Friday, September 29, 2017 – Edition: #6066

Get a Load of This Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ It’s been revealed that before driving her car into a ditch, the troubled Heather Locklear got into a huge fight with her jailbird significant other, Chris Hessier. Locklear ended up hurting her collarbone in the crash, and reports are that she physically abused her boyfriend in an outburst just a few weeks earlier. The day she wrecked her Porsche, she stopped by Hessier’s home and they got into yet another argument.  Those close to her are begging her to end their relationship.
-CelebrityInsider
★ Emma Stone trained so hard to portray tennis hero Billie Jean King in ‘Battle of the Sexes’ that she gained 15 pounds of muscle.  It is the first time she has ever played a real life person and she certainly threw herself into the role, doing dumbbell exercises, 300-pound hip thrusts, weighted push ups and 185 pound deadlifts.  28-year-old Stone also had to learn how to play tennis for real for the new movie, which opens in wide release today.
-ContactMusic
★ During a royal engagement this week, Prince William told another parent that his son already “doesn’t want to go” to school every day.  It’s been just three weeks since the world saw him about to experience his first day of school, but according to his father, young Prince George is already fed up with school and having to get up every morning.
(Don’t worry, kid.  If your Great-Grandfather Prince Philip is any indication, you only have 92 more years ‘til retirement!)
-ContactMusic
★ Madonna joined Amy Schumer on-stage in New York on Tuesday for an impromptu stand-up show. Madonna shared a picture of the pair at the Big Apple’s Comedy Cellar where they had the crowd in fits of laughter.  She wrote: “One minute I was Walking into @barneysny like a BOSS for the OFFiCIAL opening of my skin care line @mdnaskin …And the next minute I was tagging along with @amyschumer at @nyccomedycellar”
-ContactMusic
★  Steven Spielberg doesn’t watch his own movies — except for one. The only film of his that he will watch is ‘E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial’, and even then, it’s only under very strict guidelines. According to him, “I’ll show my grandkids E.T. for the first time. I’ll sit next to them and tell them, ‘He doesn’t really die.’ And, ‘It’s only scary for a little while and then you grow to love him.’  Spielberg says that he ‘guides’ them through the experience.
(That’s a whole lot better than watching a DVD commentary!)
-ContactMusic
★ Earlier this month, Liam Neeson declared himself out of the running for all future ‘Taken’-style thrillers. Now, having fans the world over when he declared that he would never again play the role of ‘action-hero’, he has officially declared himself ‘unretired’ from the genre.  While doing red-carpet duty at the premiere of his new movie ‘Mark Felt: The Man Who Brought Down the White House’, Neeson said, It’s not true, look at me!  You’re talking in the past tense. I’m going to be doing action movies until they bury me in the ground. I’m unretired.”
(When you have a ‘very particular set of skills’…..)
-ContactMusic

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Will Forte, Terry Crews, Jack Whitehall
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Jerry Seinfeld
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Jennifer Lawrence, Caitriona Balfe, Ezra Klein, Elaine Bradley ( R )
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Elizabeth Olsen, Maya Rudolph, James Blunt ( R )
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Kristin Chenoweth, Adam Scott, Craig Robinson
• “The Talk” (CBS): Richard T. Jones, Blake Lee, Jake Matthews, Jeremy Piven, Monica Potter, Natalia Tena
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Tom Selleck, Mark Feuerstein
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): LL Cool J, Shania Twain
• “Marvel’s Inhumans” (ABC): Season 1 Premiere “Behold… the Inhumans; Those Who Would Destroy Us”
• “MacGyver” (CBS): Season 2 Premiere “DIY or DIE”
• “Hawaii Five-0” (CBS): Season 8 Premiere “A’ole E ‘Olelo Mai Ana Ke Ahi Ua Ana Ia”
• “Blue Bloods” (CBS): Season 8 Premiere “Cutting Losses”
SATURDAY-
• “Saturday Night Live” Season 43 Premiere with host Ryan Gosling, musical guest Jay-Z
SUNDAY-
• “Ten Days in the Valley” (ABC): Season 1 Premiere “Day 1: Fade In”
• “NCIS: Los Angeles” (CBS): Season 9 Premiere “Party Crashers”
• “Curb Your Enthusiasm” (HBO): Season 9 Premiere “Foisted!”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Jennifer Lopez – She and Marc Anthony are bringing some big names together for disaster relief. They’ve launched ‘Somos Una Voz’ (We Are One Voice), a new initiative promoting awareness and humanitarian aid.  Lopez’s boyfriend Alex Rodriguez, Bruno Mars, Pitbull, Jada Pinkett Smith, Ed Sheeran and Lin-Manuel Miranda are some of the celebrities who have signed on for the star-studded initiative, which aims to raise money for American Red Cross, Reach Out Worldwide, United Way, United for Puerto Rico and more.
• Gwen Stefani – has explained to mystified fans why she is not back for season 13 of ‘The Voice’.  She says she didn’t return so she can have more time for her own singing.  She has so much fun on the show, and becomes so invested in it that “It’s impossible to watch the talent be so great and not want to do that.”
•  Taylor Swift – after Cardi B’s song ‘Bodak Yellow’ knocked Taylor’s ‘Look What You Made Me Do’ off the top spot in the US Billboard Hot 100, Swift sent congratulations in the form of a  bouquet of flowers.
• Justin Timberlake – is reportedly in the process of ‘finalizing’ a deal to perform at the 2018 Super Bowl half time show, 13 years after his infamous performance with Janet Jackson. Super Bowl LII will take place on February 4 in Minneapolis.
• The Tragically Hip – singer Gord Downie is releasing a new solo album of 23 original songs produced with long-time collaborator Kevin Drew.  “Introduce Yerself” comes out Oct. 27 with each song written about a specific person.
• B.o.B. – the rapper has started a ‘GoFundMe’ to prove earth is flat.   His plan is to “raise $200,000 to help B.o.B. find the curve!”  Donations will go towards the launch of multiple satellites, all of them designed to help him determine once and for all if we live on a disk or a globe.  (How would a satellite ‘orbit’ a disk?  Sounds like the only flat thing is his head!)
• Garth Brooks – is releasing an autobiography that will span five books, the first of which will be released in November. “The Anthology Part 1: The First Five Years” goes on sale Nov. 14. It promises “all the secrets, details, origins, true stories an insider would get”.  (The first five years?  I’ll pick things up in Vol. 3 when he starts shaving….)

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “American Made” (R-Rated, Drama/Mystery): A pilot lands work for the CIA and as a drug runner in the south during the 1980s. (Tom Cruise, Domhnall Gleeson, Sarah Wright)
• “Flatliners” (PG-13, Drama/Horror): Five medical students, obsessed by what lies beyond the confines of life, embark on a daring experiment: by stopping their hearts for short periods, each triggers a near-death experience – giving them a firsthand account of the afterlife. Sequel to the 1990 movie of the same name. (Ellen Page, Diego Luna, Nina Dobrev, James Norton, Kiefer Sutherland)
• “Battle of the Sexes” [Wide release] (PG-13, Comedy/Drama): The true story of the 1973 tennis match between World number one Billie Jean King and ex-champ and serial hustler Bobby Riggs. (Emma Stone, Steve Carell, Andrea Riseborough, Sarah Silverman)
• “‘Til Death Do Us Part” (PG-13, Drama/Mystery): Michael and Madison Roland had planned to spend the rest of their lives together, until Michael’s controlling ways ruin their perfect marriage. After fleeing and adopting a new identity, she meets Alex Stone and learns to love again. All is well, until Michael discovers Madison’s whereabouts. (Taye Diggs, Annie Ilonzeh, Malik Yoba, Stephen Bishop)
• “Lucky” (Not Rated, Comedy/Drama): The spiritual journey of a ninety-year-old atheist and the quirky characters that inhabit his off-the-map desert town. (Harry Dean Stanton, David Lynch, Ron Livingston, Ed Begley Jr.)
• “Mark Felt: The Man Who Brought Down the White House” (Pg-13, Drama): The story of Mark Felt, who under the name “Deep Throat” helped journalists Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein uncover the Watergate scandal in 1974. (Liam Neeson, Kate Walsh, Diane Lane, Wendi McLendon-Covey)

STICK TO YOUR DAY JOB:
The New Hampshire company that makes Velcro brand fasteners hopes that their new marketing video will STICK in your mind.  The ‘Don’t Say Velcro’ video features ‘lawyers’ singing and asking the public to respect the Velcro company’s brand, and to refer to other knockoff  “scratchy, hairy” products as “Hook and loop” fasteners.  The company wants people to be aware that there is an actual Velcro company and that there is a difference in their products.  Velcro was invented in the 1940s after an engineer studied burrs that stuck to his dog’s fur.  It is used on everything from spacesuits to diapers.
(And my shoes, but only until I was 15!)
The video:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRi8LptvFZY

OTHER BRAND NAMES PEOPLE USE AS GENERIC TERMS:
➠ Kleenex                                        ➠ Scotch Tape
➠ Ping-Pong                                   ➠ Popsicle
➠ Q-Tip                                           ➠ Jacuzzi
➠ Band-Aid                                    ➠ Roller Blade
➠ Xerox                                           ➠Bubble Wrap
➠ Jet Ski                                          ➠ Onesies
➠ Crock-Pot                                    ➠ Zamboni
➠ Breathalyzer                               ➠ Taser

-AP, MentalFloss

GET YOUR DEAD BUTT MOVING:
You’ve probably heard that sitting around on your butt all day is bad for your health.  Bad for your heart, causes obesity, diabetes, arthritis, a whole bunch of problems.  But here’s another reason not to sit all day: ‘Gluteal Amnesia’, more commonly known as ‘Dead Butt Syndrome’.  Dead Butt Syndrome happens when the gluteus medius, a muscle located in the butt, “forgets” how to work properly because it isn’t used often enough.  When you sit a lot, the hip flexor gets  shortened and tighter , which leads to the butt muscles not firing or working as optimally as they should.  Eventually, your gluteal muscles become lengthened and desensitized, making them unable to generate a good amount of force when you try to use them.  Bam!  Dead Butt Syndrome!
(I just want to be able to ask my doctor to write a letter for my boss that says I need time off because I have ‘Dead Butt Syndrome’!  Wait.  Bad idea.  He’ll agree.)
(When they say you shouldn’t sit all day, do they mean you shouldn’t sit all day long, or you shouldn’t sit down….all day?)
-HuffingtonPost

BS CHRONOMETER 9.29.17

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1935 [82] Jerry Lee Lewis, Ferriday LA, rock singer (“Whole Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On”, “Great Balls of Fire”)

1948 [69] Bryant Gumbel, New Orleans LA, TV personality (“Real Sports With Bryant Gumbel” [HBO] since 1995, “The Early Show” [CBS] 1999-2002, “Today” [NBC] 1982-97)

1957 [60] Andrew Dice Clay, Brooklyn NY, comedian (Foul-mouthed Brooklyn comic who gained recognition for his role in “The Adventures of Ford Fairlane”).

1973 [44] Danick Dupelle, Montréal QC, country guitarist-vocalist (Emerson Drive-‘Moments’, ‘She’s My Kind of Crazy’)

1970 [47] Russell Peters, Toronto Canada, comedian (Highly successful comedian and actor who highlights racial, ethnic, class and cultural stereotypes. He often refers to his own experiences growing up in an Anglo-Indian family. He published his autobiography, ‘Call Me Russell’, in 2010).

1979 [38] Chrissy Metz, Homestead FL, TV actress (“American Horror Story”, ‘Kate Pearson’ in “This Is Us” since 2016)

1980 [37] Dallas Green, St Catharines ON, indie-rock singer-songwriter (City & Colour-‘Thirst’, ‘Fragile Bird’)

1994 [23] Halsey (Ashley Frangipane), Clark NJ, pop singer (‘Gasoline’, ‘Colors’)

SATURDAY-
1963 [54] Eddie Montgomery, Danville KY, country singer (Montgomery Gentry-‘Back When I Knew It All’)

1964 [53] Monica Bellucci, Città di Castello, Italy, movie actress (‘Spectre’, ‘The Matrix’ films)

1964 [53] Robby Takac, Buffalo NY, rock bassist-singer (Goo Goo Dolls-‘Slide’, ‘Iris’)

1964 [53] Trey Anastasio, Fort Worth TX, cult band singer-songwriter-guitarist (Phish-‘You Enjoy Myself’)

1975 [42] Marion Cotillard, Paris, France, movie actress (“The Dark Knight Rises”, “Midnight in Paris”)

1984 [33] T-Pain (Faheem Rasheed Najm), Tallahassee FL, hip-hop/R&B singer-songwriter (f/Yung Joc-‘Buy U a Drank [Shawty Snappin’]’)

SUNDAY –
Movie actress-singer Julie Andrews (“Sound of Music”) is 82; Movie actor Randy Quaid (“Christmas Vacation”) is 67; Movie actor Zach Galifianakis (“The Hangover”) is 48; TV actress Sarah Drew (“Grey’s Anatomy”) is 37; Movie actress Brie Larson (“Room”) is 28.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “International Coffee Day”, celebrating one of the world’s favorite beverages. It’s also intended to promote fair trade coffee and to raise awareness of the plight of coffee growers. Today is also “Biscotti Day”, an appropriate accompaniment for any cup of strong coffee.
YOU KNOW YOU’RE DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE IF …
✓ You call a radio talk show and they ask you to “turn yourself down”.
✓ You finish your 60-minute presentation before everyone is seated.
✓ You’re passing everybody on the freeway when suddenly you realize … you’re not in a car.
✓ You can keyboard 70 words per minute … with your feet.
✓ Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
✓ You have a picture of your coffee mug … on your coffee mug.
✓ Your boss asks to meet with you at 2, and you eagerly ask, “AM or PM?”
✓ Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.

• “Michaelmas”, the feast day of St Michael the Archangel, the patron saint of exorcists. It’s also known as “Goose Day” in some places, thanks to the old English proverb which says, “If you eat goose on Michaelmas Day, you will never want money all the year round.” In the Middle Ages it celebrated the end of harvest, when laborers were paid for their work with meat, ale, fish, ale, good bread … and ale.

• “World Heart Day”, a chance for people across the globe to take part in the world’s biggest intervention against cardiovascular disease.

• “Hug a Vegetarian Day”. Well, we would but you’ve got carrot breath.

SATURDAY-
• “Hot Mulled Cider Day”, a day to cradle a warm cup of spiced cider in your hands, breathe in the fragrance, and then take a sip. It’s a cool-weather treat for all your senses.

• “Chewing Gum Day”, Thomas Adams received a patent on the first gum-making machine in 1871. After experimenting with different flavors, he manufactured the first flavored gum in the United States, ‘Adams’ Black Jack’, a licorice-flavored gum. Wrigley’s Juicy Fruit and Spearmint gum soon followed. And the rest, as they say, is history. ***See today’s ‘Wack Facts’***

• “International Museum Day”, established in 1977 by the International Council of Museums to draw attention to the world’s museums, no matter how large, small, or strange. Here are a few truly odd ones …
– Air Sickness Bag Virtual Museum NET: http://www.airsicknessbags.com
– Amsterdam Tattoo Museum (Amsterdam, Netherlands)
– Barney Smith’s Toilet Seat Art Museum (San Antonio TX)
– Bata Shoe Museum (Toronto ON)
– Burnt Food Museum (Arlington MA) NET: http://burntfoodmuseum.com
– Canadian Canoe Museum (Peterborough ON)
– Exotic World Exotic Dancing Museum (Helendale CA)
– The Hair Museum (Independence MO)
– International UFO Museum & Research Center (Roswell NM)
– LeRoy House & Jell-O Gallery (LeRoy NY)
– Museum of Bad Art (Boston MA)
– The Museum of Dirt (Boston MA)
– National Museum of Funeral History (Houston TX)
– Riceworld (Los Banos, Philippines)
– Squished Penny Museum (Washington DC)
– Insectarium de Montréal (Montréal QC)
– Ukrainian Museum of Canada (Saskatoon SK)
– Vodka Museum (Moscow, Russia) with over 50,000 bottles on display. Visitors are offered 10 different types to taste.

SUNDAY-
• “October” arrives, which actually means ’8th month’ but has been the 10th month ever since New Year’s Day was moved from March to January. At other times in history October has been called Germanicus, Herculeus, and Faustinus. So, happy First of Faustinus!

• “Walk Your Dog Day”, kicking off “Walk Your Dog Week”. (Don’t forget to bring a bag!)

• “World Vegetarian Day”, the 40th annual designed to create awareness of the ethical, environmental, health, and humanitarian benefits of a vegetarian lifestyle. (Hey, wasn’t it just ‘Hug a Vegetarian Day’ yesterday?)
NET: http://www.worldvegetarianday.org

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2013 [04] The highly-anticipated series finalé of “Breaking Bad” airs on AMC, drawing a record 10.3 million viewers

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1973 [44] Grand Funk Railroad went to No.1 on the US singles chart with ‘We’re An American Band’.

1984 [33] Prince and the Revolution started a two week run at No.1 on the US singles chart with ‘Let’s Go Crazy’, his second US No.1. It was the opening track on both the album and the film ‘Purple Rain’.

2001 [16] Jennifer Lopez marries her 2nd husband, Chris Judd, in Los Angeles (they separate 8 months later)

2015 [02] The original 1962 contract signed by The Beatles and manager Brian Epstein (said to be one of the most important contracts in popular music history) sells at Sotheby’s auction house for £365,000 ($548,000)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2014 [03] eBay Inc announces that it’s splitting off its PayPal unit into a separate company

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2008 [09] Following the bankruptcies of Lehman Bros and Washington Mutual, the Dow Jones Industrial Average falls 777.68 points, the largest single-day point-loss in its history

BULL’S BITS

BS WACK FACTS:
✓ Chewing gum improves your mood, while decreasing anxiety and stress.
✓ Being hungry causes serotonin to drop, causing anxiety, stress, anger, and sadness.
✓ The big toe carries the most weight of all the toes, bearing about 40% of the load.
✓ We all have tiny mites living in our eyelashes.
✓ If the human eye was a digital camera, it would have 576 megapixels.
✓ Your mouth produces a bottle’s worth of spit every day.
-WhattheFFacts, Factslides

STUPID TRUE HEADLINES (Pt.2):
• Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
• Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
• British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
• Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
• Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
• Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
• Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
• Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
• Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
• Hospitals Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
• Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
-Emmitsburg

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ Who would be the best celebrity to be stuck in an elevator with?  Who would be the worst?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
A limbo champion walks into a bar.  Aaaand he’s disqualified!

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question:  It’s weird, but 11% of  people enjoy the taste of this. What is it?
Answer: Envelope glue

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Logic will get you from A to Z; imagination will get you everywhere.