. She had been scheduled to perform 9 shows in Canada beginning this week, before jetting off to Britain in November.
• Meghan Trainor – Kevin Kadish, her co-writer of “All About That Bass”, has only made $5,679 from the song being streamed … even though it has been streamed 178 million times.
• Motorhead – The heavy metal band is releasing its own line of sex toys, inspired by the track “Vibrator” from their self-titled debut album. They’ve collaborated with Lovehoney to market 4 versions of vibrators featuring the group’s logo.
• Tove Lo – The Swedish singer begins a North American tour in support of the album “Queen Of the Clouds”. Dates are scheduled from tonight in San Diego CA to October 21st in NYC.

WELCOME TO THE AFTERLIFE:
Last night’s rare confluence of a lunar eclipse and a supermoon (aka ‘Blood Moon’) prompted such widespread fear of an impending apocalypse that the Mormon Church was compelled to issue a statement cautioning the faithful not to get caught up in speculation about a major calamity, particularly the ‘end of the world’. The approach of the phenomenon set off a spike in sales for emergency-preparedness retailers. The eclipse (if you could see it through the clouds) gave the Moon a red tint and made it look larger than usual. It won’t happen again for 18 years. (Note to self: Get into the survival shelter biz by 2033.)
– Adapted from AP

SECRETS OF A SULTRY VOICE:
Results from a State University of New York @ Albany study on voices …
• Men considered to have the sexiest voices are usually men with broad shoulders and narrow hips, physical features that are related to testosterone and growth.
• Women with the most attractive voices often also have the so-called ‘ideal feminine figure’ … a narrow waist and broad hips.
• And here’s an idea for a studio experiment … people whose voices rate most attractive tend to have little fingers that measure the same length on both hands.
(Not to contradict the research, but we’ve often found people with the most attractive on-air voices have ‘perfect faces for radio’.)
– Sourced from BBC News

LA JOURNÉE SANS VOITURE:
Tackling air pollution in a major city can be tricky when you’re trying to keep things running smoothly. But Paris, France – a city that’s grappling with dangerously poor air quality lately – decided to address the problem head-on by eradicating the primary source of pollution … for a day anyway. Yesterday Paris was car-free from 11 am-to-6 pm. While it only lasted 7 hours, proponents say it’s a symbolic move toward a cleaner, more sustainable way of life. During the car-free day, portions of the city center opened to cyclists and pedestrians only. Emergency vehicles and public transportation operated as usual. (Paree is so committed to going green there’s a cold hard cash incentive of $450 to permanently ditch your vehicle.)
– As reported in “Mental Floss”

INSPIRATION FROM EXHAUSTION:
Surprisingly, fatigue may boost your creative powers. For most adults, problems that require open-ended thinking are often best tackled in the evening when they are tired, according to a study in the journal “Thinking & Reasoning”. How so? Fatigue, contends the study from Albion College in Michigan, may allow the mind to wander more freely in order to explore alternative solutions to everyday problems. (So there’s your key to having a truly inventive and creative morning show … total lack of sleep.)
– Condensed from WSJ.com

DID YOU KNOW?
• A gentle jolt of electricity can be used to help someone’s muscles learn a new skill. (Like falling flat on your face, as proven by Tasers.)
– “New Scientist”
• Stats show that liberals swear more on Twitter than conservatives. (Note that’s small-‘L’ f—ing liberals and small-‘C’ sh–head conservatives.)
– “The Telegraph”

BS CHRONOMETER 09.28.15

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1967 [48] Mira Sorvino, Tenafly NJ, TV actress (“Falling Skies” 2014-15)/movie actress (1995 Oscar-“Mighty Aphrodite”)

1968 [47] Naomi Watts, Shoreham UK (raised Australia), movie actress (“Birdman”, “The Divergent” series)

1977 [38] Young Jeezy (Jay Jenkins), Columbia SC, rapper (w/Rihanna-“Hard”, w/Usher-“Love In This Club”)

1978 [37] Peter Cambor, Houston TX, TV actor (‘Nate Getz’ on “NCIS: Los Angeles” since 2009)

1987 [28] Hilary Duff, Houston TX, TV actress (“Younger” 2015)/movie actress (“Cheaper By the Dozen” films)/pop singer (“So Yesterday”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Drink Beer Day”, a day to raise a glass of your favorite ale or lager and celebrate one of the oldest man-made beverages. It’s been produced by individuals since the Neolithic Era and commercial breweries date back as far as 1040 AD.

• “Family Day – A Day to Eat Dinner With Your Children”, observed annually on the 4th Monday of September. It was begun in 2001 by National Center on Addiction & Substance Abuse.

• “Fish Tank Floorshow Night”, a day to gather family & friends around your aquarium to dance and sing. Why? Every other day the fish are under the spotlight keeping us entertained.

• “Good Neighbor Day”, celebrated annually on September 28th since 2003 to recognize and appreciate the nice folks next door. Hopefully, one of those good neighbors is you!

• “International Right to Know Day”, initiated in 2002 to raise awareness about people’s right to access government info and to promote freedom of information as essential to both democracy and good governance.

• “Teacher’s Day” in Chinese communities worldwide, celebrating the birth date of the most venerated of all teachers, Confucius (Kung-futzu), born in 551 BC.

• “World Rabies Day”, observed annually to raise awareness about the continuing burden of rabies and how the disease can be prevented.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2001 [14] Ben Stiller’s fashion model comedy “Zoolander” opens in movie theaters (“Zoolander 2” is coming in February 2016)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1991 [24] Garth Brooks’ “Ropin’ the Wind” becomes the first country music album to debut at #1 on “Billboard” magazine’s pop album chart

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
2004 [11] The price of oil exceeds $50-a-barrel for the 1st time ever

2008 [07] SpaceX launches the 1st private spacecraft into orbit, the ‘Falcon 1’

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2006 [09] For the 3rd consecutive season, the American League’s Kansas City Royals lose 100 or more baseball games (today they’re in 1st place in the AL Central … by far)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Mutation Day
[Tues] World Heart Day
[Tues] International Coffee Day
[Wed] Ask a Stupid Question Day
[Wed] International Translation Day
[Wed] Women’s Health & Fitness Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Banned Books Week / Chimney Safety Week / World Hearing Aid Awareness Week

BULL’S BITS

BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 22 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS MONDAY MORNING BRAIN BUSTERS:
• Inside a dresser drawer in a dark room there are 28 black socks and 28 brown socks. What is the minimum number of socks you must take out of the drawer to guarantee a matching pair? ANSWER: 3. Either they are all of the same color (in which case you’d certainly have a pair) or else 2 are of one color and the 3rd is the other color, so again you’d have a matching pair.]
• What was the most recent year that looked the same whether written upside-down or right-side-up?
ANSWER: 1961. The next one? 6009!
• How can you drop an egg 3 feet without breaking it if the egg isn’t hard-boiled and the floor is cement with no padding?
ANSWER: Hold it 4 feet above the floor when your drop it.]
• What word becomes shorter when you add 2 letters to it?
ANSWER: Short. Just add ‘er’.
• A man is blindfolded, then someone hangs up his hat. Revolver in hand, the man walks 100 paces, turns around and shoots a bullet directly through his hat. How is this possible?
ANSWER: The hat is hung over the end of his gun.
– First published in “BS” 2000.

BS LOVE LETTER:
Ask a listener or studio guest to supply a random list of nouns, verbs, and adjectives, then read this ‘love letter’ from your partner, using the word list to fill in the blanks …
“Darling, I’ve been thinking about you all day and about how much I love your (noun). I can’t get it out of my head. I love the way it feels in my (noun). Just thinking about it there makes my (noun) (adjective). I wish you were here right now so that I could run my (noun) up and down your (noun). No one’s (noun) has ever affected me the way yours does. The way you (verb) me with it makes me want to scream with delight. My (noun) is (verb)-ing just imagining you (verb)-ing me. Come and get me, Darling. My (noun) is your (noun). Love, (name).”
– First published in “BS” 2004.
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ If you could live anywhere else in the world, where would you live and why?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
My wife says I never listen … or something like that.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: People who bring reusable bags to the grocery store are more likely to buy THIS.
Answer: Junk food.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box.

NOW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
Mike Roberts @ Magic 106.7 [WMJX] Boston MA; Kris Leblanc @ Jewel 106.7 [CHSV] Hudson QC; Matt @ Shore Radio, Edinburgh, Scotland; Logan O’Nair @ 106.5 The Shark [KYRK] Corpus Christi TX; Andy Harris @ 4GY Gympie QLD Australia; Leighton Morris @ Wolverine Radio [WGJP] Norwich CT; Kev Johns @ Swansea Sound, Swansea, Wales; Dave Taylor @ 89.1 KWFC Springfield MO; Pete Smith @ Kingdom FM, Fife, Scotland; Nicki Proskauer @ Sunny 97.7 [KDLC] Houma LA; Yemi Fisseha @ 105.3 Afro FM Addis Ababa, Ethiopia; Jon Ramirez @ Tejano & Proud 107.5 [KXTN] San Antonio TX; Tracy Joseph @ The Beat 104 Bridgetown, Barbados; Andre Hoeden @ One FM 91.3 Singapore; Garry Wilson @ Kent’s Biggest Hits KMFM Kent, England; and Janet Kilalo @ Baraka FM Nairobi, Kenya.